With All Her Heart

by Kat Brookes

  The truth. That word made Mason’s heart thud. Finn knew he was his father. Then panic set in. Not only because his son was out there somewhere in the dark all alone, but because he didn’t exactly know what had sent Finn running.

  “Mason,” his momma said, “what’s going on?”

  He turned to his family, regretful that this was how they were going to find out, but his son was out there in the dark somewhere, scared, heart hurting. “Finn is Lila’s son.” He looked to Lila. “Our son.”

  “What?” his sister gasped.

  “Honey?” his momma croaked out.

  “You’ve never said anything about having a son,” his little brother said, sounding both hurt and angry. As if Mason had intentionally betrayed his trust.

  “He didn’t know,” Lila said in his defense.

  “We’ll explain everything after our son is found safe and sound,” Mason told them. He supposed he should feel shame, but he had sought forgiveness for his and Lila’s actions that day a long time ago. Now all he felt was awe at the thought of having a son, and, at that moment, worry, because Finn was out there, dealing with the shock, alone and in the dark. “Right now, we need to find Finn.” On a night like this one, it would be easy to get turned around in the orchard. Even for someone who knew their way around.

  “Yes,” his brother said, moving toward the hall closet. “We do.”

  “I’m going, too,” Violet said determinedly.

  Their mother joined Jake at the closet. “Hand me the lantern. I’ll go look around the market buildings.”

  Jake handed it back to her.

  “I’ll go with Momma,” his sister volunteered.

  Reaching into the storage closet, Jake retrieved several heavy-duty flashlights. “I’ll take the Gator over and search the new orchard.”

  “Be careful,” Mason warned. “We don’t know where Finn is.”

  Nodding, Jake handed one of the flashlights over to Violet and one to Mason, keeping the remaining one for himself. Looking to Lila, he said, “Sorry, there aren’t any extras.”

  “She won’t need one,” Mason told him. “She’ll be with me.” Taking Lila’s hand in his, he led her off the porch and out into the night. Once they were away from the house, he released her hand and headed for the most northern section of the orchard.

  “Finn!” he called out, his voice carrying in the night.

  Silence greeted them.

  “He’s never done this before,” Lila said brokenly as she hurried to keep up beside him. “What if he’s hurt?”

  There were all sorts of hazards out there in the orchard: a hole in the ground he could twist an ankle in or low-hanging branches that might catch Finn in the eye. “All we can do is pray to God to keep our son safe and have faith we’ll find him soon.”

  Lila fell silent, drawing Mason’s gaze in her direction.

  “When did you stop praying, Lila?” he asked the dark outline beside him, wishing he could see her face. “Because the girl I fell in love with welcomed the Lord into her life.”

  “The day I found out I was pregnant.”

  “It wasn’t God’s fault,” he said with a frown.

  “I know that. I don’t blame Him,” she explained. “I blame myself.”

  “And for that our son has suffered spiritually,” he told her, as if she wasn’t already aware of it. “And before you deny it, Finn told me so himself that day we rushed to the hospital to see Mrs. Tully.”

  “I wasn’t going to.”

  “Finn!” Mason did another sweep of the grounds around them with the flashlight, still seeing no sign of his son. With a sigh, he moved onward.

  They walked in silence except for when they called out for Finn. Mason’s gut was churning with worry. So this was what it felt like to be a father. To worry about a life you’d created. A buzzing in his back pocket had him grabbing for his phone. “It’s Jake,” he told Lila as he answered. “Hello?”

  “I’ve got him,” his brother said, sending relief spiraling through Mason.

  “Is he okay?” he asked anxiously.

  “As good as can be expected, I suppose. Apparently, he was trying to find his way to our place to see you when he got lost.”

  “Mason?” Lila prompted.

  “Jake’s got him,” he told her. “He’s fine.”

  A soft sob escaped her lips. “Can I talk to him?”

  His brother must have heard her, because he said, “Finn’s not ready to talk to his momma quite yet. I’ll see what I can do during the ride back to the house.”

  “I’ll let Momma and Violet know you’re on your way. See you back at the house,” he told his brother and then disconnected the call.

  “Mason,” she groaned, and he understood her need to talk to her son. To hear his voice and know that he was all right. He felt the same way. But he wasn’t about to push his child into doing anything that would upset him more when they’d only just found him.

  “Give him time, Lila,” he told her. “He’s on emotional overload tonight. Do you want to call Mrs. Tully and let her know we’ve found Finn?”

  “She doesn’t know he was missing,” she told him. “She was already in bed when Finn and I went for a walk. I didn’t want to wake her. Why cause her undue stress when I would find him soon enough? Only I didn’t. And ended up shocking and worrying your family instead.”

  “It wasn’t the way I’d planned on telling them about Finn,” he admitted, “but life doesn’t always go as planned.” He knew that better than most. “And getting back to you blaming yourself for what happened between us all those years ago, it takes two to make a baby.” That said, he started back toward the house.

  Lila followed, remaining a few steps behind. “But if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been put in that position,” she told him, her voice breaking. “You sinned that day because of me.”

  He stopped walking and turned to face her, the flashlight’s beam casting enough light for him to see her face. “Lila, you’d just lost both your parents. Not weeks, months or even years apart. You lost them both the very same day.”

  She winced at the painful reminder.

  Mason went on, “I sought to comfort you, because I loved you and it tore me up seeing the emotional pain you were in that day. We both got in over our heads. Instead of turning away from the Lord, you could have sought His forgiveness. Just as I did. Instead you ran and took my son away with you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  As if her regret would change anything, he thought, trying hard not to give in to the bitterness he felt over her betrayal of their love. “My son will know the Lord, Lila. In fact, I want him to join my family, his family, for church on Sundays while you’re here in Sweet Springs.”

  “You don’t even know if they’re going to accept Finn as a part of their lives,” she said worriedly.

  “He’s their flesh and blood,” Mason reminded her. “Once they get over the initial shock of our having had a child out of wedlock when we were teens, I know they’ll welcome him with open arms.”

  “I hope so,” she said softly. “He deserves to be a part of a family who will love him. And he also deserves a chance to have the Lord in his life.”

  “So do you, Lila. With faith there can be forgiveness. That being said, if you’d like to accompany Finn when he joins us for church, I wouldn’t object. No matter what’s happened between us.”

  “I’m not sure I can,” she answered. “But thank you for the invitation.”

  It saddened him that she had lost her faith. But accepting the Lord into one’s life was a personal decision. Doing so would have to be up to Lila. “We’d best get back to the house.” And to all the questions his family was bound to have.

  * * *

  “Thank you for helping us search for Finn,” Lila told Jake when they arrived to find him
waiting out on the porch for them.

  “I did it for Mason,” he muttered with a frown. “And for my nephew.”

  “Jake,” Mason admonished.

  “It’s all right,” Lila said. “I don’t blame him for being upset with me.”

  “He’s not helping the situation,” Mason said, meeting his brother’s angry gaze.

  The front door opened, and Mrs. Landers poked her head out. “I thought I heard voices out here. Violet just took Finn to the kitchen to make him a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich.” Her brows pinched together in worry as her gaze shifted to Lila. “Oh dear. He’s not allergic to nuts, is he?”

  “No,” Lila said, shaking her head in response. “But you don’t have to feed him. I can fix him something back at Mama Tully’s.”

  “It’s no bother,” Mason’s mother assured her. “Come on in. I’m sure you’re anxious to see him.” Obviously sensing the tension between her sons, she said, “Lila and I will be back out in a bit.”

  “He’s my son, too,” Lila heard Mason say as she started inside.

  “Of course,” his momma said. “That’s going to take a bit of getting used to.”

  Anxious to see her son, Lila left them behind, hurrying to the kitchen. “Finn,” she exclaimed in happy relief the moment she saw him seated at the table.

  He looked her way, and she gasped, seeing a raised welt on one of his tear-streaked cheeks.

  “The tip of a branch caught him,” Violet told her as she grabbed a jar of marshmallow fluff from the pantry, carrying it over to the counter where she was preparing to make Finn’s sandwich.

  “Oh, honey,” Lila groaned, reaching out to touch the raised line.

  Finn pulled away from her touch, and it broke her heart.

  “I put some ointment on it,” Constance Landers said as she and Mason joined them in the kitchen. “Fortunately, the branch didn’t break the skin.”

  “Thank you for tending to him,” Lila replied, wanting so desperately to hug her son. To tell him that everything would be all right. But would it? She had caused so many people she cared about emotional pain.

  “You gave us a scare,” Mason said as he approached his son.

  Finn looked up at him in what looked like awe. “I was trying to find you.”

  “That’s what I hear,” he said with a nod. “Were you looking for me up a peach tree?” he asked, clearly trying to lighten the moment. Reaching out, he gently inspected his son’s cheek.

  Unlike he had with Lila, Finn didn’t try to pull away. At seeing that, her aching heart squeezed even tighter.

  “I wasn’t in a tree. I tried to take a shortcut,” Finn admitted with a frown. “I didn’t see the branch hanging down in front of me.”

  “I know that,” Mason replied with a calming smile. “But in the future, no more taking shortcuts through the orchard when it’s dark. Stick to the path that runs between the rows of fruit trees. It’ll make it easier to find your way back home.”

  Lila had to wonder if Mason realized he was giving his first piece of fatherly advice to their son. And then his gently spoken words settled in—it’ll make it easier to find your way back home. How far into the future was Mason referring to? Did he mean during her and Finn’s stay there? Did he mean whenever they would return for visits, because Finn deserved to spend time with his father and his father’s family? Or did Mason intend to seek full custody of the son he’d been denied all these years? She couldn’t blame him if he did, but she would fight with everything she had in her to keep her son in her life.

  “Is this my home, too?” Finn asked, looking up at his father. “Since you’re my dad.”

  “Finn—” Lila began, unsure what she’d even been about to say. Not that it mattered as Mason cut her off with his own reply.

  “Absolutely.”

  “So I can stay here with you while we’re here?” her son asked unsurely.

  Mason looked to Lila as if unsure himself of what to say.

  “Violet,” Mrs. Landers said, “why don’t we give Mason and Lila a little time alone to talk to Finn?”

  “I don’t want to talk to her,” Finn muttered as he glanced Lila’s way.

  Lila’s hurt at his response came out as a soft gasp.

  “If you two don’t mind,” Mason said to his family.

  “We don’t,” his momma said and started from the kitchen.

  Setting the butter knife she’d just pulled from the kitchen drawer down next to the open jar of peanut butter, his sister gave a reluctant nod, cast a worried glance in Finn’s direction and then followed their momma from the kitchen.

  Lila moved to take a seat next to her son. “Honey, I’m so sorry that the choices I made when I found out I was having a baby have hurt you so deeply.”

  “You kept my daddy from me for my whole life!” her son blurted out, tears looming in his dark brown eyes.

  “I know,” she said shamefully as she took in her son’s anguish through the sheen of her own tears.

  Mason settled himself onto a chair across the table from them. “Son, I know you’re still reeling from what your momma told you tonight, but the three of us need to talk this out. Need to find a way to get past all the hurt and move on.”

  There was no question as to why she had loved Mason, still harbored deep feelings for him, even after all these years. He was kind and compassionate, and where another man might have sought to exact revenge on her, Mason was doing his best to smooth things over between her and Finn.

  “Will you be a part of my life from now on?” Finn asked anxiously, as if he truly feared Mason might change his mind about wanting to be his daddy. And why wouldn’t he? He’d grown up believing his father hadn’t wanted to be in their lives.

  “Now and forever,” Mason replied, his words choked with emotion. He flicked a glance in Lila’s direction before focusing once more on his son. “I’m your daddy. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than in your life for the rest of mine.”

  Finn’s worried expression relaxed, and a small smile crept across his face. “Can you teach me how to catch a baseball?”

  Mason nodded, moisture filling his eyes. “It would be my pleasure. If you want, I can teach you how to do other things, too. Like how to fish, and how to plant and care for a vegetable garden. And, if you’re interested, I’d be happy to teach you how to know when a peach is ripe for picking. That is, if you’d like to learn about harvesting.”

  “I would,” Finn said with an enthusiastic bob of his head. “I like peaches.”

  Mason chuckled. “That’s good, because growing peaches is a family tradition. Your great-grandpa planted the first of our family’s orchard a long time ago. My daddy took it over from him. And now your uncle Jake, aunt Violet and I help with the running of this place, tending to the existing trees, creating new orchards, picking the fruit when harvest season arrives.”

  Finn sat listening intently, drawing on his daddy’s every word.

  “We can talk more about the orchard another time,” Mason said, his tone growing more serious. “Right now, we need to address what happened tonight.”

  “I won’t cut through the trees again when it’s dark,” Finn said apologetically.

  “I know that,” Mason assured him. “I’m referring to the talk your momma had with you. Like you, I’m not happy with how your momma chose to handle things when she found out we were going to have a baby. But we were young and hadn’t gotten to the point where we made decisions, adult decisions, without some sort of guidance from either my momma and daddy or Mrs. Tully.” Looking to Lila, he continued, “Life happened a bit out of order for us. We should have been married when we had you. Your momma and I had talked about getting married after we both had finished college. In fact, I intended to surprise her with an engagement ring that summer she disappeared. A token of my commitment to her. To us.”r />
  Lila’s fingers flew to her lips.

  Mason went on, his attention returning to their son, “After she left, I searched everywhere for her. Not just in Sweet Springs, but every town around ours, too. For months and months.”

  His words struck Lila hard, adding to the heavy burden of guilt she’d been carrying around for so many years. They also pierced her heart. Mason had loved her so deeply, as she had him, yet her actions had probably made him doubt she’d ever had feelings for him. Yet he’d searched for her so desperately.

  “I still have your picture,” she said.

  Mason’s gaze shifted in her direction. “What?”

  “Your senior yearbook picture,” she explained, lowering her gaze. “I still have it. I carry it with me everywhere I go.” Frowning, she added, “Except for this evening. I hadn’t expected to be away from Mama Tully’s for any length of time.”

  “I’m hungry,” Finn said, clearly done with the conversation. At least, any part of Lila’s explanations and justifications.

  Lila couldn’t blame him for seeking an end to their discussion. He’d already been given more than most adults could process in one evening. “We can talk more later, or tomorrow.”

  “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to come to me,” Mason told Finn. “But not without telling an adult where you’re going first.”

  “Or me,” Lila said anxiously.

  Pushing away from the table, Mason rose to his feet. “I’ll go get your aunt Violet. She can finish making you that sandwich while your momma and I talk to your gramma Landers and uncle Jake.”

  Lila glanced toward the counter where Violet had left the fixings for the sandwich she had been preparing to make for Finn. She wanted to protest, to stop Mason from leaving to get his sister. But she refrained from doing so. She needed to apologize to Mason’s momma. To Jake and Violet as well, for that matter.

  Moments later, Mason returned with his sister, who was clearly avoiding looking in Lila’s direction.

  Despite the unspoken anger simmering in Violet’s eyes, Lila cast her a grateful smile. “Thank you, Violet. I won’t be long.” She looked to Finn. “We need to be getting back to Gramma Tully’s. I’d hate for her to awaken and find us gone and cause her to worry.”