The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 3 of 5)

by Fanny Burney

  CHAPTER LIII

  This delusion, unfortunately, was not of long duration on either side.Mrs Ireton no sooner observed that Juliet appeared to be settled, thanall zest for detaining her ceased; no sooner became accustomed tohearing at will the harp, or the piano-forte, than she found somethingto say, or to do, that interrupted the performance every four or fivebars; and had no sooner secured a reader whose voice she could commandat pleasure, than she either quarrelled with every book that was begun;or yawned, or fondled and talked aloud to her little lap dog, during thewhole time that any work was read.

  This quick abatement in the power of pleasing, was supported by Julietwith indifference rather than philosophy. Where interest alone isconcerned, disappointment is rarely heavy with the young and generous.Age, or misfortune, must teach the value of pecuniary considerations, togive them force. Yet, though no tender affections, no cherished hopes,no favourite feelings were in the power of Mrs Ireton, every moment oftime, and consequently all means of comfort, were at her disposal.Juliet languished, therefore, though she would not repine; and thoughshe was not afflicted at heart, she sickened with disgust.

  The urgency of finding security from immediate insult and want, inducedher, nevertheless, to persevere in her fortitude for supporting, and herefforts for ameliorating her situation. But, the novelty over, alllabour was vain, all success was at an end; and, in a very short time,she would have contributed no more to the expulsion of spleen, than anyother inmate of the house; had not her superiour acquirements opened amore extensive field for the exercise of tyranny and caprice. And inthat exercise alone, Juliet soon saw, consisted every sensation ofpleasure of which Mrs Ireton was susceptible.

  Of the many new tasks of Juliet, that which she found the most severe,was inventing amusement for another while sad and dispirited herself. Itwas her duty to be always at hand, early or late; it was her business tofurnish entertainment, whether sick or well. Success, therefore, wasunacknowledged, though failure was resented. There was no relaxation toher toil, no rest for her person, no recruit for her spirits. From hersleep alone she could purloin the few minutes that she dedicated to herpen and her Gabriella.

  If a new novel excited interest, or a political pamphlet awakenedcuriosity, she was called upon to read whole hours, nay, whole days,without intermission; even a near extinction of voice did not authorizeso great a liberty as that of requesting a few minutes for rest. MrsIreton, who regarded all the world as robust, compared with herself,deemed it an impertinent rivalry of a delicacy which she held to beunexampled, ever to pronounce the word fatigue, ever to heave a sigh oflassitude, or ever even to allude to that part of the human frame whichis called nerves, unless with some pointed reference to herself.

  With the same despotic hardness, she ordered Juliet to the harp, orpiano-forte, and made her play though she were suffering from theacutest head-ache; and sing when hoarse and short-breathed from the mostviolent cold. Yet those commands, however arbitrary and unfeeling, weremore supportable than those with which, after every other source oftyrannic authority had been drained, the day was ordinarily concluded.Mrs Ireton, at the hour of retiring, when weary alike of books and ofmusic, listless, fretful, captious; too sleepy for any exertion, yet toowakeful or uneasy for repose; constantly brought forward the sameenquiries which had so often been urged and repelled, in the week thatthey had spent together upon their arrival from France; repeated thesame sneers, revived the same suspicions, and recurred to the same rudeinterrogatories or offensive insinuations.

  At meals, the humble companion was always helped last; even when therewere gentlemen, even when there were children at the table; and alwaysto what was worst; to what was rejected, as ill-cooked, or left, asspoilt and bad. No question was ever asked of what she chose or what shedisliked. Sometimes she was even utterly forgotten; and, as no oneventured to remind Mrs Ireton of any omission, her helpless _protegee_,upon such occasions, rose half famished from the inhospitable board.

  Upon the entrance of any visitors, not satisfied to let the humblecompanion glide gently away, the haughty patroness called out, in a toneof command, 'You may go to your room now: I shall send for you when I amat leisure.' Or, 'You may stand at the window if you will. You won't bein the way, I believe; and I shall want you presently.'

  Or, if she feared that any one of the party had failed to remark thisaugmentation of her household and of her power, she would retard thewilling departure by some frivolous and vexatious commission; as, 'Stop,Miss Ellis; do pray tie this string a little tighter.' Or, 'Draw up mygloves a little higher: but be so good as not to pinch me; unless youhave a particular fancy for it!'

  If, drily, though respectfully, Juliet ever proposed to wait in her ownroom, the answer was, 'In your own room? O,--ay--well,--that may bebetter! I beg your pardon for having proposed that you should wait inone of mine! I beg your pardon, a thousand times! I really did not thinkof what I was saying! I hope you'll forgive my inattention!'

  When then, silently, and with difficulty forbearing from shrugging hershoulders, Juliet walked away, she was again stopt by, 'One moment, MissEllis! if it won't be requesting too great a favour. Pray, when I wantyou, where may I hear of your servants? For to be sure you don't meanthat mine should scamper up and down all day long for you? You cannotmean that. You must have a lackey of your own, no doubt: some page, orspruce foot-boy at your command, to run upon your errands: only pray letsome of my people know where he may be met with.'

  But if, when the purpose was answered of drawing the attention of herguests upon her new dependent, that attention were followed by any looksof approbation, or marks of civility, she hastily exclaimed, 'O, praydon't disturb yourself, Sir!' or 'Ma'am! 'tis only a young woman I haveengaged to read to me;--a young person whom I have taken into my houseout of compassion.' And then, affably nodding, she would affect to besuddenly struck with something which she had already repeatedly seen,and cry, 'Well, I declare, that gown is not ugly, Miss Ellis! How didyou come by it?' or, 'That ribbon's pretty enough: who gave it you?'

  Ah, thought Juliet, 'tis conduct such as this that makes inequality offortune baleful! Where superiour wealth falls into liberal hands,--whereits possessor is an Aurora Granville, it proves a good still more to thesurrounders than to the owners; 'it blesses those that give, and thosethat take.'--But Oh! where it is misused for the purposes of bowingdown the indigent, of oppressing the helpless, of triumphing over thedependent,--then, how baneful then is inequality of fortune!

  With those thoughts, and deeply hurt, she was twenty times upon thepoint of retiring, during the first week of her distasteful office; butthe sameness of the offences soon robbed the mortifications of theirpoignancy; and apathy; in a short time, taking place of sensibility, shelearnt to bear them if not with indifference, at least with itsprecursor contempt.

  Amongst the most irksome of the toils to which this subjection made herliable, was the care,--not of the education, nor mind, nor manners, butof the amusements,--of the little nephew of Mrs Ireton; whom that ladyrather exulted than blushed to see universally regarded as a spoiltchild.

  The temper of this young creature was grown so capricious, fromincessant indulgence, that no compliance, no luxury, no diversion couldafford him more than momentary pleasure; while his passions were becomeso ungovernable, that, upon every contrariety or disappointment, hevented his rage, to the utmost extent of his force, upon whomsoever, orwhatsoever, animate or inanimate, he could reach.

  All the mischief thus committed, the injuries thus sustained, the noiseand disturbance thus raised, were to be borne throughout the housewithout a murmur. Whatever destruction he caused, Mrs Ireton was alwayssure was through the fault of some one else; what he mutilated, orbroke, she had equal certainty must have been merely by accident; andthose he hurt or ill used, must have provoked his anger. If any oneventured to complain, 'twas the sufferer, not the inflictor who wastreated as culpable.

  It was the misfortune of Juliet to excite, by her novelty, the attentionof this young tyra
nt; and by her powers of entertainment, exertedinadvertently, from a love of obliging, to become his favourite. Thehope of softening his temper and manners, by amusing his mind, hadblinded her, at first, to the trouble, the torment rather, of suchpre-eminence, which soon proved one of the most serious evils of hersituation. Mrs Ireton, having raised in his young bosom, expectationsnever to be realised, by passing the impossible decree, that nothingmust be denied to her eldest brother's eldest son; had authoriseddemands from him, and licensed wishes, destructive both to hisunderstanding and his happiness. When the difficulties which this decreeoccasioned, devolved upon a domestic, she left him to get rid of them ashe could; only reserving to herself the right to blame the way that wastaken, be it what it might: but when the embarrassment fell to her ownlot; when the spoilt urchin claimed what was every way unattainable; shehad been in the habit of sending him abroad, for the immediate relief ofher nerves. The favour into which he took Juliet now offered a new andmore convenient resource. Instead of 'Order the carriage, and let thechild go out:' Miss Ellis was called upon to play with him; to tell himstories; to shew him pictures; to build houses for him with cards; or tosuffer herself to be dragged unmeaningly, yet wilfully and forcibly,from walk to walk in the garden, or from room to room in the house; tilltired, and quarrelling even with her compliance, he recruited hiswearied caprices with sleep.

  Nor even here ended the encroachments upon her time, her attention, herliberty; not only the spoilt child, but the favourite dog was put underher superintendence; and she was instructed to take charge of theairings and exercise of Bijou; and to carry him where the road was roughor miry, that he might not soil those paws, which had the exclusiveprivilege of touching the lady of the mansion; and even of pulling,patting and scratching her robes and attire for his recreation.

  To many, in the place of Juliet, the spoilt child and the spoilt curwould have been objects of detestation: but against the mere instrumentsof malice she harboured no resentment. The dog, though snarling andsnapping at every one but his mistress, Juliet saw as vicious only fromevil habits, which were imbibed, nay taught, rather than natural: thechild, though wantonly revelling in mischief of every kind, sheconsidered but as a little savage, who, while enjoying the splendour andluxury of civilized life, was as unformed, as rough, as untaught, andtherefore as little responsible for his conduct, as if just caught, andbrought, wild and untamed, from the woods. The animal, therefore, sheexculpated; the child she pitied; it was the mistress of the mansionalone, who, wilful in all she did, and conscious of all she inflicted,provoked bitterer feelings. And to these, the severest poignancy wasaccidentally added to Juliet, by the cruel local circumstance ofreceiving continual indignity in the very house, nay the very room,where, in sweetest intercourse, she had been accustomed to be treatedupon terms of generous equality by Lady Aurora Granville.