by T. Smollett
The Behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the Wedding, with an Account of theGuests.
I hope it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance, by way ofconjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned herwhole exertion to play off the artillery of her charms on the singlegentlemen who were invited to the entertainment; sure I am, shedisplayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities shepossessed; her affability at dinner was altogether uncommon, herattention to the guests was superfluously hospitable, her tongue wassheathed with a most agreeable and infantine lisp, her address wasperfectly obliging, and though conscious of the extraordinary capacityof her month, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled herlips into an enchanting simper, which played on her countenance allday long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we havealready observed, and securely contemplated those features which weremost to her liking, while the rest of the company believed her regardswere disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility ofcomplaisance did she receive the compliments of those who could not helppraising the elegance of the banquet; and how piously did she seize thatopportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing thatit was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as shehad occasion to preside at so many, during the mayoralty of her papa!
Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation when theopulence of her family became the subject of conversation, she assumeda severity of countenance; and, after having moralized on the vanityof riches, declared that those who looked on her as a fortune were verymuch mistaken; for her father had left her no more than a poor fivethousand pounds, which, with what little she had saved of the interestsince his death, was all she had to depend on: indeed, if she had placedher chief felicity in wealth, she should not have been so forward indestroying her own expectations, by advising and promoting the eventat which they were now so happily assembled; but she hoped she shouldalways have virtue enough to postpone any interested consideration, whenit should happen to clash with the happiness of her friends. Finally,such was her modesty and self-denial that she industriously informedthose whom it might concern, that she was no less than three years olderthan the bride; though had she added ten to the reckoning, she wouldhave committed no mistake in point of computation.
To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfaction ofall present, she in the afternoon regaled them with a tune on theharpsichord, accompanied with her voice, which, though not the mostmelodious in the world, I dare say, would have been equally at theirservice could she have vied with Philomel in song; and as the lasteffort of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, she was prevailedon, at the request of her new sister, to open the ball in person.
In a word, Mrs. Grizzle was the principal figure in this festival,and almost eclipsed the bride; who, far from seeming to dispute thepre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents;contenting herself with the lot to which fortune had already calledher and which she imagined would not be the less desirable if hersister-in-law were detached from the family.
I believe I need scarce advertise the reader that, during this wholeentertainment, the commodore and his lieutenant were quite out of theirelement; and this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself,who being utterly unacquainted with any sort of polite commerce, foundhimself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole scene.
Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till he was paid off, andnever once in his whole life in the company of any females above therank of those who herd on the Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassedabout his behaviour than if he had been surrounded at sea by the wholeFrench navy. He had never pronounced the word "madam" since he was born;so that, far from entering into conversation with the ladies, he wouldnot even return the compliment, or give the least note of civilitywhen they drank to his health, and, I verily believe, would rather havesuffered suffocation than allowed the simple phrase--"your servant," toproceed from his mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect tothe attitudes of his body; for, either through obstinacy or bashfulness,he sat upright without motion, insomuch that he provoked the mirth ofa certain wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whetherthat was the commodore himself, or the wooden lion that used to stand athis gate?--an image, to which, it must be owned, Mr. Trunnion's personbore no faint resemblance.
Mr. Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished as the commodore, and hadcertain notions that seemed to approach the ideas of common life, madea less uncouth appearance; but then he was a wit, and though of a verypeculiar genius, partook largely of that disposition which is common toall wits, who never enjoy themselves except when their talents meet withthose marks of distinction and veneration, which, in their own opinion,they deserve.
These circumstances being premised, it is not to be wondered at, if thistriumvirate made no objections to the proposal, when some of the graverpersonages of the company made a motion for adjourning into anotherapartment, where they might enjoy their pipes and bottles, whilethe young folks indulged themselves in the continuance of theirown favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it were, from a state ofannihilation, the first use the two lads of the castle made of theirexistence, was to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers, that in lessthan an hour he made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carriedto bed, deprived of all manner of sensation, to the utter disappointmentof the bridemen and maids, who, by this accident, were prevented fromthrowing the stocking, and performing certain other ceremonies practisedon such occasions. As for the bride, she bore this misfortune withgreat good humour, and indeed, on all occasions, behaved like a discreetwoman, perfectly well acquainted with the nature of her own situation.
CHAPTER V.