Karma of Kalpana

by T. L Smith

  His arm tightened, pulling me to him. “Consider it therapy.”

  * * * * *

  Everett was quiet as I looked out the portal. There was nothing to see but the emptiness of L12. “How long to the next target point?”

  “Another day, roughly.” He leaned against the desk, his arms folded, still so serious. “Remember to control yourself. We need to whittle them down until we get more pilots here.”

  “She reminds me every time we engage.”

  Since our first encounter, we’d played a game of hit-and-run with the Punitraq. Growing our fleet as we cut theirs down. Sharmila had told us that these creatures would stick to us, once we got their attention. That they were an obsessive species and the bigger a threat we posed to them, the more desperately they’d want to conquer us.

  And she was right, but first they had to catch us. We made that impossible, keeping our attacks random and unpredictable. Hitting hard or simply teasing them to follow us. However, Sharmila kept me on a tighter leash than our first day. And her explanations lacked something I didn’t quite understand.

  “I’m resisting the urge just fine, but I wonder about her reaction. Normally people don’t know we’re reading them, but she’s worried about them sensing me. Do the Punitraq have some level of telepathic abilities too?”

  Everett squinted his eyes at me, frowning. “You’re not the only one to ask that question. I’ve asked my Elder, but never got an answer on that either. This avoidance of the issue leaves me to think the answer is yes.”

  “Yeah. So the next question is to what extent are their abilities. We’re all pretty sensitive now to anyone trying to probe around in our heads.”

  “No one reports being attacked, or even vaguely feeling invasive thought, so maybe the Puni can’t seek. Maybe they just feel the presence of telepaths.” Everett was quiet for a moment. So were Sharmila and the Elders. I half-expected them to chime in or do something to distract us from our conversation, but as usual, they were avoiding it all together.

  “I wonder… if they knew your abilities, all of our abilities, it might change their tactics. Right now, that’s the last thing we want to happen.” Everett rubbed his eyes, collecting his thoughts. He was tired after pulling night duty on the Bridge. “I guess, until we know more, we assume the worst and keep our abilities to ourselves. Meaning you, of course.” He gave me a smile and turned back to his shift reports.

  I sipped at my coffee and swirled the dark brew, looking into it instead of distorted space. I tasted the bitterness before it flowed into an herbal aroma in the back of my throat. While Earth had become our distant home, many human addictions were transplanted onto colony worlds. Gardner gratefully had similar tastes as mine. Strong and caffeinated. Sharmila hated it, but I still had power over some of my taste buds.

  She came out of hiding, now that my thoughts had shifted topics, giving me a little muscle twitch. A reminder that we shared this body. I gulped the earthy brew anyway.

  Only duty stopped me from pouring a third cup of coffee. At the strike of the hour, my chief officers and holograms of the other ship’s captains crowded into the conference room. I shifted to Huracid’s projection as we called the briefing to order. “What do you have to report?”

  Huracid bowed slightly. “They are still pursuing our energy trail.” Huracid’s large hand swung towards the display. “Their speed is constant, L10.9. Thirty-six hours to target point.”

  “Good. And more troops?” I nodded to Gardner.

  I could feel her pleasure, having good news to report. “The newest arrivals bring our count to nearly thirty-thousand fighters, as well as four more battleships. They’ll take up rear defense until they’re familiar with our tactics.

  I liked this update. “What about recovery, does it proceed as before?”

  “Exactly.” Gardner and Huracid exchanged nods of agreement and she continued the reporting. “The Punitraq are like bulldogs.” Like me, she refused to use the nickname. “Once they’re on our scent, they can care less what’s going on behind them. We drop evac ships, sweeping up disabled fighters. Wounded are put into stasis and delivered to our medical ships. Companions are helpful, able to reduce bodily functions to near stasis levels, prolonging our recovery window, saving a great many lives.”

  Huracid rumbled. “We have recovered enemy ships for analysis, but still no live combatants. Clean up crews are destroying enemy debris.”

  That had been the first curiosity about the Punitraq. They made no attempt to capture our disabled pilots or recover their own. And disabling plenty of their enemy fighters, we should have been able to take prisoners. But their ships contained some self-destruct capacity, leaving nothing to recover. Something else that the Elders approved of, without explanation.

  Other than that oddity, everything went smoothly. I just had to keep it that way a bit longer, until Sharmila was ready to turn this game into a war of pursuit. It would be soon. I could feel that much from her.

  With everyone updated, the meeting was dismissed and we prepared for our next ambush.

  For this encounter we’d loop back on our own path. From the rear we would jump the Punitraq as they tried to follow our false energy trail through an asteroid field.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Quietly we waited within the graveyard of a dead planet.

  “Ready…FIRE!” All my ships opened fire as the Punitraq crossed into our target zone. They launched fighters, but ours were already waiting. For the first ten minutes we had them trapped, being battered between us and the asteroids, until their commanders rallied.

  They finally managed a retreat from the asteroid field, but turned to continue the battle. Logically a commander would get to a safe distance to assess damages, before recommitting. Not the Punitraq. But we’d assumed as much and were waiting outside of the field too.

  The Punitraq succeeded in getting a full wave of fighters out, which our fighters were attacking with a vengeance. Maybe a little too energetically as I heard the companions whispering in our heads, warning us to not get too cocky.

  A good warning, as they Punitraq did shift their pattern of attack. Instead of focusing on our fighters, they swarmed our warships. They turned everything they had on my ship. I fought to stay focused as around me the bridge crews worked to protect the ship. Gardner ordered shields reinforced and more weapons teams activated to catch what the computers missed.

  Throughout the ship tensions rose and my body trembled in the chair with so many currents running through me. Sharmila pushed my talents where she thought they were needed most. I struggled to do what was expected, but somewhere deep inside the old me wanted to run.

  A hand on my arm steadied me. Everett’s ideas flowed through his touch. Our shields could handle the assault. Let the Punitraq fighters come after us. Direct our fighters to crush them from the rear. Gardner and Sharmila agreed with the tactic.

  Caught between two fronts, the enemy disintegrated before our eyes, either destroyed by our squadrons, or dissolved to dust as they crashed into our shields. But despite their losses, the Punitraq kept throwing themselves insanely at our defenses. Insane, even to Sharmila.

  Again I wanted to reach out to our enemy, if only to understand them, but I didn’t need Sharmila to stop me. The Punitraq peeled off. They looped back on my fighters. My men were caught off-guard, but were experienced pilots, even without companions. They recovered smoothly and pulled the Punitraq back into a vicious one-on-one combat.

  I didn’t let it continue. We’d achieved what we wanted. The element of surprise took a huge chunk out of their fleet. I ordered a retreat and Sync. The Punitraq warships couldn’t follow immediately, since their fighter craft couldn’t make FTL. That forced them to wait as their pilots redocked.

  Our Elder technology allowed our fighters to attain L6, enough to get out of range and aboard before we hit L12. And since their command ships couldn’t reach our speeds, we had time to reach and establish our next ambush.

  M
y job done, I relaxed, letting go of my bond with our pilots, but before I could release myself from the bridge, a sharp pain twisted through the right side of my head. The pain worse than what Sharmila had done to me, much worse. I collapsed in my chair.

  * * * * *

  The quiet was soothing. It enveloped me and made me realize how ear-splittingly loud my life had become. Since childhood, not a minute went by when there weren’t voices in my head. So many voices they burrowed into the deepest crevices of my brain, no matter how hard I tried to block them out. No matter what I did to escape. Not even on my own ship, alone among the stars, could I find peace.

  But now, for the first time, I heard nothing but my own breathing. I got lost in it. I languished in it, until I felt a hand lightly holding mine. Everett. He had done well protecting me, letting me sleep so deeply. I drifted upwards to join him, deep sleep fading away and sensations spreading over my body. I closed my fingers around his and with my other hand sought our blankets in the cold.

  The blanket wasn’t the soft silky fibers I expected. I stretched my hand out, feeling the surface around me, not feeling my luxurious cushions. At the same moment I felt the ache of muscles. I started to open my eyes, but my lids were heavy, my vision blurry. “What’s going—" I tried to speak but my throat was so dry I choked on the words, my tongue sticking to my palette. My throat hurt. I heard an alarm and hands grabbed my shoulders as I tried to sit up.

  It was Everett. “Easy, you’re safe.” He steadied me, staring, his eyebrows furrowing closer together with each second. “Doctor, she’s awake!”

  I clutched at my throat and wondered why he couldn’t sense I was in distress.

  Other hands grabbed me, a doctor. “Hold on.” She slipped a thin tube into my mouth and I felt a mist lightly spray down the back of my throat. Relief trickled down, but I wanted more than the meager offering. She finally understood. “I’m going to increase the flow, but not too much. You haven’t had fluids in days and too much can make you sick.”

  What does she mean, days? Everett didn’t answer, but I was more interested, and grateful, as the doctor increased the flow of water into my mouth. I relaxed as much as I could, trying to let the water soak into bone-dry tissues. She stopped after only a couple seconds and someone else appeared next to her, handing me a cup of ice.

  I shook some of the slivers into my mouth so they could melt. “Thank you.” I pushed the words out and looked at Everett again, his face still scrunched up with concern. “Why am I here? Why are you blocking me?”

  “I’m not.” His answer came out almost a whisper, looking from me to the doctor. “You need to retest her EH centers.”

  “I agree. I’ll set it up. You’ll have a few minutes before I’m ready.” She left quickly, not giving me answers to either question.

  “Everett, what’s happening?” I tried to sit up completely, but he grabbed my shoulders, holding me down. “Everett!”

  He didn’t let go, staring at me. “You passed out on the bridge.”

  I searched for my last memories. Visions of the battle returned, our hit successful. I’d even managed to resist the urge to hunt down the Punitraq. I ordered our Sync to the next target, then I remembered a terrible headache, much like the one that nearly killed me. I reached for my head. “Was it another bleed?” I didn’t feel any new wounds or scars.

  “The doctors say not.” He leaned close. “Something else is happening. The doctor’s going to take some new scans, but are you sure you don’t sense anything from me?”

  I stared just as deeply into his eyes, searching for a connection between us, feeling panic grow in my heart when I couldn’t find our bond anymore. The dryness of my eyes melted as they blurred with tears. “No, I can’t! What the hell’s wrong with me?” I dropped my ice, clutching at Everett. “What happened to me?”

  “Calm down! We’re going to figure everything out.” Everett wrapped his hands around my face and kissed me lightly. “I’m just glad you’re awake.”

  I clung to his arms. Everett wouldn’t lie to me, but I couldn’t ask more questions. The doctor returned towing an equipment cart I knew all too well from being tested every year growing up and in the service.

  She asked Everett to leave the room, but I could see him through the glass partition. I lay back down and let the doctor hook me up, connecting their leads to my skull. I felt the electrical tingle as she turned the machine on. I’d done this test even more since my talents exploded. I relaxed and closed my eyes.

  The ache of waking faded and I floated effortlessly above all the emotions gripping me a moment before. In this place they could run a scan on my brain, with no interference from my conscious mind. They could read the reactions to stimuli. Measure the response. Painlessly.

  When I opened my eyes, Everett sat beside me again. I pushed up in the hospital bed. “Well? What did the doctor say?”

  “The doctor will be right back. Then we can see what needs to happen.”

  “Getting out of here is what’s on my mind, so let’s hurry this up.”

  On cue, the doctor showed up. She wasn’t smiling as she sat down with me, looking into my eyes directly, something most people avoided anymore. “Well, you won’t like this answer, but my results are inconclusive.” She unscrolled a computer tape across the bed.

  Everett leaned over her shoulder to look at the readings. “There’s nothing! I mean, not like before. Her scans were crazy, off-the-charts crazy, before. These are… flat.”

  “That’s what it looks like, but I’m not so sure.” The doctor pointed to a spike at the lead of the test. “I don’t know what this is, but it peaked out our meters.”

  “Great, but what does this mean? Are my talents gone?” I caught her eyes and held them. I couldn’t read her, but over the years I’d learned a lot about people’s mannerisms.

  She returned my gaze for a moment before breaking it off. “I don’t know. Even us regular humans produce some type of waves. If I have to voice an opinion, I think your companion is blocking your waves. This may be another level of integration that has to run its course. I suggest taking advantage of the break. Eat, sleep, shut down and give your body some recovery time.”

  “Fine.” I pulled my robe tighter. “If you can’t do anything, I’m leaving.” I looked at Everett. “Where’s my clothes.”

  Everett bowed his head to the doctor. “Thank you.” She left and he laid my clothes across the bed. “We should take her advice. With the Elders, we’ve changed the strategy, until we know when you’re able to continue.” He offered to help as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

  I resisted. “Well, I’m back. The mission continues.”

  “Kali, you don’t understand. You can’t do your job if you can’t access your talents.”

  I’d heard every word, but they sounded insane, even as this quiet surrounded me. “They’ll come back. Sharmila didn’t go through all this to quit now.”

  I saw Everett’s jaw tense as he bit back his argument. I turned away and dressed, refusing to think this was anything but temporary. I hurried, but my eagerness evaporated quickly outside the med lab. With each step I became more and more aware of how cut off I really was. I kept my eyes forward, avoiding soldiers who looked at me expectantly. I couldn’t hear them, but I saw the looks in their eyes. I was injured. I was damaged.

  Damaged. Denial was seared away in those few minutes. I turned back to face Everett as the doors to our quarters closed. “I felt nothing, nothing at all. All those people are depending on me and think I’m… they think I’m broken.”

  “They don’t think that at all! They thought I was protecting you. They think how terrible it is that all of this has been put so heavily on one person’s shoulders.” Everett stood at the door, not approaching me.

  “I just walked by dozens of men and women, feeling nothing.” I swung away, biting at my fingertips. I didn’t want to lose control, but the truth overwhelmed me. “I couldn’t hear them and I can’t hear you. I’ve
hated my talents for so long, but to have them stripped away—"

  “Don’t give in to fear! The doctor doesn’t think they’re gone. This has to be another transition.” Everett came across the room to grab me. “I don’t think they’re gone either.”

  “Why? I can’t hear your thoughts at all.”

  “And I can’t hear you either.” Everett’s face was serious. “I can hear humans, I can hear Huracid, I can hear the other species, but right now I can’t hear you. That tells me this is something else.”

  It took a moment for his words to sort themselves out in my head. I felt crippled just trying to think. His talents weren’t impaired, but he couldn’t hear me. “Why did she do this?”

  “She stopped you from reaching out to the Puni before. I didn’t pick it up on the bridge, but did you try to do it again, even involuntarily?”

  “No… yes, but I resisted the urge. Completely. I’d already ordered our retreat and we’d Sync’d.” I turned away from his gaze. “I can’t remember anything else.”

  Everett’s hands clasped my shoulders, then slowly moved down my arms. His touch was warm, but that’s all it was, I couldn’t feel the encompassing sanctuary of his emotions. I never knew what it felt like to be so isolated and it tore at my heart.

  He whispered into my ear, trying to sound confident. “We have to trust she had her reasons and will explain them in time. For now, you need to rest, so you’ll be ready.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  With no other choice, we stuck to the new plan. The Punitraq followed, but now we only popped out of hiding to tease them. We pulled them further off-track, building our own strength. We gained three more battleships and thousands of fighters, with more still being integrated every day. We grew, but our soldiers’ patience waned. They were brought here to fight a war, and this was not a style they were accustomed to.

  I was impatient too. While I rested and meditated, I silently searched for Sharmila, but I didn’t even have a ghost of her in the corner of my mind. We couldn’t turn the battle back on without my talents and even bulldogs eventually lost interest in their prey. To keep them rabid, we had to start taking larger risks, offering tastier bait.