Ecstatic (Arcane Mage Series Book 5)

by T. S. Snow

  A hand on my shoulder had me looking back to find Blaze’s serious face staring at me. “Char, do you have a moment?”

  Oh, this was going to be serious.

  Nerves made me jittery—or maybe that was the coffee I’d downed way too fast—but I nodded and got up from the bench, leading him to the bedroom.

  Andres’s shenanigans would probably keep Bast occupied for a while, but even if not, I knew the two of them would give us privacy…especially if I closed the door.

  Bast would happily respect the space, but I knew Andres well enough to know he’d probably try to at least eavesdrop just because he could. It was one of the things I loved about Andres. Besides, knowing Bast, he’d probably keep Andres from eavesdropping regardless, so there was nothing to worry about.

  Unless Blaze had thought better of this whole “being in my harem” thing and was trying to tell me he was leaving. I really, really freaking hoped I was wrong.

  I closed the door and gulped.

  You’re a big girl, Char. You can handle having your heart broken…again. And there’s a fridge full of ice cream in the kitchen waiting for you. All you have to do is focus on what the handsome man has to say, then you can go wallow for the rest of your life.

  My pep talk wasn’t doing me much good, but in my defense, I’d been here before, done this dance, and it had sucked balls.

  The glitch in the Matrix's vibe was too damn strong.

  Rather than keeping the distance between us, however, Blaze walked closer until he was standing right in front of me. He cupped my cheek, forcing me to look at him.

  “Little Spitfire, why do you look like you’re preparing to face a shooting squad?”

  My lower lip trembled at the concern in his dark green eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to form the words.

  If he was about to break up with me, I was not going to make this easier for him. Though, maybe, just maybe, the fact he was cupping my cheek and still using the pet name meant that I may have read too much into this.

  I just shook my head.

  “Char, baby, talk to me. Did I do anything wrong? I’m trying, Little Spitfire, but I’m new to all of this. If I’m doing something wrong, I need you to tell me.”

  I frowned. “You…didn’t ask me to talk so you could break up with me?”

  Blaze reeled back as if I’d stabbed him.

  “What do you mean, breaking up with you? I was going to ask you out on a date.”

  I blinked at him. “Wait, what?”

  But…he’d been all serious and grumpy and…

  Okay, so. There may have been some slight misinterpretation of the signals. A lost bit that made me mistake his meaning.

  I needed to brush up on my reading of Body Language for Dummies.

  Blaze walked closer to me again, and this time, he didn’t stop with just cupping my cheek. He kissed me, then smiled at me. “I’m not going to give you up that easily, Little Spitfire.” He kissed me again, just brushing his lips against mine really. More a peck than a true kiss. “I know I haven’t given you reason to believe this yet.” Another kiss. “But I will.” And another. “And I’d like to start by taking you to dinner.” This time, he tilted his head so he could kiss me on the neck, making me shiver. “Maybe, if I’m lucky, you could spend the night over.”

  Blaze’s seduction techniques were top fucking notch, because I was nodding and agreeing to the whole plan before I even realized I was doing it.

  So long as he kept kissing and teasing me, I was pretty damn sure I was willing to agree to just about anything.

  I was about to push him on the bed and have my wicked, wicked way with him, when Blaze stood to his full height, letting go of me. “Great, I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  And then the bastard left me panting and needing.

  Oh, he’d pay for that.

  He’d pay big, big time.

  21

  Charisma

  Outside of Theo’s hospital room, I took a deep breath, both to brace myself because of where I was, but also for what I was about to face.

  Theo had saved my life. There was no question about it, which meant I owed him a lot.

  Which meant…our situation had gotten a hell of a lot more complicated than just the lifetime of history, hurt…and love.

  Because it didn’t matter how much it did hurt, or how much time had passed, or how many times I wished otherwise, if I was being true to myself…I still loved the idiot. I also knew there was a reason for what he’d done. Not that it justified anything, not that it made me automatically forgive him, but when we’d been locked up…he hadn’t denied it.

  So I’d go in, I’d make sure he was alright, I’d thank him for saving my ass…and then I’d walk away.

  I wasn’t stupid, I knew a relationship could never be built on lies. My relationship with Theo could never ever move forward or be anything other than what it had become, not until I knew everything. And since he wasn’t going to tell me... Well.

  Sometimes, letting go was the only way forward.

  You got this, Char. In and out. And then we can go with Andres to the Illudere manor. Meet the parents and all that—not like that isn’t going to be awkward at all.

  I opened the door before I lost my nerve, and then just stared.

  I hadn’t expected Theo to have company. I had no idea why I thought he would be alone, but if I had thought for one second his grandmother might be in the room with him, I probably wouldn’t have come.

  Esme Soulbinder was… She was the picture of poise and grace. Head of the Soulbinders, she’d taken over when her brother, who was the heir back in the day, had fallen into disgrace over the death of the woman he was meant to marry.

  One guess as to who that woman was.

  Except, Alma Siela was very much alive.

  The same couldn’t be said about the man she should’ve married.

  Theo’s grandmother had taken advantage of the scandal, and had made a move to be the next in line to lead her people. There had been objections to it, because she was unmarried, and a woman. She’d won challenge after challenge until the opposition grew quiet. Nobody could deny the truth: Esme Soulbinder was the strongest Soul Mage in the line, and she was a true Soulbinder.

  I had my suspicions that Bast’s gran had enough power that she could’ve challenged Theo’s gran, but the fight would be a nasty one.

  Besides, it wasn’t like Mrs. Alma cared about any of the Arcane business, especially not nowadays.

  “Charisma Carter,” Mrs. Esme’s voice brought me to the present, and I found myself facing her.

  She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow up, and that was the only indication my presence here surprised her.

  Then she turned her gaze to Theo, assessing him, before her expression went carefully blank again.

  Did I mention Theo’s grandmother gave me the creeps? And not because she could see dead people, either.

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one affected because Theo’s natural pale skin grew even paler, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Hello, Mrs. Soulbinder. I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure Theo was okay.” What was left unsaid, but fooled no one, was that I hadn’t known she’d be here or else I really really really would not have come…or I would’ve hidden somewhere until she left.

  “Don’t worry, Miss Carter, I was just leaving.” Mrs. Esme put extra emphasis on my adopted last name, as if making a statement, before she sent Theo another loaded look and left.

  I didn’t breathe again until long after she had closed the door behind her. Or, rather, I did breathe because otherwise I would’ve died, but I couldn’t take deep breaths, nor could I relax.

  Not until I knew for sure she was gone, and even then, my pulse was way too erratic.

  In an attempt to buy myself some time, and not to look at Theo when I was feeling unsettled, I took in the cream walls and the standard hospital decor. It didn’t matter that this was a mage hospital, the room was exactly like one would fi
nd in any human hospital. Except for the current lack of beeping machines.

  Finally, my eyes trailed over the redhead sitting on the bed. Sometime between my arrival and his grandmother leaving, he had arranged the pillows behind him so he could sit on the bed rather than lay down. His red hair was a mess from laying down, and he looked way better than the last time I’d seen him, if a little tired still.

  But his cheekbones were a little less prominent, and the bags under his eyes had mostly disappeared.

  Theo caught me looking and smiled. “Hey, Char.”

  “Hey. How are you feeling?” I walked closer and just hovered awkwardly near the foot of the bed, unsure of what to do.

  I should probably have asked Andres to come in with me. He would’ve cracked a couple jokes, been annoying, and broken the tension like it had never even been there.

  Theo shrugged. “Not bad, honestly. Ready to go home, but the Healers were worried about a couple of things, so they’re keeping me under observation until tomorrow.”

  He sounded resigned, like he’d tried his best to convince the Healers to let him go home early, but had met resistance every time.

  As someone who’d been under the watchful eye of the Healers, I could sympathize. I was pretty sure not even the Soulbinder Matriarch managed to intimidate the Healers, and that was saying a hell of a lot.

  “What things?” I frowned, my mind running through everything that had happened to try to figure out what else could’ve happened to him. Other than the big ass shock he’d received—which had been plenty bad—I couldn’t think of anything else.

  Theo waved away my concern. “It’s fine. It’s just that both Logan and I went a long time without food or water, and they’re keeping me under observation until they’re satisfied I’m not starving myself on purpose. Magic can fix a great many things, but apparently there’s a limit to fixing a starving body.”

  I winced. I’d been hungry as hell when I’d gotten out of that damn place, and I hadn’t been there as long as either Logan or Theo.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  He gave me a sad smile. “It’s okay. It was our fault we got caught. Or, actually, it was my fault we were caught, really.” Theo blushed, embarrassed. “I actually owe Logan a couple of life debts; he saved me twice.”

  If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I never would’ve believed Theo’s statement. I might not have been there the first time around, but I’d put enough pieces together to have figured out at least part of what had happened, and how they’d been caught.

  They’d stupidly thought they could take down the resistance by themselves, and they had failed.

  “And you saved my life,” I said instead, not letting on any of my internal thoughts. “Which means I owe you one, too.”

  Theo shook his head.

  “You can’t deny the life debt, Theo.” I walked a little closer to him, attracted by the sparkle in his bright green eyes. “Thank you.” If he had been anyone else, I would’ve lowered so I could kiss him on the cheek. Instead, I stood my ground.

  “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Char.”

  Theo spoke with conviction, and it was something I’d heard before. But those had been simpler times.

  I smiled sadly at him, shaking my head.

  I knew better.

  “You say that, but you won’t tell me the truth.” I knew it was pointless to keep insisting on this, but dammit. I wanted to know why. I deserved to know why.

  And no matter how many times I lied to myself saying I didn’t care anymore, that would never be true. As frustrating or ridiculous as it might be I just couldn’t let go. Not until I had closure, at least.

  Theo lowered his gaze, staring at the bedsheets instead.

  “The truth wouldn’t change anything.”

  I begged to fucking disagree.

  “It might change how I see what happened, how I see you.” Please. Please just fucking tell me, my eyes seemed to beg.

  “Maybe…maybe it’s best that you don’t see me any differently. Maybe it’s sa…better for you if you hate me.”

  Had he been about to say it was safer for me not to know?

  Motherfucker.

  “It’s not that simple, Theo.” I started to pace around the room, trying to put my thoughts into words without going on another rampage. Or trying to smother him with his goddamn pillow.

  I wasn’t usually a violent person, but would my every interaction with Theo always come to this?

  Urgh.

  This time, though, I knew it was my fault we’d gotten here. But I really did want closure. It wasn’t even about Theo anymore.

  I guess part of me just wanted to make sure I knew the reasons, so I wouldn’t fuck up my current relationships. If I knew, I could prevent it from happening again.

  Maybe. Hopefully.

  However, if Theo had been an asshole because he was protecting me, if he was still protecting me, even now…did it change things? Did I want it to or was all this just wishful thinking?

  I ran a hand through my hair. For some reason, half the time I was around Theo, I felt the urge to just pull my hair until I was bald or something.

  Argh. This was why I didn’t like leaving my mailbox. This was why I didn’t like interacting with people. Peopleing was hard.

  Coding was straightforward, but peopleing had way too many variations I didn’t know how to account for.

  In my next life, I wanted to be an actual possum, and then I could just live happily among all my trash.

  My life goals had just been updated.

  “Listen, Char. I don’t want to fight with you, not anymore. I appreciate you coming over to check on me, more than I can say.” His eyes met mine, and in them I saw something I hadn’t expected to see.

  Theo was afraid. Of something.

  Or someone.

  “But I’m tired, Char. It’s been a long few days, and the Healers won’t let me out of here if I don’t get enough rest.”

  I knew a dismissal when I heard one. I could probably fight it, if I really wanted to, but he wasn’t the only one tired of fighting.

  I forced a smile. “Yeah. Sorry. I’m glad you’re okay, and I hope you get better soon. Goodbye, Theo. And thank you…for saving me.”

  I didn’t look back as I left, even though I really fucking wanted to.

  If I had looked back, I might’ve seen that his smile dropped, and the glitter of tears in his eyes, even though he tried to fight them.

  22

  Charisma

  After my disastrous hospital visit, I was feeling more than a little restless, so when Andres picked me up, I asked if I could use the Illuderes’s tech haven.

  Under normal circumstances, no outsider would ever be allowed in one of the families’ engineering departments. However, not only was I dating the heir—who had a penchant for breaking the rules for shits and giggles—but I’d also been there before when Andres had hired me to develop his MET for his duel against his uncle.

  Not that I’d actually been there to do the MET developing—I’d taken care of that at AMIA—but I’d had to use the Illudere facilities to fine-tune the MET once Andres started to test it out. And while the Illudere’s tech room wasn’t as insanely high tech as the Nightshades’s had been, it wasn’t without its surprises.

  At the time, Andres had been worried the Illudere’s head Magical Engineer had been bought off by Ricardo, and he had been right to worry. Everything had worked out in the end though. Andres had won the duel, Ricardo had been shunned, and now he was somewhere out there, doing evil, and probably plotting to kill us all while having sex with my cousin.

  Eww.

  I hoped Blair caught the bastard and skinned him alive.

  Or whatever the badass equivalent of that was.

  As it stood, my main problem with using the Illudere’s tech lab to make my own MET—which had been kidnapped along with me—was that I didn’t actually have the hardware I needed with me. That didn’t mean I couldn’
t get started on the actual coding for the METs though. Mine—both the actual MET and the backup MET because I, too, could learn from my mistakes—Theo’s, and Logan’s.

  Although, I already had the coding for Logan’s MET written. I just needed to call my guy again and ask him for a new dagger.

  The resistance was being killer on my budget.

  Nobody was more surprised than me when I walked into the Illudere lab, and found an assortment of tech pieces on a table.

  I turned inquiring eyes at Andres.

  “I called ahead and asked them to put any equipment we had available out for you to choose from before they left. It’s not much, but I’m sure there are a few prototypes or something that might appeal to you, even temporarily. I’d have asked Bast to bring your stuff over, but I didn’t want to assume.” Andres shrugged, as if what he’d just done was no big deal.

  It was a very big deal. I was pretty sure if it had been me, there was no way I’d give up my toys for another that easy. Like Joey from Friends, I did not share. Though he didn’t share food and I was against sharing my tech. Almost the same thing, really. Actually, my tech was more personal than food would ever be. Even though I didn’t actually forge the pieces or manufacture the components of the hardware because that was way out of my skill set, I was the one to assemble them, and I thought of them as my children. I grew attached to every single MET I helped create.

  The spread in front of me wasn’t all assembled; there were quite a few bits and pieces around that might appear like trash to someone who didn’t understand.

  One man’s trash, another possum’s gold.

  However, among it all, I caught the glint of steel. I walked closer and gasped.

  The blade had an incredibly detailed marking ingrained in it. Some of it looked like runes, but others I had no idea what they were. There was a gold edge to it and curved near the pommel with the same pattern to the markings. The pommel itself looked like it was made of glass, and inside, a huge piece of Doridium shone under the fluorescent lights.