Woof Woof Story: I Told You to Turn Me Into a Pampered Pooch, Not Fenrir!, Vol. 1

by Inumajin

“Woof, woof! (Catch is so much fun!)”

  I shoot forward at high speed and catch the ball high in the air. I land and bring it right back to her.

  “Hee-hee. You’re such a good boy.”

  “Woof, woof! (Yeah, I am! Praise me more! Pet me more!)”

  Her soft hand gently strokes my head.

  Hmm, a moment of bliss.

  Lady Mary calling me cute just because I fetch a ball would have been impossible in the other world no matter what I paid.

  “My lady! Your meal is ready. It’s time to come inside now!”

  I look over to where the voice is coming from to see the young maid waving her hand from the mansion.

  Oh, the older maid will tell her off for not coming over to deliver the message.

  “Aw, looks like that’s the end of that… I wanted to play with you more.”

  “Arw, arw. (I wanted to play with you more, too… But lunch is also important! Let’s read in the shade of a tree once we’re done! You can lean your head against my big, strong back.)”

  I run around my disheartened master to cheer her up.

  “All right, then. We’ll spend some time together after lunch.”

  “Woof! (Yay! I’d love to!)”

  I watch her go and then dash over to the back door of the kitchen.

  “Gromff, omff! (So good! This is delicious! There’s not much meat, but it’s still so good!)”

  “Bwa-ha-ha, is it good?! You’re not picky, are you? You’ll eat anything!”

  The old man is in a good mood as he ruffles my head.

  Today’s menu is a hearty bacon and vegetable quiche. The flaky pastry is so stuffed that the contents are practically falling out. Egg mixed with fresh cream binds it all together. The slow bake in the oven made the surface a dark brown color, turning it more golden wavy.

  Golden wavy? What am I saying?

  I said it, but I’m not entirely sure what it means. It’s just that delicious.

  “Bark! Bark! (Hey, old man! This is super-good! The spinach is especially fantastic!)”

  “You need to wait for meat or fish to mature for them to be good, but vegetables are best fresh. I grow all my own vegetables in my field.”

  “A-arwf?! (Th-that’s amazing! You even tend your own fields!)”

  He’s the perfect superhuman!

  He’s a man who will always work hard. Master Chef James.

  I’m getting shivers. He has my highest respect.

  “Woof, woof! (You’re the best! And I want more!)”

  “My goodness, you really are eating more and more each day…”

  He turns around and cuts another slice of quiche for me.

  I love it that he’ll say these things while letting me eat as much as I want.

  I wait for the second helping of quiche, trying to stop myself from drooling as my tail whips back and forth.

  Then…

  “I. Found. You.”

  I hear a voice that sounds like it’s coming straight from the depths of hell. Something grabs me by the scruff of my neck.

  “Come!”

  “A-arwf?! (Th-that voice?! Is that the useless knight Zenobia?!)”

  Zenobia and I are alone in the garden where she tried to dispose of me before.

  Ugh, what a terrifying glare. It’s like she’s looking into a well.

  “Things will go differently this time,” she swears, retrieving the sword from the sheath on her hip.

  “This is a famous sword that I got for ten times the price of my last one! This sword was forged by the great blacksmith Ganche Rue! Isn’t it amazing?! The shop owner just happened to be in possession of it and sold it to me!”

  “Arwf… (…Oh? Well, good for you.)”

  “Wh-why do you look so blasé……?”

  “Pfff. (You interrupted my delicious lunch. Of course I’m going to be in a bad mood.)”

  But you know, Zenobia… You say you’ll protect Lady Mary, yet where were you when she needed you most? Are you even less reliable than a house pet? Where’s your motivation? If you don’t have any, can you just leave? I’m the only good-for-nothing freeloader in this house.

  “Wh-what’s with that unimpressed look……?”

  “Yaaawn.”

  I let out a big, bored yawn right in front of the flabbergasted Zenobia.

  “Woof, woof. (So is that sword just a fake, too? If you’re going to come at me, do it already. It’s just going to snap in half again.)”

  “Y-you…! How dare you mock me…!”

  Tears well up in her eyes as she raises the sword above her head.

  Then she vanishes.

  “Arw? (Huh?! How is she so fast?!)”

  It seems like she’s making a beeline for me, but I can’t see her at all.

  “Haaaah!!”

  I sense her slicing through the air, and she brings down her sword.

  The tip of the blade blurs and comes straight for the top of my head.

  “A-arf! (Crap! There’s no stopping it this time! Not like last time!)”

  Zenobia lowers the sword with incredible speed, and it strikes me right in the middle of my skull, splitting it in two.

  The sword, that is.

  “Ahhhh…?!”

  The blade spins through the air and vanishes among the overgrowth of a flower bed.

  “A-arf… (Y-you had me going for a moment there…)”

  What was that swing…?

  If that sword had been real, I would have actually died, right…?

  Is Zenobia actually really strong…?

  “Tch, hick, ghnn…!”

  I’m still shocked when I feel something drip onto my head.

  I look up to see Zenobia’s beautiful face crumpled up like a child’s.

  “A-arf?! (Y-you’re crying?! You’re really crying!)”

  “M-my sword didn’t work…!”

  Her face scrunches up more, and she bawls, dropping the other half of the sword and covering her face with her hands.

  “A-arww, arww. (I-I’m sorry, Zenobia. But it’s your fault, too… You shouldn’t have bought that fake sword…)”

  “Sh-shut up! D-don’t try to cheer me—hik—cheer me up! I know you’re hiding what you really are!”

  She snaps at me before running away.

  “Arww… (Well, then… She was invited to stay here, but she actually isn’t much use as a freeloader… It’s no surprise things ended up this way…)”

  Her pride is in pieces…

  I pick up the half of the sword Zenobia threw away and toss it into the shrubbery.

  No more evidence.

  Right. Let’s head back and finish eating.

  “Woof, woof! (Yeah! Quiche! Quiche!)”

  I, the ordinary dog of the family, run back for my quiche as quickly as possible. It might be a little strange that I can fire beams from my mouth, but either way, I return to my plate around the back of the kitchen.

  Then I see it—a face buried in my dish.

  “Woof?! (Wha—?! An intruder?!)”

  “Mrow? (Oh? Is this your meal?)”

  The intruder, whose head is in my food, notices me and looks up.

  It’s a cat.

  A beautiful cat with fur as crimson as blood.

  Oh, so the cats in this world are red?

  The crimson cat turns to me and licks her lips.

  Her bloodred eyes narrow, and she seems to give me a bewitching, beautiful smile.

  “Mrow. (You have such excellent cuisine. It smelled so good that I couldn’t help but try it…)”

  “W-woof! (M-my quiche!)”

  I was really looking forward to that!

  Arrrg! Arrrg!

  I hope there’s a little left, but when I stick my face into my bowl, I see it’s been licked clean.

  “Mrow. (Tee-hee, my thanks for the meal.)”

  She moves strangely sensually as she curls her tail around.

  Ugh. So cute.

  I want to pet her. I really want to pet her. And rub my face ag
ainst her.

  H-how dare she use her powerful fluffiness against me…!

  Ah no, this is wrong. I won’t be tricked!

  “Woof, woof! (I won’t forgive you! Give it back! Right now! Give me back my lunch! My quiche! I was looking forward to that!)”

  I bark and howl at her and beat the ground with my forepaws.

  “Meow, meow. (All right, wait. My apologies for eating your food. I’m sorry. I will bring you something delicious to make up for it. Will you forgive me then?)”

  “Woof, woof. (…Hmm. But you’re a cat. You say it’ll be delicious, but it’ll probably just be a dead mouse or something, right?)”

  “Mrow. (Well, that’s rude. I certainly cannot make a meal as delicious as that, but I do have confidence in my ability to make sweets.)”

  “Bark? (Sweets…?)”

  “Meow? (Oh, are you not a fan of sweet things?)”

  “Bark! (I love them! Shlurp!)”

  But how in the world can a cat make sweets? So strange.

  Thinking about it, where did this cat come from in the first place?

  She’s a strange color for a stray, and she has skills.

  “Mrow? (Oh? Now that I look at you, you’re an incredibly white beast, aren’t you?)”

  Her emerald eyes staring at me narrow suspiciously.

  “W-woof! (Wh-what?! There’s nothing strange about that! I’m a dog! A dog, I tell you! No matter how you look at me, I’m a dog, all right?!)”

  “Mrow. (No, I’m sure I’ve never seen a dog like you before… Well, it doesn’t matter. I like you. Do you want to be my friend?)”

  “Arwf?! (Friend?!)”

  She wants to be friends? That’s sudden.

  I didn’t have any friends for the longest time in the other world.

  I would have lunch in the bathroom stalls. I would spend my breaks at my desk. And then there was the cringe-inducing “Okay class, partner up!”

  U-ugh, my heart hurts. I’m not going to remember the other world anymore.

  I considered befriending Garo and the other wolves, but they act more like servants…

  “Woof. (I—I don’t mind being your friend… You’re a cat, though. Do you not mind being friends with a dog?)”

  “Mrow. (Oh my, does species matter when it comes to making a new friend? Besides, I’m not a cat.)”

  Yeah, you are.

  A cat with crimson fur like that is rare, but you look like a cat to me.

  “Mrow. (Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the witch of Feltbelk Forest, Hecate Luluarus. I believe you and I will be crossing paths much more often in the coming days.)”

  The cat bows elegantly when she says her name.

  Witch?

  Did she say witch?

  First, it’s monsters, and now it’s witches.

  “……………”

  Upon further inspection, she’s definitely a cat.

  Oh, I got it! She’s one of those things. A familiar.

  A cat who calls herself a witch.

  I see.

  “Bark. (I’m Routa. I’m this family’s pet. And a dog.)”

  “Mrow. (I don’t know why you keep insisting that you’re a dog… So it’s Routa, is it? Hee-hee, even your name is interesting. It was lovely meeting you, Routa.)”

  The crimson cat Hecate leaps into the air and lands on the branch of a nearby tree.

  She didn’t really jump so much as float up with some unseen power. It was strange, like she didn’t weigh anything.

  “Meow. (We shall meet again, Routa.)”

  Her eyes narrow as if she’s laughing, and then she fades away like smoke.

  “Arwf?! (A-a ghost?!)”

  A sultry cat who’s also a ghost, who calls herself a witch, and is good at making sweets?

  There’s way too much going on with you!

  And so I made friends with a suspicious cat.

  It happened one night.

  I had slept too much during the day again. Lady Mary was sound asleep, and I was left staring up at the moon.

  I don’t feel the urge to howl, though.

  It seems that only happens during the full moon.

  Then I notice a light on in the opposite wing. That’s rare.

  “Arf…? (Isn’t that Papa’s study?)”

  He’s not normally awake this late.

  I guess I’ll go say hi. He’s been so busy lately that I haven’t had a chance to see him. It’s been a while since he’s petted me. As a man, I really shouldn’t worry whether or not he’s been petting me.

  I slip out of my lady’s grasp and leave the room, careful not to make any noise.

  The maid shouldn’t be on her nightly patrol at this time. This is when I normally sneak out to get food, after all. Although the old man has been on alert since the sausage incident.

  I’ll give him a little space.

  I continue down the corridor as I think this, turn toward the other wing, and climb the stairs to the second floor. I turn right toward Papa’s study, which is just ahead of me.

  “Arww, arww? (Papa? Are you here?)”

  I tap on the door with my forepaw, and he appears.

  “Oh, it’s you, Routa. Are you also unable to fall asleep?”

  His cheeks look slightly flushed.

  There’s the faint smell of alcohol.

  So he’s having a nightcap?

  “All right then, come on in.”

  Papa’s study is piled high with books. He must be studying hard. Although I have no idea what work he does as the head of the household.

  “Would you like a sip?”

  He takes a gorgeous rocks glass off one of the bookshelves. He pops the cork off the bottle on the desk and tilts it up. The amber liquid inside makes a faint, delicious bloop sound as he pours it into the glass.

  “Here, try a bit.”

  Oh, Papa, you should know better than to give alcohol to animals.

  I’m still gonna drink it, though!

  I’m not a dog after all! No, I’m just a (self-proclaimed) dog!

  I lick up some of the amber liquid from the glass he sets on the floor.

  “Arf… (Mmm… So good… What is this…? It’s more delicious than the high-quality whiskey from Ginza, which is ten thousand yen a glass… I feel all fuzzy…)”

  How long has this been aged to achieve such a refined flavor?

  It much be incredibly expensive. It’s a high-quality spirit for sure. There’s no mistaking that.

  I savor the amber liquid as I drink it.

  “Hmm, you seem to know how to appreciate a fine liquor. Would you like a snack with that? James whipped this up for me before he went to bed.”

  I sniff the food left out on the small plate, and instantly, the scent of rich honey and cheese fills my appreciative nostrils.

  “Arf…! (Oh, that certainly will be good!)”

  It’s baked cheese with a white rind. The outside is baked hard, but the moment it’s cut open, I can see the melted cheese inside wobble as if it were going to spill out. Honey has been drizzled on top of the cheese, which has then been garnished with a sprinkle of crushed pepper.

  I can tell, even before eating it, that it’s going to be delicious.

  “Woof! (I’m digging in!)”

  I wrap my tongue around the cheese slice and brazenly chew.

  “Mwaf! (So sweeeeeeeet! It’s slightly pungent but also so sweeeeeeeet! The subtle notes of salt in the cheese are amazing! It’s soooo gooooooood!!)”

  I am in ecstasy over this culinary masterpiece.

  I have another lick of the delicious amber alcohol while the taste of the cheese is still fresh on my tongue.

  “Arf…? (What the…? This is incredible… I’m in heaven… Is this paradise…?)”

  “Ha-ha, looks like I’ve made a fine drinking buddy. No one around here will drink with me. I’m glad you came by tonight, Routa.”

  He smiles, looking slightly exhausted, and raises his own glass to take a sip.

  “Some
thing happened a little while ago, but in the dead of night, I heard this booming noise coming from the forest.” He suddenly murmurs.

  “Arwg?! (Pfft…?!)”

  The moment I realize what he’s talking about, I spit out my drink.

  “But no one else heard it. I hope I heard wrong, but I’m still a little worried.”

  “W-woof… (R-really? How strange…)”

  It was probably that.

  He’s most likely talking about the sound from when I fired my beam into the Labyrinth. Not just the beam but the sound it made when the whole thing collapsed in on itself.

  “Now I find myself staying up until roughly the time of night when I first heard the noise…… Routa, you wouldn’t happen to know anything, would you?”

  “W-woof? (I—I dunno. Whatever could you mean……?)”

  I give him a vacant look, my face the picture of innocence.

  “………”

  “………”

  We stare at each other for a while. Then, finally, he leans back into his chair.

  “Ha! Ha! Ha! What in the world am I saying?”

  He puts his hand up against his forehead and laughs.

  “Of course, you wouldn’t know anything. I must be very tired. And that sound hasn’t happened again since then. It was just needless worry, after all. I’m going to finish this drink off and head to bed.”

  “W-woof, woof! (R-right! That’s a great idea! Sleep! Sleep and forget everything!)”

  I focus on my drink instead of him.

  After we finish our nightcaps and the cheese, he puts out the lantern, and we leave.

  There wasn’t enough cheese to satisfy me, so I sneak into the kitchen and help myself to a little of this and a little of that.

  Don’t worry. The old man catches me the next day.

  He holds my head firmly.

  “Routa. Do you know why I’m angry?”

  I try to turn my face away, but I can’t move an inch.

  It’s not because he’s strong. It’s his willpower. Pure willpower.

  “No, you should know why without my saying anything. You’re a smart boy, after all.”

  Old man James’s face is so close.

  H-he’s so scary! Way scarier than Zenobiaaa!

  “W-woof?! (Wh-what?! I don’t know anything?!)”

  “The smell of ham on your breath is proof enough! What are you going to do about eating all the meat in the larder? It will be another three days before provisions from town get delivered!”