Dilemma of a Young Mind

by Hiranya Borah

When we were first taught probability, jokingly one of my senior students, explained, ‘your father is your actual(biological) father and vice versa is a probability, whereas your mother is your actual mother is a certainty (provided you are not an adopted child)’.

  A child may be living with his/her parents who may be his/her biological parents as well. Another child may be living with his/her adopted parents, may be with a single parent, may be with relatives and so on and finally, may be living with none(street children). With whom they are most secured/insecured and with whom they are most pampered? Socially, we say grand parents are the most pampering relatives and even some time, we complain that grand parents use to spoil children. When a child suffers most? Traditionally, it is said that, if a child has to stay with brother/sister of his/her father/mother, after demise of his/her parents, he/ she suffers most. But another group says that, a child has to suffer most, when he/she has to stay with stepfather or with step mother. Again age and sex of the child also matters. A girl child has to suffer more- at young age she may be subject to child abuse and from teen age, she may be victim of sex abuse in the hands of relatives who are supposed to protect her. She has to be in constant glare of roving eyes of the males, may or may not be her relatives. From the discussion above, it is clear that, children are most comfortable/secured when they live with social and biological parents within a homogeneous group.

  However, some times adopted parents are better than the biological parents. For that matter, even step father/mother may be better than the actual father/mother( in one of the story of Sherlock Homes, you will find how a step father took revenge against the killers of his step daughter, whom he always loved as his own daughter). If some one loves a person from the core of heart, he/she will also love his/her spouse’s child(ren) as if he/she(they) is(are) his/ her own child(ren). There are two most famous examples in our history/ mythology where two step mothers, who loved their step sons more than their own( at least equal), one is Kunti (step mother for Nakul and Shahdeva) and another is Mahadevi(step mother of Buddha). Similarly, best examples of adopted parents in mythology are parents of Bhagwan Shri Krishna and Mahavir Karna.

  Being from a small village, we used to know almost all the families of our area. Even, in those circumstances, I took twenty years to know that, one of my class mates’ elder brother was actually his step brother. I salute that mother.

  But thanks to our writer community, step mothers are always shown in bad light without ever trying to understand/ projecting the psychology of a young woman, who without spending a single night with her husband, becomes mother of one or more children. That finer part of life is missing in most of the stories, where a step mother is painted as a ‘vamp’. Time has already come to discuss about this aspect constructively.

  However, some times disturbing news force us a rethink about adopting children or remarriage of the widow/widower with child(ren). Recently, a famous person was accused by his famous step daughter for sexual abuse. This is really disturbing. However, I have come across many families where all three types of children (one is mine, one is yours and one is ours) live peacefully.

  Now there are new breed of people who adopt children, despite of the fact that, they are having their own children. But, here there are three distinct categories in this breed. First Category: they want a glorified servant and so they get it by adopting a child from a poor family. They will got all household chores done by the child(ren) and then send him/her to a municipality school and boasting before friends, how great they are! They will never formalize the adoption legally and never allow them to have access to the family property. Before describing the second category, let me go to the third category. These are most dedicated brand of people, who may be at par with Yosoda(mother of Shri Krishna) or the Radhey(adopted mother of Karna).They are ready to sacrifice everything for their adopted children, they part with everything, they have and they are also legal guardians of their wards. I submit all my appreciations for them.

  Now, let me describe the second category of this breed. They are the latest induction to the Indian society. In the western society this category is officially recognized. They are termed as ‘GOD FATHER/MOTHER’. Earlier, persons in this category, were not officially recognized, nor they were taken in the proper spirit. They were always referred by the disgruntled officials by saying, ‘I am suffering, only because, I do not have a God father.’ But now most of us realize the importance of a God Father in all the fields wherever we have to venture. Only a very few exceptional persons can go upto the top without a God Father/Mother, like climbing a rock without a rope. Of course, most of the top post holders claim that, they are self made persons, though most of the peers, claim otherwise. But how many of us are getting a God Father/mother in any field, forget about getting one in every field. But can we become God Father/Mother to someone(may be upto a limited extent), who deserve it badly due to economic/ social background ?

  Chapter 13: Missing ones family