Guilty as Sin

by Rita Hestand

She chuckled, "A lady's gun."

  "How'd you get that?"

  "A lady in the General Store gave it to me."

  "How old were you?"

  "Fourteen… "

  "God, child. Thank God she gave it to you."

  Lissa smiled sadly. "In some ways I wish she never had."

  "Don't you feel bad about what had to be done. I know it ain't easy to accept, especially knowing right from wrong. But pioneer women have suffered all kinds of hazards living out in the no where's with no promise of tomorrows." Jack told her. "Sometimes it comes down to what you have to do, not what you want to do."

  "I keep seeing that man's face when he saw me, Jack. I can't get it out of my mind. I had to do it. If he killed Moon, he'd have taken me back. And I couldn't have lived with Moon's death."

  Jack smiled at her and patted her hand.

  "What would have happened if Moon hadn't killed this Earl fella?" Jack asked staring into her face.

  "I'm not sure. Earl could have let my father know he was out there and then there would be other troubles. I might have shot Earl myself, but at the time I had sense enough to know I'd go to jail if I did. He wasn't worth me spending the rest of my life in jail."

  "Were you sad when Moon killed your fella."

  "No, I was just plain scared. I could have killed him myself, but I tend to think about things too much. I worried about going to jail, as my father would probably have taken me there, once he found Earl. Earl wasn't my fella. He wanted to be, but he was as big a drunk as my father. I didn't want that in my life."

  "Well that is good thinkin' girl."

  "Moon had no choice but to kill him. Earl hated Indians."

  "And the other fella? The one you killed?"

  "I was afraid he'd kill Moon. Moon protected me when I needed it. I felt duty bound to protect him. I couldn't let him die for me."

  "You were protecting him."

  "Trying to, yes."

  "That's purely a womanly instinct child. Women protect their young, or anything they love."

  Lissa stared, she wanted to contradict him, but she couldn't.

  "You did what you had to."

  "I can't excuse it that easily."

  "That's because you are a good person Lissa. A bad person wouldn't think twice about doing it. Now let's have no more talk of this. You and Moon both did what you had to do. What's done is done and we cannot change it. I'm glad you came along Lissa." Jack smiled and patted her hand.

  "Glad? Why?" she asked a bit shocked by his statement.

  "You're good for Moon. He needs someone to care about him. He needs a wife, and to have children and so do you."

  "Oh, but Jack… "

  "I know, he's an Indian and your white and it seems a bit impossible, doesn't it?"

  "Yes, besides, I'm not sure how Moon feels about me, he hasn't said anything really. Well, not verbally anyway."

  "Give him time, he's slow on the draw when it comes to women. But I see what's in his eyes, girl."

  "What do you see?"

  "Your both in love with each other, but you both have too much sense to jump into something like that without thinking it over a few times. Time will settle it, I'm sure of it."

  Moon came in with two wild turkeys.

  She went to help him. She picked one up and she went to the door, "I'll just go pluck this one for you Jack." She told him.

  He smiled and winked, "Thanks."

  Moon looked at Jack. "What was that all about?"

  "Nothing, we just been getting to know each other a little is all. I like her Moon. She's got sand."

  "Yeah, you've said that before." Moon chuckled. Moon had donned some pants and a shirt like Jack now and tied his long hair back. He looked different. He looked more approachable than ever now.

  Jack took the other turkey and joined Lissa.

  Her clothes were very big on her now, and Jack looked at her. "We need to get you some clothes that fit."

  Lissa looked at herself. "I guess I do look pretty rough."

  "I'll go into town and pick you some clothes up." Jack told her. "You write down what sizes you need."

  She nodded. "I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

  "No, you won't. I ain't had a pretty girl like you around in a long time. If Moon don't marry you, I might have to." He chuckled.

  She laughed.

  Moon joined them. "What is so funny."

  She blushed, "Nothing. Jack's just gonna bring me some decent clothes from town."

  Moon seemed to think on that a moment. "That's a good idea, but instead of a pretty dress, get her some pants and shirts and maybe a flop hat. That won't bring attention that there is a woman out here to anyone in town and she can disguise herself as a man. Besides, if Jack walked into town and suddenly bought a ladies dress people would get a bit suspicious."

  "That's good thinkin' boy. Yes sir, it is. Alright."

  "So now I'm going to be a man, huh?"

  Moon stared, "To everyone but Jack and I."

  She grimaced. "I guess it would be much safer."

  "Sure, it wouldn't attract attention."

  "Alright." She agreed.

  "Don't fret, this all comes right you can wear dresses all you want."

  "It doesn't matter, it's not like I need a dress." She made a face at him. But as far as she could see, it would never come all right again.

  He chuckled. "Even in pants you'll be hard to miss as a woman."

  "I'll get them a little baggy." Jack nodded.

  "No, wait, get her some overalls and plain shirts, and a flop hat that we can tie that pretty red hair up with." Moon chuckled.

  "Why don't you just paint my face black and call me Mammy." She laughed.

  "Don't tempt me," Moon laughed.

  "Very funny," she stuck her tongue out at him.

  "Here's your plucked turkey." She slung it at him and went inside.

  "I think she's angry!" Moon looked startled.

  "Well let's see, her father treated her like a slave, her beau treated her like a whore, and now you treat her like a man. What do you expect? As far as I can tell she's a full-grown, beautiful woman."

  "Well of course she is. She must know that."

  "No, Moon, she don't. I got a feelin' that girl ain't been told over a dozen times in her life that she is a beautiful person. And probably then by her mother and real father. She ain't been told anything nice or sweet in a long time. I reckon since her Ma died." Jack shook his head. "A woman like that, with so much to offer a man, and she don't even know it."

  "But I only wanted to protect her!" He told him.

  "Don't tell me, tell her!" he encouraged.

  Moon stalked back inside and saw her at the stove. "I-I only wanted to protect you," he said softly.

  "I-I know." She swiped her eyes. "Thank you."

  He came closer. "Don't you know how beautiful you are?" he ask softly.

  She whirled around, he was too close. She couldn't look him in the eye right now. Her mouth fell open and she moved away quickly. "Go cook your turkey, will ya?" she shouted.

  "I ask you a question," he followed her toward the bedroom. "Don't you know how beautiful you are?"

  "Leave me alone Moon," she cried. "Go away."

  "Not until I have convinced you!" He smiled sexily at her now. Her heart raced just looking at him.

  She stared, and he came close, backing her against the wall. She raised her hands to push him away, but he took them and raised them above her head and pinned her to the wall. Then he kissed her so softly, so warmly, she couldn't fight him any longer. She went limp and stood mesmerized by his kiss. There was nothing in his kiss, but pure sweetness and she tried to resist it, but she found her lips moving against his, answering him the only way she knew how.

  He raised his head, and smiled again, "Now you know just how beautiful you are."

  And he walked out of the house once more.

  Leaving her stunned by his words and actions.

  Chapter Nine
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  When Jack went into town the next day to get her some clothes, Lissa figured it was time to take a bath and asked Jack where she could bath.

  "Well, you could use the tub if you want, but someone could come up and spot you in that. Got a watering pond about a mile down the road out back. Use it for stock. It'd be safe for you."

  "Thanks," she smiled. She found some towels and took one and some lye soap.

  The pond was under a big mesquite tree, shaded from the hot sun and she peeled off her clothes before getting in. It was secluded and she saw no harm in getting herself good and clean for her new man clothes. She giggled at the thought. Now she would be a man, and Moon, with his high morals would probably never look at her again. A sadness filled her, for Moon had become the bright spot in her life. She knew she was falling in love, and she had no idea how to handle it.

  Being alone gave her time to think about all that had happened. Perhaps too much time.

  Moon had gone to see a friend down the road about a horse he'd been considering buying for some time. With the sale of the wild mustangs he'd taken to Ridge City, he figured he could afford one now. He and Jack had split the money and he'd still have some left.

  She was alone and it relieved her some. She hadn't had time to think about all that had happened, about her feelings for Moon, about being here. When she made the decision to come with Moon, there was no time for heavy thinking. There was no time to plan ahead, to know what she was doing. But the circumstances had made it so. Now, they were no longer running, but the dangers were still here.

  Being alone in the pond made Lissa feel wonderful. She played and splashed and enjoyed being in the water. She washed her hair first, then began scrubbing her body.

  It felt heavenly being clean again. She bathed in the creek at home a couple of times a week. She always took her time. But she'd been here for a while and it was time to get out when a stranger came upon her.

  "Well hello there," the cowboy said, with a smirk.

  "I'm bathing would you mind leaving so I can get out, then you can water your horse or whatever you are doing here."

  "I'd rather stay and watch you."

  "So, you're not a gentleman?"

  "Oh sure, I am. Can't blame a man for trying though, can you?" He asked with a smile. "Good day to you, ma'am."

  He tipped his hat and left.

  Lissa grimaced. "Damn," she hadn't meant for anyone to catch her out here.

  She got out and grabbed her clothes quickly when she was sure the cowboy had ridden off.

  Moon was just the other side of the pond when she finished dressing and came out of the bushes.

  "Sorry, I was getting worried." He said when she spotted him. "Jack told me you were out here."

  "Did you see my visitor?" she asked a bit angrily.

  "I saw him. He works for one of the ranches around here. I would have come out, but it wouldn’t be good for him to know you were with me and Jack."

  "I guess not." She replied.

  "I brought your other clothes."

  "Oh, Jack got back?"

  "Yeah. Look, you will need to bind yourself so no one will know."

  She blushed, "Oh, what with?"

  "He brought some cotton cloth to use."

  "Good," she grabbed it. "If you'll turn around, I'll go change then."

  "Sure," he frowned.

  She went behind the bushes and put the overall's on leaving them open to the waist but binding herself was harder than she thought. The cotton wouldn't stay tight enough for her to bind herself. She was fussing with it when he came up to her.

  "I heard you grumbling, what's wrong?"

  She turned her head and saw him staring at her. "I-I'm having trouble with this binding…" she cried.

  She was naked to the waist and had turned around so all he saw was her back, but his eyes traveled it with complete abandon. He wanted to touch her, but he knew better. He fought his own demons to keep his hands still.

  "Let me help you." He whispered huskily.

  "Don't look, please don't you dare look." She yelped.

  He sighed heavily. "Fine, I won't look. I didn't hear you screaming when the cowboy rode up."

  "What's wrong with you?" she half turned to look at him. Holding her arms around her breasts. "Now that would have been silly. I did manage to run him off without a bit a trouble, though, did you notice that!"

  "You are right, you did. I bet that cowboy saw more than I did?"

  "If I wasn't half dressed, I'd slap that arrogant face of yours for that." She cried out.

  He had to laugh. "I guess you would too. Let's get this done, Now, I'll start it back here, and you wrap it tight, and hand me the other side of it." He told her. "I can see where this would be impossible to do alone."

  "This is humiliating," she cried.

  "Well I'm sorry honey, but there's no other woman here to help you out. So, I'll have to do."

  She made some sound in her throat.

  "Lissa where did the trust go?" His tone was serious now.

  "I don't know!" she wailed.

  "You've got to understand, I'm not about to look, alright. We've been together day and night for nearly two weeks. If I was that kind of man don't you think I'd have already taken you?"

  "Alright, I'm sorry." She nodded. "It just seems as though everyone is gawking at me lately."

  "I respect you Lissa. Just because I kiss you silly doesn't mean I'm going to take you. I'm stronger than that."

  She sighed heavily and nodded.

  He smiled. "It also doesn't mean I don't want to, either. You are a beautiful woman. My God, there's not a blemish on your back, and you are tan too. And I'm a man, not a piece of stone. Please honor me with your trust." He asked softly.

  "I'm sorry Moon. It's just… sometimes, when you kiss me… "

  "You do not want to be kissed?"

  "Oh no… it's not that," she turned just a little toward him. "Are we still friends?" she asked, waiting for his answer as though it meant a lot to her.

  She kept asking that questions as though she thought he'd suddenly disappear from her life or something.

  Moon realized she was quite insecure about many things. He wondered why.

  "Of course." He answered in a husky voice.

  "How long will I have to be a boy?" she asked with a sense of resignation in her voice.

  "I don't know, I have no answers yet. We haven't seen any signs of your father yet. No posters, nothing. It may be too soon to worry, or too late."

  "Moon?" she called over her shoulder, "Will this ever be over?"

  "I hope so, he'll give up sooner or later, when he doesn't find you. When the law doesn't find you." He told her as he handed her the cloth after wrapping her back several times.

  "Then what happens?"

  He tied the cotton in the back and turned away. "I don't know. I cannot foretell the future."

  "Will this be tight enough?"

  "I don't know, but if it was much tighter, I couldn't breathe." She chuckled. "Surely with a shirt and overalls on, it won't be that obvious."

  He handed her the shirt and she put it on and pulled the overalls that rested at her waist up. She turned around and he did too.

  "How do I look now?" she asked with a grin.

  His eyes caressed her, "You can't hide beauty Lissa."

  She sobered.

  "Put your hair up in this," he told her and handed her the hat. She took the ribbon, tied her hair up then stuffed it into the hat.

  "Now how do I look."

  "I am the wrong person to ask such a thing. I still see Lissa."

  She smiled. "I like your clothes, and you tied your hair back. You look very… handsome."

  "You think so?"

  She smiled broadly, "You're still Moon to me."

  He tipped her chin with his finger, "And you're still Lissa to me."

  He looked as if he was about to kiss her, but he backed off.

  Instead of being mad, she smiled, "Race you
back to the house."

  "You're on!" he smiled and let her get a head start.

  He passed her and she ran up behind him and tackled him to the ground. They laughed. For a moment he thought about kissing her again, but he'd been doing much too much of that and he needed to stop. Because the last kiss nearly changed everything. He had wanted her so bad that day in the rain, but while his heart knew he wanted her, his thinking told him it wasn't the right time.

  She got to her feet, and ran, he chased her all the way to the house.

  When they got there, they were breathless and smiling.

  But there were voices coming from inside. Moon stood near the door so he could hear. He touched his finger to his lips, to warn Lissa. She nodded and came closer.

  "You see her, you let us know. Cal Jones said he saw someone that looked a little like her out in that pond way out back."

  "Well hell, Charlie, anyone can bath in a pond. Maybe it was her, maybe she was washing up and movin' on. Ain't no one here but me and Moon, and I hired a little fella on the other day."

  "Hired a man?"

  "More a boy than a man. But yeah. Moon goes off every now and then and I'm busy at the mine, so I gave him a place to live and he's gonna take care of my wolves and mule and some of the chores around here."

  "What's his name?"

  "Lester."

  "Lester what?"

  "I forgot, oh wait a minute Lester George I think he said."

  "Well, you tell Moon and this Lester about this gal. She's dangerous. She killed a man. So be careful, you here."

  "Sure, are you certain it was her that killed the man. I mean come on, how often does a woman kill a man?"

  "No, I ain't sure. Won't know for sure until the trial."

  "Well, I'll keep my eyes and ears open and if anything comes up, I'll let you know."

  "You be careful."

  "I can take care of myself."

  "Well, you're getting up in age, I'm not so sure."

  "You don't think I can take care of a woman?" He asked the Sheriff.

  "I guess you probably could."

  "You damned straight I could." Jack informed him.

  "Alright Jack, you've always shot straight with me. But if you see this gal hanging around somewhere out here, let me know."

  "What are you gonna do, hang her? I mean it ain't often a woman goes to trial."