The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 3 of 5)

by Fanny Burney

  CHAPTER LIV

  Juliet had passed but a short space, by the measure of time, in this newresidence, though by that of suffering and disgust it had seemed as longas it was irksome, when, one morning, she was informed, by thenursery-maid, that a grand breakfast was to be given, about two o'clock,to all the first gentry in and near Brighthelmstone.

  Mrs Ireton, herself, making no mention of any such purpose, issued herusual orders for the attendance of Juliet, with her implements ofamusement; and went, at an early hour, to a light building, called theTemple of the Sun, which overlooked the sea, from the end of the garden.

  This Temple, like every place which Mrs Ireton capriciously, and evenfor the shortest interval, inhabited, was now filled with materials forrecreation, which, ingeniously employed, might have whiled away awinter; but which, from her fluctuating whims, were insufficient evenfor the fleet passage of a few hours. Books, that covered threewindow-seats; songs and sonatas that covered those books; various piecesof needle-work; a billiard-table; a chess-board; a backgammon-board; acup and ball, &c. &c.; all, in turn, were tried; all, in turn, rejected;and invectives the most impatient were uttered against each, as itceased to afford her pleasure; as if each, with living malignity, hadstudied to cause her disappointment.

  About noon, she took the arm of Juliet, to descend the steps of theTemple. Upon opening the door, Ireton appeared sauntering in the garden.Juliet vexed at his sight, which Elinor had assured her that she wouldnever encounter, severely felt the mortification of being seen in herpresent situation, by one who had so repeatedly offended her byinjurious suspicions, and familiar impertinence.

  Mrs Ireton, hastily relinquishing the arm of Juliet, from expectingthat of her son, at whose sight she was evidently surprised; nowresolved, with her most brilliant flourishes, to exhibit the new objectof her power.

  'Why don't you take care of the child, Miss Ellis?' she cried aloud. 'Doyou design to let him break his neck down the stone steps? I beg yourpardon, though, for asking the question. It may be very _mal a propos_.It may be necessary, perhaps, to some of your plans, to see a tragedy inreal life? You may have some work in agitation, that may require thatsort of study. I am sorry to have stood so unopportunely in your way:quite ashamed, upon my word, to have prevented your taking a few hintsfrom the child's dislocating a limb, or two; or just fracturing hisskull. 'Twould have been a pretty melancholy sight, enough, for anelegiac muse. I really beg your pardon, for being so uncooth, as tothink of such a trumpery circumstance as saving the child's life.'

  Juliet, during this harangue, assiduously followed the young gentleman;who, with a shout of riotous rebellion, ran down the steps, and jumpinginto a parterre, selected, by his eye, the most beautiful of the flowersfor treading under his feet; and, at every representation of Juliet,flung at her as many pinks, carnations, and geraniums, as his mercilesslittle fingers could grasp.

  Ireton, approaching, looked smilingly on, negligently nodding, andcalling out, 'Well done, Loddard! Bravo, my little Pickle!'

  Loddard, determined to merit this honourable testimony of his prowess,continued his sport, with augmented boldness. His wantonness, however,though rude, was childish; Juliet, therefore, though tormented, gave itno serious resentment; but she was not equally indifferent to the morematurely malicious insolence of Ireton, who, while he openly enjoyed thescene, negligently said to Loddard, 'What, my boy, hast got a newnurse?'

  Mrs Ireton, having stood some time leaning upon the balustrade of thesteps which she was descending, in vain expectations of the arm of herson, who had only slightly bowed to her, with an 'How do do, Ma'am?' towhich he waited not for an answer; now indignantly called out, 'So I amto be left to myself, am I? In this feeble and alarming state to which Iam reduced, incapable to withstand a gust of wind, or to baffle the fallof a leaf, I may take care of myself, may I? I am too stout to requireany attention? too robust, too obstreperous to need any help? If I falldown, I may get up again, I suppose? If I faint, I may come to myselfagain, I imagine? You will have the goodness to permit that, I presume?I may be mistaken, to be sure, but I should presume so. Don't you hearme, Mistress Ellis? But you are deaf, may be?--I am alarmed to the lastdegree!--You are suddenly seized, perhaps with the loss of one of yoursenses?'

  This attack, begun for her son, though, upon his romping with the littleboy, in total disregard to its reproach, ending for Juliet, made Iretonnow, throwing back his head, to stare, with a sneering half-laugh, atJuliet, exclaim, 'Fie, Mrs Betty! How can you leave Mrs Ireton, unaided,in such peril? Fie, Mrs Polly, fie! Mrs.... What is your new nurse'sname, my boy?'

  The boy, who never held his tongue but when he was desired to speak,would make no answer, but by running violently after Juliet, as shesought to escape from him; flinging flowers, leaves, grass, or whateverhe could find, at her, with boisterous shouts of laughter, and with allhis little might.

  Mrs Ireton, brought nearly to good humour by the sight of the perplexityand displeasure of Juliet, only uttered, 'Pretty dear! how playful heis!' But when, made still more daring by this applause, the littleurchin ventured to touch the hem of her own garments, she becamesuddenly sensible of his disobedience and wanton mischief, and commandedhim from her presence.

  As careless of her wrath as he was ungrateful for her favour, the younggentleman thought of nothing so little as of obedience. He jumped and,skipped around her, in bold defiance of all authority; laughing loudlyin her face; making a thousand rude grimaces; yet screaming, as ifattacked by a murderer, when she attempted to catch him; though, themoment that he forced himself out of her reach, hallooing his joyoustriumph in her ears, with vociferous exultation.

  Juliet was ordered to take him in hand, and carry him off; an orderwhich, to quit the scene, she prepared with pleasure to obey: but theyoung gentleman, though he pursued her with fatiguing fondness when shesought to avoid him, now ran wildly away.

  Mrs Ireton, enraged, menaced personal chastisement; but upon his dartingat Juliet, and tearing her gown, she turned abruptly aside, in theapprehension of being called upon for reparation; and, gently saying,'What a frisky little rogue it is!' affected to observe him no longer.

  The torn robe proved a potent attraction to the little dog, who, yelpingwith unmeaning fury, flew at and began gnawing it, with as muchvehemence, as if its destruction were essential to his well being.

  A party of company was now announced, that begged to join Mrs Ireton inthe garden; and, tripping foremost from the advancing throng, came,Selina.

  Ireton, flapping his hat over his eyes, leisurely sauntered away. MrsIreton returned to the Temple, to receive her guests with more state;and Juliet hoping, though doubtfully, some relief and countenance, bentforward to greet her young friend.

  Selina, with a look of vivacity and pleasure, eagerly approached; butwhile her hands were held out, in affectionate amity, and her eyesinvited Juliet to meet her, she stopt, as if from some suddenrecollection; and, after taking a hasty glance around her, picked aflower from a border of the parterre, and ran back with it to present toLady Arramede.

  Juliet, scarcely disappointed, retreated; and the party advanced in abody. She would fain have hidden herself, but had no power; the boy,with romping violence, forcibly detaining her, by loud shrieks, whichrent the air, when she struggled to disengage herself from his hold.And, as every visitor, however stunned or annoyed, uttered, inapproaching him, the admiring epithets of 'Dear little creature!' 'Sweetlittle love!' 'Pretty little dear!' &c. the boy, in common with childrenof a larger growth, concluding praise to be approbation, flung himselfupon Juliet, with all his force; protesting that he would give her agreen gown: while all the company,--upon Mrs Ireton's appearing at anopen window of the Temple,--unanimously joined in extolling hisstrength, his agility, and his spirited character.

  The wearied and provoked Juliet now seriously and strenuously sought todisengage herself from the stubborn young athletic; but he clung roundher waist, and was jumping up at her shoulders, to catch at the ribbonof her hat, when Lady K
endover and her niece, who were the last of thecompany that arrived, entered the garden.

  Lady Barbara Frankland no sooner perceived Juliet, and her distress,than, swift as the wind, breaking from her aunt, she flew forward togive her succour; seizing the sturdy little assailant by his arms, whenunprepared to defend himself, and twisting him, adroitly, from his prey;exclaiming, 'You spoilt little wicked creature, beg pardon of thatlovely Miss Ellis directly! this moment!'

  'Ellis! Dear, if it is not Ellis!' cried Selina, now joining them. 'Howglad I am to see you, my dear Ellis! What an age it is since we met!'

  Juliet, whose confidence was somewhat more than staggered in the regardof Selina, coldly courtsied to her; while, with the warmest gratitude,she began expressing her acknowledgements for the prompt and generouskindness of Lady Barbara; when the boy, recovering from his surprise,and furious at any controul, darted at her ladyship with vindictiveviolence; attempting, and intending, to practise upon her the same featswhich had nearly subdued Juliet: but the situation was changed: theexclamations were reversed; and 'O, you naughty little thing!' 'How canyou be so rude?' 'Fie, child, fie!' were echoed from mouth to mouth;which every step bent forward to protect 'poor Lady Barbara' from thetroublesome little creature.

  The boy was then seriously made over to his maid, to be new dressed;with a promise of peaches and sugar plums if he would be so very good achild, as to submit to the repugnant operations of his toilette, withoutcrying or fighting.

  The butler now appeared, to announce that the breakfast was ready; andJuliet saw confirmed, that the party had been invited and expected;though Mrs Ireton meant to impress her with the magnificent idea, thatthis was her common way of life.

  The company all re-entered the house, and all without taking thesmallest notice of Juliet; Lady Barbara excepted, who affectionatelyshook hands with her, and warmly regretted that she did not join theparty.

  Juliet, to whom the apparent mystery of her situation offered as muchapology for others, as it brought distress to herself, went back, farmore hurt than offended to the Temple.

  Hence, presently, from under one of the windows, she heard a weak, butfretful and angry voice, morosely giving impatient reprimands to someservant, while imperiously refusing to listen to even the mostrespectful answer.

  Looking from the window, she saw, and not without concern, from thecontrast to the good humour which she had herself experienced, that thischoleric reproacher was Sir Jaspar Herrington.

  The nursery-maid, who came, soon afterwards, in search of some baubles,which her young master had left in the Temple; complained that hermistress's rich brother-in-law, Sir Jaspar, who never entered the housebut upon grand invitations, had been at his usual game of scolding, andfinding fault with all the servants, till they all wished him atJericho; sparing nobody but Nanny, whom the men called the Beauty. Hewas so particular, when he was in his tantarums, the maid added, that hewas almost as cross as the old lady herself; except, indeed, to hisfavourites, and those he could never do enough for. But he commandedabout him at such a rate, that Mrs Ireton, she was sure, would never lethim into the house, if it were not in the hope of wheedling him intoleaving the great fortune, that had fallen to him with the name ofHerrington, to the young 'Squire; though the young 'Squire was wellenough off without it; being certain of the Ireton estate, because itwas entailed upon him, if his uncle, Sir Jaspar, should die withoutchildren.

  Juliet did not hear this history of the ill temper of her generous oldbeau, without chagrin; but the prating nursery-maid ceased not recordingwhat she called his tantarums, till the well known sound of his crutchesannounced his approach, when she hastily made her exit.

  With the awkward feeling of uncertain opinion, softened off,nevertheless, by the remembrance of strong personal obligation, Julietpresented herself at the door, to shew her intention of descending.

  Occupied by the pain of labouring up the steps, he did not raise hishead, or perceive her, till he had reached the threshold of the littlebuilding. His still brilliant eyes became then brighter, and the air ofharsh asperity which, while mounting, his countenance still retained,from recent anger, was suddenly converted into a look of the most livelypleasure, and perfect good humour. After touching his hat, and wavinghis hand, with an old fashioned, but well bred air of gallantry, helaughingly confessed, that he had ascended with the view of recruitinghis strength and spirits, by a private visit to the god Morpheus; toenable him to get through the weighty enterprize, of encountering athrong of frivolous females, without affronting them by his yawns. 'Howlittle,' he continued, 'did I imagine myself coming to Sleep's mostresistless conqueror, Delight! If I rouse not now, I must have moresoporiferous qualities than the Sleepers! or even than the SleepingBeauty in the Wood, who took a nap of forty years.'

  Then entreating her to be seated, he dropt upon the easy chair, whichhad been prepared for Mrs Ireton; and crossed his crutches, as if byaccident, in a manner that prevented her from retreating. She was theless, however, impatient of this delay, as she saw that the windowslooking from the house into the garden, were filled with company, whichshe desired nothing so little as to pass in review.

  Taking, therefore, a place as far from him as was in her power, she madeherself an occupation, in arranging some mulberry leaves for silk-worms.

  The Baronet, whose face expressed encreasing satisfaction at hissituation, courteously sought to draw her into discourse. 'My littlefriends,' cried he, smiling, 'who are always at work, have continuallybeen tormenting me of late, with pinches and twitches, upon my utterneglect of my sister-in-law, Mrs Ireton. I could not for my life imaginewhy they took so prodigious an interest in my visiting her; but theynipt, and squeezed, and worried me, without intermission; accusing me ofmisbehaviour; saying she was my sister-in-law; and ill, andhypochondriac; and that it was by no means pretty behaved in me, not toshew her more respect. It was in vain I represented, that she was rich,and did not want me; or that she was disagreeable, and that I did notwant her; 'twas all one; they insisted I should go: and this morning,when I would have excused myself from coming to her fine breakfast, theybeset me in so many ways, that I was forced to comply. And now I seewhy! Poor, earthly, mundane mortal that I was! I took them for envioussprites, jealous of my repose! But I see, now, they were only recreativelittle sylphs, amusing themselves with whipping and spurring me on to myown good!'

  And is this, thought Juliet, the man who bears a character of impatienceand ill humour? this man, whose imagination is so playful, and whosedesire to please can only be equalled by his desire to serve?

  'And where,' he continued, 'have you all this time been eclipsed? Fromsundry circumstances, that perversely obtruded themselves upon myknowledge, in defiance of the ill reception I gave them, I was led, atfirst, to conclude, that you had been spirited away by Sir LyellSycamore.'

  He fixed his eyes upon her curiously; but the colour that rose in hercheeks betrayed no secret consciousness; it shewed open resentment.

  'O! I soon saw,' he resumed, as if he had been answered, though she hadnot deigned to disclaim an idea that she deemed fitted simply forcontempt; 'by the mortified silence of my young gallant, that the fateshad not been propitious to his wishes. In characters of his description,success never courts the shade. It basks in the sun-shine, and seeks thebroadest day. How is it that you have thus piqued the vain spark? Hecame to me in such a flame, to upbraid me for what he called the cursedridiculous dance that I had led him, that I fairly thought he meant tocall me out! I began, directly, to look about me for the stoutest of mycrutches, to parry, for a last minute or two, his broad sword; and todeliberate which might be the thickest of my leather cushions, to holdup in my defence, for reverberating the ball, in case he should preferpistols. But he deigned, most fortunately, to content himself with onlyabusing me: hinting, that such superannuated old geese, as those whohad passed their grand climacteric, ought not to meddle with affairs ofwhich they must have lost even the memory. I let him bounce off withoutany answer; very thankful to the
"Sisters three" to feel myself in awhole skin.'

  Looking at her, then, with an expression of humorous reproach, 'You willpermit me, I hope, at least,' he added, 'to flatter myself, that, whenyour indulgence to the garrulity of age has induced you to bear with myloquacity till I am a little hoarser, your consideration for sorethroats and heated lungs, will prevail upon you to utter a little wordor two in your turn?'

  Juliet, laughing, answered that she had been too well amused, to beaware how little she had seemed to merit his exertions.

  'Tell me, then,' cried he, with looks that spoke him enchanted by thisreply; 'through what extraordinary mechanism, in the wheel of fortune,you have been rolled to this spot? The benevolent sprites, who haveurged me hither, have not given me a jot of information how you becameknown to Mrs Ireton? By what strange spell have you been drawn in, toseem an inmate of her mansion? and what philters and potions have youswallowed, to make you endure her never-ending vagaries?'

  Half smiling, half sighing, Juliet looked down; not willing to accept,though hardly able to resist, the offered licence for complaint.

  'Make no stranger,' the old Baronet laughingly added, 'of me, I beg! Sheis my sister-in-law, to be sure; but the law, with all its subtleties,had not yet entailed our affections, with our estates, to our relations;nor articled our tastes, with our jointures, to our dowagers. Use,therefore, no manner of ceremony! How do you bear with her freaks andfancies? or rather,--for that is the essential point, why do you bearwith them?'

  'Can that,' said Juliet, 'be a question?'

  'Not a wise one, I confess!' he returned; 'for what but Necessity couldlink together two creatures who seem formed to give a view of humannature diametrically opposite the one from the other? These indeed mustbe imps,--and imps of darkness,--who, busy, busy still--delight

  To join the gentle to the rude![20]

  that can have coupled so unharmonizing a pair. Hymen, with all thelittle active sinister devils in his train, that yoke together, pellmell, for life, hobbling age with bounding youth; choleric violence withtrembling timidity; haggard care with thoughtless merriment;--Hymenhimself, that marrying little lawyer, who takes upon him to unite whatis most discordant, and to tie together all that is most heterogeneous;even he, though provided with what is, so justly, called a licence, forbinding together what nature itself seems to sunder; he, even he, Iassert, never buckled in the same noose, two beings so completely andequally dissimilar, both without and within. Since such, however, hasbeen the ordinance of these fantastic workers of wonders, will you letme ask, in what capacity it has pleased their impships to conjure youhither?'

  [Footnote 20: Thomson.]

  Juliet hesitated, and looked ashamed to answer.

  'You are not, I hope,' cried he, fixing upon her his keen eyes, 'one ofthose ill-starred damsels, whose task, in the words of Madame deMaintenon, is to 'amuse the unamuseable?' You are not, I hope, ...' hestopt, as if seeking a phrase, and then, rather faintly, added, 'hercompanion?'

  'Her humble servant, Sir!' with a forced smile, said Juliet; 'and yet,humbled as I feel myself in that capacity, not humble enough for itscalls!'

  The smiles of the old Baronet vanished in a moment, and an expression ofextreme severity took their place. 'She uses you ill, then?' heindignantly cried, and, grasping the knobs of his two crutches, hestruck their points against the floor, with a heaviness that made thelittle building shake, ejaculating, in a hoarse inward voice, 'Curseher!'

  Juliet stared at him, affrighted by his violence.

  'Can it be possible,' he cried, 'that so execrable a fate should bereserved for so exquisite a piece of workmanship? Sweet witch! were Ibut ten years younger, I would snatch you from her infernal claws!--orrather, could I cut off twenty;--yet even then the disparity would betoo great!--thirty years younger,--or perhaps forty,--my hand andfortune should teach that Fury her distance!'

  Juliet, surprised, and doubting whether what dropt from him were escapedsincerity, or purposed irony, looked with so serious a perplexity, that,struck and ashamed, he checked himself; and recovering his usuallypolite equanimity, smiled at his own warmth, saying, 'Don't be alarmed,I beg! Don't imagine that I shall forget myself; nor want to hurry away,lest my animation should be dangerous! The heat that, atfive-and-twenty, might have fired me into a fever, now raises but akindly glow, that stops, or keeps off stagnation. The little sprites,who hover around me, though they often mischievously spur my poorfruitless wishes, always take care, by seasonable twitches, in somevulnerable gouty part, to twirl me from the regions of hope and romance,to very sober real life!'

  Fearful of appearing distrustful, Juliet looked satisfied, and again hewent on.

  'Since, then, 'tis clear that there can be no danger in so simple anintercourse, why should I not give myself the gratification of tellingyou, that every sight of you does me good? renovates my spirits;purifies my humours; sweetens my blood; and braces my nerves? Never talkto me with mockery of fairyism, witchcraft, and sylphs; the realinfluence of lovely youth, is a thousand times more wonderful, morepotent, and more incredible! When I have seen you only an instant, Ifeel in charity with all mankind for the rest of the day; and, at night,my kind little friends present you to me again; renew every pleasingidea; revive the most delightful images; and paint you to me--just suchas I see you at this moment!'

  Juliet, embarrassed, talked of returning to the house.

  'Do you blush?' cried he, with quickness, and evidently increasingadmiration; 'is it possible that you are not enough habituated topraise, to hear it without modest confusion? I have seen "full many alady"--but you--O you!--so perfect and so peerless are created, of everycreature best!'[21]

  [Footnote 21: Shakespeare.]

  'My whole life has been spent in worshipping beauty, till within thesevery few years, when I have gotten something like a surfeit, and meantto give it over. For I have watched and followed Beauties, till I havegrown sick of them. I have admired fine features, only to be disgustedwith vapid vanity. A face with a little meaning, though as ugly as sinand satan, I have lately thought worth forty of them! But you--fairsorceress! you have conjured me round again to my old work! I have foundthe spell irresistible. You have such intelligence of countenance; suchspirit with such sweetness, smiles so delicious, though rare! looks sospeaking; grace so silent;--that I forget you are a beauty; and fastenmy eyes upon you, only to understand what you say when you don't utter aword! That's all! Don't be uneasy, therefore, at my staring. Though, tobe candid, we know ourselves so little, that, 'tis possible, had younot first caught my eyes as a beauty, I might never have looked at youlong enough to find out your wit!'

  A footman now came to acquaint Sir Jaspar, that the rice-soup, which hehad ordered, was ready; and that the ladies were waiting for the honourof his company to breakfast.

  'I heartily wish they would wait for my company, till I desire to havetheirs!' Sir Jaspar muttered: but, sensible of the impropriety of arefusal, arose, and, taking off his hat, with a studied formality, whichhe hoped would impress the footman with respect for its object, followedhis messenger: whispering, nevertheless, as he quitted the building,'Leave you for a breakfast!--I would almost as willingly be immersed inthe witches' cauldron, and boiled into morsels, to become a breakfastmyself, for the amusement of the audience at a theatre!'