The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He is visited by Pallet--Contracts an Intimacy with a NewmarketNobleman, and is by the Knowing Ones taken in.

  This affair being settled, and our adventurer, for the present, free ofall female connections, he returned to his former course of fast livingamong the bucks of the town, and performed innumerable exploits amongwhores, bullies, rooks, constables, and justices of the peace. Inthe midst of these occupations, he was one morning visited by his oldfellow-traveller, Pallet, whose appearance gave him equal surpriseand concern. Though the weather was severe, he was clothed in thethin summer dress which he had worn at Paris, and was now, not onlythreadbare, but, in some parts, actually patched; his stockings, bya repetition of that practice known among economists by the term ofcoaxing, hung like pudding-bags about his ankles; his shirt, though newwashed, was of the saffron hue, and, in divers places, appeared throughthe crannies of his breeches; he had exchanged his own hair for asmoke-dried tie-periwig, which all the flour in his dredging-box hadnot been able to whiten; his eyes were sunk, his jaws lengthened beyondtheir usual extension; and he seemed twenty years older than helooked when he and our hero parted at Rotterdam. In spite of all theseevidences of decay, he accosted him with a meagre affectation of contentand good-humour, struggled piteously to appear gay and unconcerned,professed his joy at seeing him in England, excused himself for havingdelayed so long to come and present his respects; alleging that, sincehis return, he had been a mere slave to the satisfaction of some personsof quality and taste, who had insisted upon his finishing some pieceswith the utmost expedition.

  Peregrine received him with that compassion and complaisance which wasnatural to his disposition; inquired about the health of Mrs. Palletand his family, and asked if his friend, the doctor, was in town. Thepainter seemed to have resumed his resentment against that gentleman, ofwhom he spoke in contemptuous terms. "The doctor," said he, "is so muchovershadowed with presumption and self-conceit, that his merit has norelief. It does not rise. There is no keeping in the picture, my dearsir. All the same as if I were to represent the moon under a cloud;there will be nothing but a deep mass of shade, with a little tiny speckof light in the middle, which would only serve to make, as it were, thedarkness visible. You understand me. Had he taken my advice, it mighthave been better for him; but he is bigoted to his own opinion. Youmust know, Mr. Pickle, upon our return to England, I counselled him tocompose a little smart, clever ode upon my Cleopatra. As Gad shall judgeme, I thought it would have been of some service, in helping him out ofobscurity; for you know, as Sir Richard observes,

  "Soon will that die, which adds thy fame to mine; Let me then live, join'd to a work of thine."

  "By the bye, there is a most picturesque contrast in these lines, of thyand me, living and dying, and thine and mine. Ah! a prize upon it! Dick,after all, was the man. Ecod! he rounded it off. But, to return to thisunhappy young man, would you believe it, he tossed up his nose at myfriendly proposal, and gabbled something in Greek, which is not worthrepeating. The case was this, my dear sir, he was out of humour at theneglect of the world. He thought the poets of the age were jealousof his genius, and strove to crush it accordingly, while the restof mankind wanted taste sufficient to discern it. For my own part, Iprofess myself one of these; and, as the clown in Billy Shakespeare saysof the courtier's oath, had I sworn by the doctor's genius, that thepancakes were naught, they might have been for all that very good, yetshouldn't I have been forsworn. Let that be as it will, he retired fromtown in great dudgeon, and set up his rest near a hill in Derbyshire,with two tops, resembling Parnassus, and a well at the bottom, which hehad christened Hyp-o'-the-Green. Egad! if he stays in that habitation,'tis my opinion he'll soon grow green with the hip indeed. He'll be gladof an opportunity to return to the fleshpots of Egypt, and pay his courtto the slighted Queen Cleopatra. Ha! well remembered, by this light!you shall know, my good sir, that this same Egyptian princess has beencourted by so many gallants of taste, that, as I hope to live, I foundmyself in some sort of dilemma, because in parting with her to one, Ishould have disobliged all his rivals. Now a man would not choose togive offence to his friends, at least I lay it down as a maxim to avoidthe smallest appearance of ingratitude. Perhaps I may be in the wrong.But every man has his way. For this reason, I proposed to all thecandidates, that a lottery or raffle should be set on foot, by whichevery individual would have an equal chance for her good graces, andthe prize be left to the decision of fortune. The scheme was mightilyrelished, and the terms being such a trifle as half a guinea, the wholetown crowded into my house, in order to subscribe. But there I was theirhumble servant. 'Gentlemen, you must have a little patience till myown particular friends are served.' Among that number, I do myself thehonour to consider Mr. Pickle. Here is a copy of the proposals; and, ifthe list should be adorned with his name, I hope, notwithstanding hismerited success among the young ladies, he will for once be shunned bythat little vixen called Miss Fortune! he, he, he!"

  So saying, he bowed with a thousand apish congees, and presented hispaper to Peregrine, who, seeing the number of subscribers was limited toone hundred, said he thought him too moderate in his expectations, ashe did not doubt that his picture would be a cheap purchase at fivehundred, instead of fifty pounds, at which the price was fixed. To thisunexpected remark Pallet answered, that among the connoisseurs he wouldnot pretend to appraise his picture; but that, in valuing his works, hewas obliged to have an eye to the Gothic ignorance of the age in whichhe lived. Our adventurer saw at once into the nature of this raffle,which was no other than a begging shift to dispose of a paltry piece,that he could not otherwise have sold for twenty shillings. However, farfrom shocking the poor man in distress, by dropping the least hintof his conjecture, he desired to be favoured with six chances, if thecircumstances of his plan would indulge him so far; and the painter,after some hesitation, condescended to comply with his request, out ofpure friendship and veneration; though he observed, that, in so doing,he must exclude some of his most intimate companions. Having receivedthe money he gave Pickle his address, desiring he would, with hisconvenience, visit the princess, who, he was sure, would display hermost engaging attractions, in order to captivate his fancy; and took hisleave extremely well pleased with the success of his application.

  Though Peregrine was tempted with the curiosity of seeing this portrait,which he imagined must contain some analogy to the ridiculous oddity ofthe painter, he would not expose himself to the disagreeable alternativeof applauding the performance, contrary to the dictates of conscienceand common sense, or of condemning it, to the unspeakable mortificationof the miserable author; and therefore never dreamt of returning thepainter's visit. Nor did he ever hear of the lottery's being drawn.About this time he was invited to spend a few weeks at the country seatof a certain nobleman, with whom he had contracted an acquaintance,in the course of his debauches, which we have already described. Hislordship being remarkable for his skill and success in horse-racing, hishouse was continually filled with the connoisseurs and admirers of thatsport, upon which the whole conversation turned, insomuch that Peregrinegradually imbibed some knowledge in horse-flesh, and the diversions ofthe course; for the whole occupation of the day, exclusive of eating anddrinking, consisted in viewing, managing, and exercising his lordship'sstud.

  Our hero looked upon these amusements with an eye of taste as well ascuriosity; he contemplated the animal as a beautiful and elegant part ofthe creation, and relished the surprising exertion of its speed witha refined and classical delight. In a little time he became personallyacquainted with every horse in the stable, and interested himself in thereputation of each; while he also gratified his appetite for knowledge,in observing the methods of preparing their bodies, and training them tothe race. His lordship saw and encouraged his eagerness, from which hepromised himself some advantage; he formed several private matches forhis entertainment, and flattered his discernment, by permitting him tobe successful in the first bets he made. Thus was he artfully decoyedinto a spirit of keenne
ss and adventure, and disposed to depend upon hisown judgment, in opposition to that of people who had made horse-racingthe sole study of their lives. He accompanied my lord to Newmarket, and,entering at once into the genius of the place, was marked as fair game,by all the knowing ones there assembled, many of whom found meansto take him in, in spite of all the cautions and admonitions of hislordship, who wanted to reserve him for his own use.

  It is almost impossible for any man, let him be never so fearful orphlegmatic, to be an unconcerned spectator in this busy scene. The demonof play hovers in the air, like a pestilential vapour, tainting theminds of all present with infallible infection, which communicatesfrom one person to another, like the circulation of a general panic.Peregrine was seized with this epidemic distemper to a violent degree;and, after having lost a few loose hundreds, in his progress through thevarious rookeries of the place, entered into partnership with his noblefriend in a grand match, upon the issue of which he ventured no lessthan three thousand pounds. Indeed he would not have risked such aconsiderable sum, had not his own confidence been reinforced by theopinion and concurrence of his lordship, who hazarded an equal bet uponthe same event. These two associates engaged themselves in the penaltyof six thousand pounds, to run one chaise and four against another,three times round the course; and our adventurer had the satisfaction ofseeing his antagonist distanced in the first and second heat; but, allof a sudden, one of the horses of his machine was knocked up, by whichaccident the victory was ravished almost from his very grasp, and he wasobliged to endure the damage and the scorn.

  He was deeply affected with this misfortune, which he imputed to hisown extravagance and temerity; but discovered no external signs ofaffliction, because his illustrious partner bore his loss with the mostphilosophic resignation, consoling himself, as well as Pickle, with thehope of making it up on some other occasion. Nevertheless, our younggentleman could not help admiring, and even envying his equanimity, notknowing that his lordship had managed matters so as to be a gainer bythe misfortune; which to retrieve, Peregrine purchased several horses,at the recommendation of his friend; and, instead of returning toLondon, made a tour with him to all the celebrated races in England, atwhich, after several vicissitudes of fortune, he made shift, before theend of the season, to treble his loss.

  But his hopes seemed to increase with his ill-luck. In the beginning ofwinter he came to town, fully persuaded that fortune must necessarilychange, and that next season he should reap the happy fruits of hisexperience. In this confidence, he seemed to drown all ideas of prudenceand economy. His former expense was mere parsimony, compared with thatwhich he now incurred. He subscribed to the opera, and half a dozenconcerts at different parts of the town; was a benefactor to severalhospitals; purchased a collection of valuable pictures; took a house,and furnished it in a most magnificent taste, laid in a large stockof French wines, and gave extravagant entertainments to his qualityfriends, who, in return, loaded him with compliments, and insisted uponhis making use of their interest and goodwill.

  CHAPTER LXXXIX.