Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  She exhaled. "Oh." She looked at the salesgirl sheepishly, but the girl raised her eyebrows and nodded in my direction. Dani twirled on her stool to find me gone, but I grabbed her hand, as I knelt beside her on one knee. She made a little surprised sound between a gasp and a squeak and covered her mouth with her other hand, eyes sparkling brighter than any of the stones in the case behind her.

  I laughed. "I'm not gonna let you get away this time."

  "I'm not running," she said solemnly, shaking her head.

  "Dani, we've known each other for so short a time. Most people would call us fools. But I am so in love with you. More than I ever knew I was capable of. Now... I thought and thought all the way here from Door County about how to tell you... how to describe what you mean to me... but words aren't enough. I know you are scared, but honey..." Tears were streaming down her face, and I felt them in my own eyes. "I plan on spending every day of our lives, no matter how long or how short they are, making you as happy as I possibly can. Making every minute, every second, count from here on out. Say you'll be mine so I can start."

  She grabbed me and began kissing me all over, her tears dampening my face. "Yes, Tucker. Oh, yes."

  I stood and embraced her. "I'm sorry. I know that wasn't a very good proposal. Zoe told me I needed to make it good, but I couldn't think of anything that would—"

  "Excuse me, sir?"

  We both turned, having forgotten about the lady behind the counter, a middle-aged, heavier-set African-American woman in a tailored suit. "I know I should have given you all your privacy, but... I've seen probably a dozen proposals since I began working here, and yours was the only one—no, wait, that's not true, all of them make me cry—but yours was the only one that made me want to shout, 'yes, yes! I'll marry you!'" She shrugged, and her cheeks blazed red. "Well, I'll give you your privacy then." She scurried away.

  Dani turned to me, holding my face between her hands. "She's right. It was a beautiful proposal, and I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life."

  "Let's go back and show the kids your ring. Oh. I need to put it on you, don't I?" I slipped it on her finger and gave her hand a squeeze. "It looks like a dream. It's the right choice."

  "You're right. Ooh. I'm so happy." She threw her arms around me and kissed me again.

  "Come on, let's go."

  Several salespeople congratulated us on the way out, smiling warmly.

  "So, Zoe knows?" Dani asked, looking at me sideways as I held her hand and continued to admire the way the ring looked on her finger as we walked to the SUV.

  I nodded. "And Scottie, too. I wanted to make sure they were ready."

  She scrunched up her nose, pausing before getting into her seat. "How did they react?"

  "Well, Zoe was so excited she almost forced me to cross three lanes of traffic." She laughed loudly. "And Scott..." I put my arms on either side of her, leaning against the SUV. "Scott wanted to know if he could call you Mom right away."

  She made this funny cooing sound in her throat and put her hand over her heart. "Oh, Tucker. I love them so much already." She began to really cry this time.

  "Don't cry, silly." I told her, wiping the tears from her face. "Let's go." Suddenly I couldn't wait for us to be with our little family. "I can't wait to show them."

  When we got to the hotel, Tabby must have heard our key in the door because as soon as we opened it we had about a two second warning of tiny, pounding feet before she launched herself into Dani's arms.

  "Hey, baby." Dani held her tightly and rocked back and forth. Tabby leaned back and Dani pulled her pajama top down as it was bunched between them.

  "Hey, Mommy. Ooh. That's a pretty ring. Did Tucker give it to you?"

  I looked at Zoe.

  "I didn't say anything. I swear." She laughed, holding her hands up in innocence, but leaning closer to try to get a peek at the ring, too.

  "Uhh... that would be because she's my daughter. I might as well tell you something now, Tabby has an eye for jewelry." She shrugged apologetically, then returned her attention to her little girl. She set Tabby on the floor lightly, then squatted to talk to her. Tabby already wore her cupcake p.j.s, although it was barely six o'clock. "Yes, Tucker did give this to me. And you know what else he did?" Tabby rotated her hips from side-to-side and shook her head. "He asked me to marry him."

  Tabby shifted her gaze from her mother's face to mine, her jaw dropping open. "He did?"

  I crouched, too, next to Dani. "I did. I love your mommy, Tabby. And I love you." Dani straightened so it could be Tabby and me, one-on-one.

  Tabby looked at me hesitantly. "Does that mean you'll be my daddy?"

  I nodded. "If you want me to be."

  Then, to everybody's astonishment, she threw her arms around me and began to sob. "I've always wanted a daddy." I looked at Dani, my eyes wide, a lump in my throat, and I could tell her daughter's outburst surprised her as much as it did me. She didn't realize how important it was to Tabby. I picked Tabitha up and stood.

  Dani ran a hand over Tabby's hair. "Oh, Tabby!"

  Tabby leaned back, pressing the sides of my face with her little hands. "And you'll be a good daddy, too, Tucker."

  Zoe, who looked like she couldn't stand it anymore, put her hand on Tabby's back to get her attention. "That means we'll be sisters, Tabby."

  "Yea!" Tabby reached her arms out to Zoe with a huge smile on her still-wet face.

  Scott, a little slow on the uptake, came running over, too. "And I'll be your brother." Zoe squatted so they were all together, putting Tabby down. I put my arm around Dani's shoulder and kissed her temple.

  "Good." Tabby threw her arms around both kids' shoulders. "I never had a brother or sister before."

  Zoe threw back her head and laughed. "Yes. We know."

  Tabby looked up, her blue eyes sparkling. "You did good, Mommy."

  Dani laughed, the back of her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Why, thank you."

  Zoe straightened and walked to us. "So let's see the rock." Dani held out her hand. "Nice, Dad," she complimented. In the same breath she asked, "He did do a good job of proposing, didn't he?"

  Dani looked at me with a smile. "The best."

  Chapter 22

  Samantha

  "What do you mean you got accepted to SIUE?" I screamed. I knew how excited Ryan was. It was the school he'd hoped to get into to study broadcast journalism.

  "I got accepted to SIUE!"

  "That can't be. You're not old enough. I can't be old enough to have a kid getting ready to go to college next fall." We had this discussion a few weeks earlier on Ryan's birthday, so he knew I was kidding. "I think somebody made some sort of addition mistake. You can't be eighteen."

  "Mom, it's 2008," he said slowly. "I was born in 1990. The math's not that hard."

  "Don't confuse me with numbers. You know I hate it when you do that. Dani and I have a hard enough time counting to five when it's chicken nugget day." Each kid had to get five, exactly five, no more than five, no less than five, or a riot might break out.

  Ryan waved a hand at me as he took off down the hall to his room, still wearing the same shit-eating-grin he had since he got home from school and checked the mail. "You're impossible."

  "Yeah, but you love me that way. Oh, and... Ry?" He turned around to look at me. "I'm proud of you, son."

  He was taken aback. I always threw the kids off when I acted all motherly on them. "I know, Mom," he said softly. "I know." He turned around, and I couldn't help but feel a pang as he got farther and farther away, knowing before too long, he'd be going all the way to Southern Illinois University in Edwardsville. I would be a mess that day. I'd better get a hand on some antidepressants now.

  I tromped into the living room where Kyle read the paper and plopped on his lap, smashing the paper as I did so. "My boy is leaving for college," I mourned.

  He crumpled the rest of the paper down good-naturedly. "I know. They must have switched him at birth with a much older baby, bec
ause I know you're not old enough to have a college-aged son."

  I caressed his cheeks, cooing. "You're such a smart man, baby." I kissed him loudly.

  "Surely you noticed how big he seemed when they brought him to you from the nursery. Already able to talk, and walk, and everything. Potty-trained..."

  I laughed. "I wish." The phone rang on the table next to us, and I picked it up, smiling. "It's Dani." I pushed speaker phone.

  "So... Eddie Money's got two tickets to Paradise. That's great and all, but are we flying coach? First class?"

  "Yeah. And what about his demand to pack your bags. Leaving tonight? A girl needs a bit more notice than that, Eddie."

  Kyle shook his head with a chuckle. "That's for sure," he said under his breath. I elbowed him in the ribs. "Ooff!"

  "Hey. How are ya? I miss you."

  "Me, too."

  "How are Elise and Jake and Ryan? And how's Kyle? Is his leg doing better?"

  "Right as rain," Kyle piped up.

  "Hi, Kyle. How are you?"

  "Fine, gorgeous. And yourself?"

  "Oh, I'm fantastic. I'm engaged," she burst out, sounding like it was a struggle to hold it in for the two seconds she did.

  "You're what?" I cried, shocked, scrambling to my feet. "To whom?"

  "To Chase Hatton," she said sarcastically. "No. To Tucker, you dumbshit."

  "No way! No f'ing way!" I paced around, a huge smile on my face.

  "Look. I know how you are about marriage and everything. And you're probably disappointed in me, but—"

  "Are you kidding?" I screeched. The kids stuck their heads out of the bedrooms one-by-one. "Marriage is great for you and Tucker. I'm not down on all marriages, only the majority of them. Dani and Tucker are getting married!" I said to the kids. Their whooping made it hard for me to catch her next words, but she stopped, hearing the kids and laughing. I could hear her telling Tucker, "The kids are cheering."

  "What did you say?" I asked when the noise faded to a low clamor.

  "I said I want you and Kyle to meet us somewhere to celebrate, when Kyle gets his schedule."

  "I should get it soon."

  "Congratulations, Danielle," I added. "Tucker's one of the good ones."

  Kyle frowned. "What about me?"

  "Oh, you're one of the good ones, too," I told him blandly. "We've got some news ourselves..."

  "You do?" Dani said, a bit more excited than I expected.

  "Ryan got accepted to SIUE."

  There was the slightest pause. "No way! You don't have one old enough to go away to college in the fall."

  "That's what I keep telling everyone," I said with feigned exasperation. "But no one believes me. I need you home, Dani. Nobody else understands me, except for Kyle," I added quickly, "and he's leaving me in a few days anyway."

  "I'll be back to take you out to a late lunch tomorrow."

  "Sounds good. We'll put it on Kyle's tab since he's abandoning me."

  "Hey, hey," he protested.

  I got off with Dani. I'd become subconsciously angry with Kyle since we'd returned from Peoria, for leaving. Even though I knew it wasn't his fault, and he dreaded it as much as I did. Even more so since he'd be on his own.

  "You know," Kyle said from behind his paper, interrupting my thoughts. "I think Dani has this whole marriage thing right."

  That old, sickening panic washed over me again. "Kyle..."

  "Oh, don't worry. I won't make you marry the mean, old hockey ref," he said, partly in jest, partly in disgust.

  "Kyle, we've talked about this. I'm not the marrying type."

  He folded his paper carefully and set it on the coffee table. "Bullshit. You were married once."

  "Well, I'm not the marrying type anymore. Bill ruined that for me." The doorbell rang. I glanced out the window. "Speaking of which, here's the asshole now." I stomped over and jerked the door open, and Bill barged in.

  "Listen, Sam," he bullied, then spotted Kyle, who rose slowly and deliberately to his feet. "Oh, there he is." Bill charged forward, and I stepped in his way. Both men looked like boxers sizing one another up in the ring. Bill had gained a lot of weight since our divorce, and he towered over Kyle. Still, Kyle's arms were huge, and I was pretty sure Bill had never been in a fight in his life. But I wasn't about to let one start now.

  "What do you want, Bill?" I stood, arms crossed in front of me.

  "I want you to stop sleeping with that man under my roof," he blustered.

  "Okay, first of all, it's not exactly your roof anymore," I stated calmly.

  "Our divorce papers say otherwise. And I'll kick you out of here faster than a bird can piss."

  I wondered idly just how fast that was. "Listen. I've had it!" I screamed, my temper rising meteorically. "If I want to live with the man I love in this house it's not any of your damn business. We're divorced, Bill. Remember? Divorced. And I won't listen to any of your bull anymore. You may own this house still, but you don't own me. If you want to kick the kids and me out on the street, you go ahead and do it."

  He seemed shocked by my response. I'd never stood up to him that way before. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times. He looked like a guppy. "I might just do that."

  "Yeah, I wouldn't put it past you. You're a big enough asshole to do it."

  He turned on his heel and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him, and, even though the windows were closed, we heard his weak-assed attempts to threaten me. "You haven't heard the end of this."

  The house became stunningly silent. I sank into the chair Kyle vacated. Several seconds ticked away without anyone saying anything. I rubbed my temples. Kyle raised his head to gaze down the hall, and three bedroom doors clicked softly closed.

  "You told him you loved me," he said in an astonished tone.

  This isn't what I expected him to say. "I did?" I responded weakly.

  "You said 'If I want to live in this house with the man I love, it's none of your damn business.' Which I think is a valid point, by the way."

  "Ohh. Well, then..."

  Kyle came and crouched in front of me, his hands on my thighs while I rested my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees. "Are you worried about what he said? Cause I would never let you and the kids live on the streets. I've never bought a house before because I didn't need to. But I've got enough saved to buy a really nice place for you."

  I chuckled, running my hand through his hair. "That's sweet."

  "I mean it, Sam. I could pick up a phone and call a realtor right now. No strings attached. I'd sign it over to you completely."

  I looked into his open face and something clicked. "You would, wouldn't you?"

  "Yeah, baby. I would. I'd love to live there with you as your husband, but if that isn't what you want... It would simply be a place for you and the kids then." He looked a little sad as he sat on his haunches, then moved to get to his feet.

  "Hmm... this marriage thing you speak of..." I said quickly.

  His eyes flashed to mine. "Yes...?"

  "I would have to have certain concessions."

  He smiled tentatively. "Such as...?"

  "I would need Starbuck's coffee brought to me every morning," I demanded.

  He thought about this. "Three times a week."

  I smiled. His playful nature was one of the reasons I would eventually tell him yes. "Done." I got to my feet to pace, my hands behind my back. "I would need a new Coach bag every quarter."

  He shook his head. "Once a year." I started to protest, but he held up a hand. "Outside of birthday and Christmas gifts."

  "Okay. I can live with that," I said happily.

  "And anniversary gifts."

  "Sweet. Okay, and finally, and this is non-negotiable... you must never, ever share your talent for musical analysis with any other woman, besides Dani."

  He came to me and tugged me to him, his eyes so solemn and sincere my breath caught in my throat. "I would never, ever share my natural gifts as a song analyst with any other woman
, other than Dani. I would belong to you, and only you, mind, body, heart, and soul, and lyrical insight."

  "I'll think about it then."

  "Arr! You drive me crazy!" He laughed, trapping my wrists behind me and intentionally tickling my ear with his breath. I laughed and struggled with him until we fell on the couch together, kissing.

  "I love you, Kyle," I whispered.

  "I know," he said softly, and brought his lips to mine once more. "I'll take that for today."

  Chapter 23

  Danielle

  It was the Fourth of July. Chase Hatton was playing a special benefit concert in his home town of Lincoln, and we were there.

  I hugged Sam to my hip. "Oh. It's been way too long since we've been to a concert together."

  "Yeah. It was spring. Way too long ago."

  Kyle arrived, juggling three beers, spilling all over his hands. "You're a good man, Kyle. For a Canadian, that is." Sam and I giggled.

  "Yeah, yeah," he answered dismissively. "How much longer until Chase?"

  "It can't be much longer."

  "It was so cool that we got to meet him," Sam gushed.

  "Yeah," I shrugged.

  Chase was every bit the gentleman I expected, and since he planned on coming for dinner tomorrow, I was anxious to pick his brain about his music. I thought it would be fascinating to find out how each song came together—did he come up with the music first or the lyrics? Who had the idea to add the violins on that part? What's this song really about? Who inspired it?

  It was a huge thrill to meet him, even though Tucker seemed a bit nervous about how I would react, and how that would make him feel. And, when I finally stood next to Chase... it still was fantastic. But he didn't raise my pulse nearly as much as my fiancé did.

  With a crash, the chords to Chase's latest hit song came on, and he entered to thunderous applause. Sam and I began dancing, and she turned to Kyle and shimmied down him rapturously, throwing her hair back and forth. He kissed her, and I started missing Tucker. He said he needed to do something backstage, but he'd be out soon. Although I knew it was unlikely I would spot him, I searched the eaves from our vantage point on the front row.