by K. C. Crowne
Handing over the reins to my kitchen had never been easy. I was a chef first and foremost, but running a restaurant meant allocating tasks to others sometimes. It was required of me. But God, did I miss cooking - especially things other than omelettes. The town needed the diner, and I knew that I provided great food, but I missed cooking more complicated dishes.
One day at a time, Felicity. Get the diner back in the black financial wise and you can look into opening another restaurant. All in due time.
I went back out front but focused on cleaning the already clean countertops and register areas. I’d had a lot of time to clean when the diner was closed, so there wasn’t even a speck of dust, but I pretended there was just to stay busy.
When Allison put the food up, I grabbed it and walked over to Abe, putting on my best fake smile.
“Here you go,” I said. “Courtesy of Allison today, her first solo dish.”
Abe took a bite. “Well, compliments to the chef, and the woman who trained her.”
“I had help,” I said, brushing off the compliment. “Gavin did most of the training since I was busy.”
“Yes, but who trained him?”
That I couldn’t deny. Gavin, like Allison, couldn’t afford culinary school. I’d trained him too. He was just a lost twenty-something tired of working fast food when he came into my diner and applied for a job, and now he was a top-notch chef who could rival many professionals I went to school with.
Not that I liked to brag or anything, but I found great joy in teaching my craft to others. First Gavin, now Allison. Eventually, I’d leave the diner in mostly their control while I focused on my other business.
One day.
It actually seemed like a plausible dream now. Thanks to Abe.
“Felicity, I--”
“If you’re going to apologize for the other night again, don't” I said, holding up a hand. “Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”
Abe stared down at his plate. “That’s not all I wanted to do, but yes, you caught me there. I also wanted to make sure you were okay with still going through with everything? After the other night, I’d understand if you--”
“I’m not backing out,” I said matter-of-factly. “If that’s what you’re asking, that is. I’m still all-in here.”
He looked up at me, and there was something in his eyes that nearly brought me to my knees. Both a softness and an intensity I’d never seen from him before. Abe usually tried to hide his feelings behind a rather blank, distant stare - but I saw true emotion in his eyes.
And it was so beautiful, I had to look away. It was too painful to see that look in his eyes knowing that we’d never be together.
I turned away and muttered something about enjoying his meal, rushing off to the back.
“Allison,” I said quickly, “Can you take over the dining room, please?”
Abe
“You really don’t have to come,” she’d tried to tell me. “I can go alone.”
“Like hell you will.”
Yes, I kept my distance from her. Not completely, of course. I still visited the diner every morning before work. I wouldn’t avoid her completely. Not because I’d fucked up and let my desires get the best of me. She deserved better than that, especially considering everything she was going through - all for me.
“I promised you from the beginning that I’d go with you to every appointment, Felicity. And I intend to keep that promise.”
And this appointment was a big one. We’d actually start the insemination process today, as long as everything looked good and she was ovulating.
It was the day she might get pregnant.
And I wanted to be there for her, in case she had any questions, concerns or second thoughts.
I met Felicity outside the clinic, just as she was about to enter. I pulled open the door for her.
“I told you, you didn’t have--”
“I didn’t have to come, I know. But I’m here, aren’t I?”
“But--”
“No buts, let’s go inside before we’re late.”
We had plenty of time still, but it shut down the conversation. I knew I didn’t have to be there; she’d made it perfectly clear over and over again. Frankly, I was tired of hearing about it. Any decent man in my shoes would be there, I thought. Not showing up wasn’t an option.
We sat down in the waiting room, and I tried my best to make small talk.
“How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, offering me a weak smile. “Just a bit nervous. I couldn’t even eat anything this morning, I was so sick from the nerves.”
“I’m sorry. Are you sure you want--”
“I’m sure,” she said, shutting me down. “I’m nervous that it won’t work, that’s all. Or that I’m defective, I guess.”
I guess we both needed to be told to stop talking sometimes.
Without realizing it, I reached for her hand, giving it a firm squeeze. Her eyes widened and she stared down at where our hands connected. Once I noticed, I let her hand go, feeling bad for touching her without her permission, but she offered a sweet smile.
“You’re not defective,” I said softly. “No matter what happens, remember that.”
The nurse called her name, and since it was for the exam, I stayed in the waiting room. This part was private. Had she asked me to join her, I would have in a heartbeat, but she’d told me before that she was more comfortable with going alone.
It was her body, and I respect that choice.
Still, the waiting was hard.
I tried to keep myself busy by reading the magazines in the waiting room, but they were such an awful selection. I made a mental note to supply better reading material in my own office, though I guess most people use smartphones these days.
I scrolled through my Facebook, which I hardly ever used. I just needed something to distract me while I waited.
“Dr. Hammond, you can come back now.”
It had felt like an eternity, and as soon as I heard those words, I was on my feet. I followed the nurse back to a private office. Felicity was alone in the room, which had a desk and two chairs.
I took a seat beside Felicity, who was staring at her hands.
“They said they got some results back and needed to speak with us, that we wouldn’t be doing the procedure today.”
Felicity was wringing her hands, and even though it wasn’t hot in the room, sweat glistened from her brow. Poor girl, she meant it when she said she was nervous. I wanted so badly to take her hand in mine, to comfort her and tell her it was fine.
“It’s going to be okay, whatever happens,” I said.
She looked up at me and offered a small smile, but I could tell she was still freaking out on the inside. Her blue eyes were filled with tears. It broke my heart to see her so eaten up by this, that I began questioning pulling her into this mess to begin with.
She was just so beautiful and sweet. She was the epitome of innocence, and I wanted to protect her from pain, at all costs.
The door opened and Dr. Miller came inside. She shook both of our hands before sitting down and flipping open Felicity’s file.
Felicity didn’t even give the doctor a chance to speak before asking questions. “What’s wrong? Why can’t we do the procedure today? Am I not ovulating? Is there something wrong with me?”
Dr. Miller sighed, and my insides twisted. From the look on her face, this wasn’t exactly good news.
“Ms. James, there’s nothing wrong with you, but no, you’re not ovulating,” she said. “But before I go into any more details, I have to ask if you’re okay with having him here.”
“Of course,” she said. “I told the nurse to get him from the waiting room, I wanted him to be here, to keep him in the loop.”
Dr. Miller nodded. “I understand, but I’m afraid that this bit of news might only apply to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ms. James, have you been sexuall
y active while on the fertility drugs?”
From the look on Dr. Miller’s face, it was clear she already knew the answer to that question.
“Uhh yes, I know I wasn’t supposed to be, but-- Well, I figured that pregnancy was the end result we wanted anyway, so it would be okay if it happened.”
Dr. Miller raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you were intimate together?”
Felicity looked at me, as if asking for permission to mention that we’d slept together. Instead, I answered. “We had sex, yes.”
“And you’ve only had sex with Dr. Hammond, Felicity?”
“Yes, I have,” she said slowly. “What is this about?”
“Well, if that’s true, then I guess I have some good news for the both of you. You won’t be needing to go through with the procedure today because you’re already pregnant.”
“Say what?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard her right.
Dr. Miller smiled. “Congratulations, Abe. You’re going to be a father.”
Felicity let out a deep breath and leaned back in her chair, her eyes wide. “Wow.”
“Wow indeed.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I’m not sure the news hit me, fully. Not at first. I wasn’t sure I believed them. My head was spinning with all kinds of thoughts.
This is exactly what I wanted, and I was thrilled - but also surprised that it had happened so fast.
The rest of the appointment was a blur as Dr. Miller went over a few things with Felicity. Appointments with obstetricians, directions to stop the fertility medications, the works. I listened, but knew I’d need a reminder of everything later because all I could think about was how I was going to be a father.
I was going to have a baby.
Correction - we were going to have a baby.
Ooo000ooo
“That’s some news, huh?”
Felicity and I were standing outside the clinic, near her car. Neither one of us had said much after we’d gotten the news. It was still hitting me, and I’m sure it was hitting her too.
She was wearing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved top that she pulled down over her hands, covering them. It was getting cold, and she needed more than just a thin shirt. I wanted to wrap myself around her for warmth, but knew I needed to keep my distance.
Instead, I opened the car door for her.
She didn’t get inside, not right away.
“I can’t believe it,” she said. “I’m pregnant.”
“You are.” The words came out very quiet. My gaze moved down her body, landing on her stomach. Her belly would grow over the next few months, swollen with my child.
That idea caused an aching in my groin. I grew hard within a matter of seconds and had to adjust the way I was standing to hide it from her.
Her blonde hair was pulled back into a French braid, but several strands fell free around her beautiful face. She pushed one of the strands behind her ear, nibbling her lower lip as a grin spread across her face.
It was nice seeing her smile. I was glad she considered this to be good news. I was relieved to see her happy. I feared she would regret this choice one day, and at this point, I wasn’t sure what we would do if she changed her mind.
I couldn’t imagine not having this child now.
“I should get going,” she whispered. “I need to get back to the diner.”
“Yes, but take it easy, please?”
“Of course. I am training Gavin and Allison to help run things, since I may need to take time off later on. They can do most of the heavy lifting too.”
“Yes, no heavy lifting, try to relax and not stress too much about anything. Everything will be okay.”
“Yes, yes it will be,” she said.
She got in the car, and I closed it behind her - waving as I stepped away. She drove off, offering me a small wave in return.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. When she was around, it was hard to think straight sometimes - and knowing she was pregnant with my child made it even more difficult.
I wasn’t sure how I’d survive the next nine months, but I’d have to manage.
I walked back to my car, remembering the rest of the visit in bits and pieces. Dr. Miller had questioned Felicity a bit, making sure that it was still my child. I don’t know why, but I knew it was. It had to be. I trusted Felicity. Had it been anyone else, I might have been worried about her sleeping with other men when she shouldn’t have been - like Gloria or Lana had done to me - but Felicity was different. She said I was the only one and I believed her.
That surprised me almost as much as the news of her being pregnant.
Felicity
“I see business is back to normal,” Abe said as he finished his breakfast. “Please tell me you’re not working too hard.”
“I’m not, I promise,” I said, placing a hand on my aching back. Everything on me hurt, and I’d already planned on heading home fairly early. We had our first sonogram later that day. “I just needed to get an order placed today, then I’m leaving things in Gavin’s hands.”
“I can drive you to the appointment later if you’d like.”
A couple weeks had passed since we found out I was pregnant. It was determined I was about eight weeks along at this time, and since I’d been on fertility drugs, they ordered a sonogram to determine whether there were multiples. My nerves were shot, wondering if I might be carrying twins or not. Since I’d never been pregnant before, I wasn’t sure if the amount of morning sickness was normal or if there was any way I could tell. I tried not to Google too much, worried that I might find things that scared me. Dr. Miller told me everything was normal so far. Abe agreed.
“I can drive myself,” I said.
“I know you can, but I’m happy to pick you up on my way.”
I eventually nodded. I didn’t really want to be driving. The appointment was later that afternoon, but I wasn’t sure if I’d feel well enough by then anyway. And Abe would be driving past my house anyway. What did it hurt?
He’d been by my side ever since we found out I was pregnant, but he also kept his distance. The flirting from early on had all but stopped, even though I caught him checking me out still. I also noticed the bulge in his jeans too, but I tried not to think about it too much.
Because this was a business agreement, nothing more.
I had to keep reminding me of that fact. Almost every day, actually.
“I’ll be by your house at noon,” he said, standing up and turning in an awkward position to likely hide his erection again. I tried not to stare, but it was hard not to.
“Thank you,” I said. I was feeling tired and since my order was done, there was no reason for me to stay. I had done so just so I could see Abe, I knew it. I also knew it was silly of me since we’d be seeing each other later. I just couldn’t get enough of him.
I watched as he left the restaurant, and then went to the back to tell Gavin and Allison they were in control. I was so happy that I’d trained them well. It still made me nervous to leave the diner under someone else’s control, but as the pregnancy progressed, I would likely have to keep cutting my hours down. It was a sacrifice I had to make in order to go through with it all, and it was the reason we were open in the first place.
I went home and took a nap. I always had the strangest dreams, and when I awoke from the latest one, my heart felt heavy.
With a hand on my belly, I thought about the child growing inside of me.
My baby.
Well, it was our baby, but right now, it was growing inside of me. I had dreamt of this child, a little girl in this dream though I’d dreamt of little boys before too. I wasn’t sure what we were having yet and it didn’t matter. I already loved him or her, no matter what.
But I dreamt of a little girl, pushing her on the swings as her pigtails floated around her. Her laughter was like an angel singing, and even though it wasn’t real, it made my heart swell to imagine it.
I’d do anything for my child.
Anything.<
br />
But the sad reality was my child would never even know me.
It killed me, but I had to keep pushing the thoughts out of my head. I had to tell myself it wasn’t something to think about. I knew I’d have to deal with it eventually, but I pushed it away every chance I could get.
I pushed myself from the bed and got dressed, making sure to dress for the weather. Winter had come to Liberty once more. None of my jeans fit anymore, I was already growing out of them, so I picked up a pair of black leggings instead. I wore a long, thick wool sweater that hugged my belly, showing off the bump that was already forming. My breasts were also swollen, making them larger than normal too. I really needed to get more clothes.
I put on a thick fur-lined coat and wrapped a pink scarf around my neck. It was almost one, and Abe was never late.
Just as I put on my gloves and hat, I got a text message.
“I’m outside.”
Perfect timing, I thought. Abe was always someone I could depend on. He was always there when he said he would be. The pregnancy hormones made me more emotional than usual, and that thought caused tears to well up in my eyes. I wiped them away with a gloved hand before heading out the door.
Abe was the one person I could count on, yet he could never be mine.
It didn’t seem fair, and I cursed the universe every single day for making it that way.
“Everything okay?” Abe asked as he opened the car door for me. Always a gentleman, he would get out of the car and walk around to hold the door open, making sure I got in safely. I’d never experienced that from anyone else before.
“Yeah, just woke up from a nap. Still a bit out of it.” I feigned a smile.
He got behind the wheel and we were off. Snow was beginning to fall around us, and it was stunning. Liberty was so beautiful, but even more so in the winter when everything was white and pure. I loved my hometown and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else - not even Paris or London held the same appeal as my small town.