With All Her Heart

by Kat Brookes

  “The sooner the better,” her foster mother said. “He deserves to have as much time as possible bonding with his son before he has to leave.”

  “Leave?” Lila repeated.

  “Mason is heading to the Congo soon to do some missionary work.”

  Lila gasped, “Why would Mason go there?”

  “Should my ears be burning?”

  Lila spun around as Mason and Finn entered the room.

  He held a bottle of vitamin-infused water out to her. “Finn tells me you have a thing for flavored waters.”

  “I do.” She took the bottle with a grateful smile.

  “I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” he said, glancing between her and Mama Tully. “Finn was ready to see his gramma Tully.”

  “I brought you chocolate,” her son said with a smile as he walked over to deliver it to his gramma Tully.

  Mama Tully’s smile spread across her face as she accepted the gift. “My favorite,” she said happily, wasting no time in peeling away the wrapper. She looked to Mason. “I was just telling Lila about your upcoming mission trip.”

  “Why the Congo?” Lila asked worriedly as she stood looking up into his handsome face.

  “Because those children deserve the chance to have an education and to learn about the word of God,” he answered without even a moment’s hesitation. “I’m going to help with the building of a new school over there.”

  “I wish you would reconsider,” she said, as if she had any right to even suggest such a thing. But what if Mason went over there and never came back for some reason? Finn would have learned he had a father, only to lose him.

  He looked to Finn. “I wish I could, but the paperwork is already in motion, and people are counting on my help.”

  But you have a son now, she wanted to say. Lila looked to Finn and then back to Mason. “When will you be leaving?”

  “End of summer. Once the harvesting is done.”

  Far too soon. Lila found herself doing something she’d rarely done since leaving Sweet Springs—praying, because she’d realized her son deserved to have his father in his life. Even though she’d kept Mason from Finn all these years.

  Chapter Four

  “Can I get you anything else?” Lila asked as she straightened the additional blanket she had just spread out across the top of Mama Tully’s bedspread. Her foster mother had been released a few days before from the hospital. Although still weak from the ordeal, she was infection free. Other than needing to finish the entire bottle of antibiotics they sent home with her and a follow up visit with her physician, Mama Tully was well on the mend. “A glass of water or cup of hot tea?”

  “I’m fine. Thank you,” the older woman answered with a grateful smile. “I just need to catch up on my sleep. They don’t believe in letting you rest through the night at the hospital. Always wanting to poke and prod me. But I wouldn’t be lying here in my own bed, in my own house, if it weren’t for the grace of God and the dedication of the doctors and nurses who took care of me during my stay there.”

  Lila nodded. As she moved toward the door, Mama Tully called out to her.

  “You do remember what tomorrow is, don’t you?”

  Stopping in the doorway, she turned to look at her foster mother. “Thursday?”

  Mama Tully shook her head. “I’m not referring to the day of the week. I’m referring to the deadline Mason gave you. You only have until tomorrow to talk to Finn.”

  “I haven’t forgotten.” Although Mason had made himself scarce in the past week, the few glimpses she’d had of him had been enough to stir up her whirling emotions all the more.

  “Honey, I know you’re afraid,” Mama Tully said tenderly. “But everything is going to work out just fine. You’ll see.”

  Going over and over the right words to tell Finn this past week in her head was emotionally taxing. No matter how she pieced her explanation together, there was no denying that the choice she had made all those years ago had been wrong. She saw that now. Lila leaned her head against the door frame with a sigh. “Finn’s been so happy here, looking after Honey and Grits, spending time with you after waiting so long to finally meet you in person.”

  Mama Tully’s smile warmed all the more. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with him, too. That smile of his just melts my heart.”

  “Mine, too.” Lila nodded. “He’s always been a happy, carefree child, but here his joy is constantly written on his face. That’s why I dread the thought of turning my son’s world upside down and taking that joy away. Because finally learning the truth is going to do just that.”

  “Have you ever considered that finally knowing the truth might actually turn Finn’s world right side up?” Mama Tully countered. “Not only will he finally have a daddy, he’ll have an extended family who will love the stuffing right out of him.”

  “What if they can’t open their hearts to him?” Lila asked with a troubled frown.

  “It’s Finn,” Mama Tully replied. “It’s impossible not to love that boy.”

  The words touched Lila’s heart, and she nodded in agreement. With a soft sniffle, she said, “Mama Tully, I’ve really missed having you in my life to talk things over with.” They’d had several heart-to-hearts since her foster mother came home from the hospital, spending treasured hours reconnecting. Their discussions hadn’t all been sunshine and flowers. They’d discussed Mama Tully’s fears for the young girl who’d taken off into what could be a big, scary world and Lila’s fears for the child she had brought into the world alone. Thankfully, Addy had been there for her. But the fear of letting her child down, as her own parents had her, remained a constant in her mind. That was the biggest reason, if she were being honest with herself, for her putting off her talk with Finn. What she had to tell him would inevitably shake the trust her son had in her. But he needed to know the truth. Deserved to know it. She just needed to make him understand her reasons.

  “Having you and Finn here has done my heart good,” Mama Tully told her, tears filling her eyes, as well. “Now I just need to get my other girl home and all my prayers will be answered.”

  “Addy’s anxious to see you, too.” Lila cast a glance back over her shoulder. “I should go check on Finn and the pups and let you get to sleep.” Looking back to Mama Tully, she said, “Thank you for being so supportive.”

  Mama Tully smiled tiredly. “That’s what mommas do.”

  Not all of them, Lila thought, recalling her own birth mother. Thankfully, Mama Tully had come into her life. Even now, after all the hurt Lila had caused her by leaving the way she had, Mama Tully still loved her. Heart in her throat, Lila said, “Sleep well.” Stepping from the room, she eased the door shut behind her and then went in search of her son.

  Lila found her son sitting on the porch, playing with Honey and Grits. She’d constructed a barricade for the steps using some old wood planks she’d found in the back shed and chicken coop fencing. The makeshift blockade could be easily slid to the side, giving access to the steps. It was enough of a deterrent to keep the rambunctious dogs from running off when they weren’t on their leashes. Mason might have easy command of the pups, but Lila had not mastered that particular ability yet.

  Finn glanced up, the overhead porch light casting a soft glow over her son’s toothy grin as he looked up at her. “Where’s Gramma Tully?”

  Mama Tully had spent the past couple of evenings sitting out on the front porch with them, tucked comfortably beneath a lap quilt in her favorite white wicker rocker.

  “She’s still needing to catch up on her sleep, so she decided to turn in early tonight,” Lila told him as she settled cross-legged on the porch floor next to him.

  “I’m glad she’s home,” he said, his focus returning to Grits, who had just dropped his ball onto Finn’s lap. The energetic dog promptly backed up several steps and then waited, tail wagging, for him to thro
w it.

  “Me, too,” Lila agreed.

  Reaching out to Honey, who was stretched out lazily a couple feet away, Lila stroked the contented pup behind her ears.

  “Do you think Mr. Landers will be by tomorrow?” her son asked distractedly.

  Lila’s hand stilled, a knot forming instantly in her stomach. Mason would be by. Of that she had no doubt.

  “He hasn’t been back since he took us to see Gramma Tully at the hospital when she got her fever,” her son went on. Finn and Mason already shared an undeniable connection.

  While Mason had done his best to avoid coming around like he had been, for reasons Finn couldn’t understand, he still called Mama Tully every day to check on her and see if she needed anything.

  The insecure young girl inside Lila feared his absence could be because he was having second thoughts about being Finn’s father.

  Lila mentally strong-armed that thought away. It was more likely he had avoided coming around because the temptation to tell Finn the truth would be far too great. Something Mason wouldn’t do, his having given his word not to. At least, until the week he’d allotted her was up.

  “Harvest season tends to take up a lot of time, and Mason plays a big part in the running of his family’s orchard and business,” Lila explained. “But I’m sure we’ll see him soon.” Grits came over and dropped his ball onto Lila’s lap and then raced away. Grateful for the interruption, she picked up the ball and she tossed it to him. “Nice catch,” she praised as Grits exaggeratedly leaped into the air and caught the arcing ball.

  “He never misses,” her son said in awe. “I wish I could catch as good as him.”

  “Maybe your da—” Lila caught herself just in time. She’d spent years avoiding any mention of Mason, but now that he finally knew the truth, all she could think about was that Finn would finally have a daddy. A real ballplayer in the making. Your daddy must be proud. Mason’s praise for Finn that day her son was throwing the ball had been kind and encouraging.

  Mama Tully’s reminder that her week was at an end tapped impatiently at the forefront of her mind. She was right. There was no more putting it off. “Finn, honey, how about we put the pups inside and take a short walk before turning in for the night?”

  “In the dark?” he replied in surprise.

  “There’s a hint of moonlight peeking out through those clouds,” she assured him. “And we won’t go far.”

  “Can we walk through the orchard?” he asked excitedly.

  Her gaze moved in that direction. How fitting it would be, that she would she tell her son the truth about his father among the fruit trees that meant so much to Mason and his family. Nodding, she got to her feet and called the dogs, luring them inside with the promise of a treat. “Be right back,” she told Finn as she followed Honey and Grits into the house.

  A few minutes later, she returned, heart in her throat. “Ready?” she asked her son with a forced smile.

  “Yep,” he answered. Reaching out, he slid the makeshift fence aside and bounded excitedly down the steps.

  Lila followed, her steps feeling weighted.

  “Come on, Momma!”

  “I’m coming,” she replied, picking up her step. Once again, the sweet aroma of ripening peaches stirred memories of her past, of what would assuredly be a part of her son’s future. Would Mason demand shared custody? And how would that work, with her living in Alabama and Finn enrolled in school there? Then a more unsettling thought stirred. What if he sought full custody?

  If she and God were in a better place, she would ask for guidance for what she was about to do. But her long-held guilt had opened a seemingly uncrossable chasm between herself and the religion Mama Tully and the Landers family had helped her to find as a young girl. As it stood, this was something she was going to have to do on her own.

  “Finn...” she called out.

  He stopped skipping along the moonlit, well-worn grass path and turned to look at her.

  “I need to talk to you about something.”

  Not missing the seriousness in her tone, he asked solemnly, “Is Gramma Tully sick again?”

  She shook her head as she closed the short distance between them. “No, not at all. She’s getting better every day.”

  The moon’s light danced off her son’s face as clouds drifted across the night sky. He looked so very much like his father. “We’re not going back to Alabama yet, are we? Is that what you want to talk about?”

  Was that disappointment she heard in his voice? Was it possible Finn preferred life in Sweet Springs to the life she’d built for them elsewhere? If that were the case, would he choose to stay with his father?

  “No,” she told him. “Not until Addy can come look after Gramma Tully. I wanted to talk to you about something else. About you, actually.”

  “Me?”

  “You’ve asked me before about your daddy.”

  His eyes widened.

  “When I was a young girl, I was in love with a very special boy,” she continued, before she could lose her nerve and put their talk off yet again.

  “But he didn’t love you?” her son surmised.

  “I believe he loved me very much,” she replied. “We both had hopes and dreams for our future. One we planned to spend together forever.”

  “Then why did he leave us?” Finn demanded, hurt in his voice.

  Tears filled her eyes as the memories washed over her. “He didn’t know there was an us. I never told him we were going to be having a baby—you.”

  “Why?”

  “When you’re as young as your daddy and I were, just stepping out into the real world of adulthood, you’re not prepared for the changes a baby would bring. I wanted your daddy to have his dreams, even if I couldn’t be a part of them, so I left Sweet Springs without telling him about you.”

  “What if he’d wanted me and not his dreams?” her son demanded, his voice gritty with emotion.

  “I’ve no doubt he would have wanted you,” she said, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. “But I was trying to do the right thing.”

  “By taking my daddy away?” he said.

  She reached for him, but he pulled away. “Finn...”

  “You said you loved my daddy, but you left him. Will you leave me, too?” he asked, both fear and anger lacing his voice.

  “Never,” she replied, aghast at the very thought of it. “You are my world.”

  “I should have been my daddy’s world, too.” His expression changed from one of anger to dawning realization. “You said you left Sweet Springs?”

  “I did.”

  “Then my daddy lives here?”

  She nodded. “He does, and you’ve met him.”

  His dark eyes widened. “I have?”

  As if in response to the emotional turmoil, more clouds pushed in across the night sky, tamping out the moonlight and casting them in near total darkness.

  “Yes,” she said, her throat constricting.

  “Who?” he demanded, his small, hurt voice carrying in the night.

  “Mason,” she replied, wanting desperately to gather her son in her arms and ease his hurt. “Mr. Landers is your daddy.”

  Tiny sobs rose up in the air around her, breaking Lila’s heart. “Finn,” she said, reaching toward his shadowy outline once more.

  And once again he pulled away, shattering her. And then, without a word, he turned and ran off into the night.

  “Finn!” she called after him. “Sweetie, please come back so we can talk.”

  But her son was gone. The rhythmic chirping of the katydids was the only sound to be heard. Pulling out her cell phone, Lila clicked on the flashlight and set off after her heartbroken child.

  * * *

  An urgent pounding at the front door drew Mason’s attention from the dinner he’d been enjoying with his family. Ja
ke, seated closest to the open doorway, shot up from his seat and hurried to answer it.

  “Lila?” Mason heard his brother say in surprise.

  “Is Mason here?” she blurted out in a panting sob. “Please, I need Mason.”

  Mason was up and on his feet, hurrying out into the entryway in long, urgent strides, before his brother had a chance to respond. “Lila,” he called out.

  “Mason,” she said, her breathing labored. Twin streaks of dampness trailed down her cheeks. Tears clung to her thick lashes, readying to fall. “He’s gone and I can’t find him.”

  He’s gone. He didn’t have to ask to know that Lila was referring to Finn.

  “Grits will come back,” Jake said, his tone less than sympathetic. “He’s probably just off chasing a rabbit. What I don’t understand is your thinking Mason would have even the slightest inclination to help you after—”

  “Jake,” Mason snarled. “Stay out of this.”

  His brother looked at him in shock.

  “What on earth is all the commotion...” His mother’s words trailed off as her gaze landed on Lila.

  Violet was right on their mother’s heels, casting a disapproving scowl in Lila’s direction the moment she saw her.

  His family would have to wait for explanations. Right now he had to find out what had happened. Turning his focus back to Lila, he asked, “What happened? Where’s Finn?”

  She shook her head, more tears spilling out. “I don’t know. We were taking a walk in the orchard and he ran off.”

  “In the dark?” he asked with a frown.

  “The moon was out when we left,” she told him. “I know I shouldn’t have come here, but I didn’t know what else to do. I’ve been searching for him for nearly an hour. I thought he might have come to you.”

  “Why would he come to—”

  “Because he knows the truth,” she told him.