by Bree Wolf
At least, until the day she had married another.
Chapter Fourteen
Three Words
The sun felt warm on her cheeks as Maggie walked side by side with Cecilia through the gardens of her brother’s townhouse. Their children chased each other across the lawn, here and there jumping over flower beds and leaving the occasional footprint among them. Laughter echoed through the air as Niall, Blair, Sophie and little Robbie continued their game of knights and dragons, their faces flushed and their chests heaving. Still, happiness rested in their eyes, and Maggie knew it had not been wrong to visit.
For Niall and Blair, at least, it had been good.
“You look different,” Cecilia observed with a sidelong glance at Maggie. “Almost at peace.”
Smiling at her sister-in-law, Maggie paused, then drew in a deep breath. “Perhaps ‘tis true.”
Cecilia’s pale eyes swept over her face. “Something happened last night, didn’t it?” A shy smile played over her lips. “I apologise if I seem forward. I assure you I don’t mean to pry. I merely thought you’d like to talk−”
Maggie placed a hand on her sister-in-law’s arm. “I know ye mean well, and I dunna mind ye asking.” She shrugged. “The problem is I’m not certain I have an answer.” Turning, they continued down the path.
The night before had exhausted Maggie in more ways than one, and she’d slept rather deeply, waking late when the sun had already been high in the sky. While it was true that she felt calmer now, she could not deny that meeting Nathan had raised questions she didn’t know how to answer.
Still, there was one thing Maggie was now certain of: her heart would never love another! It was a simple truth, devastating in its finality, and yet, knowing that it was so removed uncertainty, false hope, fear of the future from her heart. She would never be free of him, but accepting that proved healing somehow.
But why had he kissed her? What did it mean that he had looked at her as though…as though…
Maggie did not dare dwell on these memories. The moments they’d shared in the pavilion seemed all but plucked from a dream, and she wasn’t at all certain that she had not simply misunderstood or imagined what had transpired between them. Had he truly kissed her? He had, hadn’t he?
As foolish as it was, the knowledge that he had not forgotten her, that she had not meant nothing to him beyond the measurements of a childhood friendship warmed her heart. Still, the truth was that he had chosen another…could it be that he regretted the decision he’d made? Had it not brought him happiness? Had he lived a life of regret not unlike her own?
Treacherous hope beat in her chest at the mere thought of it, and Maggie rushed to remind herself that no amount of regret or wishful thinking could change what was or had been.
“Pardon me, my lady, but there’s a visitor here to see Mrs. MacDrummond.”
Blinking, Maggie looked up to see her brother’s rather spindly butler standing before them as though he’d materialised out of thin air.
“Who is it, Harmon?” Cecilia asked with a sideways glance at Maggie.
“Lord Townsend, my lady.”
Maggie noticed her sister-in-law’s sharp intake of breath even more than she took note of the way her own heart seemed to pause as though uncertain how to continue. Her gaze moved to meet Cecilia’s as her hands clamped together, almost desperate to hold on to something.
“I shall speak to him,” Cecilia told her kindly, “and inform him that you’re indisposed.”
Before her sister-in-law could make to walk back to the house though, Maggie’s hand whipped out and grasped her by the arm. “No! Wait!” She tried to swallow the lump that had settled in her throat. “I…”
Grasping Maggie’s hands, shy, delicate Cecilia looked at her like a lioness protecting her cub. “You don’t need to see him. He has no right calling on you and, if you wish, I shall tell him as much.” Although Maggie had never told Cecilia details about her past, particularly her past involving Nathan, she had no doubt that her brother had confided in his wife. After all, the bond that connected them went beyond mere convenience, and Maggie was glad for it.
“I thank ye for yer friendship,” Maggie told her sister-in-law with a grateful smile. “I’m glad my brother found ye, and I’m proud to call ye family.”
A hint of red came to Cecilia’s cheeks and, for a short moment, she averted her eyes, embarrassed to be spoken of with such regard.
“I will speak to him,” Maggie stated, willing her voice not to waver. “I need to finish this…once and for all.”
“Shall I go with you?”
Maggie shook her head. “I’ll be fine.” She squeezed her sister-in-law’s hand for comfort, then walked back the short path toward the house. All the while, her heart threatened to beat out of her chest and she wondered if she’d even make it or faint before her steps could take her to the man who’d haunted her heart for as long as she could remember.
When she finally stood outside the drawing room, Maggie reached out her hands and placed her palms on the closed door, feeling the smooth wood against her skin. She drew in a couple of deep breaths as slowly and calmly as she could, reminding herself to stick to Claudia’s plan.
“Dunna let him see how much he unnerves ye,” she whispered under her breath, “how much he hurt ye. Rebuke him for taking liberties last night and then send him away. Do ye hear me? And whatever happens, dunna let him kiss ye again.”
As much as Maggie tried to steel herself, with every moment that passed she felt her wits disappear and her heart swell to twice its size; and so Maggie pushed open the door without another thought, afraid that if she waited too long, her mind would find itself disabled, powerless to stop her emotions from charging ahead and leading her down a path that would no doubt destroy her.
Nathan stood by the window, his gaze directed out at the bustling street, his hands linked behind his back. He looked as he had the night before, as he always had, but older, more mature. His boyish charm had given way to a calm allure that whispered of days lived and losses suffered.
Instantly, Maggie’s heart went out to him and she cursed the dreaded thing!
The moment she’d all but surged into the room, Nathan had stilled, his body tensing as though he was a soldier preparing himself for battle. Then he turned, slowly, ever so slowly, until his eyes found hers.
Unable to hold his gaze, Maggie turned away and made to close the door, then moved to the opposite side of the room, barely daring to look at him. “Why have ye come?”
A long sigh shuddered past his lips as he watched her. “Will you not look at me?”
Torn between protecting herself and standing her ground, Maggie tightened her grip on her hands, then raised her chin. When her eyes found his, she felt her teeth grit together almost painfully as her heart tumbled uselessly around in her chest.
Confused.
Afraid.
Full of longing.
A small smile tugged on Nathan’s lips as his gaze settled more fully on hers. “A part of me feared that you would not see me.” He looked at her like a man about to drown, a man who’d finally glimpsed land across the waves which threatened to draw him under. There was fear in his gaze and determination as he began to move toward her as though pulled forward by an invisible bond, a rope slung around him that tugged him toward her, through the waves and toward the land he’d prayed for. Still, it was the utter longing Maggie saw in his gaze that threatened her resolve and sent panic through her heart.
“Why are ye here?” she demanded, her voice harsh, snapping like a whip, meant to hold him at bay.
Still, he continued on unimpressed. “Can you truly ask that after what happened last night?”
Maggie swallowed, willing herself not to think of their kiss. “I have no desire to repeat what happened if that’s why ye’ve come.” The sinews in her hands began to ache under the strain she put on them. “I only agreed to see ye to tell ye to behave as a gentleman should. After all, there’s nothin
g between us. There never was.”
His jaw tensed and, for a second, his feet stilled. His blue gaze remained on hers before it darted to her clenched hands. “You’re nervous,” he observed, and his brows rose daring her to contradict him. “Am I making you nervous?” A teasing curl came to his lips.
Feigning ignorance, Maggie scoffed. “That is very presumptuous of ye. Dunna pretend ye know me! We havena seen each−”
“Some things don’t change,” he replied, cutting her off, his gaze daring as he stalked closer. “You’ve always wrung your hands when you were nervous…or afraid.” Again, his brows rose as though pointing out a fact that had eluded her.
Unclenching her hands, Maggie almost groaned at the pain that surged through her muscles at the release of pressure she’d forced on them. “Some things might not change,” she agreed, uncertain what to do with her hands now that they were hanging down her sides, “but others do.” Then she crossed her arms defiantly in front of her. “Yet others were never what they appeared to be.”
His feet stilled, and his gaze narrowed. “Are you accusing me of playing you false? Of lying to you?”
Maggie scoffed. “It doesna matter now. Tell me why ye’re here and then leave.”
His jaw tensed, and he looked ready to fight her on that account. “I came to ask what you’re doing in London,” he gritted out, moving another step closer like a lion stalking a deer. “Why did you return? Why now? Why at all?” The muscles in his jaw clenched. “Did you come to see me?”
Maggie felt the blood drain from her face, making it altogether impossible for her to maintain a calm, disinterested exterior. She could see the way he was watching her, the way he searched for her true thoughts, easily betrayed by a tell-tale twitch of a muscle, the tense opening and closing of her hands.
The look in his eyes suggested that he was well aware of her inner turmoil. “Last I heard,” Nathan all but growled as he came to stand within an arm’s length of her, “was that you had married a Scot,” his lips thinned, “and planned to remain in Scotland for the remainder of your life.” His breath came fast now, and she noted that his hands had balled into fists. There was anger in his gaze and he looked about ready to strike her.
Maggie scoffed, angered herself by the way he was twisting everything to make it appear as though she’d been the one to betray him. “How dare ye suggest I−?” She gritted her teeth, lest her emotions ran away with her, making her say things she didn’t wish for him to know. “Ye have no reason to be angry with me. None!” She pointed at the door. “Now, I must ask ye to−”
In the next moment, the tips of his shoes collided with her own and his hands seized her by the arms. His eyes were on fire and all but burnt into hers as he yanked her against him. “None?” he growled. “None? I was not the one to disappear from one day to another. I was not the one to marry without at least having the courtesy of informing you thusly. I was not the one who−”
“Yes, ye were!” Maggie yelled into his face, her resolve to remain silent swept away by the intensity of his emotions. They called to her, echoed within her, reminded her that pain still lived in her heart. Pain and anger and regret. Damn Claudia’s plan! No, Maggie could not keep silent. She could not pretend that he hadn’t hurt her, that he hadn’t destroyed her. She would tell him what he had done, and perhaps then the past would be simply that, her past.
Nothing more and nothing less!
Nathan blinked. “What?”
“After what ye did,” Maggie spat, her gaze now drilling into his just as much, “ye canna blame me for trying to move on!”
“After what I did?” he asked rather innocently, and the look on his face riled Maggie. “I did nothing!” His hands tightened on her arms as his anger returned, shoving aside the confusion that had found him at her outburst. “You were the one to run off and get married!”
“But ye did so first!” Maggie snapped, then brought her foot down hard onto his toes. He drew in a sharp breath and, the moment his grip lessened, she shoved him away. “Ye kissed me and then ye went and married another! I thought…” Bright spots began to dance before her eyes, and Maggie stumbled backwards, relieved when her hand found the backrest of a chair conveniently settled behind her. Steadying herself, she met his gaze once more…only to find him looking at her with utter shock marking his features.
His eyes were wide as he stared at her. His cheeks pale, and his posture all but frozen. Then he drew in a slow breath and swallowed. “I never married.”
Those three words so softly spoken tore into Maggie’s heart and almost knocked her feet out from under her. Staring back at him, she shook her head, her breath constricted in her chest. “Ye’re lying!” she accused, unable to believe the shattered look in his eyes. “Ye’re lying!”
Still staring at her, Nathan slowly shook his head from side to side. “You went to Scotland,” he all but whispered, his voice hoarse, distant as though echoing through time, “and upon his return, your brother told me that you’d married.” His hands were trembling now, and he balled them into fists. “You left…and you never came back.” He took a step toward her, his eyes hard one moment and then softening the next. “I waited for you. I waited for you to return.” He swallowed. “But you never did. You never did.”
Maggie barely saw anything beyond the shattered look in Nathan’s eyes. Dimly, she heard her teeth chattering together. She felt her muscles tremble with shock and an icy cold sweep through her body. Her mind was numb, and her heart ached in a way that made her wish like never before that the dreaded thing would simply cease all activity.
Never had she hurt as she did in that moment when her eyes finally opened and she was forced to look at the truth. “My…my mother…” were the only words to leave her lips, but they were enough. She could see it on his face. He understood as he’d always understood. Never had they needed many words between them. Neither did they now.
Tears shot to her eyes. Her mother had lied to her. She’d told her all hope was lost. She’d told her that Nathan planned to marry another. She’d told her that he had married another. She’d lied…
…and Maggie had given up her life for it.
For nothing.
Holding back the heart-breaking sobs that threatened to tear from her throat, Maggie fled the room. She could not bring herself to look at Nathan any longer. Oh, how he had to hate her for what she had done! She’d ruined his life as well as her own. He had loved her, had he not?
If only she’d known!
Chapter Fifteen
Old Friends
Watching her rush from the room, Nathan wanted nothing more than to follow her. To draw her into his arms. To soothe the pain he’d seen in her eyes. To dry her tears.
But his feet wouldn’t move.
He could barely blink his eyes as the truth settled in his mind, slowly unfurling, filling in the blanks and answering the many questions he’d asked himself over the years.
Why?
Why had she married another?
Why had she not said a word?
Why?
Now, it all seemed clear, incredibly simple for it all made sense. It all fit together perfectly.
Lady Tynham, or rather the late Lady Tynham.
Nathan remembered her well. He remembered the many stories she had told them as children of her homeland. Stories of family. Of love. Of home. Of magic. Entranced, they’d listened to her, begging for another as soon as one was drawing to its end. How often had they pretended to live in the highlands? How often had they tried their best to speak the words in that highland brogue that always made Lady Tynham’s eyes shine like two stars?
Indeed, if the late Lord Tynham had not been sickly, Nathan was certain they would have spent half their lives in the highlands with her clan, in the one place where she felt at home.
Sinking into a chair, Nathan closed his eyes as all strength fled his body. His arms hung loosely down the armrests, and his legs were sprawled over the floor. He could not bring
himself to even lift his head as he contemplated the mistake he had made.
“I should have followed her,” he whispered into the stillness of the room. “I should have gone after her.” If he had, he could have exposed Lady Tynham’s lies and Margaret−or rather Maggie as she had insisted he call her!−would have been his all these years.
But Maggie had thought him married. Lady Tynham had to have told her that lie, and why would Maggie have doubted her mother’s word? And so she too had moved on. Was that not what she’d said? What she’d called it? She’d moved on and married another, no doubt persuaded to do so by a mother who had only ever sought the best for her daughter.
Harsh footsteps echoed closer from the other side of the door and, judging by the dull thud that all but shook the paintings on the walls, Nathan knew that it was not Maggie who was rushing toward him. Indeed, a moment later, the door swung open and Nathan’s old friend walked in, his face tense and anger blazing in his gaze. “What did you do?” Robert demanded in a brusque tone, his eyes searching the room as though for an intruder.
Once they’d settled on Nathan, he spun on his heel and came stomping toward him. “What did you say to her? She rushed by me and didn’t even notice I was there. She was white as a sheet and fled to her chamber.” He grasped Nathan by the lapels and hauled him to his feet. “What did you do?”
Annoyed with the accusations flung at him this day, Nathan shrugged off his old friend’s grip. After all, he had done nothing. Granted, he had been a trusting fool, but he had done nothing that would even remotely justify the accusations hurled at him. “You told me she was married,” he said, trying to remain calm, dreading the moment when all he’d just learnt would sink in and unleash all the pent-up regret and anger of the past decade. He could only hope he’d be alone when that happened. “You told me she was married.”