by K. C. Crowne
The clinic was in Salt Lake City, so it was a bit of a drive.
Abe cleared his throat. “So we may have twins, huh? That’s exciting.”
“Yes, it would be,” I thought, placing a hand over my belly. Were there two babies inside of me? The idea of having twins was an exciting one until I remembered I wouldn’t be the one raising them. Giving up one baby was hard enough, could I give up two? I looked up at Abe. “Would you be able to care for twins? I know you were planning on just having the one.”
“I think so, yes. Obviously, I was thinking of having just the one for now, but I think I could manage.”
I nodded. I was glad to hear that he could handle two babies, but part of me had hoped he would ask for my help - or even better, that I could help raise the children together.
Abe smiled over at me, and it was like a hand around my heart, squeezing it tightly. Every minute I spent with him was bittersweet. I wanted so much more than what we had, but I couldn’t deny that I loved being in his presence.
His smile was contagious.
I loved seeing him happy.
“Do you have names picked out already?” I asked, knowing that any time we talked about the baby, he would smile warmly and get excited. It hurt me to talk about it sometimes, but I forced myself anyway - his excitement was a beautiful thing.
“I haven’t thought about it too much. I always liked the name Genevieve for a girl though.”
“That’s a beautiful name. Do you think it’s a girl?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “I should be asking you that question. What does it feel like to you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Some days, I think it’s a boy, other times a girl. Maybe I’m just bad at this.”
Abe reached over and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “You’re not bad at anything, Felicity. There’s no scientific evidence that anyone can tell based on how you feel, it’s all just a guess.”
I nodded and looked down at where his hand held mine. His skin was so warm against mine. I’d taken the gloves off inside his car, and I was thankful for the skin-to-skin contact. I seemed to crave it from him, every little touch meant the world to me. And that’s all I got really - a small brush of his hand against mine, sometimes a squeeze. He held onto my hand for some time before pulling it away to flip on a blinker.
We were there.
Our conversation was cut short, and it was probably for the best. Sometimes it was easy to open up and feel a little too vulnerable with him, and I was afraid what I might say or do in those moments. But we were at the clinic. He came over and opened my door before I managed to get my gloves back on.
I stood up, my foot hitting a patch of ice. I fell forward, but Abe’s strong arms wrapped around me. I fell into him, his sturdy body keeping me upright.
“Careful,” he said, his breath warm against my cheek.
He didn’t pull away, not right away. I was pressed against him and I felt the bulge in his jeans. It took everything in me not to kiss him. He licked his lips, and I wondered if he was having the same thoughts.
I steadied myself, and it took him longer that it should for him to remove his hands around my waist.
“Right, we should get going. You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said, walking past him so he couldn’t see the pain that was likely written all over my face.
Because truth be told, I was anything but fine.
Ooo000ooo
Carrie was our ultrasound tech for the day. She was a peppy blonde around my age. From the get go, her infectious smile put me at ease.
“Now this may be a bit cold,” she said, applying the gel to my bare belly.
“It’s fine,” I said, laying back against the pillow she’d given me. I was anxious at seeing the baby for the first time. Up until this point, it hadn’t felt real, but I feared that actually seeing or hearing the heartbeat would make me feel connected to the child growing inside of me.
I closed my eyes as she guided the wand over my belly. Abe was standing off to the side, but not saying a word. I kept my eyes shut until Carrie muttered.
“Interesting.”
“What’s interesting?” My eyes popped open. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine. I just detect multiple heartbeats, and--Well, let me go get the doctor just to verify everything, alright? Sometimes it’s just the echo of the baby’s heartbeat, and I want to be sure.”
Multiple heartbeats? I was told multiples was possible while on fertility meds. My heart raced as I thought about the complications that could come with having twins. I’d probably need to take off work sooner, I might even be considered high risk.
Abe took my hand, and while I was grateful for the touch, it only made things more complicated in my head.
“Hello, my name is Dr. Gill,” an older woman entered the room. She, too, had a friendly smile and it helped a bit. “Let me take a look here.”
She sat down and moved the wand over my belly. Carrie was over her shoulder, watching and listening.
Neither woman was talking. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Am I having twins?”
Carrie looked at Dr. Gill and asked, “Was I right?”
“It looks like it, yes,” the doctor said.
“Right about what?” I asked again.
Abe got into the mix. “Is everything okay?”
Dr. Gill turned to me, and she smiled brightly. “Oh yes, everything is just fine. The babies are very healthy.”
“So I am having twins?” I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“I actually detected three distinct heartbeats. Sometimes they can be echoes, but I’m pretty sure--”
“Three?” I sat up on the bed, staring right at the doctor. She peered back at me with a serious look behind her glasses.
Abe cleared his throat. “She’s having triplets, doctor?”
“I believe so, yes.”
I collapsed back onto the table, staring up at the white ceiling. All this time, when I’d heard multiples, I was thinking twins. Two babies would be hard enough, but three?
“What do we need to do?” Abe took control as my head was spinning. I was grateful for him then, because I don’t think I would have been much use. All I kept thinking was that there were three babies inside of me.
Three.
I’d be giving birth to three babies. Not one. Not two. Three.
I’d heard that twins came with extra risks, I imagined triplets came with even more.
The words “high-risk” caught my attention, pulling me back to reality.
“What do I need to do?”
Dr. Gill wiped down my belly and pulled down the smock top. My hand rested on my tummy, still struggling to believe that I had three babies growing inside of me.
“Well, we will want to monitor you more closely. There will be more doctor’s appointments, more sonograms, just to make sure the babies are developing just fine. Sometimes there are complications and--”
I closed my eyes, not even wanting to imagine what could happen. Yes, I was scared, but the idea of any child inside of me not being healthy filled me with dread. I loved them already, even if I didn’t understand how that could be.
“I’ll do whatever I have to,” I said softly.
And I meant it.
I’d do everything to make sure all three of these babies were born safe and healthy.
There was so much I had to do. I needed to get things in order at the restaurant, and sooner rather than later. I didn’t have as much time as I previously thought. With triplets, I’d likely end up on bedrest. There were chances of delivering early, very early, and I’d need to stay off my feet.
Just as I thought my life was getting back to normal at the restaurant too.
But deep down, I knew it was worth it.
No matter what, they were worth it.
Abe
The ride home from the clinic was pretty quiet. I was freaking out at the prospect of having three babies at o
nce but didn’t want my nerves to rub off on Felicity. No need to drag her down with my stress. She didn’t seem talkative either. If anything, she seemed tired. Which made sense - she was growing three babies inside of her. One baby was enough to justify exhaustion, but three?
She closed her eyes, and even though I don’t think she slept, she rested in the passenger seat of my car for the ride home. I dropped her off at home, walking her inside.
Neither one of us mentioned the babies. I didn’t want to bring it up and stress her out, and we’d have more time to talk. Plenty of more doctor’s appointments, and I’d be driving her to every one if I had my way.
Once in the car, panic set in.
What was I going to do?
I wasn’t sure how anyone could handle more than one baby at a time, much less three. But there was one person I could call and talk to this about. Someone who might have an idea about the changes I should expect.
I gave my old high school buddy, Jeremiah, a call.
He had twins and another baby, all really close together. Sure, not three infants at the same time, but I think if anyone understood the stress I was under, it was probably him.
“Hey, Jeremiah,” I said, when he answered. “Are you free? Would you like to grab a beer?”
“Sure, man,” Jeremiah said. “Just name a time”
“Now, if you’re free? I have something I need to talk to you about.”
We weren’t the type of men to open up about our feelings often. It’s just not something we did. But I could pick his brain and hopefully get some ideas, maybe relieve some of the fears I’m feeling.
“Uh, sure. I can be there in about fifteen minutes.”
The where was obvious. We only had one bar in the entire town of Liberty. It was a small place, not too far from Felicity’s diner. Everyone knew everyone, so you always ran into familiar faces.
I drove toward the bar, lost in my thoughts. When I got there, Jeremiah’s truck was already parked outside. It had been awhile since we hung out, since last winter when we’d went hunting together. We usually had one big hunting trip a year, maybe grab drinks every few months, but he’d been busy raising three little ones. I was surprised he even managed to get out of the house for a little bit.
I took a seat at the bar beside him, and right away, he knew something was up.
“What’s going on?”
I hadn’t told anyone about trying to have a baby, figured I had some time. Everything had happened so fast, and I’d wanted to be sure if was happening before I spread the news.
But it was definitely happening.
I told Jeremiah everything, and ended with, “And today, we found out we’re having not just one baby, but triplets.”
He let out a whistle and leaned back on his stool. He stared at me for a long moment.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Abe?”
“I kind of have to be, don’t I?”
“I suppose so,” Jeremiah took a long swig from his beer.
“Besides, I’ve always wanted more than one child - I guess this is one way to be done with it all at once. I just thought I’d have two kids eventually and that be it.”
“Yeah, well, me too. But life sometimes has its own plans.”
“How do you do it?” I asked.
Jeremiah shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really have much of a choice. I just do what I have to, and sometimes it’s exhausting, but at the end of the day, it’s totally worth every second.”
“I’m sure it is, I just have to get over the initial fear.”
“How’s Felicity handling it?”
“She seemed a bit nervous.”
“Seemed? You didn’t ask her?”
Damn. He was right. I was so caught up in my head, worried about what I was going to do, I didn’t take five seconds to make sure Felicity was okay. She seemed to be, but I knew that she didn’t always voice her feelings - especially if she felt like it might burden someone else.
“No, we didn’t really talk about it.”
“Man, you’re a doctor, I know I shouldn’t have to tell you this - but she’s the one that’s carrying those three babies. She’s the one who’s experiencing morning sickness, who’s entire life is about to change for at least the next several months. She has to watch everything she does, everything she eats, and she will be the one who goes into labor and deals with all of that. I think you need to pull your head outta your ass and make sure she’s doing alright.”
I stood up before he’d even finished speaking.
He was right.
I needed to talk to her, and I needed to do it right away to make up for my lack of thinking earlier.
“Where are you going?”
“To call Felicity,” I muttered, feeling like an asshole.
“Good.”
I stepped out of the bar, closing the door behind me to drown out the music. It was quieter on the street, and I didn’t want Felicity to think I was out partying while she was at home tired and stressed. I called her up.
“Abe?” she said, answering on the first ring.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Because I should have asked you earlier,” I said, running a hand over my beard. “How are you feeling? Are you scared, stressed?”
“All of the above,” she said softly. “But I’m sure it’ll pass. It’s just a lot to take in.”
“Yeah, I know.” I really didn’t think about the next part, I just blurted it out. “What do you say, you come over to my place so we can talk? Hopefully I can ease your mind on a few things.”
She was quiet for a moment, and I thought she might say no. But after a second, she said, “Sure, I can be there.”
“I’ll pick you up,” I said. I hadn’t even touched my beer, and I wouldn’t. I wanted to make sure she didn’t have to lift a finger. I’d caused her enough problems, she didn’t need to worry about driving over to my place too.
I didn’t give her a chance to argue. I told her to be ready in twenty minutes, that I’d text her when I got there, and hung up.
When I went back inside, Jeremiah was already paying our tab.
“Sorry for calling you all this way for such a short visit.”
“No problem, man. You needed a boot to the ass, I gave it. Now you’re going to take care of your baby mama.”
Hearing those words - baby mama - caused me to cringe. But what was Felicity to me? We weren’t dating, she wasn’t my girlfriend. But she was the mother of my future children. There really needed to be a better word for it though.
I walked Jeremiah to his truck and we shook hands.
“Once life settles down some, let’s go hunting.”
A few days up in Jeremiah’s mountain cabin with beers and guns and just being outdoors sounded very nice. We rarely got anything, but I don’t think that was the point. Not really. Just walking around, connecting with the outdoors and getting an opportunity to shoot at things was all we needed sometimes.
We parted ways, and I drove straight to Felicity’s house.
As I walked up the path to her house, I had to keep telling myself to behave. The last time we’d spent time together alone at my house, I’d knocked her up. No funny business, nothing of that sort. Things were complicated enough as it was.
Except, when she opened the front door, I knew that it would be easier said than done.
She was still in her woolen sweater that showed off her swollen breasts and growing belly. Her leggings hugged her thighs, which were always nice and thick. Her hair was down around her shoulders, wavy from the braid earlier. Her hair was so long and beautiful, and I loved that she was wearing it down. I also noticed she wasn’t wearing any makeup.
In fact, her eyes were a bit red and swollen, like she’d been crying.
Dammit, Abe. How could you be so fucking stupid. She needed you, and you dropped the ball.
“I thought we could just talk here, if that’s oka
y?” she said, motioning for me to step inside.
“Sure, whatever is easiest for you,” I said.
Her home was nice and warm, there was a fire going. She had a giant, oversized couch that looked big enough for an entire family - and it looked cozy as hell. Everything about her place felt comfortable and safe, and I felt relaxed as soon as I stepped in the door.
Felicity motioned for me to follow her, and my gaze fell on her ass. I couldn’t help it; the pregnancy wasn’t even that far along yet and her curves were even more filled out than before. Considering she always had nice, womanly curves, it was hard to believe her getting curvier, but there it was. Right before my eyes. And God, I loved the view.
She took a seat on one end of the sofa; I sat a little away from her. There was no other seating in her place, the living room was fairly small and the sofa took up most of it. She pulled a throw from the back of the couch and covered herself up, hiding those delicious curves from my sight.
Probably for the best, I thought, trying to force the blood to flow north to my brain again.
“Well,” she said dryly. “What did you want to talk about?”
Felicity
I felt so vulnerable in that moment. I covered up as much as I could and would have covered up my head too if I could have gotten away with it. Abe was sitting there, inches from me, and wanted to talk about the pregnancy. He said he could ease some of my fears, but I don’t think he understood everything I was dealing with. Yes, I was nervous about the babies, but there was more than that. Hormones were doing a hell of a number on me, and I felt myself more drawn to him than usual.
I instantly regret agreeing to meet with him as I stared into those sweet, sincere eyes. He seemed at a loss for words, as did I.
Finally, he let out a sigh and started talking.
“I know it’s probably scary knowing you’re high risk, but I’m confident that everything will be okay, Felicity. We will take it easy, and I will take care of you - I will obviously be paying you more since we’d initially agreed on one child and--”
“You think this is all about money?” I scoffed. I wiped my eyes, hoping he didn’t see the tears. I stared into the fire, my insides feeling a lot like that. I was burning up from the inside. Was it anger or something else? I couldn’t be sure, there was just so many emotions swirling around inside of me, fighting to get out.