Hear My Heart

by Maryann Jordan

  Aiden glanced around the small living room, furnished with a sofa and two chairs surrounding a coffee table, all facing Finn’s pride and joy, his large, flat screened TV. “A man needs something to watch his games on,” his grandfather had proclaimed. The scuffed hardwood floor gave the room character, and the only decorations on the walls were a few family photos. “When a man’s got a view of nature outside his window, he don’t need fancy decorations in his house.”

  Shaking his head as he followed Pops into the kitchen, he grinned at the memories of the older man’s simple life philosophies.

  The small kitchen would never have been large enough for his grandmother, who loved to cook for their huge family, but for Pops it was the perfect size. He helped himself to a cup of strong coffee, throwing in a dash of milk, and they walked back out the door and settled into two Adirondack chairs facing the bay, the warm mugs in their hands.

  Sitting in silence for several minutes, they watched the sun rise higher into the sky. The gulls flew over the water, calling to each other and diving underneath the surface to come up with their breakfast. A flock of black pelicans flew by next, low over the water as the tall seagrass surrounding Pop’s small plot of land bent and waved in the breeze blowing from the bay.

  He knew that Pops was not going to ask him what was on his mind, rather allowing him to unburden as he needed. The problem was, he had no idea where to begin.

  After shifting in his chair a moment, he finally caught Pops’ eyes and the older man said, “If you don’t know where to start, then just jump in, even if it’s the middle. Once you start going, you’ll figure out what you need to say.”

  Grinning, he knew his grandfather was right. “I went on a date last night.” He waited to see what Pops was going to say, but nothing came forth, so he continued, “A real date.”

  Pops turned his head and looked at him, saying, “Boy, if that’s your problem, then I don’t think you’ve got it too bad.”

  Chuckling, he continued, “It was a real date, Pops, with a woman that I really like.”

  “I’m still not seeing the problem, boy, but I’m gettin’ from your tone of voice that the date didn’t go so good.”

  Taking another sip of his now-cooling coffee, he said, “I took her to the Sunset Restaurant, where we ran into a couple of women I had...uh…known in the past. Both made a point to not only speak with me, but implied about our previous relationship while ignoring that I was with someone. I shut them down quickly, but it was embarrassing nonetheless. We were having such a good time, but that put a real damper on the date. By the end, Lia just wanted to go home. She said it wasn’t the women that bothered her, though I know that’s not entirely true. She said what bothered her was that my past indicates I can’t commit longterm.”

  “Lia, huh? The pretty, new accountant in town? The one with the little girl you rescued?” Pops sat quietly for another minute, then said, “For you to be here this early in the morning, you must be serious about wanting to see her. She seems real nice and so does her little girl. Might not be your typical type, Aiden, but people change, grow up.”

  “Not going for my typical type anymore, Pops, you’re right about that. At least, not since I’ve met her. But I don’t know how to get her to trust me when my past says that I’m nothing more than a good-time guy.”

  “Nothing wrong with a young, single man having a good time. In my day we called it ‘sowing our wild oats’.”

  “I know, Pops. And I learned quickly that a casual hookup with someone that lived in town wasn’t a smart move. Even if we said it was just for fun, it could be really awkward to run into that person again or to have them develop expectations that I didn’t share. That was the first thing that threw me last night. One of my casual…uh…acquaintances was the hostess. She greeted me rather exuberantly, ignoring Lia in the process. I tried to politely move away, but I could tell it was uncomfortable for Lia.”

  Again, for a few minutes they sat sipping their coffee, watching the fishing boats head out into the Bay. Not usually one for rising early, he had to admit that when he did, it made him appreciate the water activity near Baytown even more.

  Finally, continuing, he said, “I tend to meet up with women who are here on vacation or just passing through town. It’s not hard to meet them, with the pub and all. But then, after Lia and I were finally having an enjoyable dinner, one of those types of women came up and remembered me. She essentially told me she was back in town and didn’t mind a hookup. Right there, when I was having dinner with another woman.”

  Pops eyebrows snapped down in a scowl and he looked toward him. “Now that just seems rude to me,” he said. “I don’t understand why any person would do that.”

  “I thought the same thing. I’ve never made it a secret to any woman I’ve hooked up with that it was nothing more than a couple of hours of fun. I never promised to call. I never promised to see them again. At the time, I always made sure that they were on the same page that I was. A one-time thing, just for fun. And, honest to God, with most of the women I had been with, I figured they would be very decent if I ever ran into them again. Thought most would offer me a smile, but not say anything, even if I was alone. But fucking hell, Pops, two in one night, right in front of Lia, was more than she could take. It was more than I could take.”

  Pop nodded his head slowly, finishing the last of his coffee before setting his cup down on the wide arm of the Adirondack chair. “You came back different, boy.”

  Jerking at the sudden change of conversation, he asked, “Different?”

  “You were always a fun kid to be around. Brogan? He was the oldest and took his responsibilities very seriously. Katelyn? She was such a combination of tomboy and princess. But you? You loved life, you loved hanging out with your friends. You seemed to enjoy everything you did, whether it was fishing off the pier with me or hanging in the kitchen baking cookies with Mamie. I worried about you, when you decided to follow Brogan and joined the Marines. I was afraid that the Marines would take the fun spirit out of you, boy.”

  He sat in thought for a moment, before responding, “Boot camp was hard, but I loved the camaraderie. Met some great guys and was proud of what we were doing.” He turned and looked at his grandfather’s profile, seeing the deep wrinkles set in his face. His snow-white hair was thinning a bit on top, but his jaw was just as firm as it ever was and his eyes just as sharp.

  “When Brogan came back, it was as though the devil was chasing his heels. I saw deep hurt in your brother, and my heart ached for him. I was glad when Ginny came into his life. They’re good for each other.” Pop clasped his hands together, resting them on his stomach as he continued to stare out over the Bay. “When you came back, everyone saw the same fun-loving boy who had now grown into a fun-loving man. But not your family…we saw someone who was also running, but with a different devil chasing his heels.”

  He felt the muscle in his jaw tick as he ground his teeth together. He had no idea his family had seen what he did not understand himself. Swallowing deeply, he said, “Just learned over there that you gotta appreciate life while you have it. Came back and decided to enjoy it the best way I knew how at the time.”

  “Don’t reckon that’s a bad thing, son, but chasing women when you’ve got a devil at your heels ain’t a good thing. I’m going to give you the same advice I gave your brother. You better do something about that so that you don’t lose your chance at happiness. I hear them talking about the Mental Health Group at our American Legion meetings. Wish I’d had something like that when I came back from Korea. I know your brother wouldn’t be the man he is today if he hadn’t started talking to someone. Now you know, boy, you can always talk to me, just like we’re doing here, but I can’t swear to know how to get after that devil. But I reckon at the Mental Health Group, they can help you.”

  “Just that easy, huh?”

  Finn’s head jerked around toward him, his blue eyes flashing. “Boy, you didn’t hear me say nothing about easy. M
ost things in life aren’t going to be.”

  He dropped his chin, staring at his hands still wrapped around his coffee mug. He sat silent for a moment, and then nodded before lifting his head up to hold his grandfather’s gaze. “You’re right. I hadn’t really thought about it in those terms, but I do have a devil nipping at my heels. And if I want to be the kind of man that I think Lia and Emily deserve, then I need to do something about myself.”

  Standing, they walked into the kitchen, rinsing their mugs out before placing them in the drying rack. Pops walked him to the door and they embraced. His grandfather was not one to often give out hugs but, right then, it was exactly what he needed. With a grin and a wink, he walked to his truck, pulling out his phone to make a call.

  12

  Lia walked along Beach Road, staring up at the large, red brick, historic home that she had been told had been the location of the Sea Glass Inn for many years. Originally bought and used as a bed and breakfast by Tori’s grandmother, it had been passed along to Tori who continued to welcome guests to Baytown with a marvelous stay at her inn.

  The three-story home boasted a wide front porch with white columns and a red front door, the latter of which flung open before she even had a chance to ring the bell, and she was greeted by a smiling Tori, waving her inside.

  “Come on in!”

  Stepping across the threshold, she greeted Tori with a hug before being led back past a massive living room on the left and a beautiful dining room on the right. Moving down the hall with its warm wooden floors, Tori led her into the kitchen.

  “We’re all outside,” Tori said. “I had just come inside to gather another tray.”

  “Can I help you?” she asked.

  “Absolutely. I never turn down any help,” Tori laughed.

  After grabbing the tray filled with pastries, she followed Tori out the back door and onto a large stone patio where she saw the gathering of friends. Jillian, Katelyn, Jade, Belle, and Madelyn all sat in comfortable lawn chairs. She and Tori joined them, the conversation lively as they sipped their tea and enjoyed Tori’s munchies.

  It did not take long for their chat to move to the topic of children, and Katelyn asked about Emily.

  “How is Emily handling the move to Baytown?”

  She smiled, always loving to talk about her daughter. “She’s done really well. She’s making some friends and,” smiling at Jade, “she loves her teacher.”

  Jade laughed, and said, “She’s an absolute delight to have in class.”

  “I’m glad she’s making friends,” Belle said. “It’s always so hard in school for anyone who feels the slightest bit different.”

  She could tell by the wistful tone in Belle’s voice that she must have faced some challenges when she was in school. Nodding, she agreed. “I used to worry about that so much, but she always seems to migrate toward other children who have such empathy.”

  “Even though she speaks well, I have a number of students who are in speech therapy, so she does not feel self-conscious about having that accommodation,” Jade said. “And the other students in the classroom are very good about allowing her to see their face when they speak. Several of them are even learning some basic sign language just because they’re interested.”

  “And how are you handling the move to Baytown?” Jillian asked. “A little birdie told me that you and Aiden had a date the other night.”

  Before she had a chance to think of a response, Katelyn added, “I’m so glad you took a chance on Aiden. I feel like my brother’s been looking for something special for years, but not having a clue where to look or how to find it.”

  Madelyn smiled, and said, “Zac says that Aiden is one of the best volunteers he has with the fire department and emergency services. Anytime, day or night, when a call goes out, he knows he can count on Aiden to be right there helping.”

  Unable to keep the surprise from her face, she stammered, “I…I…had no idea he did that. He never mentioned anything about that.”

  Belle added, “Don’t forget, he also coaches for the AL ball teams.”

  Looking around, she noted the other women’s eyes pinned on her, their expressions ranging from amused to concern. “We had a nice time, but we just went to dinner. We’re just...uh…friends.”

  “You know, I don’t think everyone gives Aiden the chance he deserves,” Katelyn said. “He can be such a Peter Pan sometimes, but I’ve often wondered if that’s just because he’s had no idea how to find what he really wants.”

  Jillian, her eyes pinned on her, agreed. “He was always the fun kid and Brogan was always the serious one. But if any of us ever needed anything, Aiden was always the first one to volunteer.”

  “I think all the boys came back a little changed,” Katelyn said, drawing her attention back to her. “In different ways, some good and some not so good. Aiden went into the Marines as a fun-loving guy but came back from Afghanistan almost desperately searching for the next good time.” She lifted her shoulders in a little shrug, and added, “He has such a capacity for love and loyalty. I know we all think of him as a big flirt, just out for some non-committal fun, but I know when he finds the right person, he’ll give everything he has to them. All the women before mean nothing to him, but it will take a very special woman to know what she has, once he’s given her his heart.”

  Feeling the weight of Katelyn’s gaze, she looked to the floor, letting her words sink in. Aiden must really be a wonderful man to inspire such loyalty from his sister. Loyalty. She thought about the conversations that she and Aiden had enjoyed. He had made it obvious that he had no interest in the women in the restaurant, keeping his fingers on her, pulling her close, staring into her eyes as she spoke. Sucking in her lips, she stayed lost in thought as the conversation around her moved in many directions.

  After her impromptu brunch with her new friends, she walked back down Beach Road on her way to her office. At the end of the road, she came to the Baytown pier. As though having a will of their own, her feet took her toward the long, wooden pier. Being fall, the beach was no longer filled with the shouts of children and harried parents loaded down with lawn chairs and umbrellas. Instead, there were several walkers along the shore and as she looked straight ahead, she could see a few fishermen standing near the end of the pier, their lines tossed into the surf.

  Walking past them, she made it to the very end and propped her elbows on the wooden railing, rested her chin on her hands and staring out into the Chesapeake Bay.

  “Pretty sight, isn’t it?”

  Startling, she turned around, seeing Finn McFarlane setting his bucket and tackle box nearby and propping his fishing line against the railing. He stood and faced her, his snow-white hair partially hidden underneath an old, faded ball cap, but his blue eyes were startling in their sharp gaze.

  She could not help but smile back at him and agree. “Yes, it is.”

  “It’s a good place to let your mind go or just to ponder over life.” Bending over, he popped open his tackle box and soon had his pole and line ready. With an efficient snap of his wrist, he sent the hooked line into the water before propping it against the railing.

  Unsure if she should speak while someone was fishing, she remained quiet. It did not take long though for Finn to fill the silence.

  “Always did like the fall. Don’t mind the summer, but it’s nice when the crowds are gone and the only people on the beach are the sea glass hunters. My wife used to search for sea glass all the time. She’d fill jars and jars and jars with it and set them around the house or give them to the grandchildren or the other kids who would come and play.”

  “I’ve seen some of the sea glass art displayed at Jillian’s Galleria,” she said. “But I had no idea that people just collected it.”

  “My wife always said it reminded her to look for the best in people.”

  Her brow creased in uncertainty and her head tilted slightly. “I’m sorry?”

  He shoved his hand into his pants pocket. Pulling his
fist out, he opened his hand, palm up. She leaned over and spied a smooth, shiny, oddly-shaped piece of green glass.

  “I guess it’s just habit, but every morning I stick a piece of sea glass in my pocket. I suppose it’s my way of keeping my dear wife with me.”

  “It’s lovely,” she said honestly, lifting her gaze up to his face, seeing a twinkle in his eyes.

  “You know where sea glass comes from, don’t you?”

  “Um…the sea?”

  He chuckled and nodded. “That’s partially right. But it first came from all those ships you see out there in the Bay. They come from all over the world and as they sit anchored right outside of Baytown, waiting to get permission to head on up to the Baltimore port, they often throw out their glass bottles and plates. The glass gets broken and churned in the surf, tossed by the waves, and ground by the sand before it floats up onto the shore. And this,” he shook his hand to draw her attention back to the green piece in his palm, “is what’s left for us to find.”

  Her eyes widened, and she smiled. “It’s kind of like the ocean has its own way of turning glass pollution into something beautiful, isn’t it?”

  Finn nodded, his smile spread across his face. “That’s exactly right, Ms. Smith. That’s a perfect way to describe it. And of course, my dear wife always used to say sea glass is just like people.”

  “Just like people?” she asked, looking up to see him nodding emphatically.

  “We get tossed and turned by life. Sometimes the bad things that happen to us feel like they are grinding us up, turning us over, beating us down. We feel broken and feel like we have nothin’ but jagged edges exposed.”

  She sucked in a quick breath as his words shot straight to her core. She loved her daughter, but hated the struggles she faced. Carl’s inability to weather the storm, deciding to leave their family, had angered her, but had also left her feeling broken. Early on, she had often looked into the mirror and tried to find the confident young woman that she used to be. Sucking in her lips, she breathed through her nose, willing her spirit to calm. Finally, she admitted, “Yes, I know what you mean.”