Breaking Tessa: A College Sport Romance

by T Christensen

  Just like that, Tessa crumbled. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

  The line went dead. Tessa allowed some hope to creep in. His apology was sincere, and she didn’t have it in her to hold a grudge.

  Tessa waited outside of her apartment building. Lindy would have torn into him if he came up to the apartment. She was not in the right frame of mind to referee that argument.

  As soon as she saw Jordan parking at the curb across the street, she made her way over to him. To her surprise he hopped out, regret written all over his face, and pulled her into a hug.

  “I’m so sorry, Tessa.”

  Surrounded by Jordan’s warmth and familiar smell, she wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes. She couldn’t say it was alright, but his embrace was doing more to release the numbness that seemed to be trapping her than his words had. The longer they stood wrapped in each other, the more emotional Tessa became.

  Silent tears ran down her cheeks. When they hit Jordan’s shirt, he stiffened. He pulled away, and Tessa reluctantly allowed his hands to cup her face and lift it up. He tightened his lips and drew his eyebrows together as his tortured eyes met hers.

  “You’re not okay,” he rasped.

  She wasn’t. Her heavy heart twisted and sank thinking about taking the pill and how cavalier Jordan had seemed about it. Standing here with him was slowly making her whole again. Tessa laid her cheek back on Jordan’s chest, and he drew her back to him.

  What Tessa regretted was going to the party. She was the one who had suggested it, but she should have known better. Being with Jordan was really what she’d needed to get over the fast-paced, scary events that had occurred after the game.

  Silently they stood by the truck wrapped in each other’s arms. Tessa let his strength seep into her and gradually she pulled herself together. Finally, she stepped back and clasped his hand in hers.

  “I’m ready to go,” she said softly.

  Jordan probed her pale face and wet eyes before giving her hand a squeeze. He opened the door for her, and she stepped up.

  Tessa wasn’t sure where they were going, but she didn’t really care. Right now it felt right to just be together. Her heart was slowly coming back to life sitting beside him in comfortable silence. When they pulled up to a park, Tessa turned questioning eyes to Jordan.

  “I thought we were going for breakfast?”

  He grinned and reached behind him, pulling out a McDonald’s bag. “How about a picnic breakfast?”

  Tessa grabbed the bag. “Perfect!”

  His laughter followed her, and a little more of the hurt left. He grabbed a blanket and followed Tessa. They set it under the shade of an old tree before they sat down and ate. When they were done, Jordan situated Tessa between his legs. He leaned against the tree trunk, and she settled against his chest.

  “I’m sorry I abandoned you at the party. It was inexcusable, especially after I didn’t wear a condom and then made you go to the store yourself to correct my mistake.”

  Tessa could hear the regret in Jordan’s voice, but she couldn’t let him take all of the blame. “I have a voice, Jordan. I could have told you to wear a condom, but I forgot as well. You’re not the only one at fault.”

  She took a deep breath because the next part was harder, but she needed to say it. “I understand why you wanted me to get the pill, and I agree that it was for the best. It was a lot to take in and process.”

  Jordan wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I could have driven out farther and found a pharmacy. I shouldn’t have made you go by yourself.”

  Tessa absorbed his acknowledgment and listened while he softly continued. “I really don’t have an excuse for the party. All I can say is that I was messed up. I was upset about the game, and my emotions were all over the place, even before the condom mess up. You were by my side, and then you weren’t. I’m ashamed to say it took me a while to realize it. When I started to look for you, I kept getting stopped. I was too drunk to stay focused, and I let everyone at the party distract me.”

  “You didn’t drive, did you?”

  “No. Deion drove me home. I passed out on the way, which is why I didn’t see your text until this morning.”

  Tessa thought carefully about her next words. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing in the wrong way. “You are very disciplined, Jordan. More than anyone I know.”

  He snorted. “Obviously I wasn’t last night.”

  “Everyone deserves to let loose. And you needed to last night.” The next part was the hardest part, so Tessa took a deep breath and plunged in. “Parties are not my thing, Jordan. I went there because I knew you needed to be with your team and friends, and I thought it would be a good distraction. It hurt that I was in a corner and you didn’t seem to notice.”

  “I know, Tessa. I know. I’m sorry.”

  Tessa squeezed his hands. “I’m not saying this to make you feel worse. I just want you to know how I feel. Can we agree that if you want to go out with your friends I’m okay with it, and you can just go by yourself?”

  Jordan kissed the top of her head. “I agree that I can go out with my friends alone, but not all of the time. I want to be with you, Tessa. I don’t want you to stay at home anytime we’re in a social setting. I want you with me.”

  He said it so fiercely that Tessa knew he genuinely wanted her there, but he didn’t seem to understand his appeal to people when he was in public.

  “I agree we will talk about it when and if it comes up.”

  “Okay, but I’ll convince you.”

  __________________

  Chapter 31

  __________________

  Tessa sat in the cafeteria eating chicken nuggets and waiting for Jordan. She looked at her watch, and her stomach sank. He was fifteen minutes late, and her next class started in forty-five minutes. They wouldn’t have very much time together.

  Student teaching was over so Tessa had thought it would be easier to see Jordan, but his second-semester schedule was even crazier. That meant few opportunities to be together.

  They were drifting apart, but Tessa refused to break it off. This was their final semester in college before real life started. Well, real life for Tessa and the NBA for Jordan.

  The familiar rippling of her skin had her straightening in anticipation. She smelled Jordan as he bent down and swiped a kiss across her cheek.

  He strode to the other side of the table and sat down. “Sorry, Coach and I were talking about possible agents and when it would be okay to get one.”

  Tessa buried her disappointment at Jordan’s tardiness and concentrated on what he was saying. She was doing her best to understand the process of getting to the NBA, but it was complicated.

  “I thought it was okay for you to have an agent now?”

  Jordan shoveled some salad in his mouth. “I can’t right now. If I request an evaluation from the NCAA committee, I can start looking after the season.”

  “So Coach was giving you names of agents?”

  Jordan kept eating and talking. “Several have approached me, but Coach knows more about them than me.”

  Tessa’s stomach twisted. Jordan leaving for the NBA was getting more and more real. She always knew it was coming, but it had seemed so far away. Not anymore.

  “So after the season you’ll start meeting with agents to decide who you want to represent you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does that mean you’ll miss school?”

  Jordan looked up and stopped eating. He seemed hesitant to answer Tessa’s question. “No. I can’t miss school. That’s a violation of the NCAA rules.”

  That meant he would be going on the weekends to talk with agents. Tessa swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to keep her voice neutral. “But you will be traveling? On the weekends?”

  Jordan grasped her hand across the table. “Yes. I will travel to their agencies. After I decide on an agent I will travel to any teams that might be interested
in me.”

  Tessa blinked back the tears that seemed to be coming quicker than normal these days and pasted a smile on her face. “I’m so proud of you, Jordan.”

  And she was proud of him. Just sad for herself. It looked like their time together would be even less than Tessa had thought. She pushed aside her morose thoughts. When she was with Jordan, she wanted to be with him.

  “Are you leaning toward any agent in particular?”

  Jordan shook his head and released her hand to go back to eating. “No, I don’t want to talk about me anymore. Tell me about you.”

  Tessa shrugged. “Same old thing—going to class and working.”

  Jordan was determined to get her to talk. “Are you still seeing Declan?”

  “I try to have lunch with him once a week.” Her relationship with Declan had started out tense, but by the time she had gotten done with student teaching he had worked himself into Tessa’s heart.

  When it had ended at semester time, Tessa had decided there was no reason she couldn’t go back and be a mentor. Their first lunch together was rocky. Declan was suspicious of her motives. Each time she returned, though, the lunches got easier, and now they were a highlight of her week.

  “I read somewhere that it only takes one caring adult to make a difference in a child’s life.”

  Tessa felt her cheeks redden with Jordan’s compliment.

  “I get as much out of it as he does,” she said softly and then let out a big yawn.

  Jordan narrowed his eyes. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Are you getting enough sleep? Is something going on to make you so tired?”

  Tessa laughed. She was feeling drained lately, but she wasn’t going to complain to Jordan. His schedule was ten times worse than hers. “It’s just middle-of-the school-year tired. I’m not doing anything differently.”

  Jordan continued to study her.

  “I’m fine, Jordan. I should be worried about you. Between practice, games, school, and navigating your way to the pros, it’s a miracle you don’t collapse.”

  Jordan reluctantly relaxed his brows only to snap them back together when she yawned again. “You should take a nap today.”

  Tessa rolled her eyes but silently agreed it was a good idea. She just wasn’t sure when it would happen.

  __________________

  Chapter 32

  __________________

  Tessa and Lindy sat on the edge of the couch glued to the TV. With two minutes left in the March Madness championship game, San Jose was up by five points. The girls had been to enough games to know their lead could disappear in seconds. They didn’t want to count their chickens before they hatched, but it looked like San Jose could win a NCAA championship.

  For the first time in a couple of months, Tessa had enjoyed something without feeling nauseated. The fatigue she’d been experiencing had turned into a flu that she couldn’t seem to shake. She finally felt like herself and had pigged out on ice cream, nachos, and popcorn during the game.

  Tessa and Lindy jumped up at the sound of the final buzzer. It was official. Jordan and the San Jose Bears had won a championship.

  “Woo-hoo! We did it! Our guys are champions!” Tessa hollered as Lindy kept screaming.

  They settled back down on the couch and watched the TV for a glimpse of Jordan and Deion. The sideline reporter tried to get Jordan to do an interview, but all the players kept coming up and hugging him.

  Finally the reporter had his attention. “What does it feel like to have a championship under your belt?”

  Tessa hushed Lindy. “Shh, I want to hear him.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, her feast rushed back up. She took off for the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet. When she was done puking her guts out, Tessa sat on the floor and leaned against the wall.

  Her body shook as she drew in shallow breaths. She knew from experience that deep breaths tended to bring the nausea back. Maybe it was time to see a doctor. Tessa was done being sick and tired.

  Grabbing the phone from her back pocket, she typed in her symptoms. What appeared horrified her. The gentle knock on the door drew her shocked gaze away from her phone.

  “Tessa, are you okay?” Lindy asked.

  Based on the information in front of her, she wasn’t okay. Mustering up her most convincing voice, she said, “I’m fine. The barrage of junk food was no good for my stomach. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  As soon as Lindy walked away, Tessa sprang up and quietly darted to her bed. She frantically she tried to clear her mind and think of when she’d had her last period.

  Tessa never kept track of her periods. She had learned to listen to her body and always knew when it was coming. Right now, that seemed like a bad system. All she knew was that she hadn’t had it since she’d taken the morning-after pill.

  In a daze, Tessa tried to draw in some breaths, but her throat constricted and air couldn’t get to her lungs. Her vision blurred, and she closed her eyes while trying to fight through the blackness surrounding her.

  Gradually the swirling stopped, but Tessa could still hear her labored breathing. Keeping her eyes squeezed shut, she thought back to November. The image of her against the truck with Jordan inside of her flooded her mind.

  She also distinctly remembered swallowing the morning-after pill. Tessa reached over and grabbed her phone. After a five-second Google search, she found what she was looking for.

  Morning-after pill: ninety-five percent effective.

  Tessa hadn’t even given it a second thought after she swallowed that pill. Could she really be part of the five percent? She snorted because of course she could. Her life hadn’t been impossible, but nothing had ever been handed to her.

  She had to know for sure. When Lindy was in the bathroom, Tessa grabbed her purse and headed to the bus stop. There were drugstores within walking distance, but there was no way she would go to one of them. With her luck someone she knew would see her buying a pregnancy test.

  _________________________

  The little white stick that could change Tessa’s life sat on the drugstore's small vanity. She couldn’t take the test at home, so here she sat in a dirty public restroom waiting for the results.

  Tessa mindlessly went through her Instagram feed, determined not to look at the test. Whenever she let her eyes wander over to it, she would snap them back to her phone.

  Tessa jerked and dropped the phone when Jordan’s face appeared on her screen requesting a video call. She scrambled to pick it up and tried to think past the thumping in her head and twisting in her gut. There was no way she could explain where she was.

  Tessa declined the call. As quickly as her clumsy fingers could manage, Tessa dialed him back. As soon as Jordan answered, she could hear the celebration in the background and the excitement in his voice.

  “Tessa! We did it! We won!”

  The happiness she had felt at the final buzzer swept through her. Jordan’s exuberance made a genuine smile appear on her face.

  “I know! The only time you were behind was in the first half! Congrats, most outstanding player!”

  “I want to celebrate with you, Tessa! I wish you were here.”

  The finals were in Minneapolis, Minnesota. “I don’t want to be in the tundra! Go celebrate with the team, and we will definitely go out when you get back!”

  The buzzing in her hand meant the phone timer was going off. Her hands became clammy, and Jordan became static background noise. Hoping she was interjecting the appropriate words, Tessa allowed her eyes to stray to the stick.

  Yes glared up at her. Tessa sat there frozen. She was not ready to accept what was in front of her.

  “Tessa! Tessa!”

  She slowly swam back to the reality of Jordan yelling at her on the phone.

  “When are you coming back?” she husked out.

  “What did you say, Tessa? Are you okay?”

  She most definitely wasn’t okay, but this was Jordan’s moment and not the time to tell
him she was pregnant. Tessa swallowed her tears and looked up. She prayed for one minute of strength to get through the call before falling apart.

  “I’m fine, Jordan. I’m so happy for you. When are you coming back?” At this moment, she needed to be wrapped in his arms.

  “We’re flying out tomorrow morning. I should be all yours by early evening!”

  On autopilot, Tessa made it through the rest of the call. As soon as she hit the end button, she collapsed and sobbed. What was she going to do? How would she ever tell Jordan or her mom? Shit, her mom was going to be so disappointed.

  Thank God she was in her last semester of school and hunting for jobs. If her calculations were correct, she would be giving birth at the start of the new school year.

  Tessa sank down on the cold, dirt-encrusted ground and curled into a ball. She lifted her phone and called Lindy. She was done. All Tessa had the energy for was to lie there and escape reality for the last moments before becoming an adult.

  At some point Lindy banged on the door. Tessa raised herself to her knees to unlock the door.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  She lifted up the stick.

  Lindy inhaled sharply and whispered, “Holy shit.”

  There were some rustling noises, and then Lindy helped her get off the bathroom floor.

  “Come on, Tessa. Let’s get you home.”

  Blindly, she followed her lead. When she felt her bed underneath her, she sank gratefully into it. Right before Tessa closed her eyes, Lindy tucked her in while saying, “We’ll figure this out. Sleep now.”

  _________________________

  Tessa woke up the next morning with a start. Her eyes popped open, and before she knew what was happening, she had swung out of bed. Lindy’s groggy voice stopped her.

  “What are you doing, Tessa?”

  “I have to get rid of the pregnancy test!”

  Lindy shuffled over to her bed. “I did that yesterday at the store.”