The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle
Page 54
He makes another Effort to towards the Accomplishment of his Wish, whichis postponed by a strange Accident.
He directed his valet-de-chambre, who was a thorough-paced pimp,to kindle some straw in the yard, and then pass by the door of herapartment, crying with a loud voice that the house was on fire.This alarm brought both ladies out of their chamber in a moment, andPeregrine, taking the advantage of their running to the street door,entered the room, concealed himself under a large table that stood in anunobserved corner. The nymphs, as soon as they understood the causeof his Mercury's supposed affright, returned to their apartment, and,having said their prayers, undressed themselves, and went to bed.This scene, which fell under the observation of Pickle, did not at allcontribute to the cooling of his concupiscence, but on the contraryinflamed him to such a degree, that he could scarce restrain hisimpatience, until, by her breathing deep, he concluded the fellow-lodgerof his Amanda was asleep. This welcome note no sooner saluted his ears,than he crept to his charmer's bedside, and placing himself on hisknees, gently laid hold on her white hand, and pressed it to his lips.She had just begun to close her eyes, and enjoy the agreeable oppressionof slumber, when she was roused by this rape, at which she started,pronouncing, in a tone of surprise and dismay, "My God! who's that?"
The lover, with the most insinuating humility, besought her to hear him;vowing that his intention, in approaching her thus, was not to violatethe laws of decency, or that indelible esteem which she had engraved onhis heart; but to manifest his sorrow and contrition for the umbrage hehad given, to pour forth the overflowings of his soul, and tell her thathe neither could nor would survive her displeasure. These and manymore pathetic protestations, accompanied with sighs and tears and otherexpressions of grief, which our hero had at command, could not fail tomelt the tender heart of the Fleming, already prepossessed in favour ofhis qualifications. She sympathized so much with his affliction, asto weep in her turn, when she represented the impossibility of herrewarding his passion; and he, seizing the moment, reinforced hissolicitations with such irresistible transports, that her resolutiongave way, she began to breathe quick, expressed her fear of beingoverheard by the other lady, with an ejaculation of "O heavens! I'mundone," suffered him, after a faint struggle, to make a lodgment uponthe covered way of her bed. Her honour, however, was secured for thepresent, by a strange sort of knocking upon the wainscot, at the otherend of the room, hard by the bed in which the female adventurer lay.
Surprised at this circumstance, the lady begged him for heaven's saketo retreat, or her reputation would be ruined for ever; but when herepresented to her, that her character would run a much greater riskif he should be detected in withdrawing, she consented, with greattrepidation, to his stay, and they listened in silence to the sequel ofthe noise that alarmed them. This was no other than an expedient of thepainter to awaken his dulcinea, with whom he had made an assignation,or at least interchanged such signals as he thought amounted to a firmappointment. His nymph, being disturbed in her first sleep, immediatelyunderstood the sound, and, true to the agreement, rose; and, unboltingthe door, as softly as possible, gave him admittance; leaving it openfor his more commodious retreat.
While this happy gallant was employed in disengaging himself fromthe deshabille in which he had entered, the Capuchin, suspecting thatPeregrine would make another attempt upon his charge, had crept silentlyto the apartment in order to reconnoitre, lest the adventure should beachieved without his knowledge; a circumstance that would deprive himof the profits he might expect from his privity and concurrence. Findingthe door unlatched, his suspicion was confirmed, and he made no scrupleof creeping into the chamber on all four; so that the painter, havingstripped himself to the shirt, in groping about for his dulcinea's bed,chanced to lay his hand upon the shaven crown of the father's head,which, by a circular motion, the priest began to turn round in hisgrasp, like a ball in a socket, to the surprise and consternation ofpoor Pallet, who, neither having penetration to comprehend the case,nor resolution to withdraw his fingers from this strange object of histouch, stood sweating in the dark, and venting ejaculations with greatdevotion.
The friar, tired with this exercise, and the painful posture in which hestooped, raised himself gradually upon his feet, heaving up at the sametime the hand of the painter, whose terror and amazement increased tosuch a degree at this unaccountable elevation, that his faculties beganto fail; and his palm, in the confusion of his fright, sliding over thepriest's forehead, one of his fingers happened to slip into his mouth,and was immediately secured between the Capuchin's teeth with as firm afixture as if it had been screwed in a blacksmith's vice.
The painter was so much disordered by this sudden snap, which torturedhim to the bone, that, forgetting all other considerations, he roaredaloud, "Murder! a fire! a trap, a trap! help, Christians, for the loveof God, help!" Our hero, confounded by these exclamation, which heknew would soon fill the room with spectators, and incensed at his ownmortifying disappointment, was obliged to quit the untasted banquet,and, approaching the cause of his misfortune, just as his tormentorhad thought proper to release his finger, discharged such a heartyslap between his shoulders, as brought him to the ground with hideousbellowing; then, retiring unperceived to his own chamber, was one of thefirst who returned with a light, on pretence of having been alarmedwith his cries. The Capuchin had taken the same precaution, and followedPeregrine into the room, pronouncing benedicite, and crossing himselfwith many marks of astonishment. The physician and Jolter appearingat the same time, the unfortunate painter was found lying naked on thefloor, in all the agony of horror and dismay, blowing upon his lefthand, that hung dangling from the elbow. The circumstance of his beingfound in that apartment, and the attitude of his affliction, which wasextremely ridiculous, provoked the doctor to a smile, and produced asmall relaxation in the severity of the governor's countenance; whilePickle, testifying his surprise and concern, lifted him from the ground,and inquired into the cause of his present situation.
Having, after some recollection, and fruitless endeavours to speak,recovered the use of his tongue, he told them that the house wascertainly haunted by evil spirits, by which he had been conveyed, heknew not how, into that apartment, and afflicted with all the torturesof hell: that one of them had made itself sensible to his feeling, inthe shape of a round ball of smooth flesh, which turned round under hishand, like an astronomer's globe; and then, rising up to a surprisingheight, was converted into a machine that laid hold on his finger, by asnap; and having pinned him to the spot, he continued for some momentsin unspeakable agony. At last, he said, the engine seemed to melt awayfrom his finger, and he received a sudden thwack upon his shoulders, asif discharged by the arm of a giant, which overthrew him in an instantupon the floor.
The priest, hearing this strange account, pulled out of one of hispouches a piece of consecrated candle, which he lighted immediately, andmuttered certain mysterious conjurations. Jolter, imagining that Palletwas drunk, shook his head, saying, he believed the spirit was nowherebut in his own brain. The physician for once condescended to be a wag,and, looking towards one of the beds, observed, that, in his opinion,the painter had been misled by the flesh, and not by the spirit. Thefair Fleming lay in silent astonishment and affright; and her fellowin order to acquit herself of all suspicion, exclaimed with incrediblevolubility against the author of this uproar, who, she did not doubt,had concealed himself in the apartment with a view of perpetuating somewicked attempt upon her precious virtue, and was punished and preventedby the immediate interposition of heaven. At her desire, therefore, andat the earnest solicitation of the other lady, he was conducted to hisown bed; and the chamber being evacuated, they locked their door, fullyresolved to admit no more visitants for that night: while Peregrine,mad with seeing the delicious morsel snatched, as it were, from his verylip, stalked through the passage like a ghost, in hope of finding someopportunity of re-entering; till the day beginning to break, he wasobliged to retire, cursing the idiotical conduct of the
painter, whichhad so unluckily interfered with his delight.
CHAPTER LV.