The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  The Travellers depart for Antwerp, at which place the Painter gives aloose to his Enthusiasm.

  Our adventurer, baffled in all his efforts to retrieve his lostAmanda, yielded at length to the remonstrances of his governor andfellow-travellers, who, out of pure complaisance to him, had exceededtheir intended stay by six days at least; and a couple of post-chaises,with three riding-horses, being hired, they departed from Brussels inthe morning, dined at Mechlin, and arrived about eight in the eveningat the venerable city of Antwerp. During this day's journey Pallet waselevated to an uncommon flow of spirits, with the prospect of seeing thebirthplace of Rubens, for whom he professed an enthusiastic admiration.He swore, that the pleasure he felt was equal to that of a Mussulman, onthe last day of his pilgrimage to Mecca; and that he already consideredhimself a native of Antwerp, being so intimately acquainted with theirso justly boasted citizen, from whom, at certain junctures, he couldnot help believing himself derived, because his own pencil adopted themanner of that great man with surprising facility, and his face wantednothing but a pair of whiskers and a beard, to exhibit the expressimage of the Fleming's countenance. He told them he was so proud of thisresemblance, that, in order to render it more striking, he had, at onetime of his life, resolved to keep his face sacred from the razor;and in that purpose had persevered, notwithstanding the continualreprehensions of Mrs. Pallet, (who, being then with child), said, hisaspect was so hideous, that she dreaded a miscarriage every hour, untilshe threatened in plain terms, to dispute the sanity of his intellects,and apply to the chancellor for a committee.

  The doctor, on this occasion, observed, that a man who is not proofagainst the solicitations of a woman, can never expect to make a greatfigure in life; that painters and poets ought to cultivate no wives butthe Muses; or, if they are by the accidents of fortune encumbered withfamilies, they should carefully guard against that pernicious weakness,falsely honoured with the appellation of natural affection, and pay nomanner of regard to the impertinent customs of the world. "Granting thatyou had been for a short time deemed a lunatic," said he, "youmight have acquitted yourself honourably of that imputation, by someperformance that would have raised your character above all censure.Sophocles himself, that celebrated tragic poet, who, for the sweetnessof his versification, was styled Melitta, or "the Bee," in his old age,suffered the same accusation from his own children, who, seeing himneglect his family affairs, and devote himself entirely to poetry,carried him before the magistrate, as a man whose intellects were somuch impaired by the infirmities of age, that he was no longer fit tomanage his domestic concerns; upon which the reverend bard produced histragedy of Oidipus epi Kolono, as a work he had just finished; whichbeing perused, instead of being declared unsound of understanding,he was dismissed with admiration and applause. I wish your beard andwhiskers had been sanctioned by the like authority; though I am afraidyou would have been in the predicament of those disciples of a certainphilosopher, who drank decoctions of cummin seeds, that their facesmight adopt the paleness of their master's complexion, hoping that, inbeing as wan, they would be as learned as their teacher." The painter,stung by this sarcasm, replied, "or like those virtuosi, who, byrepeating Greek, eating sillikicaby, and pretending to see visions,think they equal the ancients in taste and genius." The physicianretorted, Pallet rejoined, and the altercation continued until theyentered the gates of Antwerp, when the admirer of Rubens broke forthinto a rapturous exclamation, which put an end to the dispute andattracted the notice of the inhabitants, many of whom by shrugging uptheir shoulders and pointing to their foreheads, gave shrewd indicationsthat they believed him a poor gentleman disordered in his brain.

  They had no sooner alighted at the inn, than this pseudo-enthusiastproposed to visit the great church, in which he had been informed someof his master's pieces were to be seen, and was remarkably chagrined,when he understood that he could not be admitted till next day. He rosenext morning by day-break, and disturbed his fellow-travellers in such anoisy and clamorous manner, that Peregrine determined to punish him withsome new infliction, and, while he put on his clothes, actuallyformed the plan of promoting a duel between him and the doctor, in themanagement of which, he promised himself store of entertainment, fromthe behaviour of both.

  Being provided with one of those domestics who are always in waitingto offer their services to strangers on their first arrival, they wereconducted to the house of a gentleman who had an excellent collectionof pictures; and though the greatest part of them were painted by hisfavourite artist, Pallet condemned them all by the lump, because Picklehad told him beforehand that there was not one performance of Rubensamong the number.

  The next place they visited was what is called the Academy of Painting,furnished with a number of paltry pieces, in which our painterrecognised the style of Peter Paul, with many expressions of admiration,on the same sort of previous intelligence.

  From this repository, they went to the great church; and being ledto the tomb of Rubens, the whimsical painter fell upon his knees,and worshipped with such appearance of devotion, that the attendant,scandalized at his superstition, pulled him up, observing, with greatwarmth, that the person buried in that place was no saint, but as greata sinner as himself; and that, if he was spiritually disposed, there wasa chapel of the Blessed Virgin, at the distance of three yards on theright hand, to which he might retire. He thought it was incumbent uponhim to manifest some extraordinary inspiration, while he resided on thespot where Rubens was born; and, therefore, his whole behaviour was anaffectation of rapture, expressed in distracted exclamations, convulsivestarts, and uncouth gesticulations. In the midst of this franticbehaviour, he saw an old Capuchin, with a white beard, mount the pulpit,and hold forth to the congregation with such violence of emphasis andgesture, as captivated his fancy; and, bawling aloud, "Zounds! whatan excellent Paul preaching at Athens!" he pulled a pencil and a smallmemorandum book from his pocket, and began to take a sketch of theorator, with great eagerness and agitation, saying "Egad! friendRaphael, we shall see whether you or I have got the best knack attrumping up an apostle." This appearance of disrespect gave offence tothe audience, who began to murmur against this heretic libertine; whenone of the priests belonging to the choir, in order to prevent any illconsequence from their displeasure, came and told him in the Frenchlanguage, that such liberties were not permitted in their religion, andadvised him to lay aside his implements, lest the people should takeumbrage at his design, and be provoked to punish him as a profanescoffer at their worship.

  The painter, seeing himself addressed by a friar, who, while he spoke,bowed with great complaisance, imagined that he was a begging brothercome to supplicate his charity; and his attention being quite engrossedby the design he was making, he patted the priest's shaven crown withhis hand, saying, Oter tems, oter tems, and then resumed his pencil withgreat earnestness. The ecclesiastic, perceiving that the stranger didnot comprehend his meaning, pulled him by the sleeve, and explainedhimself in the Latin tongue: upon which Pallet, provoked at hisintrusion, cursed him aloud for an impudent beggarly son of a w--, and,taking out a shilling, flung it upon the pavement, with manifest signsof indignation.

  Some of the common people, enraged to see their religion contemned, andtheir priests insulted at the very altar, rose from their seats, and,surrounding the astonished painter, one of the number snatched his bookfrom his hand, and tore it into a thousand pieces. Frightened as he was,he could not help crying "Fire and fagots! all my favourite ideas aregone to wreck!" and was in danger of being very roughly handled by thecrowd, had not Peregrine stepped in, and assured them, that he was apoor unhappy gentleman, who laboured under a transport of the brain.Those who understood the French language communicated this informationto the rest, so that he escaped without any other chastisement thanbeing obliged to retire. And as they could not see the famous Descentfrom the Cross till after the service was finished, they were conductedby their domestic to the house of a painter, where they found abeggar standing for his picture, and
the artist actually employed inrepresenting a huge louse that crawled upon his shoulder. Pallet waswonderfully pleased with this circumstance, which he said was altogethera new thought, and an excellent hint, of which he would make hisadvantage: and, in the course of his survey of this Fleming'sperformances, perceiving a piece in which two flies were engaged uponthe carcass of a dog half devoured, he ran to his brother brush, andswore he was worthy of being a fellow-citizen of the immortal Rubens.He then lamented, with many expressions of grief and resentment, thathe had lost his commonplace book, in which he had preserved a thousandconceptions of the same sort, formed by the accidental objects ofhis senses and imagination; and took an opportunity of telling hisfellow-travellers, that in execution he had equalled, if notexcelled, the two ancient painters who had vied with each other in therepresentation of a curtain and a bunch of grapes; for he had exhibitedthe image of a certain object so like to nature, that the bare sight ofit set a whole hog-sty in an uproar.

  When he had examined and applauded all the productions of this minuteartist, they returned to the great church, and were entertained withthe view of that celebrated masterpiece of Rubens, in which he hasintroduced the portraits of himself and his whole family. The doorsthat conceal this capital performance were no sooner unfolded, than ourenthusiast, debarred the use of speech, by a previous covenant with hisfriend Pickle, lifted up his hands and eyes, and putting himself in theattitude of Hamlet, when his father's ghost appears, adored in silentecstasy and awe. He even made a merit of necessity; and, when theyhad withdrawn from the place, protested that his whole faculties wereswallowed up in love and admiration. He now professed himself more thanever enamoured of the Flemish school, raved in extravagant encomiums,and proposed that the whole company should pay homage to the memoryof the divine Rubens, by repairing forthwith to the house in which helived, and prostrating themselves on the floor of his painting-room.

  As there was nothing remarkable in the tenement, which had been rebuiltmore than once since the death of that great man, Peregrine excusedhimself from complying with the proposal, on pretence of being fatiguedwith the circuit they had already performed. Jolter declined it for thesame reason; and the question being put to the doctor, he refused hiscompany with an air of disdain. Pallet, piqued at his contemptuousmanner, asked, "if he would not go and see the habitation of Pindoor,provided he was in the city where that poet lived?" and when thephysician observed, that there was an infinite difference between themen, "That I'll allow," replied the painter, "for the devil a poet everlived in Greece or Troy, that was worthy to clean the pencils of ourbeloved Rubens." The physician could not, with any degree of temperand forbearance, hear this outrageous blasphemy, for which, he said,Pallet's eyes ought to be picked out by owls; and the dispute arose,as usual, to such scurrilities of language, and indecency of behaviour,that passengers began to take notice of their animosity, and Peregrinewas obliged to interpose for his own credit.

  CHAPTER LXIII.