The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He is involved in an Adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner by the CityGuard--Becomes acquainted with a French Nobleman, who introduces him inthe Beau Monde.

  They were no sooner settled in these lodgings, than our hero wrote tohis uncle an account of their safe arrival, and sent another letter tohis friend Gauntlet, with a very tender billet inclosed for his dearEmilia, to whom he repeated all his former vows of constancy and love.

  The next care that engrossed him was that of bespeaking several suitsof clothes suitable to the French mode; and, in the mean time, he neverappeared abroad, except in the English coffee-house, where he soonbecame acquainted with some of his own countrymen, who were at Paris onthe same footing with himself. The third evening after his journey, hewas engaged in a party of those young sparks, at the house of a notedtraiteur, whose wife was remarkably handsome, and otherwise extremelywell qualified for alluring customers to her house. To this lady ouryoung gentleman was introduced as a stranger fresh from England; andhe was charmed with her personal accomplishments, as well as with thefreedom and gaiety of her conversation. Her frank deportment persuadedhim that she was one of those kind creatures who granted favours to thebest bidder: on this supposition he began to be so importunate inhis addresses, that the fair bourgeoise was compelled to cry aloudin defence of her own virtue. Her husband ran immediately to herassistance, and finding her in a very alarming situation, flew upon herravisher with such fury, that he was fain to quit his prey, and turnagainst the exasperated traiteur, whom he punished without mercy forhis impudent intrusion. The lady, seeing her yoke-fellow treated withso little respect, espoused his cause, and, fixing her nails in hisantagonist's face, sacrificed all one side of his nose. The noise ofthis encounter brought all the servants of the house to the rescue oftheir master; and Peregrine's company opposing them, a general battleensued, in which the French were totally routed, the wife insulted, andthe husband kicked downstairs.

  The publican, enraged at the indignity which had been offered to him andhis family, went out into the street, and implored the protection ofthe guet, or city guard, which, having heard his complaint, fixed theirbayonets and surrounded the door, to the number of twelve or fourteen.The young gentlemen, flushed with their success, and considering thesoldiers as so many London watchmen whom they had often put to flight,drew their swords, and sallied out, with Peregrine at their head.Whether the guard respected them as foreigners, or inexperienced youthsintoxicated with liquor, they opened to right and left, and gave themroom to pass without opposition. This complaisance, which was the effectof compassion, being misinterpreted by the English leader, he, out ofmere wantonness, attempted to trip up the heels of the soldier thatstood next him, but failed in the execution, and received a blow on hisbreast with the butt-end of a fusil, that made him stagger several pacesbackward. Incensed at this audacious application, the whole companycharged the detachment sword in hand and, after an obstinate engagement,in which divers wounds were given and received, every soul of them wastaken, and conveyed to the main-guard. The commanding officer being madeacquainted with the circumstances of the quarrel, in considerationof their youth and national ferocity, for which the French make largeallowances, set them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked themfor the irregularity and insolence of their conduct; so that all ourhero acquired by his gallantry and courage, was a number of scandalousmarks upon his visage that confined him a whole week to his chamber.It was impossible to conceal this disaster from Mr. Jolter, who, havingobtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail to remonstrateagainst the rashness of the adventure, which, he observed, must havebeen fatal to them, had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who,of all people under the sun, most rigorously observe the laws ofhospitality.

  As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irish and Englishpriests, and a set of low people who live by making themselves necessaryto strangers, either in teaching the French language, or executing smallcommissions with which they are intrusted, he was not the most properperson in the world for regulating the taste of a young gentleman whotravelled for improvement, in expectation of making a figure one dayin his own country. Being conscious of his own incapacity, he contentedhimself with the office of a steward, and kept a faithful account of allthe money that was disbursed in the course of their family expense: notbut that he was acquainted with all the places which were visited bystrangers on their first arrival at Paris; and he knew to a liard whatwas commonly given to the Swiss of each remarkable hotel; though, withrespect to the curious painting and statuary that everywhere abounded inthat metropolis, he was more ignorant than the domestic that attends fora livre a day.

  In short, Mr. Jolter could give a very good account of the stages on theroad, and save the expense of Antonini's detail of the curiositiesin Paris: he was a connoisseur in ordinaries, from twelve tofive-and-thirty livres, knew all the rates of fiacre and remise, coulddispute with a tailleur or a traiteur upon the articles of his bill,and scold the servants in tolerable French. But the laws, customs,and genius of the people, the characters of individuals, and scenesof polished life, were subjects which he had neither opportunities toobserve, inclination to consider, nor discernment to distinguish. Allhis maxims were the suggestions of pedantry and prejudice; so that hisperception was obscured, his judgment biased, his address awkward,and his conversation absurd and unentertaining: yet such as I haverepresented this tutor, are the greatest part of those animals wholead raw boys about the world, under the denomination of travellinggovernors. Peregrine, therefore, being perfectly well acquainted withthe extent of Mr. Jolter's abilities, never dreamt of consulting himin the disposition of his conduct, but parcelled out his time to thedictates of his own reflection, and the information and direction of hiscompanions, who had lived longer in France, and consequently were betteracquainted with the pleasures of the place.

  As soon as he was in a condition to appear a la Francaise, he hired agenteel chariot by the month, made the tour of the Luxembourg gallery,Palais Royal, all the remarkable hotels, churches, and celebrated placesin Paris; visited St. Cloud, Marli, Versailles, Trianon, St. Germaine,and Fountainebleau, enjoyed the opera, Italian and French comedy; andseldom failed of appearing in the public walks, in hopes of meeting withMrs. Hornbeck, or some adventure suited to his romantic disposition.He never doubted that his person would attract the notice of somedistinguished inamorata, and was vain enough to believe that few femalehearts were able to resist the artillery of his accomplishments, shouldhe once find an opportunity of planting it to advantage. He presentedhimself, however, at all the spectacles for many weeks, without reapingthe fruits of his expectation; and began to entertain a very indifferentidea of the French discernment, which had overlooked him so long,when one day, in his way to the opera, his chariot was stopped by anembarrass in the street, occasioned by two peasants, who having driventheir carts against each other, quarrelled, and went to loggerheads onthe spot. Such a rencounter is so uncommon in France, that the peopleshut up their shops, and from their windows threw cold water upon thecombatants, with a view of putting an end to the battle, which wasmaintained with great fury, and very little skill, until one of themreceiving an accidental fall, the other took the advantage of thismisfortune, and, fastening upon him, as he lay, began to thump thepavement with his head.

  Our hero's equipage being detained close by the field of thiscontention, Pipes could not bear to see the laws of boxing soscandalously transgressed, and, leaping from his station, pulled theoffender from his antagonist, whom he raised up, and in the Englishlanguage encouraged to a second essay, instructing him at the same timeby clenching his fists according to art, and putting himself in a properattitude. Thus confirmed, the enraged carman sprang upon his foe, andin all appearance would have effectually revenged the injury he hadsustained, if he had not been prevented by the interposition of alacquey belonging to a nobleman, whose coach was obliged to halt inconsequence of the dispute. This footman, who was distinguished bya cane, descending from his post, with
out the least ceremony orexpostulation, began to employ his weapon upon the head and shouldersof the peasant who had been patronized by Pipes; upon which, Thomas,resenting such ungenerous behaviour, bestowed such a stomacher uponthe officious intermeddler, as discomposed the whole economy of hisentrails, and obliged him to discharge the interjection Ah! withdemonstrations of great anguish and amazement. The other two footmenwho stood behind the coach, seeing their fellow-servant so insolentlyassaulted, flew to his assistance, and rallied a most disagreeableshower upon the head of his aggressor, who had no means of diversion ordefence.

  Peregrine, though he did not approve of Tom's conduct, could not bearto see him so roughly handled, especially as he thought his own honourconcerned in the fray; and therefore, quitting his machine, came to therescue of his attendant, and charged his adversaries sword in hand.Two of them no sooner perceived this reinforcement, than they betookthemselves to flight; and Pipes, having twisted the cane out of thehands of the third, belaboured him so unmercifully, that our herothought proper to interpose his authority in his behalf. The commonpeople stood aghast at this unprecedented boldness of Pickle, whounderstanding that the person whose servants he had disciplined was ageneral and prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and asked pardonfor what he had done, imputing his own behaviour to his ignorance ofthe other's quality. The old nobleman accepted of his apology with greatpoliteness, thanking him for the trouble he had taken to reform themanners of his domestics; and guessing from our youth's appearance thathe was some stranger of condition, very courteously invited him into thecoach, on the supposition that they were both going to the opera. Picklegladly embraced this opportunity of becoming acquainted with a personof such rank, and, ordering his own chariot to follow, accompaniedthe count to his loge, where he conversed with him during the wholeentertainment.

  He soon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient in spirit or sense,and seemed particularly pleased with his engaging manner and easydeportment, qualifications for which the English nation is by no meansremarkable in France, and therefore the more conspicuous and agreeablein the character of our hero, whom the nobleman carried home that sameevening, and introduced to his lady and several persons of fashion whosupped at his house. Peregrine was quite captivated by their affablebehaviour and the vivacity of their discourse; and, after having beenhonoured with particular marks of consideration, took his leave, fullydetermined to cultivate such a valuable acquaintance.

  His vanity suggested, that now the time was come when he should profitby his talents among the fair sex, on whom he resolved to employ hisutmost art and address. With this view he assiduously engaged in allparties to which he had access by means of his noble friend, who letslip no opportunity of gratifying his ambition. He for some time sharedin all his amusements, and was entertained in many of the best familiesof France; but he did not long enjoy that elevation of hope, which hadflattered his imagination. He soon perceived that it would be impossibleto maintain the honourable connections he had made, without engagingevery day at quadrille, or, in other words, losing his money; for everyperson of rank, whether male or female, was a professed gamester, whoknew and practised all the finesse of the art, of which he was entirelyignorant. Besides, he began to find himself a mere novice in Frenchgallantry, which is supported by an amazing volubility of tongue, andobsequious and incredible attention to trifles, a surprising facultyof laughing out of pure complaisance, and a nothingness of conversationwhich he could never attain. In short, our hero, who among his owncountrymen would have passed for a sprightly, entertaining fellow, wasconsidered in the brilliant assemblies of France as a youth of a veryphlegmatic disposition. No wonder, then, that his pride was mortifiedat his own want of importance, which he did not fail to ascribe to theirdefect in point of judgment and taste. He conceived a disgust at themercenary conduct, as well as the shallow intellects, of the ladies; andafter he had spent some months, and a round sum of money, in fruitlessattendance and addresses, he fairly quitted the pursuit, and consoledhimself with the conversation of a merry fille de joie, whose goodgraces he acquired by an allowance of twenty louis per month. That hemight the more easily afford this expense, he dismissed his chariot andFrench lacquey at the same time.

  He then entered himself in a noted academy, in order to finish hisexercises, and contracted an acquaintance with a few sensible people,whom he distinguished at the coffee-house and ordinary to which heresorted, and who contributed not a little to the improvement of hisknowledge and taste; for, prejudice apart, it must be owned that Franceabounds with men of consummate honour, profound sagacity, and the mostliberal education. From the conversation of such, he obtained a distinctidea of their government and constitution; and though he could not helpadmiring the excellent order and economy of their police, the result ofall his inquiries was self-congratulation on his title to the privilegesof a British subject. Indeed this invaluable birthright was renderedconspicuous by such flagrant occurrences, which fell every day almostunder his observation, that nothing but the grossest prejudice coulddispute its existence.

  CHAPTER XL.