Matthew Del Negro - 10,000 NOs

by vHow to Overcome Rejection on the Way to Your YES (pdf)

  —ChristopherJ.Burns,MD,FACS,formerUSNavySEAL

  Thereisanaspectofeliteperformancethatisotherworldly.WatchingMichaelJordanplaybasketball,LindseyVonn ski,orthespianslikeMerylStreepandChristianBaleknockapowerhouseroleoutofthepark,itseemsasthough whatthey'redoingiseffortless.It appearssonaturalthatmanypeoplebelievethey,too,coulddoit,ifonlygiventhe opportunity.Manymistakenlybelievethatitdidn'ttakemuchworktopullitoff,butthat'sthemagicof performance.The workethicdiscussedinChapter2isliketheenergyittakestogetarocketoffthegroundand throughtheatmosphericbarrier,butthe performanceismorelikewhathappensoncetherocketjettisonsitsbig engineandenterstheweightlessnessofspace.

  Themedia,andmanytimestheperformersthemselves,oftendownplaytheamountofworkrequiredtocreatesuch gracefulmomentsbecauseworkdoesn'tsellaswellasglamour.Eventhelifestylesofgreatperformersgiveoutsiders theimageofthemsippingcocktailsonabeachwhenthey'renotbusydazzlingtherestofus,butnothingcouldbe furtherfromthetruth.TheactorsIknowandrespectaretheexactoppositeoftheattention-seekingstereotype strollingdownaredcarpet.Manyareintrovertedandmostpossessenormousintelligence.Thatintelligencemayor maynotlenditselftobeingbooksmartorgreatwithnumbers,buttheactinggreatshaveanunderstandingofthe nuancesofhumanbehaviorthatisastounding.Whichiswhyit'snotshockingwhensomanyactorswhogobackto schoolfortheirdegreesafterworkingprofessionallywhentheywereyounghavediplomasfromuniversitieslike Brown,Harvard,Yale,orColumbia.

  IhavediscoveredthatalargepercentageoftheactorsI'veworkedwithovertheyearscamefromathletic backgrounds.Evenmanyofthosewhodidnotplaytraditionalteamsportswereoncedancersorfigureskaters,both ofwhichrequireincredibleathleticabilityandphysicaldiscipline.Ibelievethecommonalityliesintheperformance.

  ThesameelementsthatgointoperformingeverySundayonafootballfield,forexample,existeverynightinthe theater.I'veexperiencedpre-showjittersjustbeforethecurtaingoesupinthesamewayIusedtofindmyself nervousonafootballsidelineuntilIgotinthegame.Gettinghitbyanopponentknockedmeoutofmyheadand intomybodythesamewayutteringmyfirstlineinaplaygroundedmetothestageinfrontofalargeaudience.

  Similaritiesabound.Thewaysinwhichwecombatournervesinsportsandtheartsareshockinglysimilar.Physical andvocalwarmupsinthetheatercanbecomparedtocalisthenicsbeforeanathleticcontest.Thereisarelianceon yourteammatesandcoachesinsports,andarelianceonyourcastmatesandcrewinanyproduction.Andyetinboth arenas,ironically,themajorityofaccoladesandexcessivepayaregivenforindividualperformances.Playersare judgedforindividualstatisticssuchaspointsinbasketball,homerunsinbaseball,ortouchdownsinfootball.

  Likewise,actorsaresingledoutforaparticularperformance.Butinbothcases,itistheteameffortthatisawarded thechampionshiptrophyortheBestPictureOscarregardlessofindividualperformances.

  Perhapstherealrootofwhysomanyformerathletesturntoactingoncetheirsportscareersendistheiraddictionto thespontaneityofliveperformanceandthemanagementoffearandnerves.Playinglacrossebeyondthehighschool levelIlearnedthat,whilerawtalentdoesmatter,perhapsthemostimportantcontributortosuccessinsportsisthe mentalgameandone'sabilitytocontinueplayingdespiteaphysicalsetbackorabadbouncethatcostsone'steama game.I'vefoundthattobetrueasanactoraswell.Whiletheabilitytokeepone'snervesincheckinhigh-pressure auditions,orparticularlyhigh-stressdaysonset,isimportant,theabilitytofacetheabyssofextended unemploymentinaveryficklebusinesswithoutcrackingistherealchallenge.Oneofthebiggestfactorsdecidingthe longevityofone'scareeristhementalgame.

  “Ifyoubomb,ifyoufail,it'sokay.Youjustgobackhome,andyouworkagain,andyougoback.Ifitlands,ifit kills…you'rejustthehappiestmanontheplanet.”

  —GadElmaleh,Stand-upComedian,Actor,VotedFunniestManinFrance Nowhereinactingisthethrilloftheunknownmoreelectricthanlivetheater.AsayoungactorinNewYorkCity, muchofmyearlyworkconsistedofplays.Asidefromafewlegitimateoff-Broadwayruns,thoseplayswere performedinblack-boxtheatersorotherspacesthatwerenotexactlywhatoneenvisionswhentheyimaginealife ontheboards.Regardlessofthevenue,theelectricityoflivetheaterisever-present.WhenImovedtoLosAngelesin thefallof2005tocontinuemyrunon TheWestWing,mycareertransitionedintoconsistingalmostexclusivelyof filmandTVwork.Butinthefallof2007,LorettaGreco,whohaddirectedmeoff-BroadwayinNewYork,cameto LosAngelestoauditionactorsforaproductionofDavidMamet's Speed-the-Plow.Itwastobeperformedthat winterattheGearyTheaterinSanFranciscoundertheauspicesoftheAmericanConservatoryTheater.

  NotonlyhaveIhadtheopportunitytoworkonseveralMametplaysinvariousclassesovertheyears,butIhadthe goodlucktobecastinthatspring2008productionof Speed-the-PlowattheGeary.SomeofthehousesIperformed inwhilelivinginNewYorkheldlessthan60audiencemembers.Thatintimacycarrieditsownbrandof intimidation.ButtheGearywasabeastofadifferentnaturetowhatI'dexperiencedbefore.Multipletiersof balconiesriseatasharpverticalandtheornatedecorharkensbacktotheatersofourpast.Itcanseatanaudienceof morethanathousand.Itisanincredibleplacetowork,butitssizeandprestigedefinitelybringwiththemanadded levelofexcitementorstress,dependingonhowyouviewthem.

  YouCanTaketheKidOutoftheBlackBox…

  Thefundamentalsofpreparing Speed-the-Plowwerevirtuallythesameaspreparingforanyothershow.Webegan withacasttablereadinfrontoftheproducers,thenproceededtobreaktheshowdownintosmallerpartsbefore graduallybuildingitbackuptothecompleteshowtheaudiencewouldexperience.Themaindifferencebetweenthis andthesmallerproductionsinwhichIhadperformedbeforewasthatourtechweekwasmoreextensive.Thisjust meantthatour“cue-to-cue”rehearsals,inwhichthecastmovestothespotsonthestagewherethey'llbestanding duringlightingshiftsandscenerychangesforthetechnicianstocalibrateandtimetheircues,tookalittlelonger.

  Muchlikescalingamom-and-popbusinessintoacorporateenterprise,thebellsandwhistlesmayappeardifferent, butthefoundationuponwhichitisbuiltisconstructedinroughlythesamemanner.

  ThenatureofMamet'swriting,andthisplayinparticular,whichweperformedfor90minutesstraightwithno intermission,isverydemandinganddetailoriented.Mycharacteronlyleftthestageforaverybrieftimebeforere-enteringfortheclimax,soitrequiredacertainamountofstaminaandenergyaswell.Theheavy,metereddialogue, inwhichmyco-starandI,ourcharactershavinghadalonghistorytogether,finishedeachother'ssentences, requiredmassiveamountsofrehearsaltogetthetimingrightwhilegivingtheaudiencetheillusionthatweweread-libbing.MycastmateAndrewPolk,whoisaregularontheBroadwaycircuit,andIwouldgotothegymandspeed throughtheentireplaymultipletimesaday,everyday,whileclimbingsidebysideonStairMastermachines.Once theplaywasuponitsfeet,performingitwaslikebeingshotoutofacannonorgettingonaspeedingtrainfor90

  minutesstraighteverynight.

  Bythetimewereachedopeningnight,theperformancehadbecomeadancebetweenourtinycast(Polk,me,and JessiCampbell)andeachaudiencethatpackedthehouse.Ravereviewsmadeusahotticketintownandeverynight feltlikeanew,slightlydifferenthigh-wireact.Thepotentialfordisasterinlivetheaterhasanalluretoboththe audienceandthoseperformingforthem.Muchlikeprofessionalsportsthatarebeingplayedinfrontofastadiumof tensofthousandsofpeopleandsimultaneouslybroadcasttomillionsmore,thereisnoguaranteethatthingswon't fallapartatanygivenmoment.Atthesametime,thereisalwayspresentthepossibilitythatwemaywitness greatnesswithourowneyes,
asitunfolds.

  Whilethisdangerisalluring,itcanalsobeterrifying.Iwilladmitthatthereweresomenightswheremythoughts wouldbegintospiralintowhatIhavesinceheardmeditationteachersdescribeas“monkeymind.”Minutesbeforea show,I'dbebombardedbyhystericalthoughtsofpotentialdisasterstriking.Foranactor,thatdisastercould translatetowhatactorscall“goingup”onone'slines,forgettingone'slinesinfrontofapackedhouse.Thethought ofhavingnowheretorunandnowheretohidecanbenightmare-inducing.But,asmyoldactingteacherTerry Schreiberusedtosay,“Sometimestheroleswefearthemostaretheroleswe needtotakeon.”Hislogicwasthatall oftheenergyweusetoholdourselvesbackfromarolewefear,oncewecommit,willpropelusevenfurtherintothat character.Thistheoryappliestoanythingfromthedaringfeatsofatrapezeartisttoafieldgoalkickerattemptingto bootaballthroughtheuprights60yardsawaytowintheSuperBowl.Italsoappliestogoingoutonstageevery nightinfrontofaliveaudience.

  Therazor'sedgeofperformanceisperhapsbestillustratedbyastoryTonyRobbinssharesathisUnleashthePower Withinseminar.Hetellsofhistwosimilar,yetdrasticallydifferent,conversationswithCarlySimonandBruce Springsteen.WhenheaskedSimonaboutherparalyzingstagefright,shesaid,“Ifeelmyheartstarttopalpitate,my palmsgetsweaty…andIknowapanicattackiscomingon.”WhenRobbinsaskedSpringsteenabouthisfamously longconcertsandhowhecangethimselfintopeakstateforanewcrowdeverynight,Springsteenanswered,“My heartstartstorace,mypalmsgetsweaty…andIknowI'mreadytotakethestage.”Twoidenticalsymptoms;two oppositeassociationsandoutcomes.

  “Itrainedeighthoursadaysevendaysaweek,twoweeksoffayearfromtheageofthreeuntilIofficiallyretired at16.AndIhadahangup.Igotreallybadlyinjuredat13becauseIcouldnotlandadoubleaxel…Ihadthis mentalblock…andIwouldjust…thatwasallIwouldpracticeeveryday…myparentssentmetosports psychologistsandIhadtolistentoallthesedifferenttapesofvisualization…butIjustcouldnotdothatone jumpanditreallybecamemybiggestnightmare.”

  —JulieBenz,Actor, Dexter

  Formerfigureskater,ranked13thatthe1988USChampionships Afewofmyown10,000“no”shavecomefromboutswithperformanceanxiety.Tomakethepointthatthe actual stakesofasituationarenotasimportantasthe perceptionofdangerinourownminds,I'llshareoneofmyfirst performancehiccupsfromthethirdgrade.Itwasnotaproperproductionbutmerelymyclassperformingsome kindofstagedreadingofaveryshortplayinfrontofotherthirdgraders.Theywereouraudience.Noparentswere present.Theolderandyoungergradesatourschoolweren'tevenawarethiswashappening.Andyet,Icanstill rememberthenervousfeelingIhadinmybody.AtacertainpointIwastosay,“Ifatfirstyoudon'tsucceed,try,try again.”Ididso,andwemovedon.Somehow,however,thesamecuecamebackaroundtomeaminutelaterandI foundmyselfsayingthelineforthesecondtime.Weallsmirked,aswouldbeexpectedfromkids,butwestuckwith it…untilitcamearoundagain.

  Asthelinecameoutofmeforthethirdtimeinthreeminutes,Isnortedandkeeledover,laughingsouncontrollably thatIwascrying.

  Itmayhavebeencompoundedbythefactthatthelineitselfdescribedexactlywhatweweredoing.Theentire audienceofthirdgraderswatchedaseveryoneinthe“play”brokedowningiddylaughter.Wewerestuckinaloop andwecouldn'tgetout.Eventually,wemadeitthroughthepieceanditdidn'tleavemuchofascaronmypsyche.It justservesasareminderoftheslipperyslopeofperforming,regardlessofage,time,place,oraudience.

  Doesn'tTakeMuchtoBeKnockedOffCourse

  Anotheranxietyhiccuptookplaceonanightofone-actplaysIdidintheWestVillagewithagroupoffriends.Itwas arelativelytinyproductionandtheplayIwasperformingwasabouttwocaterwaiters.Romanticallyinvolved,they werequestioningtheirrelationshipastheyworkedtogetheronNewYear'sEveof1999,headingintothenew millennium.Ihadonlybeendatingmynow-wife,whoisnotandhasneverbeeninmybusiness,forafewmonths whenIinvitedhertobringherparentstoseemeperform.Mostlikelydistractedbythethoughtthattheywere presentinthetheater,atonepointmyscenepartnersaidherlineandIwentcompletelyblank.Ihadnoideawhat camenext.Itfeltlikeaneternity,anightmare.Thoughitwasprobablyjustasecondortwo,inthoseseconds,Ihad thoughtsofmynewrelationshipendingbecausenoparentwouldwanttheirdaughterdating,muchlessmarrying,a guywhosayshe'sanactorbutcan'tevenrememberhislines.Somehow,Islowedmybraindownenoughtorecall thecircumstancesoftheplayandthismoment.Magically,mybrainfedthelinetomeandIpromptlyspititout.The showmustgoon,anditdid.

  Afterthecurtain,everyonegatheredinthelobbyandtalkedabouttheplayasistypical.WhenIaskedmynow-in-lawsiftheywerenervouswhenIforgotmyline,theystaredatmewithpuzzledexpressionsontheirfaces.Theyhad noideawhatIwastalkingabout.Whatfeltlikeanabysmalgaffetomewentcompletelyunnoticedbytheaudience.

  ThereAreHitShows…andThereAreHitsinShows

  Therunof Speed-the-PlowwasahitandeverynightdifferentVIPswouldshowupaswellasfriendsandfamily, sometimeseventhosefromtheEastCoast,whoflewintoseetheshow.Onenightaftertheshow,Ilearnedthatone ofmyolderbrother'sfriendshadbeenintheaudience.WhenIaskedhimwhathethought,hesaid,“Itwasgreat.”

  Therewasaslightpause,andthenhecontinued,“Imean,thatpunchisamileawayfromyou,butotherthanthatit wasgreat.”Hewasreferringtoastagedfightinwhichmycharactergetspunchedandknockeddown.Oncehe'son theground,hegetskickedintheribs.Ihadapacketoffakeblood,whichIbitsothatwhenIcameupholdingmy nose,thebloodwouldrundownfrommynostrilsasthoughIhadableeder.Iallowedthiscommenttopullmyfocus fromthetaskathand,whichwouldhaveadrasticeffectonthefollowingafternoon'sSundaymatineeandprovejust howdangerousitcanbetotrytopleaseanaudience.

  “Lastnightyouaskedforacupofcoffeewiththatline.Tonightyouaskedforalaugh.”

  —UtaHagen,LegendaryTheaterDirectorandActingTeacher,explainingwhyanactorfailedtogetlaughson ajokethatlandedthepreviousnight

  Inthatperformance,whenthepunchcame,Ithrustmyselfbackwithaviolentjerkandhitthedeckinaneffortto provemybrother'sfriendwrong.WhereasInormallylandedclosetothefootofthestage,thistimeIfeltmy momentumcarryingmefurther.AsIwasrollingoverIsawtheceilingoftheGearypassingby,faraboveme.ThenI

  feltmybodyleavethestage,theceilingstillspinning.LookingdownasIjettisonedthroughtheair,Iwas simultaneouslydebatingwhetheranactorcouldfalloffastagewhilecontemplatingthepossibilitythatIwasgoing tolandinthelapoftheoldmansittinginthefrontrow,when… crack! Mynosesmashedintotheman'sknee.You can'tmakethisstuffup.

  IwassureIhadbrokenmynose.Therewasacollectivegaspfromtheaudience,thenapause.Knowingtheshow mustgoon,Ihoppedbackupontothestage,causinganothergasptoripplethoughthetheater.Itookmyusualfetal positionand,oncue,Polkbeganto“kick”meintheribsthewayhealwaysdid.Ibitthebloodpacketand,whenI cameup,fakebloodpouringdownmyface,Ithoughtoneoftheelderlymatineeaudiencememberswasgoingto faint.Afollow-upX-rayrevealedthatmynosedidnot,infact,break.Butthosepeoplepaidforlivetheater,and dammit,that'swhatwegave'em!

  Instincts:TrustYourGut

  Thebestperformancesusuallyoccurwhensupposedaccidentshappenandpeopleareforcedtothinkandactonthe spot.Instinctisaperformer'sbesttool.Amishapallowsanaudiencetowitnessanotherhumanworkthemselvesout ofajaminlivetime,whichiswhathappenedinthatparticularperformanceof Speed-the-Plow.Thishappenson stagesandsetsaswellassportsfields.Inhighschool,playinglacrosseagainstthedefendingCon
necticutState Championsontheirhometurf,ourgamewentintoovertime.Whenthebestplayeronourteamtookashot,the opposingteam'sgoalieblockeditandthedeflectedballseemedtohangintheairinslowmotion.Withoutthought,I reachedupwithmystick,gotaholdofit,andshotitintotheopponent'sgoal.BeforeIknewit,Iwastackledbymy teammatesandburiedonthebottomofapile.Myshothadjustwonthegame.Buthere'swhatIremember:whileI didn'tplayhorribly,itwasn'tmybestgameever.Infact,Imistakenlythoughttheovertimeperiodwasfiveminutes soIdidn'trealizethatwewereinsuddendeath.WhenmyteammatestackledmeandpiledonincelebrationIwas justassurprisedastheotherteam'sshockedparents.Theresultmayhavebeenmonumental,butmy“performance”

  wasmerelythatofaplayerreactingtoalooseball.

  Ihaveobservedrepeatedly,whilewatchingmyson'syouthbaseballgamesovertheyears,thatkidswhotypically don'tseethemselvesasgoodathletesorbaseballplayersmaketheirbestplayswhentheballissmasheddirectlyin theirdirection.Withnotimefortheirbrainstoreact,theirbodilyinstinctskickinand,seeminglymagically,they comeupwithahugeplaythatshocksalloftheparentsinthestands.

  Whilesomepeoplearemorenaturallyinstinctivethanothers,Ibelievethatifonecanseethevalueinusingtheir instinct,theycanseekoutotherlikemindedindividualswhowillhelpthemcultivateitevenmore.WhenI interviewedChipTaylor,themanwhowrotethehitsongs“WildThing”and“AngeloftheMorning”onhiswayto theSongwriter'sHallofFameaswellasputtingoutanastounding29albumsoverafive-decadespan,Imistakenly describedwhathedoesaswritingpoetryandmatchingittomusic.Hecorrectedmeanddescribeditlikethis:

  “Iwouldpickuptheguitar,orinsomemannerhumsomenonsensethingstomyselfandwaituntilsomewords fellintogetherwithsomemelody.Andsometimesitmadenosenseatall,butifitgavemeachill,thenIwould continuewithit.”