Dungeons & Gangsters

by Marco Frazetta

  “Where are we…?” Tyzee asked sleepily from the back, having canceled my hopes of them stayin’ asleep ‘til Kansas City.

  “We just crossed into Kansas, Dorothy,” I replied, smirking back at her in the rearview.

  She looked at me confused for a moment. “I’m Tyzee.”

  “Yea, I know, it’s a joke. Dorothy, Kansas? You never seen the Wizard of Oz?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “No. At least, I don't remember.” She tapped on the elf girl’s shoulder. “Hey, Dorothy, we’re in Kansas.”

  “Wha...What?” Alelicia mumbled, startled at being woken up by Tyzee.

  “See? She didn’t get it either,” Tyzee said, lookin’ up at me. “How long we been out?”

  I checked the clock on the dash. “I don’t know, a few hours. More, maybe.”

  “Hmm. Can we stop soon? I need to get out of this car. Stand. Stretch. Move around.”

  I raised an eyebrow back at her again in the rearview. “Just hold on a few more hours, alright? We’ll get to Kansas City, we’ll get a nice room for the night, order up some room service.”

  “I can’t wait that long,” Tyzee groaned.

  “Me neither,” Alelicia added, looking from Tyzee to me.

  “Me too,” Skreech squealed, the little traitor not meetin’ my eye when I shot an annoyed look at him.

  I looked to the right of the road, saw a sign for Topeka, Kansas, exit in two miles. “Alright, fuck,” I snarled, irritated, “fine, we’ll stay at bumble fuck Topeka, since nobody could make it ‘til Kansas City.”

  “Thank you,” Tyzee said sweetly.

  “Yes, thanks,” Alelicia added.

  I eyed them both up in the rearview. “Whatever,” I snorted, then, my eyes lingering on them a moment longer. “You’re welcome,” I muttered. What the fuck are these girls doin’ to me? I wondered, I’m gettin’ soft.

  Chapter 18

  We got off at the Topeka exit, and drove along for a bit ‘til I spotted a hotel called Aparus Lux.

  “I like the sound of that,” Alelicia said.

  I shook my head and parked. “We might as well go in together this time. I think we’re far enough from Vegas at the moment that it won’t matter much. Come on.” I popped open my door, snatched a few joints from the center console, then got out, lifting up the lever on the driver seat to bring it forward so the girls could hop out. They weren’t so wobbly on their feet anymore.

  “Ow!” Alelicia yapped as she stepped on the pavement.

  “What is it?” I turned back to her.

  “I swear I am not taking another step without some shoes on! What is this, Africa?”

  “You've been walking around fine so far,” I said. “What's a few more steps?”

  “Fine? Fine? I have not been walking around fine! I have no shoes, I'm wearing a ragged, soiled dress, haven't had a shower or proper meal in days, and have no makeup on whatsoever.”

  Now that I looked at her, in the daylight, I did realize how unkempt she was, along with Tyzee. And I realized now, in the sun, that… they didn't have bras on… or if what I was seeing on Tyzee was right, panties on either. Alelicia’s small, domed nipples were showing through the fabric of her dress. Tyzee, hers seemed large and pointed, and down there, there was a crevice that her tight dress was subtly digging into. Shit, I had to snap out of it. These broads couldn't have me by the balls. I had to think straight to keep us all alive.

  “I don't know about the makeup thing,” Tyzee said, snapping me out of my lustful reverie. “But she does have a point about the shoes, the clothes. I mean, these dresses are piss stained… and make us feel like… we're still back there.”

  Call me whatever you want, but I was reasonable. “Alright.” I nodded. “We’ll find you some clothes asap. As for you, Alelicia…”

  “Oh!” she yelped as I scooped her up off the ground, one hand on her lower back, the other under her knees. “Well, I supposed… this works.” There was a hint of girlish delight in her voice. This one likes to get her way, that’s for sure. But damn, carrying her like that feeling how delicate she was, the skin of her legs against my palms feeling like she must have put on some thousand dollar moisturizers, made me think she probably had ladies in waiting bringing her silk dresses and jewelry to her quarters for her to try on.

  We walked in together through the large glass doors. I sauntered over to the reception desk, Alelicia still in my arms.

  “A moment, sir, a moment,” the harried receptionist workin’ the desk spat towards me, not looking up right away.

  I slid Alelicia down on the the ground, as it was nice carpeting. “I don’t have a moment. I need a room,” I said sternly to the bellman, putting my red hand down in front of him. His eyes went wide and he looked up at me quickly.

  Trying to compose himself, he went on, “excuse me, Mr...sir…ahem.” The pale flesh of his face screwed up as he eyed me, then saw the girls behind me. “Welcome to the Comfort Suites, how can I help you tonight?”

  “Like I said, my guy, I need a room,” I growled, annoyed.

  This receptionist, sweating, looked from me to Skreech, then to the hybrid girls and back to me, and asked, “just the one room?” an eyebrow raised slightly.

  What a fuckin’ noodle, I thought. Then, I recalled our drive through Utah. “Yea, we’re Mormons. Recently married.”

  “Ah!” He nodded, his mouth parting unsure what to say next. “I see, of course. Are you visiting from Utah?”

  “Yes, from Utah.”

  “Any plans for your stay? Some sight-seeing?” the receptionist, whose name tag said Bradley in cursive, asked. “We’ve had many Mormon visitors from Utah pass through, and I can definitely recommend the Museum of History, Lake Shawnee…” He paused, tapping a long finger on the marble top desk. “Gage Park and the Ensley Gardens are quite something to see this time of year, even though the orcs have been moving in lately, if you know what I mean.”

  Tyzee moved forward suddenly. “No, I don’t know what you mean. Care to explain?”

  I hid a smile. “Take it easy.” I put my right arm out in front of her, holdin’ her back from the receptionist’s desk. “I’m sure Brad didn’t mean nothin’ by it, now did ya, Brad?” I looked pointedly at the receptionist.

  “No, of course not!” Brad stammered out. “I meant no offense to the lovely lady,”

  “Easy pal, who you callin’ lovely? That’s my one of my wives you’re talkin’ about!” I roared, enjoying grilling this schmuck a bit. The receptionist whimpered. Tyzee, Alelicia, and Skreech all gave me a crazy look, like I’d lost my shit, but they played along by not sayin’ anything. “Do you got a room available or what, Brad?”

  “Yes! Yes we have rooms available!” he said in a cracked voice, eager to please. “We’ll put you in room fourteen, right up the stairs and to the left. Here’s your key and if I can get your John Hancock right here.” He pointed down at the guest log book with a long ugly finger. I sighed and, briefly recalling Tyzee’s little nickname for me, smiled and quickled scrawled out “Mr. Red.” I slipped him some cash as well, wincing at how much damage I was taking—but what the hell, it’s the price you pay for two “wives.”

  “One more thing,” I said. “With all the debauchery of our wedding celebration, my wives lost their luggage… and their shoes. Do you have anything around here, where we might find some clothes for them?”

  “Well, there are plenty of shops in the city…”

  “No, I mean something here in the hotel, quick, easy. We're trying not to venture out too much. You know, we’re trying to enjoy our privacy.” I didn't tell him that we we're fugitives, but that was a whole other story.

  “Oh, yes! We have a lost and found. As well as a gift store, but they mostly sell accessories, scarves, that sort of thing. Both are on the second floor. Your room is on the first.”

  I grabbed the room key from his hand and we headed down the hall, which was lined with fancy light fixtures along the ceiling.

  As we were wal
kin’ Tyzee came up next to me, turned to me and asked with disbelief, “one of your wives?”

  “I said it for the sake of expediency.” I twirled my index finger. “It woulda looked even weirder to ‘em if I had said we weren’t together, but still needed one room. Aroused more suspicions.”

  “No offense, but I don’t think we can even get married,” Alelicia said.

  I turned to her, “Oh yea? Says who?”

  She shrugged. “It's probably illegal. And besides, I'm not marrying anyone who doesn't get me shoes.”

  “Next time at least give us a heads up that we’re gonna be play acting as your fucking sister wives,” Tyzee spat, not looking at me and being the first to the door of our room.

  I came up next to her. “Look, I wasn’t tryin’ to piss you off or step on your man’s toes…”

  Tyzee shot a crazed look at me, one that almost said what the fuck are you talking about? Then just turned to the door and waited for me to open it. We walked in and she moved quickly to the bathroom, closing the door and lockin’ it before the elf girl had a chance to get in there first.

  “That girl is intolerable!” Alelicia cried, sitting down on the bed closest to the bathroom to wait her turn.

  “Relax,” I told Alelicia, then walked over to the bathroom door. I knocked on it twice, didn’t get a response. “Tyzee, what’s the matter?” Still no response. What a headache. I walked back into the main room, saw it had two plush beds, some nice coffee colored wood furnishings, with interesting patterns on the carpeting, a shaggy white rug. Not bad, I thought, though it was costing me for sure. “Not bad, huh?” I called to Alelicia.

  “It could use some artwork on the walls.” She pulled a strand of golden hair behind her pointed ear. “But yes… it’s not bad. What is bad is not having shoes or a hot shower.”

  I let out a hot breath. “Tyzee, are you still in there?”

  “Go away,” the orc girl’s muffled voice came through the door.

  “You can open this door now or I can break it open, your call,” I warned.

  After a couple moments there was a small click and the door opened inward. Tyzee went back to studying herself in the mirror.

  “What do you want?” she asked, not looking at me. “Listen sweetheart. We’re gonna be in close quarters together for some time yet, until we get everything situated. And you’re gonna have to accept that. There’s no point actin’ uncomfortable. We’re in this together.”

  “Is that why you think I’m in here?” She turned back to the mirror.

  “Well...maybe I jumped the gun. What’s bothering you then?”

  “I don’t know how to explain it… It’s like I’m not me, if that even makes sense?...I’m looking at myself in this mirror and I don’t know who I am!” She reached down, grabbing the sides of the sink under the mirror. “This is me, this is what I look like? Who am I? Where did I come from? And... who the hell are you?” There were tears starting to form in her pretty eyes. I could tell she was gettin’ herself worked up and I genuinely felt bad for the girl. That’s gotta be fuckin’ tough, I thought, tryin’ to commiserate with her, not bein’ able to remember who the fuck you are or where you’re even from, what your life was before a certain point? Fuck, I’d start to crack up and lose it too.

  I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to be hard on ya,” I said softly.

  “You're not hearing me. I don't know who I am. I can't tell you that, even if I wanted to. But you do know who you are.”

  Our reflections in the mirror caught my eye a moment. Red and green side by side. “Me?” I grinned ironically, at the thought of trying to tell someone who I am, in a hotel bathroom while we were on the run from the cops after having killed a bunch of orc thugs, who we're my own accomplices. My face turned to stone then, as other thoughts came. “Me... I’m a crook, Tyzee. I grew up in this. Came up in the shadow of guys who saw the world was a war. Health and disease, poverty and fortune, life and death. These were the struggles of existence for them, struggles they saw no way to escape. They never wanted to be prey, and so decided... to be predators, because those two things were the only choices the world offered them. Some people catch their parents fucking… I caught my father dipping a man’s head into a vat of boiling oil.”

  “My god.” Tyzee’s fingers rose to her lips.

  “But for all that… he was a dreamer. Never wanted this for me. Pushed me into school. Because I had a talent.” My hand trembled before her, and she recoiled a moment, but then her eyes widened as she saw a burning flower bloom in my hand. “I believed it, that I could be different, that the world was different—you know? But then, I realized.” My fist clenched, turning the flower to a burst of hot embers.

  Tyzee shook her head, barely whispering, “Realized what?”

  “That they were right all along.”

  She trembled as her eyes fixed on mine.

  “Look,” I said. “Whatever happened to you before...whatever happened there...I won’t let it happen again. You have my word as a hobgoblin on that. Your mind will come back to you, your memories...we’ll figure it out together, okay?” I caressed her face a moment, and was glad to see she understood I didn't mean it in a pervy way or anything, just genuinely wanted her to feel better.

  “Now seriously, I need to shower because I am not going to smell like piss forever. I draw the line at five days of piss smell max.”

  “Aw come on, who doesn't like a girl who smells a little like piss?” I laughed.

  “Not only that, but I’m going to take my sweet time because I know it's going to drive princess crazy that I beat her to the bathroom again.”

  Chapter 19

  After we all had a chance to hit the bathroom, use the toilet, jump in the water, all that, we sat around the room dryin’ off. I was back in my rumpled clothes. Alelicia and Tyzee had slipped on plush bathrobes and slippers that were in there, a nice touch.

  “This is an improvement,” Alelicia said, “but we’re really going to walk around in these the whole trip?”

  “I know, I know.” I walked over to her. “Tell you what, Princess Alelicia, you and Tyzee can go to the lost and found and get yourselves something to wear. I bet there’s all kinds of stuff, with people leaving the hotel in a hurry and everything.”

  “Ew, you want me to wear hand me down clothes?”

  I rubbed my temples a moment, pulled some bills from my pocket. “Tell you what, both of you look in the lost and found. If you don't find anything there, buy yourselves whatever you can to wear from the gift shop.”

  Alelicia’s delicate fingers took the bills from me. “Fifty dollars, that’s not very much, but alright, it’s better than nothing.”

  “Come on,” I said, exasperated, “I’ll walk you.”

  We made our way back to the main stairs, and then they went up, but I stayed—I didn't want any part of intruding on girls shopping together—might as well drop myself in on a pink lace baby shower or some shit. Besides, as long as I stayed there at the stairs they would be safe, as I’d be close enough if they needed me. Some time passed, and I started feeling how tired I was from the last few days, when something caught my eye from down the hall. Something, someone, white as snow, moving in a kind of flowy way.

  My eyes flared with confusion, because it seemed like one of those moments when you catch someone staring at you and they flinch away. I jerked to take a look but all I could see was a woman with dark hair, a white dress trailing her as she turned around the corner. I’m not easily spooked, let me tell you, but something about that figure had my feet planted for a good second. “The hell is this?” I spat, disgusted that I could be intimidated by some strange woman in a white dress. I stalked down the hall, quickly, quietly. But when I got to the corner to take a look at her, there was nothing but an empty hallway, just the nice carpeting with the fancy lights all along the ceiling.

  Suddenly a door opened, but it was a fat couple, both in the white bathrobes that the hote
l provided. The woman had dark hair, an older lady with crow’s feet and badly applied lipstick. Couldn’t have been them. Damn, it was them, wasn't it? I shook the confusion off. Damn, I gotta lay off the weed. The girls. Gotta watch over em’. My pants rustled as I ran back to the stairs.

  “Tyzee! Alelicia!” I shouted as I bounded up the marble.

  “Hey!” Tyzee’s voice came from above, “I’d be in a hurry to see us too. Take a look!”

  The two came strutting down the stairs, bright smiles on their faces, and outfits that made them look even more flaming hot than before. My mind was suddenly taken from the spooked confusion of seeing the woman in white to the gorgeous ladies who were before me.

  “All they had in the lost and found were these two bottoms and a pair of sandals.” Tyzee posed, swaying her hips some, and I only stared as I saw the denim shorts that hugged them now, showed her jade green skin, scintillating slightly with vitality. “And for a top, I had to go the gift store. Just like the receptionist said, all they had were scarves and things.” My jaw nearly dropped. She had wrapped a scarf around her breasts like it was a bra. But it showed so much of that perfect green cleavage. Oh, this girl has it going on. Damn, talk about an hourglass figure. “And of course, a girl can't leave a store without some accessories.” She tilted her head and her large gold earrings jingled, then adjusted the large sunglasses that she had on, which you could still see her eyes through, as they had a mauve color to them, like you were seeing her eyes in a sunset.

  “She learned that from me,” Alelicia said, leaning forward a bit, standing on her toes a moment for emphasis. My eyes trailed above Tyzee and saw that Alelicia was now decked out in a similar pair of denim shorts, but they were even shorter, practically a bathing suit. IN fact, I think it might have been, as on the sides of her hips the cloth was joined together only by a string, almost like a shoelace. This made it so you could see the skin along the side of her hips, which only got me boiling even more. “The only tops they had were the ugliest tourist t-shirts I've ever seen in my life, so I thought why not go simpler?” What she meant by this is that she literally had a bra on for a top. A bra, white and lined with frill. Oh damn, how the hell was I gonna concentrate on escaping the cops and all that jazz? I was gonna die, bullet to my head, that’s how. “I mean, I never thought I could go for this look, but I have to say, I look trashy, and it’s fabulous.” She tilted her hips a little, arms akimbo.