Guilty as Sin

by Rita Hestand

  "I'd appreciate it. It's just my clothes, I don't have any clean clothes to put on."

  "I'm Jack," he stuck out his hand and shook hers.

  "Pleased to meet you Jack."

  He went passed her to the little shed out back and brought back a washtub. He set it on the back porch and started boiling some water.

  "It'll be ready directly. Now, I guess I better find you something to put on. You look more my size than Shining Moon, so I'll hand you some duds in a minute."

  "Thanks, I'm sorry for this."

  "Part of living honey, we both been in the same spot before, nothing to be ashamed about."

  "Maybe but Moon sure got a good laugh about it."

  He went to get her some clothes and a towel.

  Moon stood watching her from a distance.

  As the tub filled the men went back inside and left her to clean up.

  She spent some time with the tomatoes and washed herself good, scrubbing hard so she turned almost red.

  When she came in the men stood and looked at her.

  "Something wrong?" she asked.

  "N-no, no of course not. You sit yourself down young lady and I'll bring you some stew."

  She still didn't smell good, but it was better, either that or she simply got used to it."

  "Thanks. That sounds so good. I'm hungry."

  She'd rolled the pants leg up some and she was having trouble keeping them on as Jack was thicker waisted. Moon got her a rope to tie them with. She let the shirt hang out as the pants were kind of baggy.

  Jack set her some food down and as she ate, he chuckled. "Shining Moon's been telling me about your adventure, if you could call it that."

  He brought a coffee pot too and poured them some coffee.

  As they ate, Moon related the story of the murders and them running.

  "So, your father's after you girl?"

  "Yes, we're sure of that now." She admitted.

  "You don't want to go back with him though?" Jack finished for her.

  "No, he'd never believe the truth. And he might turn me into the Sheriff. I'm afraid I'd go to prison, for what I done. Not that I don't deserve it, but…"

  "So, what's your side of this story?" Jack asked.

  She put her spoon down and looked at Jack, he had a very kind looking face and he seemed genuinely interested in her story. "Well it started after a big storm. Moon killed Earl to protect me. He was sleeping in my barn because of the violent storm the night before. My so-called boyfriend was trying to molest me, and Moon came out of a stall. Neither of us knew he was there until he showed himself. They got in a fight and Moon stabbed him. He's dead. We ran before my father could discover Moon there. I'm sure he would have drawn the wrong conclusion... about my dress though. He'd have blamed Moon before I could explain what he was doing there."

  "So, Moon, is that what you call him?" Jack stared at her.

  "Yes, it's easier."

  "I kind of like that myself. So, Moon killed this Earl fella that was attacking you."

  "Yes!"

  "Yes," Moon explained. "And then another followed us, sent by her father and she killed him, to protect me. That's how I got such a bad wound on my arm."

  "My God girl, you got some sand about you. So now what, Moon?"

  "I don't know. We haven't thought things out too far." He told him. "We were too busy trying to get here."

  "Well hell son, she's a white girl and anyone catching you with a white girl is gonna assume some very bad things. At least strangers that don't know you would."

  "I realize that, but I couldn't leave her there to face the consequences alone, could I? I did kill Earl, and she killed the other man to protect me."

  "Now hold on son. I didn't say that. But we gotta figure out what to do about this and quick. They could show up any time."

  "Not many know of this place." Moon told him.

  "Well, that's true, and that's a good thing. But what are you gonna do if they do find it?"

  "I'm not sure what to do, Jack. I don't want to kill them, but I don't want them hurting her."

  Jack glanced at her and then him. "Maybe the two of you ought to get married."

  "Married?" Moon shrieked.

  Lissa mouth fell open in shock.

  "That might set them off more." Moon told him.

  "Yeah, it might. But son, in their eyes you are both guilty as sin of something else. Whether you done anything or not. And you surely know what I'm talking about. You been traipsing through the woods and hills with her for some time now, I take it. Night and day. You think they are gonna believe anything but that you took her as your own Marriage would give you an out in that case."

  Moon nodded, "Yes, you are right about that."

  Jack reared back in his chair. "Won't nothing be decided today. You two are both worn out and you need to rest. What happened to your arm?"

  "The man she shot stabbed me. That's why she killed him. She saved my life."

  "Let's take a look at that," Jack insisted once he was done eating.

  "Yep it's festering some. Gotta cauterize that now."

  "I figured." Moon sighed.

  "Lissa, maybe you should go in the bedroom back there and lay down. You look plumb tuckered out." Jack told her.

  "I guess I am. I didn't realize how tired I was until we stopped running."

  "You can sleep in there and me and Moon will sleep in here on the floor. I got plenty of blankets."

  "Thank you." She said and shot Moon a glance and went to lie down.

  "She shore is a pretty little thing."

  "Yes, she is."

  "I can see what's in your eyes son. Don't know if she can, but it is the same in hers too."

  "It would never work Jack. We both know that." Moon told him.

  "I don't know so much about that son. Trappers marry Indian squaws all the time and it works. Why wouldn't this?"

  "She's white lady, that's why, and I'm Indian, isn't that enough?" He said rougher than he wanted to.

  "When they do catch up to you, they are gonna think all the wrong things and you know that. Now, you may not have taken her, but from the looks of the two of you, you did kiss. Didn't you?"

  "I'm not talking about this anymore." Moon told him.

  "Fine, let's get that arm looked after then." Jack told him. "You did kiss her, right?" muttered as he found a rag and brought a bottle with him.

  "Dammit Jack, yeah, alright, I kissed her. But that was all."

  "I know that. You forget how well I know you, son."

  "What's the bottle for?"

  "I gotta disinfect it boy, before I cauterize it."

  Moon prepared for the pain. It burned like hellfire.

  "What did you do that for?" Moon frowned, flinching from the fire on his arm.

  "I'm doin' the doctorin'. I had to boil the impurities out. Otherwise it will leave the infection inside."

  "Get it done, Jack." Moon insisted with annoyance.

  Jack snickered. "This won't hurt half as bad as letting a little gal like that get away from you. You want to live in the white man's world, why not with a white girl?" He asked as he seared his arm, sealing the wound. "Out here where we live, you are just a man."

  Moon grit his teeth from the pain. When he could finally talk, he stared at Jack.

  "I realize what they are gonna think Jack. But I'm not sure about marrying her. She could still have a life, if she wants it."

  "You're not in love with her?" Jack asked so matter-of-factly that Moon frowned.

  "Do you have to know everything?" Moon asked a bit too sharply. "I do have feelings for her, but that's not important right now."

  "Uh huh!"

  Jack made them some beds on the floor. Moon was in a lot of pain and he laid on the opposite side of his hurt arm.

  "She's awful pretty Moon."

  Moon smiled, "Yes, she is. Now go to sleep old man."

  Marry her, yes, he wouldn't mind marrying her. She was his, if he wanted her, he knew that
already. But it was more than physical too. She had protected him from the man's attack. She had missed him when he merely went to hunt for food. She trusted him, and her kisses said it more than anything. Sweet kisses he would never forget. He wanted to devour her. She was everything he wanted in a woman.

  Oh, he'd love to marry her, but what did she think of such a thing? After that last kiss he thought of nothing else but having her.

  Still, in a way Jack was right. Marrying her would protect her honor so to speak. If he married her, they'd have no right to take her away. At least not legally. But who would marry them, anyway?

  This was foolish thinking, it would never happen. Still, he could dream. One thing he knew, they were bound by trust and a growing feeling between them.

  Marriage was a mighty big temptation to Moon.

  Chapter Eight

  The next morning, she woke up early. She stretched her arms and lay the in the bed, thinking of the kiss she shared with Moon. It was mind boggling how they came together in the rain.

  It had done things to her she had never imagined. There was a need to be with him, to be close. That kind of kiss was the kind a man and woman shared after marriage.

  She thought about what Jack blurted out. "Marriage, could it be possible?" She murmured wrapping her arms around herself she smiled with hope.

  Her heart said yes, her mind said no.

  She realized that now, here at this moment, she felt like a real woman. He had opened her eyes and heart to a different world. His world. He had given her what she craved most, love. He'd never admit it to her. But a kiss like that was a kiss of lovers.

  The kiss was more than a kiss It said things he couldn't. He made love to her with his lips and she felt it to the core of her being. She would remember that moment for the rest of her life. She would treasure it.

  But Moon was a reasonable man. Not driven to impulse like she was. He would be sensible and not heed the craving of his heart.

  She accepted it. Perhaps nothing would ever come of that one kiss, but it had awakened the woman inside her. It made her vulnerable and strong in the same breath. It gave her hope for a future, and a memory she would hold dear to her heart.

  She could not hold him to any promises. She could not enter into his world unless he invited her. But she could hold on to this feeling. How could she not, she'd been awakened from a deep sleep. A sleep that held no life, no future. Now she was finally free to feel like a woman. And to hurt like one.

  What was between them, was unspeakable, and more beautiful than anything she had ever imagined.

  She got up and looked at herself in the small mirror on Jack's dresser. She looked pitiful. Her clothes were so big on her and her hair needed washing. She looked like a ragamuffin.

  She found a comb on Jack's dresser and combed her long hair until it shone.

  When she went into the room where Jack and Moon were, she wished she had a grand dress to show them, but then she realized her foolishness.

  She put on a smile. Jack had coffee perking.

  "It smells good in here." She told him as she came up behind him in the kitchen.

  "Sit yourself down girl, I got biscuits and gravy and coffee ready."

  "Do you cook all the time?"

  "Yep, Moon can roast a bear over the spit, he can cook outside, but you put him in the kitchen, and he's lost." Jack chuckled.

  "Where is Moon?" she asked.

  "He went outside, said he'd get us something for dinner."

  "Oh," she smiled. "Well, that gives us a chance to talk."

  Jack brought the food to the table, and she got the plates and cups. "Sure does."

  "I guess your wondering why I'm with Moon. I mean, why I came with him after he killed Earl." She asked.

  "No, I pretty much put it all together." Jack sighed at the table, wiping his hands on a long towel.

  "I did not mean to get him into trouble. Nor cause him stress. And when I killed that man, I knew I had to protect him. I'm trying to understand why I did it and how I can live with it. I didn't question it at the time, but now, having had time to think on it. It weighs heavy on me. I never killed a man before. I mean I saw him hurting Moon, and I had to do something."

  "I can see that. Look, out here, things are different. It's a wild country, and it has some wild people. Things happen."

  "Most women don't kill, like I did, though, Jack."

  "You had reason. Both of you had reason. First you were attacked, and second Moon was attacked."

  "I want you to know something Jack, mainly because I think you will believe me when I tell you."

  "Oh, what's that?"

  "Nothing happened between me and Moon, Jack."

  "Nothing?"

  "Well, I mean, we didn't… you know."

  "You're saying you didn't… Well, I understand. And I believe that. But," his brow raised, and he eyed her keenly. "Something did happen between you two, and I can see that plain as day."

  "Look, he was in my barn, he killed a man, the man was trying to… " She couldn’t say it and Jack nodded.

  "Go on."

  "Earl had courted me for a while, and decided I owed him something more. I didn't agree. Moon heard us arguing over it and came out. Earl attacked Moon, and Moon killed him with his knife. All the while, my father was standing right outside the barn, waiting to bring judgement itself down on me. Moon took me with him. Oh, he didn't want to, but I followed him until he finally gave up arguing with me. I asked him to Jack. And I know that is selfish of me, but I had to get away. He thought better of it. But I insisted. You see life had become impossible for me there. The killing just made me see how impossible it had become. He knew instinctively that I was afraid of Earl and my step-father. He's protected me. The second man, well, I had to protect Moon. We were sort of in this together."

  Jack sipped his coffee, "You don't have to explain anything to me. Moon's a good man. I like to think I helped raise him. I know what kind of person he is. It's in his nature to protect, that much I know."

  "Aside from myself, Moon was the only one that knew what took place in that barn.

  "When the man stabbed him in the arm, I became afraid for him. If he killed Moon, I didn't know what to do next. I had to kill the man. We were in this together."

  "Of course, you did. I guess for a woman it's hard to reason these kinds of things out."

  "We were forced to protect each other."

  "And you got feelings for him, don't you, gal?" Jack asked.

  "I-I."

  "Your eyes give you away. So does his."

  "Oh but… "

  "I won't say no more about it. It's between you and him. But I know what I see, gal. And sooner or later it's going to come out and your going to have to make up your mind what to do about it. Moon won't force himself on you, I can tell you that much."

  "I know, but… " She blushed. "We have too much to worry about now." She told him.

  "It's okay, time will take care of it." Jack patted her on the hand. "Tell me something, do you see him as just an Indian?" Jack asked.

  She blushed and shook her head. "No, and I guess that sounds strange to you, but you see, my father taught me to see everyone as the same. He was an Indian agent and for years he tried to treat them right. But he got so frustrated that they'd no sooner sign a treaty and Washington would move them off good land and give them bad land to live on. So, he raised me to think that all men, no matter their color were the same. They all bled the same color blood." she said softly as a slow smile spread over her face. "I see Moon as a man, that's all. And he doesn't understand that."

  "That's good girl. That's really good." Jack smiled and put the dirty dishes up. "I'm glad to hear you say that. 'Cause that's the way I see him too. "

  "My being here could cause all kinds of problems. I should leave. But I don't know where to go. How to start over." She told him as she washed the dishes for him. "I have no money, not even the clothes on my back are any good to me. How can I start over, Ja
ck? Where do I go from here?"

  "I don't know if Moon would admit it, but we need you here. You would be welcome as part of our family, if you want us."

  Lissa stared at the old man and came to kiss his forehead. "That is so sweet, but I too don't know what Moon would think of it. He might think I'm imposing. Which I don't want to do. You’re his world and I have not yet been invited into it. If I knew what to do, where to go, I would. I'm a little lost, Jack."

  "Your wise too, aren't you?"

  "I know what is right and wrong." She smiled.

  "That's better than most these days. I like you gal. Tell me; what kind of a man was your father?"

  She sank into the chair at the table. How could she describe him? "In the first place, Harold Carter is my step-father. Until my mother died, he was pretty nice. He wasn't educated except in life. He got by very well by the skills he knew and what he had learned from nature. But after my Ma died, he became bitter and drank a lot. I became his maid, cook and housekeeper. That's all I was. That was my life. That and teaching school on the mountain."

  Jack eyed her seriously now, "Yeah, but there's more to this than you're tellin'."

  "When he drank, I was afraid. I couldn't go to sleep a lot of nights. Drunks don't remember what they do the next day I'm told."

  "Did you love him as your father?"

  "I don't know. We never had a real close relationship, Jack. But I will say this for him, he did love my mother." She fingered the coffee cup before her. "I think we had a mutual feeling for each other after my Ma died, but I wouldn't call it love. More just a sense of understanding one another and how we felt about her death."

  "How old were you when your mother died?"

  "Twelve."

  "Bad age for you and for him to turn to drink."

  "It's why I have a gun," she produced the gun. "And another reason I wanted to get away. It's funny really, I have this gun, but… I can't seem to use it. But I promised myself, if he ever came near me, I'd use it."

  He stared, then picked the gun up and examined it. "I haven't seen one of them in a long time. But it would get the job done."