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Matthew Del Negro - 10,000 NOs

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by vHow to Overcome Rejection on the Way to Your YES (pdf)


  Ifyoudidnothavethatkindofinfluence,thegoodnewsisthatworkethiccanbelearned,trained,andcoaxedoutof itsdarkcaveifyouhavetherightpieceofmeattolureit.Thispointmaybebestillustratedby 10,000NOsguest TerryKnickerbocker'sjourney.Knickerbocker,anactingteacherwithhisownstudioinBrooklyn,NewYork,is knownforguidingactorslikeSamRockwellintoOscar-winningperformances.Thesignaturequalitycitedby Knickerbocker'sstudents,clients,andemployeesishisincrediblydetailedanddedicatedworkethic.Butearlierin hislife,hewasaself-describedunderachieverwhowouldgethighallthetimebeginningintheninthgrade.His appetiteforworkwasonlywhettedwhenhediscoveredhispassionforacting.Hebegantogetroles,butsoon realizedhisrawtalentwouldonlytakehimsofar.

  “Ididn'tknowwhatthehellIwasdoing,butIkeptongettingtheseparts.IrealizedIreachedaplateauhereandI neededtotrain.”

  —TerryKnickerbocker,ActingCoach

  Priortobeingconsideredoneofthebestactingcoachesinahighlycompetitiveindustry,Knickerbockerfailedoutof BostonUniversity.Itwasnotalackofabilityorintelligencethatcuthisundergraduatestudiesshort.Itwasafailure toshowuptoclassthatundidhim.Regardlessofthesizeofyourtalentoryournatural-bornabilities,ifyoufailto workhardortodosoconsistently,youwillneverreachyourpotential.Youmaygetby.Youmayevenexcelin comparisontoyourcompetition.Butyouwillneverbeabletolookyourselfintheeyewiththepridethatcomes fromknowingyougaveityourall.

  “YoucanbelikeJackHornerandchiselaplum

  Andthinkyou'reawonderfulguy.

  ButtheManintheGlasssaysyou'reonlyabum

  Ifyoucan'tlookhimsquareintheeye.”

  —“TheGuyintheGlass,” DaleWimbrow

  Passionandinterestcertainlyplayapartinconsistentlychippingawayatagoalforlongperiodsoftime.But somethingthatIthinkmaybeoverlookedbymany,whichisthekeytoincreasingastrongworkethic,isthe mindset

  thatusuallyaccompaniesthisprocess.Contrarytowhatmanypeoplemaybelieve,almosteveryhighachieverknown fortheirincredibleworkethicdevelopeditbecauseavoiceinsidetheirheadtoldthemthattheirGod-giventalenton itsownwasnotgoodenoughtogetthemtowheretheywantedtobe.

  “Wearenotparticularlywell-spoken,wearenotparticularlygood-looking,wearenotparticularlyintelligent,we are…generallyspeakingaB-minusacrosstheboard,andyetwejustfuckingkilledourselves,andworkedour assesoffandfoundawaytopushthatboulderupthemountain.AndIthinkpeoplelookatus,andrightfullyso, andtheythink,‘Ifthoseguyscandoit,Ithinkanybodycandothis.’”

  —MarkDuplass,FilmmakerandActor,onthemassivesuccessheandhisbrotherhavehadinHollywood circumnavigatingthesystem

  Thefactthatthesepeoplehaveaccomplishedsomuch,andaremanytimesrewardedwithprestigiousaccoladesor larger-than-averagefinancialrewards,hascausedotherstoincorrectlydeducethatthesepeoplewerejustborn

  “betterthantherestofus.”SomeonewatchingahighlightreelofNBAstarStephCurrydrainingthree-pointer buzzer-beatersinhigh-pressuregamesmightthinkhe'sjustamorenaturallygiftedshooterthanthemajorityofhis basketballcounterparts.Whilehedoespossessanenormousamountofathleticability,thepainstakingdetailand consistencythatgoesintohisdailyshootingregimeniswell-knownandsomethingheoftenspeaksabout.Asimilar narrativecarriesacrossallindustries,whetherwearetalkingaboutanathlete,actor,comedian,CEO,orpolitician.

  Thesesuperstars'workethicsaretheircommonthread,likeaninsurancepolicyagainstchanceandmeretalent.

  GettingtoKnowFear

  Let'sbreakdownthepsychologyofastrongworkethic.Bumperstickersaboundspoutingsloganslike“NoFear.”

  ButperhapsmyfriendandformerpodcastguestTonyBlauerhasitmoreaccuratewithhisowncompany,Know Fear.Blauerisoneoftheworld'stopself-defenseexperts,havingtrainedscoresofTierOneOperators(a.k.a.Navy SEALs,ArmyRangers,etc.)aswellashousewivesandeverydaycitizens.Hisphilosophyisthat,ratherthanstickour headsinthesandpretendingwearesafe,weneedtofamiliarizeourselveswithfear.Weneedtobeincrediblyaware ofoursurroundingsandthepotentialfordangeratanytime,whetheritbefromanassailantonthestreetoracarin anoncomingtrafficlane.Blauerteachesthatitisonlyinleaningintothefearandsadnessoflosingone'slovedones thatpeoplearemotivatedtotaketheproperprecautionstoreducethechancesofthathappening.Fear,inthiscase, becomesthemotivatorthatsignsusuptogetthetrainingnecessarytoprotectourselvesandourfamilies.That trainingandawarenesscanbeconsidered“goodworkethic”withintherealmofself-defense.

  Asanactor,IknowfeareverytimeI'monanewsetinanewrole.Myconsistenttraininghasreducedthisfear.And overtime,myexperiencehasprovidedmeexamplesthatIcandrawfrom,oftimeswhereIhaveovercomemyfear inthepast,whichhelpsmetokeepitincheck.Butnewenvironmentscanbringnewchallengesthatsometimes makemefeellikeI'mstartingalloveragain.WhenIwasyoungandI'dhearalegendaryactorlikeGeneHackman wonderifhewasevergoingtoworkagainoncehewrappedafilm,Ithoughtitwasaninsincereployforsympathy.

  Butnow,asaconsistentlyworkingactormyself,Ifinallyunderstandhisstatement.TheyearshavetaughtmethatI canneverpredictwhatiscomingnext.Likewise,onanewsetwithnewplayersandmaterial,afearthatIwon'thave whatittakestohackitcansometimescreepintomypsyche.Myspecificcareer,wheremuchofmyworkhas consistedofextendedstintsonotherpeople'sshows,hasbroughtthischallengeupformerepeatedly.

  TheWestWingExperience

  Oneoftheseintimidatingstintswason TheWestWing.WhileIwaseventuallycastasBramHoward,theadvance manofJimmySmits'sMattSantoscharacter,towardtheendofseason6,Ihadauditionedforadifferentroletwo yearsprior.Forthataudition,Ihadmadeitfarenoughtoeventuallyreadwiththeshow'screator,AaronSorkin.

  Despitehavinghadanicerunon TheSopranosafewyearsbeforethis,Iwasabitscared.Thetipfromthecasting directorbeforeIwalkedintotheroomwasthatSorkinlikeditfast,soIwouldneedtopickupmycuesandkeepthe paceatafastclip.WhileIwouldn'thaveconsideredmyselfaloyalfanof TheWestWingatthetime,Ihadseen enoughepisodestoknowthatvirtuallyeverycharacterwashyper-articulateandpronetoslingingpolysyllabic politicaljargonwhilemarchingthroughthemaze-likehallsoftheWestWingorhotelcorridorsatabriskpace—

  these“walkandtalks”quicklybecameahallmarkoftheshowandafeatureusedbymanyshowssince.Itwas intimidating,tosaytheleast.

  Ontopofthis,whileIconsidermyselftobeanintelligenthuman,Ihaveneverbeenparticularlyastutewhenit comestopolitics.Withanexorbitantamountofpreparation,however,Iwasabletosuccessfullymakeitthroughmy readingwithSorkin.Knowingthattherewereonlyafewotheractorsintherunning,coupledwiththefactthatthey werelookingto“castanunknown”inthisrole,IactuallywalkedoutofthatroombelievingIhadalegitimateshot.I waswrong.Ratherthanofferingtheroletomeoroneoftheotherhandfulof“unknowns,”theygaveittoMatthew Perry,whowasfreshoffofthesmashhit Friends.SuchisHollywood.Iwasforcedtochalkitupasanotherofmy 10,000“no”swhenPerryeventuallywonanEmmyforhisperformance.

  Twoyearslater,in2005,whiletemporarilyinLosAngelesattemptingtoscoreaseriesregularroleonanewshow duringpilotseason(thetimeofyearwhenpilots,a.k.a.firstepisodesofanewseries,arebeingcastforthefollowing seasonofTV),Iwentinagainforwhatwasadvertisedasaone-offgueststarroleon TheWestWing.Again,there wasamountainofpoliticaljargontoclimb,andmyfearofflubbingithelpedmetopreparefortheauditionenough thatIwaseventuallychosenfortherole.Ironically,Irememberfeelingworsecomingoutofthatroomt
hanIdid aftertheSorkinauditiontwoyearsbefore.(Howanactorfeelsabouttheirauditiondoesnotalwayscorrelateto whetherornottheygetthejob.)

  Gettingthegigwasavictoryconsideringthepedigreeoftheshow.ButwhenIwenttomyfirstfitting,Ipickedupan insidescoopfromamemberofthewardrobedepartment,whoeventuallybecameafriend,thatraisedthestakesfor meconsiderably.Hetoldmethatmystorylinewaspartofanewdirectionontheshowthatinvolvedthecampaign trailforJimmySmits'scharacter,MattSantos,runningforPresident.JohnWells,whohadsincetakenthereinsof theshowfromAaronSorkin,wasapparentlyusingtheseguestspotsasawaytoauditionactorsforapotentially longerstintontheshow.Inessence,mynewconfidantewastellingme,“Don'teffitup!”

  NobodyWalksontheHill!

  JohnHurley,myfreshmanfootballcoach,endedthefirstpracticeofourninthgradeseasonbysurprisingtheteam withanordertotakealaparoundatreethatwasperchedatopaverysteephillthatslopeddowntoourpractice field.Mistakenlyassumingweweredonecausedmetogetalatejumpontherunand,havinghustledmybuttofffor theprevioustwohours,Istruggledandcameinalmostdeadlast.IspecificallyrememberthinkingthatmaybeI wasn'tcutoutforthislevelofplayandeighthgradefootballwasmylimit.ButIstuckitout,stayedaround,andhad agoodseason.Buildingonthatfreshmanyear,Ihadthreemoregoodseasons,playingthroughtheendofhigh school.IalsoquicklylearnedCoachHurley'smostfamouscatchphrase,“Nobodywalksonthehill!”Hewasreferring tothatsteephillwehadtoclimbafterthatfirstpractice. Everytimeweascendedit,fromthatfirstpracticeon,it wasdrilledintoourheadsthatwecouldnotwalkit.Instead,nomatterhowtiredwemightbe,wehadtosprintup.

  “Nobodywalksonthehill!”isamantraIstillusewithmykidstothisday.Infact,Iuseitmyselfforeverythingfrom motivationinthegymtoprepworkforrolestomyoveralldailyhustle.Itwasfrontofmymindmyfirstdayon The WestWing,whenIwascalledtoset.Theywerefinishingasceneinaschoolclassroombeforewemovedontomy firstscene.That'swhereIfirstmetBradleyWhitford.Ihadseenhisworkontheshow,andhiscombinationof flawlessmachine-gun-firedialoguecombinedwithhisloose-as-a-goosevibewasfrighteninglygood.Iwasalso awareatthispointthathehadwonanEmmyAward,amongmanyotheraccolades,forhisportrayalofJoshLyman.

  Ontopofthis,Iwasawarethatallofmyscenesinthisepisodeconsistedof meleadingthechargedownhallways.

  MycharacterwasdrivingtheactionanddialoguewhileflankedbyactorswhoseworkIknew,whohadalsobeenon theshowfarlongerthanme:Whitford,Smits,TeriPolo,andJaneaneGarofalo,amongothers.

  Butthatfear,ofbeingtheguywhocomesinandturnsouttobetheflyintheointment,actuallysavedme.Knowing thatpreparationandworkethicweremybestweaponsagainstthenervesassociatedwithahigh-stakesgig,Ithrew myselfintotheprepassoonasIwascast.Withlimitedtimeforthein-depthresearchthatI'deventuallydo,Iran thescenesoverandover,drillingthelinesfrontward,backward,andsideways.I'drunthesceneswhileIwas driving,atthegym,walkingaround … inanIrishaccent,aSouthernaccent … anythingIcoulddosothatIdidn't haveto thinkaboutlinesatalloncewegotrolling.Ithoughtaboutmycharacter'srelationshiptothecandidate, MattSantos,andtotheothercharactersaswellastothecampaignitself.Onmyfirstdayontheshow,andall throughthatepisode,“LaPalabra,”Ineverfaltered.Iwasprepared,butnotoverconfident.Otheractors,evenonesI admiredsomuch,hadmomentsthatcausedustohavetocut,butIdidnot.

  Tobeclear,actingis notaboutmemorizingyourlines.Inmyopinion,thebestactingtakesplace betweenthelines.

  Greatactingisgreatlistening.Andtherearemanytimeswhen,aslongasyou'reexploringduringatake,youcango uponyourlinesandhavetostopthesceneandstillhaveusablematerialinthattake.Butanactorisusuallyonly allowedthatfreedomoncetheyareknown,trusted,andhaveproventhemselvestothedirectorandotheractors.

  Whenyou'rearookieontheset,youdonotwanttobethatperson,particularlyonashowthatinvolveslongand windingwalk-and-talkswithaSteadicam.Whiletherewasnotmuchparticularlyemotionalheavyliftingrequiredof meinthatfirstepisode,myworkethichelpedmeprovetothemthatImightbeanassettothecast.

  Iwasaskedbackto TheWestWingtwoepisodeslaterintheseason6finale,andinvitedtotheend-of-yearwrap party.AsIwasleavingthepartytoheadbacktotheEastCoast,ExecutiveProducerandDirectorAlexGravessaid,

  “We'llseeyouattheendofthesummer.”Isaid,“Canyouputthatinwriting?”Theycalledmyrepsoverthe summer,guaranteeingmethreeoutofthefirstfiveepisodesinseason7,andthatledtomebeingasignificant playerinwhatturnedouttobetheshow'slastseason.Istuckaroundallthewaythroughtheseriesfinale,inwhich mycharactergothisownofficeintheWestWing.

  Mytalenthelpedmeinmy WestWingexperience,butIcreditmostofthatruntomyworkethic.Ialsocreditmy beliefinCoachHurley'smantra,“Nobodywalksonthehill!”Myhealthydoseoffear,whichservedasamotivator, wasalsokey. TheWestWingmaterialIwasgivendidnotexactlyallowmetotrulystretchmyactingmuscles.But, muchlikemytimeon TheSopranos,whichyou'llhearaboutinanotherchapter,itcontinuestohelpmescorejobs tothisdaybecauseitwassuchahigh-pedigreeandculturallyrelevanttelevisionshow.

  “Drivingtoauditionsthatareanywherefromsixtoeighthoursaway,maybeevensometimestwiceaweek.So, you'relivinginAtlanta,butyou'redrivingtoNewOrleansforauditions.I'mtalkingone-liners.Whenyoutalk aboutthegrind.Whenyoutalkaboutworkethic.Whenyoutalkaboutbeingcommitted.That'swhereyoulearn becauseyouaregrateful.”

  —MelissaPonzio,Actor, TeenWolf,ChicagoFire

  WhenIreflectuponworkethic,IoftenthinkofafamousquotefromRobertDeNiro'sdirectorialdebut, ABronx Tale.Afterhischaracter'ssonaskshimifhehastalent,DeNirotellsthekidhehasallthetalentintheworld.This promptstheboytoaskifhecanbeaprobaseballplayersomeday.DeNiroresponds,“Thesaddestthinginlifeis wastedtalent.”Headdsthattherestisuptoworkinghardanddoing“therightthing.”Inanironicandsadtwistof lifeimitatingart,theactorLilloBrancato,whoplayedtheboy,atotalnaturalwhowascapableofgoingtoe-to-toe withlegendslikeDeNiroandChazzPalminteri,gotmixedupwithdrugslaterinlife.Heandafriendgotinvolved

  withaburglarythatresultedinanoff-dutypoliceofficerbeingshotandkilled.Heservedeightyearsinprison,with hislifeasheknewitforeverchanged.Talentisnotworthmuchifitisn'tattachedtoworkethicandvalues.

  TopThreeTakeaways

  1. Ifyoulovesomething,youwill wanttoworkhardatitandbethebestyoucanbe.Havingpassionfor somethingmakestheworknotfeellikework.

  2. Fearisagreatmotivator.Ifyoupretenddangerdoesn'texist,yourfearwillfreezeyouwhenyou'refaced withdanger.

  3. Amassivevolumeofworkandpreparationcanserveasaninsurancepolicyagainstnerves,fear,and unforeseenhiccupsthatarecertaintoariseinthecourseofachallenge.

  CHAPTER3

  Performance,Anxiety,andInstinct

  “Wemakedecisionsbasedonfearandwemakethembasedonhope.Andwhenwelookbackonourlives,the choiceswemadebasedonfearneverworkout.”

  — EricChristianOlsen,Actor

  Whileitmayseemnaturalforanactortoincludeachapteraboutperformanceinhisbook,theboldfactisthat performance,theaccompanyinganxietythatgoeswithit,andtheinstinctusedinthechoiceswemakepertainto everyone.It'snaturaltoexamineperformanceandinstinctinrelationtoactorsandathletes;nevertheless,theyare likelyaffectingthequalityof yourliferightnow.Regardlessofourprofession,mostofusareovertlyrewardedor punisheddependingonourabilitytoperformwhenitcounts.Ev
eryone'squalityoflifeisdirectlycorrelatedtohow welltheyperform.

  Therearetwocommondenominatorsbehindtheabilitytoperformwellinanycircumstance:overcominganxiety, andhoningyourinstincts.Whenyou'refocusedonserving,helping,listeningto,orengagingwithany oneor any thingbesidesyourself,youhaveashotatsuccess.Butifyouturnyourhead,evenforasplitsecond,youcanlose thethreadandwatchyourperformancecrumblebeforeyourveryeyes.

  TwoSidesoftheSameCoin

  Atmyhighschoolbackinthelate1980s,therewasamassivechasmbetweenathletesandthoseinvolvedinthe theater.Thesocialgroupswereseparatedinto“jocks”and“dramies.”ThereasonJohnHughes'smovies,like The BreakfastCluband PrettyinPink,struckachordwithaudiencesisthattheyreflectedasocietaltruth.Students definitelyutteredsnarkycommentslike,“He'sjustadumbjock”or,“Dramiesaresuchfreaks.”WhatI'vediscovered overtwodecadesasaprofessionalactor,however,isthatthereare hugesimilaritiesbetweenathleticperformers andartisticperformers.Bothofthem,intheirbestmoments,haveacertainlackoffearandatouchofsomething beyondthepurelyphysicalworld.Thereismuchtolearnaboutanxiety,andhowtomanageit,frombothofthese camps.

  DespitemyawarenessthatIwasnotanaturallygiftedathletelikemanyofmyfriends,Iwaspeggedasoneofthe jocksinhighschool.IplayedsportsthroughouttheyearandIwasproudofmyworkethicandmydedicationtomy teams.

  “Andthat'swhenitclickedwithme.Ithought,‘Thesearenotsuper heroes.Thesearejustmenthatcandosuper things.’”

 

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