Seeking Refuge

by Lenora Worth

  “You don’t have to explain,” Tobias said. “I understand if she’s not ready to see me.” Then he held up a hand to stop Josiah’s pacing. “Did I do something to hurt her? To make her stop loving me? Is that why she went away?”

  Josiah removed his hat and rubbed his head. “I’m sorry, Tobias. But I cannot hurt Josie any more. She’s doing so much better now. She’s healing and she has a gut life here.”

  Tobias went still with fear and dread, his hands clenching into fists. “Better? Healing? Was she ill?”

  Josiah’s eyes widened. “I have said too much. I only came to tell you that I can’t accept your offer. I am sorry.”

  Tobias watched as Josiah started toward the door. “Why won’t you tell me the truth?”

  Josiah shook his head and tucked his hat close. “I can’t.”

  Then he went out the door and ran into the rain.

  Tobias stood inside the empty house, the dark skies all around him pouring out the grief he’d felt since Josie had disappeared.

  “Why?” he shouted to the heavens. “Why did she leave me?”

  When he heard the door slipping open again, he whirled, thinking Josiah had returned.

  Instead, he saw a young woman standing there, wet and cold, shaking with a chill, her lightweight cloak and black bonnet soaked. She removed the bonnet and tried to adjust her kapp. Then she lifted her head and looked at him.

  Tobias gasped, his gaze holding hers. “Josie?”

  She stood against the wall, frightened and afraid. She looked different. More mature and world-weary but still beautiful to him. “Josie, you came.”

  She nodded but never moved from the wall near the door. Clinging to her bonnet with both hands, she kept her gaze leveled on him. “I followed Josiah and hid until he left.”

  Her words were whispered and choppy. Was she afraid of him?

  Tobias moved toward her, but she held out a hand. “Do not.”

  “I want to hold you, to touch you,” he said, unable to stop the words. “I have missed you.”

  “You must leave,” she said. “If you will not listen to my bruder, then listen to me. I do not want you here.”

  Tobias felt the sharp slap of her words so much that his eyes burned. “What did I do to you, Josie?”

  “You did nothing,” she said, her eyes wide, her stance firm. “You did nothing. I only came to make you see reason.”

  Tobias moved closer. “All I see is the woman I loved, the woman I still love. I want to buy this place. I need to buy this house. Mei daed is gone. Died about four months ago. I sold the land and came looking for you. I could not leave him, but now... I have no one left. I came for you, Josie. And whether I live here in this house or not, I am not going to go away until I get some answers. I will not leave you, no matter.”

  The woman standing before him started to cry. “You must leave, Tobias. It’s over. It has to be over.”

  Then she turned and ran out into the rain.

  He ran after her but stopped on the porch. He didn’t want to frighten her. “Josie?” he called, the wind taking her name out into the trees. And taking her secrets with it.

  Tobias stood there staring after her, his heart breaking all over again while the wind and rain lashed at his soul. Why had he come to this place anyway? Had he been wrong after all?

  He watched Josie run across the arched bridge between the properties, watched and wished he could have held her close. She looked so tormented, so lost, her dark eyes misty and full of regret, her hands holding to the wall behind her.

  Tobias made sure she made it home and saw her dart into the small house past the main house. So she did live in the grossmammi haus.

  She’d told him he’d done nothing to cause her to run away from him.

  Thinking back over her words, Tobias had a realization. If he’d done nothing, then who had? And what had they done to make her so sad and afraid?

  * * *

  Josie couldn’t believe she’d gone to see Tobias. But she had to see him with her own eyes to believe he was actually here. After so many nights when she’d dreamed of their time together and had imagined what their life could have been like if she’d stayed and married him, she had one fleeting moment that maybe her dreams could come true.

  But that was not to be.

  Now she hurriedly dried herself and put on a clean dress and apron, hoping Naomi had slept through the whole time she’d been out in the rain.

  When she came out of her small bedroom, she saw Naomi waiting patiently in her wheelchair. “Oh, you’re up,” Josie said. “I’ll start breakfast.”

  Naomi held up a wrinkled hand. “Kumm and sit here, Josie.”

  Josie moved to the chair near Naomi. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m gut,” Naomi said. “I am concerned about you. Why did you go out in the storm?”

  Josie could not lie to Naomi. “I went for a walk.”

  Naomi nodded. “Oh, a short walk?”

  Josie looked down at her hands. “I went over the bridge.”

  “Over the bridge toward your old home?”

  She looked up at Naomi, tears forming in her eyes. “I had to see, Mammi. I had to know. He is here. Tobias was there in the house. Josiah told him he cannot buy the place. But...he still wants to do so.”

  “Did you speak with him?”

  “Only to tell him he should go.”

  “What did he say to that?”

  “He wanted to know what happened. He wants to stay.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  Josie let out a shuttered breath. “I don’t know how to feel. I’ve pushed those feelings away and stanched them so tightly I can’t open my heart again. Not to Tobias. Not to anyone.”

  Naomi sat silent for a moment, her head down. Sometimes she did nod off. Josie hoped this was one of those times.

  But her beloved mammi’s head came up. “I have thought about this situation.” Naomi reached for Josie’s hand. “Mei dear, maybe you should tell Josiah to let Tobias buy the place.”

  “Why?” Josie asked. “Why would I want that kind of torment?”

  “It might not be such a torment,” Naomi said, her eyes full of compassion. “Tobias came all this way to find you and he wants your old home so he can be near you. That says a lot about his faithfulness and his mindset.”

  “He always was stubborn,” Josie admitted. “He’s set in his ways. When he wants something, he goes after it.”

  “So he wanted you once,” Naomi said on a chuckle. “And he still loves you. That is a gut thing.”

  “It could be, ja, but he is still very angry and hurt. I cannot tell him the truth.” Josie shook her head. “I do not know what to do, Mammi Naomi.”

  Naomi nodded. “I have one more question.”

  “Okay.”

  “What was the first thing you felt when you saw him there in your old home?”

  Unable to deny it, Josie wiped at her eyes. “I felt joy and... I felt peace. A short sweet peace, as if I could finally breathe again.”

  “And then all the pain came crashing down?”

  “Yes.”

  Josie got up and started breakfast, her hands shaking as she measured oatmeal and poured milk.

  Naomi rolled her wheelchair over to the kitchen. “Maybe you could concentrate on that joy and peace, knowing Tobias is nearby.”

  Josie finished cooking the oatmeal and measured out sugar and cream before adding some fresh berries. “How can I have joy and peace knowing the man I was supposed to marry is living alone in a house that I hate?”

  She placed Naomi’s food on the table and then sat down with hers. But her stomach recoiled and her heart beat a hurtful tempo. How could she find any peace now?

  Naomi said, “Let us have a quiet moment with the Lord.”

  Jo
sie closed her eyes and thought again about seeing Tobias this morning. He looked the same, only older, stronger and more mature. Beautiful. He was a beautiful, loving, kind man. The kind of man she’d always dreamed of marrying.

  Would it be so bad to have him back in her life?

  When she heard Naomi’s spoon hitting her dish, Josie opened her eyes and saw the truth. She couldn’t allow Tobias back in her life. He would not want her if he knew the truth.

  * * *

  Tobias went into the kitchen at the Campton Center, his mind on breakfast. He’d missed the early breakfast so he could meet with Josiah Fisher this morning, but that had not gone well. He’d been here three days now and he wasn’t ready to give up yet.

  Especially after seeing Josie. She’d grown even more beautiful since he’d seen her last, but she looked fragile. Like a delicate flower tilted in the rain. Tiny and dainty.

  With a shattered shimmer in her pretty eyes.

  Tobias stared at the fancy coffee maker, his mind still on Josie. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he’d become that something bad had driven her away from Kentucky. And him. Since they’d loved each other, he knew he couldn’t have done anything to make her take such a drastic step. He aimed to find out more.

  “That thing ain’t gonna start up by itself.”

  He turned to find Jewel grinning at him behind her black glasses. After stepping forward, she pushed a button on the machine and brought it to life.

  Jewel was an interesting woman. She wore her dark hair short and spiky, but she dressed in colorful full-skirted dresses or what she called tunics over bright pants. And her shoes were always a surprise. Flowery tennis shoes or painted boots. He never knew what she’d have on next. She changed during the day since, as she’d told him yesterday, “I wear a lot of hats around this place.”

  That was true. Sometimes she was the plumber and sometimes she was the cook. Others came and went, helping here and there. Lawyers, doctors, nurses, businesspeople, all willing to help people who needed their help. But Jewel ran the show.

  He wanted to ask her who he could find to mend a broken heart.

  Jewel nudged him. “See the light? That means it’s ready for your pod.”

  Tobias blushed. “Sorry. I have a lot to think about.”

  “Did you find any property?” Jewel asked while she handed him a round pod of dark coffee. Then she opened the coffee maker and pointed.

  Tobias put the pod in and shut the lid, then found a mug and hit the biggest cup size available. “I found the perfect place,” he admitted. “But I can’t have it.”

  Jewel found two muffins and motioned to the kitchen table near a big bay window that looked out over the sloping yard and the creek past the swimming pool.

  “Sit, Tobias, and tell me your troubles.”

  “How do you know I have troubles?” he asked after he brought his steaming coffee over.

  “Everybody’s got something,” Jewel replied in a sage tone, waving her hand in the air.

  She wore intricate rings on each finger, so Tobias saw flashes of yellow, deep blue and a shimmer of red.

  Tobias didn’t know what to say, so he bit into his carrot cake muffin.

  “Take me for example,” Jewel said. “I went to juvie, had a bad rap sheet, mostly petty crimes, and I hated the world. Plain and simple.”

  Tobias lifted his eyebrows. “What’s juvie?”

  Jewel chuckled. “Juvenile detention center. In Amish speak, that’d be kinder jail.”

  “Children’s jail?”

  “Teenage and underage jail,” Jewel said slowly.

  “You were in jail?”

  “I was. But once I got out, I decided I didn’t want to go back. Thankfully, I met Judy Campton, and she told me I had potential but that I also had a thick noggin. I took her words to heart.”

  “You’ve known Judy Campton for a while, then?”

  Jewel squinted. “About fifteen years now. Thanks to her, I worked hard and let God take care of the rest. I found employment here and there, waiting tables and taking on odd jobs while I got an education. Now I have me the best job in the world. I landed here and became manager about a year ago—and exactly when she and Bettye needed me, too. And I don’t plan on leaving.”

  “So you like being in Amish country?”

  “Love it,” Jewel replied. “The Amish don’t judge me and I don’t judge them. It is a mutual admiration society.”

  Tobias shook his head. “You are one amazing woman, Jewel.”

  “And I’m a good listener,” she said. “Judy taught me that when I listen, I can hear things.”

  Tobias wasn’t so sure about that, but Jewel’s logic couldn’t be challenged right now. He needed help and she was willing.

  “Don’t give me that look now,” Jewel said, her big green eyes staring him in the face. “Talk to me.”

  Tobias polished off the other muffin and took a long sip of coffee. “I want the Fisher house.”

  “The one near the Bawell place?”

  He nodded.

  Jewel slapped his arm with a mighty force, causing him to frown. “Sorry. I’m just so tickled for you.”

  “As long as you don’t try to tickle me,” he retorted.

  “Well, that wouldn’t be proper. Now, tell me—did you make an offer?”

  “I’ve offered everything, including my heart, but they don’t want to sell to me.”

  “What? They sure do too want to sell that place,” Jewel said, one hand grabbing at her short sprouts of hair. “Josiah and his sister left it empty for years. He came back and fixed it up and then got himself married to that precious Raesha. I know for a fact he wants to be done with that property.”

  “His sister doesn’t want him to sell,” Tobias said, his heart burning. “I mean, she does not want me to buy the property. She doesn’t want me here at all.”

  Chapter Five

  “Why not?” Jewel asked, her head lowered but those dark brows jutting up.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got a few minutes.”

  Tobias hesitated, but Jewel gave him an imploring stare. “We’re here to help, Tobias. You look like you need a friend.”

  He did indeed need a friend. So he poured his heart out to this strange, eclectic woman. Then Bettye and Mrs. Campton came down to sit in the sunroom, and soon they’d heard the whole story, too.

  “I have worked with Josie,” Mrs. Campton said. “She was in bad shape when she returned to us.”

  “Why?” Tobias asked.

  Silence, then measured glances between Bettye and Mrs. Campton.

  “Do you all know what happened?”

  “I don’t,” Jewel replied, her eyes bright with curiosity. “Miss Judy keeps her secrets to protect those who are hurting.”

  “I don’t know much,” Bettye said, her eyes soft with concern. “But people talk and I do know that was not a happy house for either of the Fisher children.”

  “I can’t reveal any confidences.” Judy Campton grasped her pearls with a shaky hand. “You must understand Josie was lost and now she is found. She’s doing much better, but she has a long way to go to be completely well and good.”

  “Why won’t anyone tell me?” Tobias asked. “If I can’t buy that place soon, I’m going to have to find somewhere to live or go to Indiana and live with my brother. He and I do not always see things in the same way. He blames me for Josie’s leaving and I have no idea why she left.”

  Judy Campton held up her hand, a diamond solitaire flashing at him like a beacon. “If you want my advice, I’d say try again to buy the house. If that doesn’t work, stay here and find work and a place to live. Josie needs you, Tobias.”

  “She did not seem that way this morning. She told me to leave.”

  “She also needs time,” Judy Ca
mpton said. “I’d hate to see you give up when you could be the blessing she needs so she can have the life she deserves. Go back to Josiah and ask again.”

  Tobias filtered that advice, but he didn’t think he’d ever get the answers he needed to win Josie back. “But if he says no, you think I should still stay in Campton Creek.”

  “Yes, and while you are here, you show Josie in a million little ways that you have staying power.”

  He looked at Bettye after hearing that tall order. “A million little ways?”

  “Little ways can lead to big trust and great reward,” Judy added to Bettye’s advice. “And Josie needs to learn to trust again.”

  Jewel hit her hand on the table, startling all of them. “I told you, if I listen, I hear things. And I just heard good advice for you, Tobias. Be still and know.”

  “You heard that?” he asked, smiling.

  “I did. Be still but take action while you’re in a holding pattern. That’s what Mrs. Campton just told you. The trust will come if she sees you ain’t going anywhere.”

  Trust. In a million little ways. Be still and know.

  Tobias had never been good at waiting, but he’d do it for Josie. For the life he still wanted with her.

  “I will try your suggestions. Denke, ladies, for being so kind to me.”

  “That’s our job,” Jewel said, almost slapping him again, but thankfully she just chuckled. “And that’s our hearts. We love people.”

  Tobias went to the phone on the wall near a small desk that had been set up for anyone who needed to use it. He called the Bawell Hat Shop and left a message for Josiah. He’d try once again to buy the Fisher property, and if that didn’t work, he’d go to plan B. Finding a job and staying in Campton Creek.

  Then he would have to start the countdown on a million little ways to make this work.

  * * *

  “You want me to lie to my sister?”

  Tobias shook his head, hoping Josiah would see reason. “No. I want you to let me buy your old place as a silent investor for now.”

  “For now?” Josiah pulled at his beard. “What do you mean?”

  Tobias glanced around the bench they had found when he’d called Josiah to meet him near the Hartford General Store. “I want the place and I have the money. Let me buy it but don’t tell Josie.”