Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6)

by Riley Edwards

  A sexy smirk formed and he bowed down, lowering his lips to my ear.

  “No, you weren’t. You were thinking it’s now long enough for you to grab a fistful and keep me where you want me.”

  Heat bloomed hotter on my cheeks and I struggled to keep my hands to myself.

  “Same thing.”

  “Right.” He chuckled.

  Jerk.

  “I could forgo the hair-tugging and yank on your ears. You know, for old times’ sake.”

  I shrugged like it was all the same to me when in actuality, I really wanted to test out his new, longer ’do.

  “Baby, when I get my mouth between your thighs you won’t be thinking about where to put your hands. Just that you better hold on.”

  “Cocky.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  No, he wasn’t wrong. In my experience, albeit limited, a man had to like going down on his woman or he wasn’t any good at it. Holden didn’t like it, he loved it. He made an art out of oral sex. There hadn’t been a single time when his mouth was between my legs I hadn’t gone crazy. For him, going down on me wasn’t a prelude to sex, it wasn’t foreplay to work me up, it was all part of the glorious experience. And he’d had no problem waking me up in the middle of the night to get me off with his mouth and fingers, only to roll over and be done without getting anything in return.

  Without warning, an unhappy, miserable thought popped into my head. How many women since me had the magnificent pleasure of his mouth?

  God, I didn’t want to go there. It was none of my business and the answer would likely make me want to vomit.

  “We should go. Jonny’s waiting.”

  Holden pulled his head away from my neck and his eyes narrowed.

  “What’s put that frown on your face, Leigh-Leigh?”

  I shook my head, not wanting to answer.

  He studied me a few beats before his hand came up and he stroked my cheek with the back of his knuckles.

  “Wish I could tell you there hasn’t been anyone since you. What I can tell you is, I’ve never loved another woman. I’ve never fallen asleep or woken up next to any of them. I’ve never held another woman in my arms and been so content I never wanted to leave. You are the only woman I’ve ever made love to. The only one who I was myself with. Just you, Leigh-Leigh. You’ve always had my heart.”

  Damn it all to hell, I didn’t want to cry. I knew there had been others, we’d been apart for a very long time—years and years and years. He wouldn’t have been celibate. But sweet baby Jesus, it hurt hearing it.

  “Beyond that, I’m not gonna give you an accounting of the last eight years. All you need to know is none of them were you and, baby, that’s all you need to know. I’ve loved you and only you since the day we met. And if you’re thinking you need to explain or tell me about the men who have been in your life—don’t. I don’t wanna know.”

  Well, that was good because it would’ve been awfully embarrassing to admit that while he was getting laid, I was not. There hadn’t been anyone since the night that I’d made my daughter. That was the one and only time I’d ever slept with Paul.

  The humiliation of that night hit me. Not only had I drunkenly taken Paul back to my apartment, I’d had sex with him without protection. The next morning, I’d woken up before him with my head pounding. The walk of shame to my bathroom felt like it was ten miles and not the ten feet it really was. When it hit me that Paul was in my bed in only his boxers and I was wearing his t-shirt, I’d nearly burst into tears. Once the shock had worn off, I’d obsessively searched for a condom wrapper. When I didn’t find one, even going as far as rummaging through the trash and looking to see if Paul had taken his wallet out of his back pocket—which he hadn’t—I started to pray. Really, really prayed, like I never had before, that in a moment of sober clarity he’d gotten up and flushed the wrapper and the spent condom.

  “Baby?” Holden murmured.

  “Yeah, I don’t want to talk about the past.”

  “Charleigh, we’re looking forward.”

  “Okay.”

  Something that looked like relief washed over his features before he gave me my third lip touch of the day. Holden knew what he was doing. He was a good kisser, and even the slightest brush of his mouth did wonderfully-crazy things to my dormant girly parts. And effectively wiped clean the last remnants of self-recrimination over my drunken one-night stand.

  His hand fell from my face, found my hand, and once he twined our fingers together he started walking toward the sidewalk that would take us to the front door of his office.

  “Why’d you leave the Navy?” Holden’s step faltered and I quickly backtracked. “Forget I asked.”

  “I left because it was time.”

  “Oh.”

  I’d never given much thought to Holden leaving the military or what he would do after.

  “That’s not me dodging your question, Leigh-Leigh. I didn’t get out for some traumatic reason. It was just time. My body had been beaten and worn down too many times to count. There were a few missions I almost didn’t come home from…fuck.”

  “Don’t do that,” I sighed. “I know Paul’s not your favorite person, but what happened to him was horrible. But—”

  Suddenly, I was yanked to a stop and Holden was staring down at me with the fiercest expression I’d ever seen.

  “I despised the man. But when we went out, he was my teammate. I had his back—we all did. And when he took that bullet, I worked on him the same way I would’ve if it was Nixon. Maybe harder knowing he had you and a baby at home waiting for him.”

  “I wasn’t implying…Holden, I would never think that of you,” I whispered.

  He nodded and stepped back but I tugged him forward and waited until his fiery eyes met mine. “Seriously, honey, it never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t’ve tried to save him. You’re a good man. A good teammate. I was going to say, but I don’t want what happened to him to stop you from telling me about your experiences. It might make me the world’s worst person, but I got over his death a long time ago. He was my husband on paper only. We were just friends and I mourned him as such. He wasn’t my lover. He didn’t have my heart. He was just Paul.”

  Holden’s face softened and he gave me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I overreacted.”

  “You didn’t. You thought I was questioning your integrity.”

  “I know you better than that. I was wrong. Let me apologize so we can move on.”

  “Okay.”

  And once again, we were on the move. This time, he didn’t stop until we made it up a narrow staircase, only pausing on the landing to open the door and wave me through. That was when I got my first look at the Gemini Group office. I’d walked past the street-level door plenty of times. I’d sat at the park across the street while Faith tossed pennies in the fountain and stared at the building wondering which second-floor windows belonged to them, but I’d never been in the office.

  Holy wow. Holden and the others must’ve charged a whack for their services if they could afford a place like this. The reception area, minus an actual receptionist desk, was beautiful. Tall arched windows had a perfect view of Fountain Park and the courthouse. The farthest wall was exposed brick, the floors were worn hardwood, the ceiling was stamped tin square tiles, and the furniture, though sparse, was handsome and looked expensive.

  I only had a moment of contemplation before Jonny, Nixon, and Jameson joined us.

  “Morning,” Nixon greeted and I winced at his disheveled appearance.

  “Long night?” I returned.

  “Yeah. Holly was up half the night.”

  I could remember those sleepless nights like they happened yesterday. For the first two years of Faith’s life, I felt like I was walking around in a fog. Dazed and confused was the best way to describe my state of mind back then. I was fumbling through, trying to learn how to be a mom with no example of what that looked like. I had a cold, distant mother, not a loving mom, and I refuse
d to follow in her footsteps.

  “Teething?”

  “Yup. Two bottom teeth coming in at the same time. She’s miserable.”

  “Poor thing.”

  Nixon jerked his chin in agreement then asked, “Faith okay this morning?”

  No, she hadn’t been okay until Holden had talked to her. My normally sweet, people-pleasing daughter had turned into a scared, stubborn little girl. Another reason to hate the Towlers. They did that to her—made her so afraid she didn’t want me left alone. She’d seen me hurt and had been taken and drugged.

  Faith had talked about what happened while I was in the hospital. I let her lead the conversation just like Beth, who Jonny had sent from victims assistance, instructed me to do. Holden and I were silent as she recounted what she remembered. Throughout this, Holden looked like he was going to go on a murder spree. Thankfully, Faith was too young to feel the anger coming from him. I, however, felt every spark of fury.

  “She was worried about Charleigh being left alone,” Holden responded before I could. “We’re following Beth’s orders and not pushing her to talk about what she saw. I get we have to give her time, but she has to start processing what she went through, how she feels, and what happened to her. Right now, Faith’s all about Charleigh and I don’t think that’s healthy.”

  Holden was right. I thought about that while Faith was getting dressed.

  “The way Beth explained it is, what Faith’s dealing with is two-fold,” Jonny interjected. “What happened to her and what happened to her mom. Faith has to feel safe before she can deal with her trauma. Charleigh is what makes her feel safe. Once Faith knows her mom is okay, she’ll open up. But she can’t do that until she believes Charleigh is all right.”

  Good Lord, that hurt my heart. I was the parent. It was my job to protect my child, not the other way around. I was supposed to be Faith’s safe harbor, her shelter, yet, she was so worried about me she was bottling up her emotions.

  “Again, I get that. We’re working on Faith seeing that Charleigh is well taken care of and that there’s nothing to be afraid of so she’ll open up. What I’m saying is, I don’t like coming downstairs seeing Charleigh and Faith in a standoff, with Faith refusing to go to school because she doesn’t want her mom to be alone. That conversation should’ve been about how Faith didn’t want to go to school because she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped again. So any other advice Beth has for us about how to move this process along would be appreciated.”

  There were a lot of “we’s” in Holden’s statements along with an “us” thrown in there. The use of the pronouns made my heart thunder in my chest. I wasn’t used to “us” and “we”—it had always been “me” and “I”. I took care of Faith. It was I who would get her through the latest trauma the Towlers had inflicted on my child.

  “I’ll ask her to call you and Charleigh.”

  You and Charleigh.

  Before I could protest or question or remind Jonny that Beth should call me, not Holden, his gaze went to me and he launched into what was going to happen.

  “Chad Bullock and the Towlers are being brought back to Kent County. The State’s Attorney has set up a bail hearing for the day after tomorrow. Your attorney has been notified. He said he’ll be calling you this afternoon once he gets our report. At my request, there’s been a restraining order drawn up; you need to sign that before it can go in front of a judge. It will be granted. Once you have the RO, your attorney will need a copy.”

  The kernel of fear that was still sloshing around in my belly expanded until I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn’t want those people in the same county as Faith. I didn’t want them near me. I didn’t want restraining orders or more court appearances. I wanted them gone. Just gone. Out of my daughter’s life for good.

  “Baby, they’re not going to get near you or Faith,” Holden said.

  But I didn’t believe him. They would. They’d get to us somehow. They always did.

  “If they make bail…” I let my sentence hang, unable to think about what would happen if they were let out. “Can’t they stay in Virginia?”

  “I’m sorry, Charleigh. The crime happened in Kent County so they have to face charges here. But Holden’s right, they won’t—”

  “You don’t understand,” I cut Jonny off. “They will. They play games. They’ll call me. They’ll send me letters. Patty will email me. I wouldn’t put it past them to stay just outside of the restraining order but make sure I see them.”

  God, I hated them.

  “None of that will happen this time,” Holden promised. “You and Faith will always have someone with you. Micky will monitor your emails. I’ll check the mail and we’ll get you a new phone number.”

  “I don’t want a new number. I want them to leave me alone,” I raged. “They want the money.” Holden stiffened next to me and I knew what I had to say next would probably piss him off but I was so over the Towlers I didn’t care. “Paul would roll over in his grave if I gave it to them. He hated them almost as much as I do. I don’t want the money, I never did. I just refused to give it to them because Paul made it known he didn’t want them to have it. It’s in an account at Navy Federal.”

  I looked at Nix and his face had gone blank. He didn’t like to talk about Paul’s death. All these years later, he still blamed himself for Paul getting shot. “I don’t want the money, Nix. Can you arrange for it to be donated to the Navy SEAL Foundation? There’s a little over three-hundred thousand in the account.”

  “Charleigh.” Nixon softened his voice and his eyes skidded to Holden before they came back to me. “He wanted you to have that money to help with Faith. Think about her future.”

  “I am thinking about her future. One that doesn’t include the Towlers kidnapping her for ransom. One that doesn’t include them dragging my ass into court once a year using her as a pawn to get their hands on money that Paul never intended for them to have. I want it all gone.”

  “Charleigh—”

  I shook my head to stop Nixon from speaking. I didn’t want to hear it. Nixon didn’t understand but Holden did. I turned to look at the man at my side. His face was a blank mask, no emotion evident—by all accounts, he looked like we were discussing the weather.

  “Make it go away,” I demanded and he flinched. “You know, Holden.”

  “Baby, that money is Faith’s. He wanted his daughter to have it.”

  The tremble in his voice told me that one sentence cost him huge.

  Paul was dead, he didn’t get a say. As shitty as it was for me to think, it was the truth.

  “He would want his daughter safe.” My fist clenched and I fought back the urge to scream.

  “Charleigh’s right,” Jameson joined the conversation. “And, Holden, don’t pretend like you hadn’t already thought about her handing that money over to Patty and Bea to buy them off. I know you did. Putting aside all of our personal feelings, the best thing for Faith is if that money is gone.”

  Thank God for Jameson.

  “They’re facing jail time,” Jonny rejoined.

  “You don’t know these people, Jonny. They’re leeches. They’ll be right back at her as soon as they’re out. I know Paul was trying to take care of Faith but for the life of me, I don’t understand why he’d strap Charleigh with the burden. He knew what his mom and sister would do. Donate the money and be done with them. They didn’t want a relationship with Paul when he was alive—they used him as a bank—and they don’t want Faith. It’s all about the money.”

  “I’ll make the arrangements,” Nix told me.

  “Thank you.”

  I glanced at Holden hoping I’d find him more relaxed. After all, he’d come to me and told me to get rid of the money. It had been his idea. But he didn’t look calm, he looked angry.

  “Holden?”

  “This is one of those times when reality smacked me in the face. I need a minute, Leigh-Leigh, and I’m asking you to give it to me.” My shock must’ve registered on my
face because he leaned forward, dropped his forehead to mine, and whispered, “I need you to trust me to sort myself out.”

  “Okay.”

  As soon as the word was out of my mouth, Holden sagged against me.

  “Thank you, baby.”

  The shock I felt had nothing to do with him telling me what he needed and everything to do with him admitting it in front of his friends. He wasn’t hiding how he felt.

  He wasn’t hiding us.

  Holden was fighting.

  22

  Holden glanced at the door as Micky walked into the conference room.

  “Sorry I’m late. Holly wouldn’t go down,” the tired-looking woman explained.

  “Is she all right?”

  The concern in Nixon’s voice made Holden’s lips twitch. He’d never doubted Nix would be an excellent dad, but he’d hadn’t thought his friend and former team leader would turn into a puddle of goo over a tiny baby. But he had. Holly Swagger had her daddy wrapped around her chubby little baby finger.

  “Yeah, Charleigh rocked her until she fell asleep.”

  Holden wasn’t sure if he wanted to rush upstairs to Micky and Nixon’s office to witness what he was positive was a beautiful sight, or run from the vision of Charleigh holding little Holly. This was another one of those times when life crashed around him. He’d seen Charleigh with Faith a few times when she was an infant. He’d seen Charleigh in the final stages of her pregnancy. Sights that had gutted him and made him feel worthless.

  “Good. Before we start, I called Sam Thrift at the foundation. Apparently, with a donation that large, there have to be some provisions made. He’s working on it.”

  “What donation?” Micky asked and Nix looked at his wife.

  Christ. The hits kept coming, and if Holden didn’t roll with them as they came they’d start stacking up until they piled high and crushed him.

  “Charleigh’s donating Paul’s life insurance and death gratuity to the Navy SEAL Foundation,” Holden explained.

  “So the Towlers will leave her alone,” Micky surmised. “There are other ways. She can keep the money.”