The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  Proceeds for the Capital--Takes up his Lodging at Bernay, where he isovertaken by Mr. Hornbeck, whose Head he longs to fortify.

  During this day's expedition, Mr. Jolter took an opportunity ofimparting to his pupil the remarks he had made upon the industry of theFrench as an undeniable proof of which he bade him cast his eyes around,and observe with what care every spot of ground was cultivated, and fromthe fertility of that province, which is reckoned the poorest in France,conceive the wealth and affluence of the nation in general. Peregrine,amazed as well as disgusted at this infatuation, answered that what heascribed to industry was the effect of mere wretchedness; the miserablepeasants being obliged to plough up every inch of ground to satisfytheir oppressive landlords, while they themselves and their cattlelooked like so many images of famine; that their extreme povertywas evident from the face of the country, on which there was not oneinclosure to be seen, or any other object, except scanty crops of barleyand oats, which could never reward the toil of the husbandman; thattheir habitations were no better than paltry huts; that in twenty milesof extent not one gentleman's house appeared; that nothing was moreabject and forlorn than the attire of their country people; that theequipage of their travelling chaises was infinitely inferior to thatof a dung-cart in England; and that the postilion who then drove theircarriage had neither stockings to his legs, nor a shirt to his back.

  The governor, finding his charge so intractable resolved to leave himin the midst of his own ignorance and prejudice, and reserve hisobservations for those who would pay more deference to his opinion: andindeed this resolution he had often made, and as often broken in thetransports of his zeal, that frequently hurried him out of the plan ofconduct which in his cooler moments he had laid down. They halted forrefreshment at Montreuil, and about seven in the evening arrived at avillage called Bernay, where, while they waited for fresh horses, theywere informed by the landlord that the gates of Abbeville were shutevery night punctually at eight o'clock, so that it would be impossiblefor them to get admittance. He said there was not another placeof entertainment on the road where they could pass the night; andtherefore, as a friend, he advised them to stay at his house, where theywould find the best of accommodation, and proceed upon their journeybetimes in the morning.

  Mr. Jolter, though he had travelled on that road before, could notrecollect whether or not mine host spoke truth; but his remonstrancebeing very plausible, our hero determined to follow his advice, andbeing conducted into an apartment, asked what they could have forsupper. The landlord mentioned everything that was eatable in the house;and the whole being engrossed for the use of him and his attendants,he amused himself, till such time as it should be dressed, in strollingabout the house, which stands in a very rural situation. While he thusloitered away the time that hung heavy on his hands, another chaisearrived at the inn, and upon inquiry he found that the new-comers wereMr. Hornbeck and his lady. The landlord, conscious of his inability toentertain this second company, came and begged with great humiliationthat Mr. Pickle would spare them some part of the victuals he hadbespoken; but he refused to part with so much as the wing of apartridge, though at the same time he sent his compliments to thestrangers, and giving them to understand how ill the house was providedfor their reception, invited them to partake of his supper. Mr.Hornbeck, who was not deficient in point of politeness, and extremelywell disposed for a relishing meal, which he had reason to expect fromthe savoury steam that issued from the kitchen, could not resist thissecond instance of our young gentleman's civility, which he acknowledgedin a message, importing that he and his wife would do themselves thepleasure of profiting by his courteous offer. Peregrine's cheeks glowedwhen he found himself on the eve of being acquainted with Mrs. Hornbeck,of whose heart he had already made a conquest in imagination; and heforthwith set his invention at work, to contrive some means of defeatingher husband's vigilance.

  When supper was ready, he in person gave notice to his guests, and,leading the lady into his apartment, seated her in an elbow-chair at theupper end of the table, squeezing her hand, and darting a most insidiousglance at the same time. This abrupt behaviour he practised on thepresumption that a lady of her breeding was not to be addressed withthe tedious forms that must be observed in one's advances to a personof birth and genteel education. In all probability his calculation wasjust, for Mrs. Hornbeck gave no signs of discontent at this sort oftreatment, but, on the contrary, seemed to consider it as a proof ofthe young gentleman's regard; and though she did not venture to openher mouth three times during the whole repast, she showed herselfparticularly well satisfied with her entertainer, by sundry sly andsignificant looks, while her husband's eyes were directed another way;and divers loud peals of laughter, signifying her approbation of thesallies which he uttered in the course of their conversation.

  Her spouse began to be very uneasy at the frank demeanour of hisyoke-fellow, whom he endeavoured to check in her vivacity, by assuminga severity of aspect; but whether she obeyed the dictates of her owndisposition, which, perhaps, was merry and unreserved, or wanted topunish Mr. Hornbeck for his jealousy of temper; certain it is, hergaiety increased to such a degree, that her husband was grievouslyalarmed and, incensed at her conduct, and resolved to make her sensibleof his displeasure, by treading in secret upon her toes. He was,however, so disconcerted by his indignation, that he mistook his mark,and applied the sharp heel of his shoe to the side of Mr. Jolter's foot,comprehending his little toe that was studded with an angry corn, whichhe invaded with such a sudden jerk, that the governor, unable to endurethe torture in silence started up, and, dancing on the floor, roaredhideously with repeated bellowings, to the enjoyment of Peregrine andthe lady, who laughed themselves almost into convulsions at the joke.Hornbeck, confounded at the mistake he had committed, begged pardon ofthe injured tutor with great contrition protesting that the blow hehad so unfortunately received, was intended for an ugly cur, which hethought had posted himself under the table. It was lucky for him thatthere was actually a dog in the room, to justify this excuse, whichJolter admitted with the tears running over his cheeks, and the economyof the table was recomposed.

  As soon, however, as the strangers could with decency withdraw, thissuspicious husband took his leave of the youth, on pretence of beingfatigued with his journey, after having, by way of compliment, proposedthat they should travel together next day; and Peregrine handed thelady to her chamber, where he wished her good night with another warmsqueeze, which she returned. This favourable hint made his heart boundwith a transport of joy: he lay in wait for an opportunity of declaringhimself; and seeing the husband go down into the yard with a candle,glided softly into his apartment, where he found her almost undressed.Impelled by the impetuosity of his passion, which was still moreinflamed by her present luscious appearance, and encouraged bythe approbation she had already expressed, he ran towards her witheagerness, crying, "Zounds! madam, your charms are irresistible!" andwithout further ceremony would have clasped her in his arms, had she notbegged him for the love of God to retire; for should Mr. Hornbeck returnand find him there, she would be undone for ever. He was not so blindedby his passion, but that he saw the reasonableness of her fear; and ashe could not pretend to crown his wishes at that interview, he avowedhimself her lover, assured her that he would exhaust his whole inventionin finding a proper opportunity for throwing himself at her feet; and inthe mean time he ravished sundry small favours, which she in the hurryof her fright, could not withhold from his impudence of address. Havingthus settled the preliminaries, he withdrew to his own chamber, andspent the whole night in contriving stratagems to elude the jealouscaution of his fellow-traveller.

  CHAPTER XXXVIII.