Woof Woof Story: I Told You to Turn Me Into a Pampered Pooch, Not Fenrir!, Vol. 1

by Inumajin

  Ahhh!

  Are our food supplies really in that much trouble?!

  “I cannot allow the quality of the master and young lady’s meals to falter. The staff needs enough food to eat, too. And you, of course! I won’t allow anyone here to starve as long as I’m around!”

  “A-arf! (O-old man……!)”

  H-he’s so amazing.

  So cool.

  I admire you. More like I’m head over heels for you.

  “That’s why…”

  He grins and pats me on the head.

  “…you’re going to get some more meat.”

  “Woof? (…Huh?)”

  “You know the saying. He who does not work, neither shall he eat.”

  “Woof, woof! (But that saying doesn’t apply to pets! A pet’s work is to be loved! Which means I’m already working super-hard!)”

  I bark and bark and bark, but he doesn’t care.

  “Which reminds me. Here is your breakfast.”

  He puts down my special dog plate.

  But it’s not my usual delicious meal.

  “Arwf?! (Huh?! That’s all?!)”

  Lying on the giant plate is a single shaving of meat. The piece of grilled meat is so tiny, it’s not even a mouthful.

  “All jokes aside, I do not have enough ingredients. Your gluttony knows no bounds. My provisions have been decreasing at a much higher rate than expected. I had just about enough meat and vegetables to work something out for the next three days, but then you went and ate those last night.”

  “Arw?! (Urk?!)”

  His words stab at me like guilt-laden knives.

  “I have vegetables. And wheat. But no meat.”

  He bumps his clenched fist against my chest.

  “You need to man up and take responsibility. If you want to eat more meat, then you have to go out and hunt it yourself. I’ll prepare anything you bring back. Go out there, kill some prey, and bring it back. You’ll be fine. You can work something out. Bring out those natural wild instincts!”

  “Bark! Bark! (No, no, no, no! No way! It’s impossible! I don’t have any wild in me! My ancestors were all pets! I’ve never felt the call of the wild even for an instant!)”

  “Go forth and conquer, Routa! Until you bring back some meat, you’ll just have to go hungry! I’m not kidding around here! I didn’t even eat anything last night! I’m starving!”

  “Arrrrww!! (Whaaat?! You didn’t eat anything?! Now I have to go! Noooooooooooo!)”

  “Take care, now! Make sure you bring back a big one!”

  “Afuu…… (Seriously……)”

  The old man waves me off, but my crestfallen tail has no energy to wag.

  My head hangs low as I leave the mansion feeling the old man’s expectations bearing down on me.

  “Arw… (Haah, what should I do…? I’ve never hunted before…)”

  I continue trudging along when an idea pops in my head.

  “Bark! (I know! I have those guys for times like these!)”

  I’d forgotten I have some skilled allies. Hunting professionals.

  “Awoooooooo! (Garo! Gaaaro! Are you there?! I need you!!)”

  I let out a loud howl that would travel far.

  “Grwl! (At your service, my king!)”

  The black wolf’s face suddenly appears behind me.

  “Arwf?! (Whoa?!)”

  When did—?!

  “Bark! Bark! (That was fast! That took you no time at all!)”

  “Grwl. (I have been trailing you since you left, my king.)”

  What? Like a stalker?

  Now that I’ve got a good look, I can see a few other wolves waiting behind Garo.

  It’s a gang of stalkers.

  “Woof, woof! (Also, your face is terrifying. Don’t pop up out of nowhere like that. You startled me.)”

  “G-grwl…? (I-it’s terrifying…?)”

  Garo looks incredibly hurt by my offhanded comment and stares at the ground.

  “Grw, grw! (Excuse me, my king!)”

  One of the wolves behind Garo steps forward.

  “Grw, grw! (I am Bal! Lady Garo here is one of the most beautiful wolves in our clan! Surely she is deserving of much better—!)”

  “Grwl. (Stand down, Bal. Please excuse my subordinate, my king. And please forgive me for appearing before you with such an unsightly visage…)”

  “Woof? (Huh? Garo, you’re female?!)”

  “Gaww…! (Aw…!)”

  Garo lies down on the ground as if stabbed in the heart.

  “Grrrww! (Y-your majestyyyyy?! Please stop! Your words are far too careless!)”

  Bal’s subservience falters as he barks in Garo’s defense.

  “Grwl! Grwl! (Lady Garo is the most beautiful wolf in the entire world! Yet you state that you only see her as a male?!)”

  Ohhh, so that’s it.

  Garo is looking away, letting out a sad, whine-like cry.

  I look at them and give them my honest opinion.

  “Woof… (You say that, but I can’t tell the difference between any of you…)”

  “Grrrrrrrr?! (Your Majestyyyyy?!)”

  Bal goes into a frenzy, saliva flying everywhere.

  Ew, gross.

  “Bark… (B-but you see, I’m not a furry or anything like that…)”

  “Grw? (F-fur…ry……?)”

  A furry is someone who really loves beasts.

  I’m not like that.

  “…Grw…grw… (It’s fine. Just drop it, Bal. Please forgive me for showing you my gruesome face. I shall stay far away from you as you conduct your business. A thousand pardons…)”

  Garo staggers to her feet, her head still bowed.

  “W-woof, bark. (Oh no, I’m the one in the wrong here. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were such a beauty. I didn’t mean to say anything hurtful to you… I’m sorry, Garo.)”

  “Grwl… (N-no, no. It’s fine. Please forgive me for losing my composure.)”

  She hasn’t really accepted my apology. Her hackles are up as she sits down in front of me.

  “Grw. (Let us start again, my king. What is it you wish of us today?)”

  Looks like we’re just going to have a normal exchange.

  “Bark. (Um, well. This is embarrassing to say, but I need your help with something…)”

  I’m acting very self-conscious about the whole thing as I say this to Garo, licking my nose all the while.

  “Grwl! (Oh, do you perhaps wish to leave the forest and invade the human world?! The order to subjugate the humans is finally here!)”

  “Bark! Bark! (No! No! No! That’s not it! We’re not doing that!)”

  “Grw… (Oh, I see…)”

  Why does she look so disappointed…?

  These guys really are ferocious beasts deep down…

  “Woof. (I actually have a really shameless request.)”

  “Grw. (Very well.)”

  “Woof, woof? (Can you help me do a little hunting? And by help, I mean, can you hunt for me? Instead of me?)”

  I’ll leave all the work to the wolves and enjoy the spoils myself!

  See. This is the perfect plan I thought of all by myself.

  Relying on others is my creed!

  “Grw…! (O-ohhh…! That is a splendid idea!)”

  Garo seems impressed.

  “Grw! Grw! (Rejoice everyone! His Highness will be leading us in a hunt!)”

  “Arf?! (Huh?!)”

  No! No! Weren’t you listening?!

  You’ll be doing the hunting. I’ll be doing the eating.

  Right?!

  “Grw! Grw! Grw! (King! King! Our strong king!)”

  The increasingly large pack of wolves breaks into a chant.

  “W-woof?! (Huh?! Wha—?! Wait!)”

  “Grwl. (Now, now, my king, this way. We actually had a powerful monster spawn recently. It will be perfect. You must show us your wonderful skills!)”

  “Woof?! (Garo?! Lady Garo?! Are you mad at me?! Are you actually furious with me?!)”


  “Grwl, grwl. (Not at all. I would never do anything as inappropriate as express anger toward you, my king.)”

  “Woof, woof? (Yeah, but…you’re mad at me, right?)”

  “Grwl. (Noooo, not at all. I merely wish to see you in action and revel in your magnificence.)”

  “Woof, woof! (Liar! You’re clearly still furious about what I said before!)”

  Crap! This lady knows how to hold a grudge!

  “Grw. (Now, my king, let us be off. We shall all bask in the majesty of your abilities.)”

  “Arrrrwwww!! (Noooo! They’re going to be way too stroooooooong!!)”

  I’m only somewhat on board with this as I get dragged away by the wolves.

  “Fwgaaaarrrr!!”

  The forest shakes.

  Not a single plant remains where the giant body charges through.

  Trees are knocked over, flowers are uprooted, and the grass is flattened.

  All because of the giant living cannonball.

  “Grw… (I believe this should suffice for a meal.)”

  The wolves are all drooling.

  What? That’s your reaction to this monstrosity?!

  I’m getting dragged along by wolves who lack any sense of modesty.

  “Bwaaaarrrr!!”

  Steam bursts from its ears, and the giant wall of flesh shakes its head.

  A large splinter stuck in its furry hoof is finally shaken out.

  It’s a giant boar.

  Isn’t this thing just a bit too big?

  It must weigh a ton. Four curved tusks longer than swords can be seen jutting out of its lower jaw. The furious boar’s mucus-encrusted eyes are bloodshot with rage as it tries barreling through the surrounding wolves.

  It’s huge. It’s just plain huge.

  I’m pretty big myself, but when I look up, all I can see are the muscles rippling off this thing’s back as it towers over me.

  It must be the size of a house. And if that wasn’t bad enough, this colossal porker can also move incredibly fast. The wolves would get blown to smithereens if they were hit by its charge.

  “Grwl. (It’s fine as long as you don’t get hit.)”

  The other wolves seem to share her composure. They surround the boar, making sure to keep their distance, and provoke it with howls. The giant boar then charges with blind rage, but the wolves quickly leap out of the way. The only things getting blown to smithereens are the trees.

  At least this natural disaster is kicking up a nice breeze.

  But this whole area will be destroyed if we let the boar rampage much longer.

  “Woof, woof? (How do you kill something like this?)”

  There don’t seem to be any casualties among the wolves, but I’m also noticing a distinct lack of finishing blows to put an end to this encounter.

  “Grwl, grwl. (A monster like this is strong, so we continue to enrage it. We will run around it for three days straight until its strength gives out and it can no longer move. Then, we all bite at its nose and mouth until it can no longer breathe.)”

  “Bark… (O-ohhh. Impressive…)”

  Wow, that’s super-practical.

  No mercy whatsoever.

  Any animal would die if you prevented it from breathing.

  Upon closer inspection, I can see they’ve calculated how to encircle it and are regulating fixed distances away from the boar.

  The boar, which can only think of violence, is being led by the nose.

  “Grwl. (At this rate, we should have it dead in a day.)”

  They’re amazing. They’re professionals. Professional hunters.

  “Grwl… (Well then, my king…)”

  “W-woof? (Y-yes?)”

  “Grw! (…He’s all yours!)”

  What?!

  “Grwl! (Clear a path, everyone! His Majesty shall fell the foul beast!)”

  Garo’s voice rings out, and the pack around the boar retreats. They create a pathway by falling back to either side of the beast, leaving me in its direct line of sight.

  “Grwl! (And now, you diminutive demon piglet! One untainted by evil stands before you! Rejoice! For you have the esteemed pleasure of being vanquished by our glorious leader!)”

  Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Garo?! Seriously, Garo?!

  Why are you provoking it even further?!

  The boar is already fuming!

  It scrapes at the ground with its front hoof, getting ready to charge!

  “Grwl. (The preparations have been made, my king. Please slay this beast however you see fit.)”

  Don’t be ridiculous!

  I thought she was just getting me back for what I’d said before, but her eyes are brimming with respect. She’s serious about this.

  She really believes from the bottom of her heart that I can kill this boar.

  I don’t need your faith!

  Doubt me! Doubt my strength! You’ll be a lot better off that way!

  If I run right at this thing, I’m absolutely going to die. This isn’t like Zenobia’s useless swords.

  This isn’t right! This whole situation is messed up! I should be living a spoiled life in a mansion, eating and sleeping! Why am I out here monster hunting? I wanna go home! I wanna go home and eat and nap! But wait…there’s no food!

  If I throw a tantrum and express my unwillingness to fight, Garo and the others might kill it for me. But she mentioned that their strategy could take a whole day.

  Nobody’s got time for that.

  I’m so hungry, I could just about keel over.

  I just have to kill it quickly and get back. Then James can cook me some delicious food.

  That means I have to fight it.

  Otherwise this fear and hunger will be all for naught!

  This is getting intense.

  I know. This thing isn’t some terrifying monster. It’s just meat, pork of the highest quality.

  Just imagine it. The old man’s going to cook this prime game into a whole bunch of…!

  I can see it now: Grilled boar full of juicy collagen cooked into the finest dish.

  I can already taste the succulent strips of pink flesh!

  Shlurp.

  I can’t stop drooling.

  I want meat. I want to eat it right now.

  That’s good. I’m starting to feel like I can do this now.

  My gluttony is overcoming my fear!

  Let’s do this, super-body! Let’s show these wolves our killer technique!

  “Fwgaaaarrrr!!”

  I don’t know if it could sense my ambition, but the boar kicks off into a run.

  There’s so much power in its movements that it whips up a cloud of dust.

  I don’t move an inch.

  I bury my feet into the ground and lean forward.

  Let’s do this, boar!

  I’ll take you down!

  “Garooon…… (Little Beam!)”

  Let me explain.

  The Little Beam is a killer technique I developed based on my regular beam that can take out an enemy in one hit while having a bit less impact, cultivated through trial and error by gathering my willpower and letting out only a tiny howl, resulting in a much narrower beam. (Deep breath.)

  My goal is the boar’s meat. I don’t want to vaporize it.

  Hey, you brazen boar. Can you just die and give me your meat already?

  A small beam fires out of my mouth with my howl. The white streak of light surges forth and hits the boar right in the middle of the forehead. It pierces the beast’s skull like a hot knife through butter before promptly shooting out of its rear end.

  “Oink?!”

  A second later, the boar falls to its knees, dead.

  It stays in that position as it skids along the ground and slows to a stop right in front of me.

  “A-arf. (I—I did it.)”

  “Grrrrrrwl! (What a magnificent technique! Our king truly is amazing!)”

  Garo lets out a joyful cry from her spectators’ spot.

  “““Grwl! Grwl! Grwl! (King! King! King!)�
��””

  The other wolves begin chanting as usual.

  But it doesn’t bother me this time.

  “Woof, woof! (Oh, right! I need to hurry! I don’t have much time!)”

  “Grwl? (What do you mean you don’t have time?)”

  Garo tilts her head to the side. Sadly, it’s very not cute.

  “Woof, woof! (It’s something the old man told me before I left to go hunting!)”

  “Now listen up, Routa. If you do manage to take down an animal, you need to bring it back here right away. If you don’t drain the blood from your kill, it can cause the meat to smell. You do want some delicious meat, don’t you?”

  Yes, I do!

  But how am I going to carry this huge beast back?

  Could I drag it…?

  “Grw. (Is this ‘old man’ the human who watches over you? …We can carry this to him for you.)”

  I nod enthusiastically at her invitation.

  “Grwl! (All right everyone, this is the king’s order! Pick this up! Quickly, now!)”

  “““Grw! (Yes, ma’am!)”””

  The wolves move as one at Garo’s command, crawling under the boar and lifting it up all at the same time.

  “Woof! (Whoa, amazing!)”

  The combined strength of a dozen wolves is easily sufficient to lift the giant boar.

  “Grwl! (Let’s go! As fast as you can! Let’s not keep His Majesty!)”

  “““Grooooooowl!”””

  With the carcass on their backs, the wolves howl, then run like the wind into the forest.

  “Wh-wha-what the hell is thiiiiiiiiiiiiis?!”

  Old man James screams in astonishment as he looks up at the mountainous boar.

  We left it waiting for him outside the back door of the kitchen, so it’s no surprise he screamed.

  I’m pretty sure he just wet himself a little.

  “R-Routa. Did you really hunt this? This huge beast…?!”

  “Woof, woof! (Yep! Aren’t I amazing?!)”

  I bark proudly next to the boar.

  Well, Garo and the other wolves wore it down for me.

  But I’m the one who killed it with my beam.

  “I’m amazed you killed such a behemoth… I would have been over the moon if you’d brought back a rabbit…”

  He ruffles my head, still looking up at the beast.

  “Grwl! (You! How dare you lay your hand on the king! Such insolence!!!)”