Fearless

by Marlie May

  “It happened in Istanbul. Three men…” My words choked past my lips in sharp gasps, bringing with them the penetrating fear that had consumed me that day. “They strode up to me on the sidewalk in broad daylight. I thought they were on some random mission, that they’d pass me by.” Like they did every time I relived that moment, frustrated tears welled in my eyes. “They had a mission, all right. To abduct me.”

  Sheltering me in his arms, Cooper turned me to face him. His fingertips stroked my face before he pulled me closer. A growl rumbled in his chest. “You were kidnapped?”

  “Yes. They…” I gulped. “They kicked me then dragged me when I fell. They kept shoving me and shouting in Turkish, but I didn’t understand what they said. They pulled me into their van and drove away. When they stopped at a light, I was able to get the door open. I jumped out, screaming. People pulled me to safety. But the men broke my ribs and my wrist.” And my spirit, which might never heal.

  “They hurt you. I could…” His breath shuddered, and his arms tightened around me. “I’m glad you got away. That you’re safe.”

  I pinched back tears. Would I ever truly feel safe? A big part of me had been stolen, and I worried I’d never recapture it.

  “You’ve felt more secure here in Maine?”

  “Yeah, but…”

  Leaning back, he focused on my face. “What?”

  “I’ve had a hard time with it. At first, I was afraid to leave my Mom’s place.” My rough laugh slipped out, and I couldn’t hold his intense gaze. “I got counseling and it helped, but I’m not all me—yet. Not sure I ever will be. It makes me sad. Frustrated. Angry. Because I can control a lot of things, but I can’t control my emotions.”

  “You’ve had a traumatic experience. You can’t shove something like that into the back of your mind and lock it away.”

  “I wish I could.”

  “Don’t we all?”

  He must mean his father again.

  “I’m sorry he was awful to you.”

  His gaze darted away. “Crap like that can shatter someone into a billion pieces. Leave them with nothing left to give.”

  Was he referring to me or himself? Maybe both of us. I cupped his face and kissed him, trying to show him with my touch that he mattered more than anything to me. That I’d never harm him or break him. His mouth took but also gave. I imagined he needed my reassurance as much as I needed his.

  I faced the ocean again and leaned back on my palms. Heat soaked through the stone, radiating up my arms. The wind picked up, sucking dead leaves into the air. “Going camping is a big deal for me. It means stepping out into the world and holding back my fear. I take on the occasional wedding, which means going to wherever they need me. Because people are nearby during those times, I feel safe. But sleeping outside in a tent by myself? This is huge.”

  “You’re brave.”

  “Hardly.” I smiled up at him to reward him for the effort. “I don’t like being afraid. It holds me back.”

  “Fear’s a good thing sometimes.”

  The solemn expression in his face told me he’d been involved in things some people should never experience, situations worse than my abduction. “You don’t seem afraid of anything. Look at you, going to the Middle East on a regular basis. It takes courage to put your life on the line. To sacrifice yourself to protect others.”

  “Sounds like Eli’s been sharing a few secrets about me.”

  “I wanted to know. I still do.” I lifted our joined hands and studied his fingers. Long and lean, with closely-clipped nails. Tiny scars covered the backs, and he had thick calluses on his palms.

  He tipped his head back to stare at the sky filling with heavy clouds. “Everything you could imagine in life waits for you once you move beyond the shadow of fear.” A flash of sadness crossed his face.

  “Are those your words?”

  “I read them on a poster in my doctor’s office but they stuck with me.” His soft smile chased away the sadness lingering on his face. “The instinct to run is there to protect you but you’ve got to use it for your benefit, not let it overpower you.”

  Fear. That shadowy being that stalked me through my dreams and into the light of day. Its mocking face rose between us, telling me to flee from this, too. From Cooper. Because he was leaving soon, and I’d fall apart once he was gone.

  But I was tired of running. Of letting worry about what might never happen control my future.

  I rose to my knees and faced him, centering my palms on his shoulders. I stared into his eyes as if I could discover every thought, emotion, and nuance that made up this man. How could he know what I needed without my speaking the words and then offer it to me so freely?

  The yearning on his face told me he craved me as much as I did him. It sparked heat in my belly.

  His hands slid around my waist. “I don’t know if I can give you more than a few days, Ginny.” The passion in his words and the caress of his fingers on my back told me he placed himself in my hands.

  Right from the start, I’d known we couldn’t have forever. How could I assume anything else? He’d be sent on his next mission and then he’d return to California, while I’d remain here in Maine, where I needed to be.

  Thousands of miles would separate us.

  Could I give myself to him knowing I’d soon face his loss?

  “I’ll take days,” I whispered. If that was all he could offer I’d find a way to make each moment last forever.

  He caressed my face. Tender. As if he feared I’d shatter on contact. “I don’t know where this is going or even if it can go anywhere, but I want you.”

  “I want you, too.” Leaning forward, I kissed him, showing him with my lips and my hands that this time together meant everything. The heat of a million suns flew through me, making me melt. My limbs trembled.

  He fell backward, taking us to the ground with me on top of him.

  Nothing could drag my lips from his. The taste of him. His woodsy smell. He filled my senses to overload. With a moan, I straddled his waist and slid my hands underneath his tee to trace the lines of definition I’d seen on his abdomen.

  His fingertips teased the sides of my waist. They reached my bra, where he slid them along the seam.

  My past frightened me and my future remained unknown, but the present belonged to us. I hadn’t been acting on impulse when I said I wanted him. I’d take this moment and make it something to treasure during the long days to come.

  My commitment unleashed a fever inside me. I couldn’t get enough of him. Breaking our kiss, I sat upright and pulled my shirt off. I reached behind, unhooked my bra, and tossed it away.

  “You’re beautiful.” He rose up and kissed me. The rough pads of his fingers stroked along my waist to fondle my breasts.

  I moaned and tugged on his shirt, wanting it off so I could press my skin against his.

  “Slow down,” he said. He feathered his lips along the column of my neck. While his fingers rubbed my nipple, his mouth moved to suck my other breast. His tongue ran across the tip, and he gently bit down.

  Fire shot through me, centering below my waist. I cupped his head, his short, bristly hair teasing my palms. Closing my eyes, I arched back, giving myself over to him.

  “Damn, you’re sweet.” He smiled up at me, his breath hot on my breast, his eyes a dark, stormy blue.

  My heart split wide open and let him inside.

  “Take your shirt off,” I said. “Actually, take all of your clothes off. I want to touch you.”

  “I’ll give myself to you,” he said. “Tell me how it should be.” The sexy grin splitting his face shouted out his need. “Hard and fast?”

  His feverish body rising above mine before pressing down.

  “Yes,” I breathed.

  “We can do that. But right now.” He eased me to the ground underneath him. “I want to touch every part of you. I think this time, it’s going to have to be slow and deep.”

  I loved that he wanted more than one time.
An ache pooled between my legs, one only he could satisfy.

  “Condom?” I hadn’t carried one for months.

  “Got one.” Red filled his face. “Got more than one, actually. When I bought my watchband. I…hadn’t bought any in a while. Wasn’t sure I’d ever need them but…”

  “More than one condom is good.” I winked. “Because slow and deep might not be enough for me.”

  His eyes smoldered. “Now, that’s a challenge if I’ve ever heard one.” Devilment deepened his voice. “Lie back, and I’ll see what I can do to convince you slow and deep is more than enough.” He unbuttoned my shorts. “First, let’s get these out of the way.”

  Why was he still dressed? I wanted to smooth my fingers across his chest, stroke his abs, and take his length into my hand. “Your clothes need to come off, too.”

  He chuckled and teased apart my thighs with his hand.

  I was wet for him. But then, I’d been wet for him since our first kiss. No—back in the changing room the other day. Lately, all I had to do was think about him and I spun to the moon.

  He kissed me, and our tongues met and stroked. Leaving me gasping, he kissed lower, pausing at my breasts. While he rubbed between my legs, I panted and writhed. He slid fingers into me, delving deep.

  My breath stuttered to a halt and I ground myself against him, seeking more. His fingers felt so good, reaching and sliding inside me. My moan rose from my throat unrestrained, climbing for the heavens.

  His mouth stalled on my breast and he rested his forehead against my chest where my heart thrummed wildly. “I’ve gotta…slow down.”

  “Not now.” Arching up against his hand, I bit back my scream when this drove his fingers deeper.

  “I can’t do this. Not yet.” His lungs expanded, and he ground out a sigh. “Just…give me a second.”

  I was close. He couldn’t…no.

  As if he’d recaptured his control, his fingers teased inside me again while another finger pressed at the top in hard circles. His mouth returned to my breast to suck. Each pull sent bursts of heat to my groin as each stroke of his fingers brought me closer.

  I didn’t want it like this. Well, I did but I had to have him inside me, too. Slow and deep or hard and fast, whatever he wanted to deliver. In fact, I wanted them both.

  “Cooper!” I meant to be firm, to tell him in no uncertain terms he had to be inside me but his fingers twisted and rubbed, driving me nearer to the edge.

  His name came from me again in a gasp, because I was cresting. So unbelievably close.

  His overheated breath sent prickles across my damp skin. “I’ve got to be with you. Now.” Rising to his knees, he hauled off his shirt. While staring down at me with his gaze consumed with darkness, he shucked his shorts and boxers. Freed, his length strained against his abs.

  He reached for his shorts—for a condom, most likely.

  And the world exploded around us.

  14

  Cooper

  “Keep down!” I dove forward, covering Ginny’s body with mine.

  Lightning arced across the mountain and thunder followed, the boom vibrating through my bones. When had the sky gone black?

  Rain peppered my face and drummed the ground around us.

  “A storm.” I lifted my head and stared down at her, shock plunging through me. Water dripped off my chin. “We’ve got to get off the mountain. We’re too exposed up here.”

  I helped her stand, and we dressed as quickly as we could in saturated clothing that resisted our efforts. Holding hands, we raced for the trail. In seconds, we were inside the woods. Not that the forest provided much cover. The rain nailed us, the heavy clouds delivering payback for the recent drought.

  When Ginny slipped on the path, nearly falling, I slowed to a walk. I needed to get her to a secure location, but I couldn’t stand it if she got hurt in the process.

  Shielding my eyes with my hand, I looked around, desperate to locate shelter.

  “Come on.” Because the smooth surface was slippery, I pulled her off the marked path and into the deeper woods where sticks and fallen leaves provided traction. Thorn bushes and wild roses snatched at my clothing, but I shielded her behind me. I wouldn’t risk injuring her fragile skin. Pressing forward, I was guided by lightning flashing across the sky in unrelenting shockwaves. The thunder of a thousand land mines rumbled around us—through my body, spurring me on.

  Shit, for a minute up on the mountain top, I’d thought we were under enemy fire. I’d fallen on Ginny, frantic to protect her from harm. While counseling had kept me from reliving the worst moments I’d experienced overseas, I hadn’t realized how on edge my career kept me. Instinct had taken control, and I’d let it rule.

  A slice of darkness up ahead called me closer. I ducked underneath the broad branches of a cluster of evergreens where the rain only reached in infrequent drips. I brushed sticks out of the way on the ground and smoothed the pine needles, creating a soft spot where we could sit and wait out the storm.

  I dropped down and tugged Ginny onto my lap, enfolding her in my arms. She shivered, either from reaction to the hell still raging through the forest like an invasion of giants or from the sudden drop in temperature. Didn’t matter. I was determined to shield her from everything.

  She wrapped herself around me and buried her face in my neck. Her essence pulled me in, a mix of rain, ozone, and woman. I drowned in the memory of her response back on the peak.

  “We can stay here until it lets up.” I rubbed her back, trying to lend her my calm because she still trembled. Each shake dragged me closer to despair. A frantic need to make her feel safe forged through me, stronger than the storm roaring around us. “The weatherman said there might be thunderstorms late this afternoon.”

  “Might be, huh?” Leaning back, she grinned at me.

  Shit, maybe fear didn’t make her tremble. Maybe I did. The thought squeezed my heart until it bled dark red. Nothing and no one would keep my smile from my face. “I think the weather report got it right, don’t you?”

  “Not a common occurrence for them.”

  “They said the storm is supposed to go through fast.”

  Her low chuckle lifted the hairs on the back of my neck. “Hard and fast?”

  Yeah, I wanted her. Badly. “I did promise you slow and deep, now didn’t I?”

  Palming my shoulders, she leaned near, and her lips stole across mine, stirring fire. “And you’ve yet to fulfill your promise.”

  “Far be it for me not to deliver on a command.”

  She slid her shirt over her head and unclasped her bra. Her clothing found its place on the pine needles. Hands on her hips, she smirked. “Well, soldier, what are you waiting for?”

  Reverence filled me. To think this woman wanted me. Craved to be with me, even if only for this moment. I cupped her breasts and stroked her nipples, bringing them to hard peaks. They strained toward me, begging for my touch. She caressed my back and teased her fingertips around to my chest. Tension coiled tight inside me. Only she could bring the release my body begged for.

  We kissed, long and with growing heat, the stroke of our tongues bringing our breathing to a feverish rush. My heart sent rocket fire through my chest. I’ll kill to be with her.

  As predicted, the rain slowed quickly. The late-day sunlight stabbed through the forest, seeking us. Highlighting Ginny in all her naked glory.

  I had to have her. Take all of her. Immediately.

  The world collapsing around us couldn’t make me leave our haven now. Life—and all the crap that came along with it—crowded out sanity often enough. No reason to let it back in yet.

  I’d have to catch a flight to California soon, and I didn’t want to go. Leaving meant losing the one person I was starting to care for above all others.

  Ginny stood and pulled off her shorts, urging me to do the same. Her smile—timid and bold, all at the same time—made my chest swell. She was the loveliest thing in the world.

  I reached for her, pulling h
er against me, and we sank to the ground again, our bodies rubbing together. The sensation of moist skin on skin made me groan.

  She leaned sideways, delved inside my pocket to pull out the foil packet, and held it up in the air like it was a prize worth fighting for. Guess it was.

  “Slow and deep, right?” she said with the very devil in her eyes.

  I could do that. Maybe.

  She tore into the packet, and then rolled it down me, stroking along the way. She drove me insane with her fingers. Her laughter lit up her face, leading me to believe she knew what she did to me and reveled in it. I had no problem with that. But a beast was rising inside me, demanding the satisfaction only her welcoming body could give. Easing her back onto the ground, I rose above her, growling with endless hunger.

  A goddess lay beneath me, her eyes half-lidded with anticipation. Her arms reached up and pulled me into her intoxicating embrace. Ginny was the past I never wanted to forget and the future I could never have. I shoved aside the bitterness that came with the realization. This would be enough. I’d find a way to make it so.

  I took her lips with a need that outdid all others and reached between us to stroke her. Damn, wet again. Could I really hold back until she was fully with me? She needed to come before I gave into my own satisfaction.

  She writhed and cried out my name, telling me with her sighs that she was as eager for this as I was.

  Shifting my head back, I stared into her eyes while I sheathed my body inside hers, connecting us completely. Her legs rose to wrap around my waist, pulling me deeper still.

  She closed her eyes and moaned. “You feel so good, Cooper.”

  Determined to make each of her cries last me into the next world and beyond, I pulled back and slid into her again. Her body was smooth and soft, yet like steel, pulsing around me. So freakin’ wet. Like a horny teenager, I was going to come after only a few strokes.

  Her fingers gripped my shoulders, her thighs held me near, and her head arched back on the ground.

  Slow and deep, right? I deployed that rhythm, battling to keep from pounding into her until my body exploded.