The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He is taken into the Protection of a great Man--Sets up for a Memberof Parliament--Is disappointed in his Expectation, and finds himselfegregiously outwitted.

  Among these professed patrons, the greatest part of whom Peregrinesaw through, there was one great personage, who seemed to support withdignity the sphere in which fortune had placed him. His behaviour toPickle was not a series of grinning complaisance in a flat repetition ofgeneral expressions of friendship and regard. He demeaned himself witha seemingly honest reserve, in point of profession; his advances toPeregrine appeared to be the result of deliberation and experiment; hechid the young gentleman for his extravagance, with the authority ofa parent, and the sincerity of a fast friend; and having, by gradualinquiries, made himself acquainted with the state of his privateaffairs, condemned his conduct with an air of candour and concern.He represented to him the folly and dangerous consequences of theprofligate life in which he had plunged himself, counselled himwith great warmth to sell off his race-horses, which would otherwiseinsensibly eat him up; to retrench all superfluous expense, which wouldonly serve to expose him to the ridicule and ingratitude of those whowere benefited by it; to lay out his money upon secure mortgages, atgood interest; and carry into execution his former design of standingcandidate for a borough, at the ensuing election for a new parliament;in which case this nobleman promised to assist him with his influenceand advice; assuring him, that, if he could once procure a seat in thehouse, he might look upon his fortune as already made.

  Our adventurer perceiving the wisdom and sanity of this advice, forwhich he made his acknowledgments to his generous monitor, protestedthat he would adhere to it in every particular, and immediately setabout a reformation. He accordingly took cognizance of his most minuteaffairs, and, after an exact scrutiny, gave his patron to understand,that, exclusive of his furniture, his fortune was reduced to fourteenthousand three hundred and thirty pounds, in Bank and South-seaannuities, over and above the garrison and its appendages, which hereckoned at sixty pounds a year. He therefore desired, that, as hislordship had been so kind as to favour him with his friendship andadvice, he would extend his generosity still farther, by putting him ina way of making the most advantage of his money. My lord said, that,for his own part, he did not choose to meddle in money matters; thatMr. Pickle would find abundance of people ready to borrow it upon landsecurity; but that he ought to be extremely cautious in a transaction ofsuch consequence; promising, at the same time, to employ his own stewardin seeking out a mortgager to whom it might be safely lent.

  This agent was accordingly set at work, and for a few days made afruitless inquiry; so that the young gentleman was obliged to haverecourse to his own intelligence, by which he got notice of severalpeople of reputed credit, who offered him mortgages for the whole sum;but when he made a report of the particulars to his noble friend, hislordship started such doubts and objections relating to each, that hewas deterred from entering into any engagements with the proposers;congratulating himself, in the meantime, on his good fortune, in beingfavoured with the advice and direction of such a sage counsellor.Nevertheless, he began to be impatient, after having unsuccessfullyconsulted all the money brokers and conveyancers about town, andresolved to try the expedient of a public advertisement. But he waspersuaded by my lord to postpone that experiment, until every othermethod should have failed, because it would attract the attention ofall the pettifoggers in London, who, though they might not be able tooverreach, would infallibly harass and tease him out of all tranquility.

  It was on the back of this conversation that Peregrine, chancing to meetthe steward near his lord's house, stopped him in the street, to givehim an account of his bad luck; at which the other expressed someconcern, and rubbing his chin with his hand, in a musing posture, toldPickle, there was a thought just come into his head, pointing out oneway of doing his business effectually. The youth, upon this intimation,begged he would accompany him to the next coffee-house, in which havingchosen a private situation, this grave manager gave him to understand,that a part of my lord's estate was mortgaged, in consequence of a debtcontracted by his grandfather, for provision to the younger children ofthe family; and that the equity of redemption would be foreclosed in afew months, unless the burden could be discharged. "My lord," said he,"has always lived in a splendid manner, and, notwithstanding his amplefortune, together with the profits accruing from the posts he enjoys,he saves so little money, that, upon this occasion, I know he willbe obliged to borrow ten thousand pounds to make up the sum that isrequisite to redeem the mortgage. Now, certain I am, that, when hisdesign comes to be known, he will be solicited on all hands by peopledesirous of lending money upon such undoubted security; and 'tisodds but he has already promised the preference to some particularacquaintance. However, as I know he has your interest very much atheart, I will, if you please, sound his lordship upon the subject, andin a day or two give you notice of my success."

  Peregrine, ravished with the prospect of settling this affair so muchto his satisfaction, thanked the steward for his friendly hint andundertaking, which he assured him should be acknowledged by a more solidproof of his gratitude, provided the business could be brought to bear;and next day he was visited by this kind manager, with the happy newsof his lordship's having consented to borrow ten thousand pounds of hisstock upon mortgage, at the interest of five per cent. This informationhe received as an instance of the singular esteem of his noble patron;and the papers being immediately drawn and executed, the money wasdeposited in the hands of the mortgager, who, in the hearing of thelender, laid strong injunctions on his steward to pay the interestpunctually at quarter-day.

  The best part of our hero's fortune being thus happily deposited, andthe agent gratified with a present of fifty pieces, he began to put hisretrenching scheme in execution; all his servants, Pipes excepted, weredischarged, his chariot and running horses disposed of, his housekeepingbroken up, and his furniture sold by auction: nay, the heat of hisdisposition was as remarkable in this as any other transaction inhis life; for every step of his saving project was taken with sucheagerness, and even precipitation, that most of his companions thoughthe was either ruined or mad. But he answered all their expostulationswith a string of prudent apophthegms, such as, "The shortest folliesare the best"; "Better to retrench upon conviction than compulsion";and divers other wise maxims, seemingly the result of experience andphilosophic reflection. To such a degree of enthusiasm did his presenteconomy prevail, that he was actually seized with the desire ofamassing. And as he every day received proposals from those brokers whomhe had employed, about the disposal of his cash, he at length venturedfifteen hundred pounds upon bottomry, being tempted by the excessivepremium.

  But it must be observed, for the honour of our adventurer, that thisreformation did not at all interfere with the good qualities of hisheart. He was still as friendly and benevolent as ever, though hisliberality was more subject to the restraint of reason; and hemight have justly pleaded, in vindication of his generosity, that heretrenched the superfluities in his own way of living, in order topreserve the power of assisting his fellow-creatures in distress.Numberless were the objects to which he extended his charity in private.Indeed, he exerted this virtue in secret, not only on account ofavoiding the charge of ostentation, but also because he was ashamedof being detected in such an awkward unfashionable practice, by thecensorious observers of this humane generation. In this particular, heseemed to confound the ideas of virtue and vice; for he did good, asother people do evil, by stealth; and was so capricious in point ofbehaviour, that frequently, in public, he wagged his tongue in satiricalanimadversions upon that poverty which his hand had in privaterelieved. Yet, far from shunning the acquaintance, or discouraging thesolicitation of those who, he thought, wanted his assistance, hewas always accessible, open, and complaisant to them, even when thehaughtiness of his temper kept his superiors at a distance; and oftensaved a modest man the anguish and confusion of declaring himself, bypenetrating into his necessity, an
d anticipating his request, in afrank offer of his purse and friendship. Not that he practised thisbeneficence to all the needy of his acquaintance without distinction;there is always a set of idle profligate fellows, who, having squanderedaway their own fortunes, and conquered all sense of honour and shame,maintain themselves by borrowing from those who have not yet finishedthe same career, and want resolution to resist their importunatedemands. To these he was always inflexible; though he could notabsolutely detach himself from their company, because, by dint ofeffrontery, and such of their original connections as they have beenable to retain, they find admission to all places of fashionable resort.

  Several unsuccessful attacks had been made upon his pocket by beggars ofthis class. One of the most artful of them, having one day joined himin the Mall, and made the usual observation on the weather, d--d allthe fogs of London, and began a dissertation on the difference of air,preferring that of the country in which he was born to any climate underthe sun. "Were you ever in Gloucestershire?" said he to Peregrine; whoreplying in the negative, he thus went on: "I have got a house there,where I should be glad to see you. Let us go down together during theEaster holidays; I can promise you good country fare and wholesomeexercise; for I have everything within myself, and as good a pack offox-hounds as any in the three kingdoms. I shan't pretend to expatiateupon the elegance of the house, which to be sure is an old building; andthese, you know, are generally cold, and not very convenient. But, cursethe house! the dirty acres about it are the thing; and d--d fine parcelthey are to be sure. If my old grandmother was dead--she can't liveanother season, for she's turned of fourscore, and quite worn out: nay,as for that matter, I believe I have got a letter in my pocket, givingan account of her being despaired of by the doctors. Let me see--No, d--it! I left it at home, in the pocket of another coat."

  Pickle, who, from the beginning of this harangue, saw its tendency,seemed to yield the most serious attention to what he said: breaking inupon it, every now and then, with the interjections, hum! ha! the deuce!and several civil questions, from which the other conceived happy omensof success; till perceiving they had advanced as far as the passage intoSt. James's, the mischievous youth interrupted him all at once, saying,"I see you are for the end of the walk; this is my way." With thesewords he took leave of the saunterer, who would have delayed hisretreat, by calling to him aloud, that he had not yet described thesituation of his castle. But Peregrine, without stopping, answeredin the same tone, "Another time will do as well"; and in a momentdisappeared, leaving the projector very much mortified with hisdisappointment; for his intention was to close the description with ademand of twenty pieces, to be repaid out of the first remittance heshould receive from his estate.

  It would have been well for our hero, had he always acted with the samecircumspection. But he had his unguarded moments, in which he fell aprey to the unsuspecting integrity of his own heart. There was aperson among the number of his acquaintances, whose conversation heparticularly relished, because it was frank, agreeable, and fraught withmany sensible observations upon the craft and treachery of mankind. Thisgentleman had made shift to discuss a very genteel fortune, thoughit was spent with taste and reputation, and now he was reduced to hisshifts for the maintenance of his family, which consisted of a wifeand child. Not that he was destitute of the necessaries of life, beingcomfortably supplied by the bounty of his friends; but this was aprovision not at all suited to his inclination; and he had endeavoured,by divers unsuccessful schemes, to retrieve his former independency.

  Peregrine happened one evening to be sitting alone in a coffee-house,where he overheard a conversation between this schemer and anothergentleman, touching an affair that engaged his attention. The strangerhad been left trustee for fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed to theother's daughter by an aunt, and was strongly solicited to pay the moneyto the child's father, who assured him, he had then an opportunity tolay it out in such a manner as would greatly conduce to the advantage ofhis family. The trustee reminded him of the nature of his charge, whichmade him accountable for the money until the child should have attainedthe age of eighteen; but at the same time gave him to understand,that, if he could procure such security as would indemnify him from theconsequences, he would forthwith pay the legacy into his hands. To thisproposal the father replied that it was not to be supposed he wouldrisk the fortune of his only child upon any idle scheme or precariousissue; and therefore he thought it reasonable, that he should have theuse of it in the meantime; and that, as to security, he was loth totrouble any of his friends about an affair which might be compromisedwithout their interposition; observing, that he would not look upon hiscondescension as a favour, if obtained by security, on which he couldborrow the same sum from any usurer in town.

  After much importunity on one side, and evasion on the other, themoneyed gentleman told him, that, though he would not surrender the sumdeposited in his hands for the use of his daughter, he would lend himwhat he should have occasion for in the meantime; and if, upon her beingof age, he should be able to obtain her concurrence, the money should beplaced to her account, provided he could find any person of credit, whowould join with him in a bond, for the assurance of the lender. Thisproviso was an obstruction which the other would not have been able tosurmount, without great difficulty, had not his cause been espoused byour hero, who thought it was a pity a man of honour and understandingshould suffer in his principal concerns on such a paltry consideration.He therefore, presuming on his acquaintance, interposed in theconversation as a friend, who interested himself in the affair; and,being fully informed of the particulars, offered himself as a securityfor the lender. This gentleman being a stranger to Peregrine, wasnext day made acquainted with his funds; and, without further scruple,accommodated his friend with one thousand pounds, for which he tooktheir bond payable in six months, though he protested that the moneyshould never be demanded, until the infant should be of age, unless someaccident should happen which he could not then foresee. Picklebelieved this declaration sincere, because he could have no interest indissembling; but what he chiefly depended upon, for his own security,was the integrity and confidence of the borrower, who assured him,that happen what would, he should be able to stand between him and alldanger; the nature of his plan being such as would infallibly treble thesum in a very few months.

  In a little time after this transaction, writs being issued out forelecting a new parliament, our adventurer, by the advice of his patron,went into the country, in order to canvass for a borough, and lined hispockets with a competent share of banknotes for the occasion. But inthis project he unfortunately happened to interfere with the interest ofa great family in the opposition, who, for a long series of years,had made members for that place; and were now so much offended at theintrusion of our young gentleman, that they threatened to spend tenthousand pounds in frustrating his design. This menace was no other thanan incitement to Peregrine, who confided so much in his own influenceand address, that he verily believed he should be able to bafflehis grace, even in his own territories. By that victory he hoped toestablish his reputation and interest with the minister, who, throughthe recommendation of his noble friend, countenanced his cause, andwould have been very well pleased to see one of his great enemies suffersuch a disgraceful overthrow, which would have, moreover, in a greatmeasure, shaken his credit with his faction.

  Our hero, intoxicated with the ideas of pride and ambition, put allhis talents to the test, in the execution of this project. He spared noexpense in treating the electors; but, finding himself rivalled in thisrespect by his competitor, who was powerfully supported, he had recourseto those qualifications in which he thought himself superior. He madeballs for the ladies, visited the matrons of the corporation, adaptedhimself to their various humours with surprising facility, drank withthose who loved a cherishing cup in private, made love to the amorous,prayed with the religious, gossiped with those who delighted in scandal,and with great sagacity contrived agreeable presents to them all. Thiswas the most effe
ctual method of engaging such electors as were underthe influence of their wives. As for the rest, he assailed them intheir own way, setting whole hogsheads of beer and wine abroach, for thebenefit of comers; and into those sordid hearts that liquor would notopen, he found means to convey himself by the help of a golden key.

  While he thus exerted himself, his antagonist was not idle: his age andinfirmities would not permit him to enter personally into their parties;but his stewards and adherents bestirred themselves with great industryand perseverance. The market for votes ran so high, that Pickle's readymoney was exhausted before the day of election, and he was obliged towrite to his patron an account of the dilemma to which he was reduced,entreating him to take such speedy measures as would enable him tofinish the business which he had so happily begun. This noblemancommunicated the circumstances of the case to the minister, and in aday or two our candidate found credit with the receiver-general of thecounty, who lent him twelve hundred pounds on his personal note,payable on demand. By means of this new supply he managed matters sosuccessfully, that an evident majority of votes was secured in hisinterest, and nothing could have obstructed his election, had not thenoble peer who set up his competitor, in order to avoid the shame andmortification of being foiled in his own borough, offered to compromisethe affair with his honour, by giving up two members in another place,provided the opposition should cease in his own corporation. Thisproposal was greedily embraced. On the eve of the election, Peregrinereceived an intimation from his patron, desiring him to quit hispretensions, on pain of his and the minister's displeasure, andpromising that he should be elected for another place.

  No other disappointment in life could have given him such chagrin ashe felt at the receipt of this tantalizing order, by which the cup ofsuccess was snatched from his lip, and all the vanity of his ambitioushope humbled in the dust. He cursed the whole chain of his courtconnections, inveighed with great animosity against the rascally schemeof politics to which he was sacrificed, and, in conclusion, swore hewould not give up the fruits of his own address for the pleasure of anyminister upon earth. This laudable resolution, however, was renderedineffectual by his friend the receiver-general, who was bearer ofthe message, and, after having in vain endeavoured to persuade himto submission, fairly arrested him upon the spot for the money he hadadvanced; this expedient being performed by virtue of a writ whichhe had been advised to take out, in case the young man should proverefractory.

  The reader, who by this time must be pretty well acquainted with thedisposition of our hero, may easily conceive how he relished thisadventure. At first, all the faculties of his soul were swallowed up inastonishment and indignation; and some minutes elapsed before his nerveswould obey the impulse of his rage, which manifested itself in such anapplication to the temples of the plaintiff, as laid him sprawling onthe floor. This assault, which was committed in a tavern, whither hehad been purposely decoyed, attracted the regard of the bailiff and hisfollowers, who, to the number of four, rushed upon him at once, inorder to overpower him; but his wrath inspired him with such additionalstrength and agility, that he disengaged himself from them in a trice,and, seizing a poker, which was the first weapon that presented itselfto his hand, exercised it upon their skulls with incredible dexterityand execution. The officer himself, who had been the first that presumedto lay violent hands upon him, felt the first effects of his fury in ablow upon the jaws, in consequence of which he lost three of his teeth,and fell athwart the body of the receiver, with which he formed thefigure of a St. Andrew's cross. One of his myrmidons, seeing the fateof his chief, would not venture to attack the victor in front, but,wheeling to one side, made an attempt upon him in flank, and wasreceived obliquely by our hero's left hand and foot, so masterlydisposed to the right side of his leg, and the left side of his neck,that he bolted head foremost into the chimney, where his chin wasencountered by the grate, which in a moment seared him to the bone. Therest of the detachment did not think proper to maintain the dispute,but, evacuating the room with great expedition, locked the door on theoutside, and bellowed aloud to the receiver's servants, beseeching themto come to the assistance of their master, who was in danger of hislife.

  Meanwhile, this gentleman having recollected himself, demanded a parley;which having with difficulty obtained of our incensed candidate, inconsequence of the most submissive application, he complained grievouslyof the young gentleman's intemperance and heat of disposition, and verycalmly represented the danger of his rashness and indiscretion. He toldhim, that nothing could be more outrageous or idle, than the resistancehe had made against the laws of his country, because he would find itimpracticable to withstand the whole executive power of the country,which he could easily raise to apprehend and secure him; that, over andabove the disgrace that would accrue to him from this imprudent conduct,he would knock his own interest on the head, by disobliging his friendsin the administration, who were, to his knowledge, at present very welldisposed to do him service; that, for his own part, what he had donewas by the express order of his superiors, and not out of any desire ofdistressing him; and that, far from being his enemy, notwithstandingthe shocking insult he had sustained, he was ready to withdraw the writ,provided he would listen to any reasonable terms of accommodation.

  Peregrine, who was not more prone to anger than open to conviction,being appeased by his condescension, moved by his arguments, and chidby his own reflection for what he had done in the precipitation of hiswrath, began to give ear to his remonstrances; and the bailiffs beingordered to withdraw, they entered into a conference, the result of whichwas our adventurer's immediate departure for London; so that next dayhis competitor was unanimously chosen, because nobody appeared to opposehis election. The discontented Pickle, on his arrival in town, wentdirectly to the house of his patron, to whom, in the anguish of hisdisappointment, he bitterly complained of the treatment he had received,by which, besides the disgrace of his overthrow, he was no less than twothousand pounds out of pocket, exclusive of the debt for which hestood engaged to the receiver. His lordship, who was prepared for thisexpostulation, on his knowledge of the young man's impetuous temper,answered all the articles of his charge with great deliberation, givinghim to understand the motives that induced the minister to quit hisinterest in that borough; and soothing him with assurances that hisloss would be amply rewarded by his honour, to whom he was next dayintroduced by this nobleman, in the warmest style of recommendation. Theminister, who was a pattern of complaisance, received him with themost engaging affability; thanked him very kindly for his endeavoursto support and strengthen the interest of the administration; andfaithfully promised to lay hold on the first opportunity to express thesense he had of his zeal and attachment; desiring to see him often athis levee, that, in the multiplicity of business, he might not be indanger of forgetting his services and desert.

  CHAPTER XC.