Devon

by Leanne Davis

  I didn’t know. I wondered if he loved Ireena or not. How little we spoke in the past two years. It hammers home to me now. He betrayed me, but only because he fell in love. I never believed he loved or even liked Ireena. But he did.

  He really did.

  I don’t know how that feels yet.

  I have to let the knowledge sink in. Jealousy spews like a volcano in my guts, all hot and ugly at first. Rearing its head like a snake after its tail is stepped on. But I calm down. I know now. For Damion to do what he did to me, he had to be motivated by some pretty strong feelings. And clearly, he had those for Ireena.

  Now, Damion also lost her. He’s all alone. He lost. I lost. We all lost.

  There is no joy in that.

  “Devon, I’m sorry. If I could go back—”

  “We can’t. And we can’t keep returning to the past. I’m here now. You’re here now. Dayshia’s here now. We have a second chance, so let’s take it and run with it.”

  “I’m glad. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

  “What about the café? You don’t have to work there. I can handle it, but—”

  “I think I’d like to work there. Just to be part of it. Us. Joining the family again. Building the bond between us again. And where else do we feel more at home than at Mom’s café?”

  I nod, getting that. I feel the same. I put my hand out. Damion leans forward, and we clasp hands, staring at each other. “We’ll have to ask for guidance from Mom on the baby stuff though.”

  Damion cracks up laughing. It’s the first time, I think, since Ireena died. “Yeah. Definitely. Can you imagine the two of us raising a daughter? We can ask Kaeja, too. She still watches Dayshia several days a week. Along with Tara and Claudia. We’ve really got a village here to raise her. But I’m her dad. I have to make sure she’s okay.”

  I happily realize that what started out so foul has finally moved on to something more important: the next generation, Dayshia.

  It eases something deep inside me to make amends with Damion. To start with, being together leads to us talking. We have a lot of wasted time to make up for. Years of it. All the things that happened to us and the feelings that were crushed. I’m usually the one who insists that we talk when we need to figure stuff out. Without my prompting, Damion would probably bury uncomfortable stuff forever. My efforts are opening up Damion in many ways.

  We start the following Monday at Mom’s café. It’s awkward and slow at first. We both receive numerous lessons on doing the paperwork, from ordering supplies to deducting taxes and bookkeeping. We do the personal files and all the insurance. Much of it reminds me of my job at Tamasy and it soon becomes clear that my duties will lie there.

  The best part of it for me? I love the customers. I love walking around the café and talking to people. I enjoy greeting them, too. Being on my feet and interacting with them is so far from the office job I became so engrained in. I thought this would be the last place I’d ever want to work. Turns out, it’s the only place I want to work.

  Damion and I find an apartment not far from Main Street. It’s near the river in a bunch of apartment complexes. Several have been remodeled recently. Tara chuckles when we tell her where we plan to move. “I know those. Dani lived in them with her dad many years back.”

  We move into our three-bedroom, second-story unit. It costs about half as much as my riverfront condo. I have my own room, and so do Dayshia and Damion, but it’s very different living with a small baby. I man up. I feed her, change her diaper, bathe, and soothe her. I figure out how to do her hair. It took a few tutorials, but I figured it out. Even middle of the night wake-ups I helped out on. All of it was hard, new and surprising, but between Damion and me, we figured it out.

  She’s warm and soft, expressive in her moods and facial expressions, her smiles or lack of them, her coos and even her hand movements. I begin learning one-year-old-speak, and it’s fascinating to me.

  I have a completely strange new life. Yet, it seems as familiar as breathing to me. Being in Silver Springs now, my new appreciation of it was never there as a youth. I jog every morning, going out the apartment door, heading towards the river and a different riverfront view from the route I used to run in Vancouver. The Bonneville Dam is just upriver and the water is big and swirly here, with strong currents and bumpy swells. Trees and tall, black mountains comprise the opposite shoreline. There are fewer boats in this view, and none of the huge ocean liners I used to see. They can’t come up this far. There are tugboats pulling or pushing barges and fishing boats or day cruisers, but it’s a very different vibe than the huge, wide, lake-ish feel of the riverfront next to my old condo. There is nowhere more gorgeous when it comes to scenery than Silver Springs and the Columbia Gorge. Each morning, I’m greeted with a brand new sunrise over the water. I feel invigorated and alive, so grateful for the quiet around me. It’s something I never appreciated before. But after all the drama, it’s very soothing.

  I visit my parents quite often. It’s really nice to feel close to them again. My grandparents are all in their eighties, and their health is deteriorating. I know time is limited, and I feel so lucky to have enjoyed them for this long. I am always comforted when I’m with my family again.

  The entire lifestyle is better now. I feel connected to family, neighbors, and the community. The work at the café is far less taxing than at Tamasy Industries, and I like it a lot more. I relax. I smile. I feel light and free. I am happier all the time. And my brother and I are together again. After all this mess and the mending of it, I remember the twin I loved. The twin that I need for my own identity.

  I don’t see Claudia anymore. I’m kind of grateful for the respite. I am still trying to settle into my new, small-town life. The thing I miss the most from my old, city life is her. It all comes down to her.

  Then, a month into my new life, she visits the café.

  I emerge from the kitchen, holding up a heated piece of pie for an older couple at table five. I’m not officially a server but I often grab the plates and deliver them just to chit-chat with the patrons. Turns out, I’m pretty charming. I know how to greet the patrons, and I’m also outgoing. I can make the place hum with goodwill and ambience. Sales are up since I started, as is the volume of customers. So, I think I might just have a knack for this new life of mine.

  All of a sudden, there she is. Claudia. She is standing in the foyer. I wonder if my parents had their big moment in this café? Was it here when they met and felt the love they had for each other? And the undeniable attraction? Did Tara and Ryder? Is it this place? I think it’s this damn place.

  Sunlight creeps through the front door relite and lands on her blonde curls, making them shine like gold. One curl is caught up in her earring, unbeknownst to her. It makes my heart swell, and I smile.

  She notices me. Our eyes travel the space and she gives me a small, almost timid smile. I return it and tip my head, a just a second gesture. I rush over to drop the pie in front of the couple. I set out two plates so they can share it, with a hurried “Enjoy your dessert.” I quickly spin around to go back to Claudia. She’s not in the doorway because a family entered. I ignore them. Hank can seat them.

  I walk up to her and simply hug her. We share so much history, there is some awkwardness but God damn it. It’s Claudia. My best friend. Always. I miss her. I hug her tightly.

  “It’s been way too long.”

  She hugs me back before we separate long enough to look at each other. She smiles. “It has been a long time. But someone left me all alone at work, and I’ve had a lot to catch up with.”

  I smile. “Sit down. Coffee? Cake? Dinner?”

  She laughs. “Coffee and pie, but only if you sit with me.”

  “Course I will.”

  I scurry off, spilling the coffee on the counter in my haste to pour her a cup. I bring it out from the back and slide the cup to her. I bring both of us dessert, but only one coffee. She takes a sip and looks down, then at me, almost embarrass
ed. I can’t stop grinning. I miss that smile. That look. Just her presence right beside me. Dear God, I’m giddy.

  I shake myself and take a bite of pie. So does she, closing her eyes as if she is in ecstasy. “Your mom make this?”

  “Nope… I did.” I grin at her startled look. “Okay, it’s her recipe. But I made it today. I do all kinds of different stuff for the café. I love the variety of tasks. And we’re busier than you’d think.”

  “For real?”

  “Yes.” I launch into my new duties and explain what I’ve learned. Damion walks in with a box of supplies. I wave at him. She glances back and notices him, too.

  Sighing, she shakes her head. “That makes me so happy.”

  “What?” I turn my head, considering her.

  “You casually saying hello to your brother.”

  “I do that a lot nowadays. He’s everywhere. Here. Home. So…”

  “You really working through it all?”

  “I think so.” My smiles fades. She’s in intimate territory now. “Yeah, actually, I am.”

  Her gaze travels over me. “You seem better. And lighter. Happier.”

  “I am. I’m not sure who is more surprised, me or you.”

  She reaches across the table and touches my hand. I immediately flip mine over and take her fingertips in mine. She squeezes them, despite being startled by my eager response. “No one is more glad to hear that than me. Especially about your relationship with Damion.”

  “Turns out, he really loved and still loves Ireena.”

  “I always wondered. I didn’t know. I guess you both did. Does that make it worse or better?”

  “Back then? It would have made it worse, I think. Now? Maybe it makes it easier. You know? Like all the pain was for a reason. Dayshia. And she’s everything you said she could be to me.”

  “You’re really caring for her now? Changing diapers and all?”

  “Yeah. Of course. I rock at those. She’s at her cutest then. She coos and chatters and even if I might not like what I have to clean up, I love all the little noises and smiles she gives me. You’d be surprised how many people are shocked that Damion and I are raising her. But we are. Reverse sexism. Can’t two single, twenty-something guys figure out how to take care of a little baby? I think we’re doing quite well. I guess we’ll manage.”

  Her eyes are huge now.

  “What?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m just surprised. And pleased.”

  “What about you?”

  “Nothing new. Work has been busy. I work late most nights. Well, you know how it gets.”

  I nod and remember. “I do.”

  She shrugs. “I wasn’t sure when I should come here.”

  “Anytime. All the time.” My tone drops, getting husky. But she doesn’t squint at me skeptically, or say, “Devon” in a shocked, annoyed, and intolerant tone. So maybe it’s a sign of progress.

  She glances down and swallows. “You won’t be coming back to work then?”

  “Well… no. Remember that whole quitting thing? I wasn’t kidding.”

  “I just hoped if this didn’t work out, then maybe. I mean, I’m really glad it is, but…”

  Something in her tone makes my ears ring. There is longing in her voice. She misses me. “Are you really? Glad it is working out? You don’t sound very convincing.”

  She sighs. “It’s a lot of work without you.”

  “Hire someone.”

  “I thought—for sure, I actually thought you’d be back. I couldn’t have someone else at your job.”

  “So, you’ve been doing it all yourself?”

  “Yeah. Dad’s come around a few times to help. But mostly it’s me…yeah.”

  “Hire someone, Claudia. I’m definitely not coming back.”

  “Why?” She looks up at me, scanning my face. Her eyes are so big, she seems to be searching for something. “Why not? Why can’t we just go back to… you know, to us? I miss us.”

  I stare at her and smile. “I miss us, too. But I don’t want to go back with you. I want to move forward. You know what that looks like for me.”

  “So you can’t work with me? Or be my friend?”

  “I can. I could. But I don’t want that job anymore. I mean it, Claudia. Here is where I belong, at least for a while. Maybe always. I didn’t know how much I missed my family. But I have and since being here and being back with them, it’s really good.”

  She releases a long breath, lifting her bangs into the air. “Damn it. So you really like this?”

  “Yes.” It’s hard not to smile at her annoyance that I’m digging my new job. “I really like you, too. And yes, of course we can be friends. We’ll start hanging out again. Come to dinner tonight with me and Damion. I’ll come to town next week, and we’ll grab drinks. You can tell me about whatever headache you have at Tamasy. The one thing I can still do for you is listen and get it.”

  She leans forward, setting her fork down. “I would like that. I miss it.”

  “I miss all that we talked about.”

  “So these changes you enacted weren’t just to get me to do what you wanted? Or to punish me?”

  “No. No punishment. Not trying to get away from you. No, I was not too fragile to work with you because I didn’t get my way either. Honest to God, Claudia. Did you really think I gave it all up for that reason? I might have if you asked me, but not because I was being a cry baby. No, it’s like I said, I was just unhappy, and I realized I needed to fix it. A lot of the motivation came from Damion. But I chose this. I want to do this. Will you agree to be friends?”

  “Yes.”

  Instantly, she answers. My heart swells and I smile. “Okay. Then we’re the best of friends. Always. Right? Think of how great it’ll be to hire someone new. You can tell them what to do without the worry of hurting their feelings. Then you can complain to me how worthless they are, ‘cause hell if they’re going to be half as good as you and me.”

  She smiles, looking relieved. “That’s true. Did you keep your car?”

  “I did. But it’s for sale. The dealership tried to screw me. Selling it myself. I can’t responsibly afford it now, not on my new salary.”

  She nods, looking away and then outside. “You could with mine.”

  “Your what?”

  “Salary.”

  “Well, we just established that I got rid of mine, and I meant it and all that. Oh, you’d like to buy it? You were serious?”

  “Yes. I’ll buy it,” she adds with a smile. “Then you can keep driving it.”

  I grin back at her. “Show off.”

  Her grin slowly fades. “What if… what if I’m not showing off?”

  My grin mirrors hers and fades to a puzzled expression. “What? I don’t know what you mean.”

  She glances around and licks her lips. “Well, why not here? This is where my aunt got engaged. Did you know that?”

  “No.”

  “Right here in this very dining room. In front of a bunch of their patrons.”

  “Okay…” Something blips in my heart. Hope? Fuck. Does she have a point? Beyond the friends we just promised we would be?

  “I had to make sure you meant it. For real. The healing from Ireena and Damion, both the betrayal and her death could not motivate you before. But I’m convinced now.”

  “Okay…”

  We still hold hands. Like always. Even before we physically did, we were there for each other.

  “Tell me how you feel about me.” Her gaze is right on my face. Direct. Blazing hot and intense.

  I stare in shock. She’s asking? Letting me? Wanting me to? I think so. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes for just a second. I am hoping and savoring. Please, God let her want my love. But what about Cooper? Well, hell. What else?

  “I’m in love with you.”

  She stares at me, blank-faced. Then her shoulders rise and fall like she’s taking a deep breath. “I know you are.”

  I freeze. “You didn’t know
before. You didn’t believe me.”

  “I believe you now.”

  “Claudia—” I try to swallow the lump lodged in my throat. “You’re being pretty blasé here. This matters to me. More than everything. Please… what do you mean?”

  She releases my hand and folds hers together primly on the table. “I mean, I believe you. I finally believe you actually love me and not my help to deal with adversity.” She blinks and tears filter through her eyelashes. “And I’ve always loved you, you clueless idiot. Of course, I still do.”

  My heart leaps for joy. I stare open-mouthed at her and then, fuck. She means it. I leap out of my seat and grab her. Fuck it all. I kiss her right there in middle of my family’s restaurant. Right in front of all the patrons and families trying to enjoy the early bird dinners. Right fucking there.

  She’s in my embrace, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing into me. Our mouths touch and open as we kiss. I lean into her and let our mouths speak for themselves. My heart’s been longing to admit my passion for a long time. Not as long as she waited, but long enough to make me feel like I’m going to burst.

  Finally, we separate and stare at each other for a touching, poignant moment. Then she smiles softly, even shyly. “We should probably not do this here.”

  I laugh and lean my forehead into hers. I stare into her eyes, so close we’re almost cross-eyed. I don’t care. “We probably should. You think there’s anything I want to do more than kiss you right here and now?”

  I hold her face in my hands and stare down at her. She bites her lip, and I’m tempted to bite it, too but I stop when her eyes widen just a smidgeon bigger as she hisses, “Don’t you dare.”

  “What?” I ask innocently.

  “Bite my lip, too.”

  “See? We’re perfect for each other. You can read my mind, and I knew you’d say no. But I can think about it.”

  She stares up at me, her heart shining brightly in her eyes. “You didn’t want anyone to know the first time.”