The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He performs the last Offices to his Father, and returns to London, upona very interesting Design.

  Suits of mourning being provided for himself, his friends and adherents,and every other previous measure taken suitable to the occasion, hisfather was interred, in a private manner, in the parish church; andhis papers being examined, in presence of many persons of honour andintegrity, invited for that purpose, no will was found, or any otherdeed, in favour of the second son, though it appeared by the marriagesettlement, that the widow was entitled to a jointure of five hundredpounds a year. The rest of his papers consisted of East India bonds,South Sea annuities, mortgages, notes, and assignments, to the amountof four score thousand seven hundred and sixty pounds, exclusive ofthe house, plate and furniture, horses, equipage, and cattle, with thegarden and park adjacent, to a very considerable extent.

  This was a sum that even exceeded his expectation, and could not failto entertain his fancy with the most agreeable ideas. He found himselfimmediately a man of vast consequence among his country neighbours, whovisited him with compliments of congratulation, and treated him withsuch respect as would have effectually spoiled any young man of hisdisposition, who had not the same advantages of experience as he hadalready purchased at a very extravagant price. Thus shielded withcaution, he bore his prosperity with surprising temperance; everybodywas charmed with his affability and moderation. When he made a circuitround the gentlemen of the district, in order to repay the courtesywhich he owed, he was caressed by them with uncommon assiduity, andadvised to offer himself as a candidate for the county at the nextelection, which, they supposed, would soon happen, because the presentmember was in a declining state of health. Nor did his person andaddress escape unheeded by the ladies, many of whom did not scruple tospread their attractions before him, with a view of captivating sucha valuable prize: nay, such an impression did this legacy make upona certain peer, who resided in this part of the country, that hecultivated Pickle's acquaintance with great eagerness, and, withoutcircumlocution, offered to him in marriage his only daughter, with avery considerable fortune.

  Our hero expressed himself upon this occasion as became a man ofhonour, sensibility, and politeness, and frankly gave his lordship tounderstand, that his heart was already engaged. He was pleased with theopportunity of making such a sacrifice of his passion for Emilia, which,by this time, inflamed his thoughts to such a degree of impatience, thathe resolved to depart for London with all possible speed; and forthat purpose industriously employed almost every hour of his time inregulating his domestic affairs. He paid off all his father's servants,and hired others, at the recommendation of his sister, who promisedto superintend his household in his absence. He advanced the firsthalf-yearly payment of his mother's jointure; and as for his brotherGam, he gave him divers opportunities of acknowledging his faults, sothat he might have answered to his own conscience for taking any step inhis favour; but that young gentleman was not yet sufficiently humbledby misfortune, and not only forbore to make any overtures of peace, butalso took all occasions to slander the conduct and revile the person ofour hero, being in this practice comforted and abetted by his righteousmamma.

  Everything being thus settled for the present, the triumvirate set outon their return to town in the same manner with that in which they hadarrived in the country, except in this small variation, that Hatchway'schaise-companion was now the valet-de-chambre refitted, instead ofPipes, who, with another lacquey, attended them on horseback. Whenthey had performed two-thirds of their way to London, they chanced toovertake a country squire, on his return from a visit to one of hisneighbours, who had entertained him with such hospitality, that, as thelieutenant observed, he rolled himself almost gunwale to every motionof his horse, which was a fine hunter; and when the chaise passed himat full speed, he set up the sportsman's halloo, in a voice that soundedlike a French horn, clapping spurs to Sorrel at the same time, in orderto keep up with the pace of the machine.

  Peregrine, who was animated with an uncommon flow of spirits, orderedhis postilion to proceed more softly; and entered into conversation withthe stranger, touching the make and mettle of his horse, upon which hedescanted with so much learning, that the squire was astonished at hisknowledge. When they approached his habitation, he invited the younggentleman and his company to halt, and drink a bottle of his ale;and was so pressing in his solicitation, that they complied with hisrequest. He accordingly conducted them through a spacious avenue, thatextended as far as the highway, to the gate of a large chateau, of amost noble and venerable appearance, which induced them to alight andview the apartments, contrary to their first intention of drinking aglass of his October at the door.

  The rooms were every way suitable to the magnificence of the outside,and our hero imagined they had made a tour through the whole sweep, whenthe landlord gave him to understand that they had not yet seen thebest apartment of the house, and immediately led them into a spaciousdining-room, which Peregrine did not enter without giving manifestsigns of uncommon astonishment. The panels all round were covered withportraits at full length, by Vandyke; and not one of them appearedwithout a ridiculous tie-periwig, in the style of those that usuallyhang over the shops of twopenny barbers. The straight boots in whichthe figures had been originally painted, and the other circumstances ofattitude and drapery, so inconsistent with this monstrous furniture ofthe head, exhibited such a ludicrous appearance, that Pickle's wonder,in a little time, gave way to his mirth, and he was seized with aviolent fit of laughter, which had well-nigh deprived him of his breath.

  The squire, half-pleased and half-offended at this expression ofridicule, "I know," said he, "what makes you laugh so woefully; youthink it strange to zee my vorefathers booted and spurred, with hugethree-tailed periwigs on their pates. The truth of the matter is this: Icould not abide to zee the pictures of my vamily with a parcel of loosehair hanging about their eyes, like zo many colts; and zo I employed apainter vellow from Lundon to clap decent periwigs upon their skulls,at the rate of vive shillings a head, and offered him three shillings apiece to furnish each with a handsome pair of shoes and stockings: butthe rascal, thinking I must have 'em done at any price after their headswere covered, haggled with me for four shillings a picture; and zo,rather than be imposed upon, I turned him off, and shall let 'em standas they are, till zome more reasonable brother of the brush comes roundthe country."

  Pickle commended his resolution, though in his heart, he blessed himselffrom such a barbarous Goth; and, after they had despatched two or threebottles of his beer, they proceeded on their journey, and arrived intown about eleven at night.

  CHAPTER CVI.