The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 3 of 5)

by Fanny Burney

  CHAPTER LII

  From the heightened disgust which she now conceived against her newpatroness, Juliet severely repented the step that she had taken. And ifher entrance into the family contributed so little to her contentment,her subsequent introduction into her office was still less calculated toexhilarate her spirits. Her baggage was scarcely deposited in a handsomechamber, of which the hangings, and decorations, as of every part of themansion, were sumptuous for the spectator; but in which there was adearth of almost every thing that constitutes comfort to the immediatedweller; ere she was summoned back, by a hasty order to thedrawing-room.

  Mrs Ireton, who was reading a news-paper, did not, for some time, raiseher head; though a glance of her eye procured her the satisfaction ofseeing that her call had been obeyed. Juliet, at first, stood modestlywaiting for commands; but, receiving none, sat down, though at an humbledistance; determined to abide by the consequences, be they what theymight, of considering herself as, at least, above a common domestic.

  This action shortened the term of neglect; Mrs Ireton, letting thenews-paper fall, exclaimed, in a tone of affected alarm, 'Are you ill,Ma'am? Are you disordered? I hope you are not subject to fits?'

  Juliet coldly answered No.

  'I am very glad to hear it, indeed! Very happy, upon my word! I wasafraid you were going to faint away! But I find that you are onlydelicate; only fatigued by descending the stairs. I ought, indeed, tohave sent somebody to help you; somebody you could have leant upon asyou came along. I was very stupid not to think of that. I hope you'llpardon me?'

  Juliet looked down, but kept her place.

  Mrs Ireton, a little nettled, was silent a few minutes, and then said,'Pray,--if I may ask,--if it will not be too great a liberty toask,--what have been your pursuits since I had the honour ofaccompanying you to London? How have you passed your time? I hope youhave found something to amuse you?'

  Juliet sighed a negative.

  'You have been studying the fine arts, I am told.Painting?--Drawing?--Sculpture?--or what is it?--Something of that sort,I am informed. Pray what is it, Mrs Thing-a-mi?--I am always forgettingyour name. Yet you have certainly a name; but I don't know how it is, Ican never remember it. I believe I must beg you to write it down.'

  Juliet again only sighed.

  'Perhaps I am making a mistake as to your occupations? Very likely I maybe quite in the wrong? Indeed I think I recollect, now, what it is youhave been doing. Acting?--That's it. Is it not? Pray what stage did youcome out upon first? Did you begin wearing your itinerant buskins inEngland, or abroad?'

  'Where I began, Madam, I have ended; at Mrs Maple's.'

  'And pray, have you kept that same face ever since I saw you inGrosvenor Square? or have you put it on again only now, to come back tome? I rather suppose you have made it last the whole time. It would bevery expensive, I apprehend, to change it frequently: it can by no meansbe so costly to keep it only in repair. How do you put on your colours?I have heard of somebody who had learnt the art of enamelling their ownskin: is that your method?'

  Waiting vainly for an answer, she went on.

  'Pray, if I may presume so far, how old are you?--But I beg pardon forso indiscreet a question. I did not reflect upon what I was saying. Verypossibly your age may be indefinable. You may be a person of anothercentury. A wandering Jewess. I never heard that the old Jew had a wife,or a mother, who partook of his longevity; but very likely I may nowhave the pleasure of seeing one of his family under my own roof? Thatred and white, that you lay on so happily, may just as well hide thewrinkles of two or three grand climacterics, as of only a poor singlesixty or seventy years of age. However, these are secrets that I don'tpresume to enquire into. Every trade has its mystery.'

  These splenetic witticisms producing no reply, Mrs Ireton, morecategorically, demanded, 'Pray, Ma'am, pray Mrs What's-your-name, willyou give me leave to ask what brings you to my house?'

  'Miss Joddrel, Madam, informed me that you desired my attendance.'

  'Yes; but with what view?'

  Disconcerted by this interrogatory, Juliet stammered, but could deviseno answer.

  'To what end, what purpose, what intent, I say, may I owe the honour ofyour presence?'

  The office pointed out by Elinor, of an humble companion, now died thecheeks of Juliet with shame; but resentment of the palpable desire tohear its mortifying acknowledgement, tied her tongue; and though each ofthe following interrogatories was succeeded by a pause that demanded areply, she could not bring herself to utter a word.

  'You are hardly come, I should imagine, without some motive: I may bemistaken, to be sure; but I should hardly imagine you would take thetrouble to present yourself merely to afford me the pleasure of seeingyou?--Not but that I ought to be extremely flattered by such acompliment. 'Twould be vastly amiable, certainly. A lady of yourindescribable consequence! 'Twould be difficult to me to shew anadequate sense of so high an honour. I am distressed at the very thoughtof it.--But perhaps you may have some other design?--You may have thegenerosity to intend me some improvement?--You may come to favour mewith some lessons of declamation?--Who knows but you may propose to makean actress of me?--Or perhaps to instruct me how to become an adept inyour own favourite art of face-daubing?'

  At least, thought Juliet, I need not give you any lessons in the _art ofingeniously tormenting_! There you are perfect!

  'What! no answer yet?--Am I always so unfortunate as to hit uponimproper subjects?--To ask questions that merit no reply?--I am quiteconfounded at my want of judgment! Excuse it, I entreat, and aid me outof this unprofitable labyrinth of conjecture, by telling me, at once, towhat happy inspiration I am indebted for the pleasure of receiving youin my house?'

  Juliet pleaded again the directions of Miss Joddrel.

  'Miss Joddrel told you to come, then, only to come?--Only to shewyourself?--Well, you are worth looking at, I acknowledge, to those whohave seen you formerly. The transformation must always be curious: Ionly hope you intend to renew it, from time to time, to keep admirationalive? That pretty face you exhibit at present, may lose its charms, ifit should become familiar. When shall you put on the other again, that Ihad the pleasure to see you in first?'

  Fatigued and spiritless, Juliet would have retired; but Mrs Iretoncalled after her, 'O! you are going, are you? Pray may I take theliberty to ask whither?'

  Again Juliet was silent.

  'You mean perhaps to repose yourself?--or, may be, to pursue yourstudies?--or, perhaps, you may have some visits upon your hands?--Andyou may only have done me the favour to enter my house to find time tofollow your humour?--You may think it sufficient honour for me, that Imay be at the expence of your board, and find you in lodging, andfurniture, and fire, and candles, and servants?--you may hold this amplerecompense for such an insignificant person as I am? I ought to be muchobliged to Miss Joddrel, upon my word, for bringing me into suchdistinction! I had understood her, indeed, that you would come to me asmy humble companion.'

  Juliet, cruelly shocked, turned away her head.

  'And I was stupid enough to suppose, that that meant a person who couldbe of some use, and some agreeability; a person who could read to mewhen I was tired, and who, when I had nobody else, could talk to me; andfind out a thousand little things for me all day long; coming and going;prating, or holding her tongue; doing every thing she was bid; andkeeping always at hand.'

  Juliet, colouring at this true, however insulting description of whatshe had undertaken, secretly revolved in her mind, how to renounce, atonce, an office which seemed to invite mortification, and licensesarcasm.

  'But I perceive I was mistaken! I perceive I knew nothing of the matter!It only means a fine lady! a lady that's so delicate it fatigues her towalk down stairs; a lady who is so independent, that she retires to herroom at pleasure; a lady who disdains to speak but when she is disposed,for her own satisfaction, to talk; a lady--'

  'A lady who, indeed, Madam,' said the tired Juliet, 'weighed too littlewhat she attempted, when she
hoped to find means of obtaining yourfavour; but who now sees her errour, and entreats at once your pardonand dismission.'

  She then courtsied respectfully, but, though called back even withvehemence, steadily left the room.

  Not, however, with triumph did she return to her own. The justice of thesensibility which urged her retreat, could not obviate its imprudence,or avert its consequences. She was wholly without friends, withoutmoney, without protection, without succour; and the horrour of alicentious pursuit, and the mischiefs menaced by calumniating illwishers, still made a lonely residence as unsafe as when her firstterrour drove her to acquiesce in the proposition of Elinor. Yet, thoughshe could not exult, she could not repent: how desire, how even supporta situation so sordid? a situation not only distressing, but oppressive;not merely cruel, but degrading.

  She was preparing, therefore, for immediate departure, when she wasstopt by a footman, who informed her that Mrs Ireton demanded to see herwithout delay.

  The expectation of reproach made her hesitate whether to obey thisorder; but a desire not to have the air of meriting it, by the defianceof a refusal, led her again to the dressing-room.

  Here, however, to her great surprise, instead of the haughty or tauntingupbraidings for which she was prepared, she was received with a graciousinclination of the head; while the footman was told to give her a chair.

  Mrs Ireton, then, fixing her eyes upon a pamphlet which she held in herhand; that she might avoid taking any notice of the stiff and decidedair with which Juliet stood still, though amazed, said, 'My booksellerhas just sent me something to look at, which may serve for a beginningof our readings.'

  Juliet now saw, that, however imperiously she had been treated, MrsIreton had no intention to part with her. She saw, too, that that ladywas amongst the many, though terrible characters, who think superiorrank or fortune authorises perverseness, and legitimates arrogance; whohold the display of ill humour to be the display and mark of power; andwho set no other boundary to their pleasure in the art of tormenting,than that which, if passed, might endanger their losing its object. Shewished, more than ever, to avoid all connexion with a nature so wilfullytyrannic; but Mrs Ireton, who read in her dignified demeanour, that aspirit was awakened which threatened the escape of her prey, determinedto shun any discussion. Suddenly, therefore, rising, and violentlyringing the bell, she exclaimed, 'I dare say those fools have not placedhalf the things you want in your chamber; but I shall make Whitly seeimmediately that all is arranged as it ought to be.'

  She then gave some parading directions, that Miss Ellis should want fornothing; and, affecting not to perceive the palpable design of Julietto decline these tardy attentions, graciously nodded her head, andpassed into another room.

  Juliet, not absolutely softened, yet somewhat appeased, again hesitated.A road seemed open, by some exertion of spirit, for obtaining bettertreatment; and however ungenial to her feelings was a character whosehumours submitted to no restraint, save to ensure their own lengthenedindulgence, still, in appearing more contemptible, it became lesstremendous.

  She began, also, to see her office as less debasing. Why, she cried,should I exaggerate my torments, by blindly giving into receivedopinions, without examining whether here, as in all things else, theremay not be exceptions to general rules? A sycophant must always bedespicable; a parasite must eternally deserve scorn; but may there notbe a possibility of uniting the affluent with the necessitous upon moreequitable terms? May not some medium be hit upon, between oppression onone side, and servility on the other? If we are not worthless becauseindigent, why conclude ourselves abject because dependent? Happiness,indeed, dwells not with undue subordination; but the exertion of talentsin our own service can never in itself be vile. It can only become sowhere it is mingled and contaminated with flattery, with unfittingobsequiousness, and unworthy submissions. They who simply repay beingsustained and protected, by a desire to please, a readiness to serve, awish to instruct; without falsehood in their counsels, without adulationin their civilities, without meanness in their manners and conduct; haveat least as just a claim to respect and consideration, for theirservices and their labours, as those who, merely through pecuniaryretribution, reap their fruits.

  This idea better reconciled her with her condition; and she blessed herhappy acquaintance with Mr Giles Arbe, which had strengthened hernaturally philosophical turn of mind, by leading her to this simple, yetuseful style of reasoning.

  The rest of the day was propitious to her new views. The storms withwhich it had begun subsided, and a calm ensued, in which Mrs Ireton setapart her querulous irascibility, and forbore her contemptuousinterrogatories.

  The servants were ordered not to neglect Miss Ellis; and Miss Ellisreceived permission to carry to her own apartment, any books from offthe piano forte or tables, that might contribute to her amusement.

  Juliet was not of a character to take advantage of a moment ofconcession, even in an enemy. The high and grave deportment, therefore,which had thus happily raised alarm, had no sooner answered its purpose,than she suffered it to give place to an air of gentleness, morecongenial to her native feelings: and, the next morning, subduing herresentment, and submitting, with the best grace in her power, to thebusiness of her office, she cheerfully proposed reading; complied withthe first request that was made her to play upon the piano-forte and theharp; and even, to sing; though, not so promptly; for her voice andsensibility were less ductile than her manners. But she determined toleave nothing untried, that could prove, that it was not more easy tostimulate her pride by indignity, than to animate her desire to obligeby mild usage.

  This resolution on her part, which the fear of losing her, on that ofMrs Ireton, gave time to operate, brought into play so many brilliantaccomplishments, and opened to her patroness such sources of amusement,that, while Juliet began to hope she had found a situation which shemight sustain till her suspences should be over, Mrs Ireton conceivedthat she had met with a treasure, which might rescue her unoccupiedhours from weariness and spleen.