Silence falls around us and as he holds me, I find the little torn pieces of my heart and soul being sewn back together. I still have a massive mountain to climb before I’m going to feel like myself again, but at least it’s a start. Besides, right now, I should be thinking of Charles and figuring out how the hell he ended up with a silver dagger protruding out of his chest. I should be spending time with Colton, making sure he’s alright. I should be … fuck, there’s a million other things I should be doing right now, yet I can’t seem to find the will to peel myself off this couch and start making a difference.
Instead, Eli and I just sit. Ten minutes pass and it quickly turns into an hour and by the time I’m falling asleep on his lap, the bottle of tequila is almost gone. We’re both so lost inside our own heads that reality completely slips away.
A text message comes through on my phone and I glance down and find myself smiling.
Nic - Have you seen E? The fucker disappeared.
“Uh-oh,” I tease, showing the text to Eli and watching his face drop while reading over it. I chuckle to myself and start hashing out my reply.
Ocean - Nope. Last I heard he was syphilis free and hooking up with some stripper called Harlow.
Nic - Tell him to get his fucking ass out on the street and start searching for this motherfucker before I leave him there for the West Side Wolves.
Eli’s eyes bug out of his head and I look up at him, knowing Nic only brings out the rival gang threat when he is about ready to crack. “I think you better go. He sounds serious.”
“Nic is always serious when it comes to you,” he says with a heavy sigh. “But you’re right. I should go. He only uses Wolves against us when shit is about to go south.”
Ocean - He’s coming. Don’t be mad. I really needed the company.
A yawn tears from my body and Eli looks down at me before scooping me up off the couch and walking me through to my bedroom. “Sleep it off,” he tells me, slipping me in between the sheets and resting my head against the pillow.
My eyes instantly grow heavier and as he leans down and presses a kiss to my temple, warmth spreads through me. “I’m going to find this fucker,” he promises me. “I swear, Ocean. We won’t stop until this is right.”
I nod and watch as he gives me a tight smile before slinking away. As I hear the door of the pool house closing, I allow unconsciousness to claim me, taking me to a place where the pain no longer exists.
Chapter 2
The bed dips beside me and my eyes spring open in fear. “Woah, woah, woah. Wifey, it’s just me,” Milo says, his tone low and soothing, instantly making my heart ease its rapid beat.
I let out a deep sigh and take a few calming breaths as I meet his eyes, and as I do, his gaze softens and I see nothing but devastation shining back at me.
Shame takes over me. He knows.
“Who told you?” I murmur as he drags me across the bed and into his warm arms. He curls me against his chest and I relax into him. It’s not home but for now, it will do.
“I, uhhh … actually, I don’t know. It was one of your boys though. He said he was just here and demanded that I come and stay with you while they searched for Jude.” His hold tightens around me at the mention of his name and I fight back tears, loving how Eli thought to call Milo to come and be with me so that I don’t have to be alone.
“That was Elijah,” I murmur, wondering how the hell he had gotten Milo’s number, but when it comes to these boys nothing seems impossible.
Milo nods and lets out a heavy breath. “I’m so sorry, Ocean,” he murmurs, his tone filled with pain. “I saw you sitting out there by the pool last night and I kept telling myself to go and be with you, but I saw that kiss with Colton and thought you just needed the space to think it over. If I’d just walked out that damn door and sat with you …”
“Don’t,” I whisper, hating the gut-wrenching pain that rises with his words. “It happened, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Saying ‘what if’ or wishing you’d made different decisions isn’t going to change that. I know you’re hurting too and that it’s eating away at both of us, but I can’t have your guilt for not being able to predict the future riding on my shoulders too. It’s too much.”
“Fuck,” he breathes. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it that way. I want to take away your hurt, not add to it. I guess I don’t really know what to do or say.”
“Just be here with me so I don’t have to be alone.”
“Okay,” he says, squeezing a little tighter. “I can do that.”
“And perhaps change the topic. I think I’m going to go insane if it doesn’t leave my mind soon.”
“Alright then,” he tells me, sitting us up and dragging me out of bed. “First off, you can explain to me why you smell like a bar, and when you get done doing that, you can tell me why the pool house is filled to the brim with penises. I mean, if you were having a penis party then I’m extremely offended that I wasn’t invited.”
I glance up to find the most serious look on his face, and for just a brief moment, everything is alright in the world. A smile tears across my face and I run for him, crashing into Milo and spreading my arms out wide. I hold onto him with everything I’ve got. “Thank you,” I laugh, feeling another piece of my soul return to my body. “You’re a freaking Godsend. I don’t know what I would do without you right now.”
“Please,” he teases, dragging me back out to the cock-filled living room. “I’m sure you would have caved and would be testing out some of these dildos. Though judging by how much of that tequila bottle is gone, I’d dare say that you’d probably end up in the Emergency Room if you even tried.”
I drop down onto the couch and Milo instantly starts cleaning up the mess that Eli and I had made. The need to help pulses through me but I just can’t seem to find the energy to help. Milo doesn’t say anything, just tells me all about the party and how Colton was standing by the back window, watching me by the pool for most of the night, that is until I got up and left then didn’t return to the party. Apparently, he ran out of there and caused a scene, but no one knew why. Not until now.
My heart breaks. Last night was incredible until it wasn’t. It was supposed to be my fairy tale night. It was my big ending and Colton and I were finally going to open up and make it work. All I had to do was get my ass from the pool area back to the party but apparently, that was too fucking hard.
Happiness was right at my fingertips. I could feel it creeping up on me and despite the shit that Colton and I had fought through, we were just about at the end of the road. It kills me that the night turned out so disastrous.
Fucking Jude. I can always count on him to ruin a good thing. He's had it out for me since the second I arrived in Bellevue Springs and he finally got what he wanted. Well, mostly. Colton barged in before he was able to finish and I’m grateful for that, but it still doesn’t take away those haunting memories.
What worries me is that Jude might want to come back and finish the job. He didn’t get the happy ending he was so desperately after and now he’s on the run. No one knows where he is and that terrifies me despite how brave I force myself to appear on the outside, and how many times Nic and the boys tell me they’ll handle it.
It’s become their motto over the past few weeks. ‘We’ll handle it.’
It makes me feel as though I'm some sort of incapable fool. They come to my rescue over and over again and each time, I’m left feeling as though I should have been stronger. I feel so weak, and right now, I’ve never felt so pathetic.
If only I didn’t accept those drinks …
If only I didn’t run to the pool …
If only I’d stayed with Colton …
Who knows what would have happened. I don’t doubt that last night would have been an incredible ending to an already amazing night. He would have spoiled me all night and then taken me up to his room until I was screaming his name, but come this morning when he found out that his father had be
en murdered, what would have happened then? Would he have still pushed me away? Would he have clung onto me like his only support system? Would he have let me hold him?
I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he stood over his father’s dead body. He was devastated but strong. He was an heir claiming his rightful place and taking control. He was the fucking man.
Any innocence that he was desperately clinging onto was stripped away and darkness settled over him. He was hurting, and damn it, I don’t doubt that he still is. His warm hand slipped away from mine and whatever twisted emotions had been building between us over the past few weeks burned before my eyes.
Colton looked at me like he could see right through me, like I didn’t even exist, and fuck … it was worse than listening to him call me trash or the help. It gutted me. My fairy tale was well and truly over.
There’s no salvaging what we might or might not have had. Whatever it was, it’s gone now.
He took that dagger from his father’s chest and slammed it down on the table. The sound made me jump as I struggled to deal with the memories of my own father’s murder flying through my mind. Colton turned those steely hazel eyes on me and just like that, I was dismissed.
I was sent away as though I didn’t belong and it tore me to pieces. I don’t know what hurts more; Colton’s dismissal or Jude’s atrocious actions against me.
I guess what it comes down to right now is Charles Carrington. He’s what matters now. He might have been a conniving dick with twisted, unclear motives but for the most part, he was nice to me and my mom. He gave us a home when we would have been on the street. He made sure I had an education, a job, a chance for a good life. He gave us salvation when we had nothing. I’ll always be grateful even if his intentions weren’t exactly pure. I guess his intentions will remain a mystery for now, but in the end, does it really matter?
What matters is that he was brutally murdered in his home while Mom and I were asleep only a short distance away. Hell, Colton was asleep just upstairs. Hearing about random murders back home wasn’t such an odd occurrence, but here in this squeaky, clean-cut town, it’s unheard of. The fact that the man who lost his life is a name that’s known all over the world … well, that just makes it worse.
The cops have been scouring every inch of this massive property searching for evidence all day long. The majority of the staff have been sent home while Mom, Maryne, and Harrison have stayed behind to help out where they can. I’m surprised I’ve been allowed to stay, but after Officer Langston checked through the pool house and took my statement, he cleared me to remain on the property. I guess being drugged and passed out kinda does have a positive, though that just opened up a whole new round of questions—ones I wasn’t prepared to answer.
Since the police first showed up this morning, the whole property has been locked up. After the staff was sent away, it became a no one in, no one out type of situation. Since then, all I’ve been able to wonder is how Milo and Eli had gotten in here. Though knowing Eli, he probably found a lady cop to flirt with or scaled the massive gates, while Milo most likely paid someone off.
Word has quickly spread and the press has been stationed outside the big iron gates since the early hours of the morning. It’s a fucking shit show here. It’s one of the biggest stories to hit the media in a long time and somehow, I ended up in the middle of it. From now on, my every move is going to be scrutinized, along with the other staff and Colton. As if I wasn’t already dealing with enough shit.
Milo’s phone cuts through my thoughts and I glance across to find him standing by the window, staring out at the pool. He answers his phone and as he talks, I'm distantly aware that night has fallen.
When the hell did that happen?
It’s been the longest day of my life and while I’m thankful for Milo and Eli spending their day trying to keep me distracted, at some point, I need to face the music. I have to walk into that house and I have to check that Colton is alright.
Every inch of my body is telling me to stay away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame and despite all his attempts to push me away, I just keep coming back.
Milo ends his call and as he turns to face me, I give him a small smile. “Hey, babe,” he says, speaking before I have a chance. “That was my dad. I have to go. Will you be alright here if I take off? I can tell him no if you need me to stay.”
“No,” I say with a relieved sigh, happy to not have to be the bitch who kicks him out. “That’s fine. I was just thinking that I should go and check on Mom and Maryne. I’m sure it would have been stressful in there today.”
He raises a brow and stares straight through me. “By your ‘mom and Maryne’ what you really mean is go and check on Colton.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to, babe. It’s written all over your face.”
Fuck.
“It is not.”
Milo rolls his eyes and slips his phone back into his pocket before striding over to me and wrapping me in a warm hug. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” he says. “Do you need a ride in the morning?”
I press my lips together and think about it for a second. “Can I let you know? I’m not really sure if I’m feeling down for school right now.”
“Okay, sure. Let me know when you know,” he says, stepping out of my arms and walking over to the door. He steps out and just before the door closes behind him, he looks back with a smile. “Let me know if you need anything.”
With that, he’s gone, leaving me truly alone for the first time since sitting out by the pool last night. I’m left with my own torturous thoughts and as every shadow begins to turn into a threat, I know I won’t survive here by myself.
Chapter 3
I hurry out of the pool house trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to sleep tonight. I wonder how mom will feel about me bunking with her, though that's going to bring questions and I'm not sure I have the strength to tell her about it yet. Maybe I'll just stick with the good old 'leave the bathroom light on' trick.
I reach the back door of the mansion and slip in through the staff quarters before coming to a standstill. I’m not used to it being so damn quiet here. There’s not a damn sound. No water boiling on the stove, no washing machines running, no vacuums, or the soft music that plays through the chef’s radio.
The cops are gone and the surveillance monitor by Harrison’s desk is showing that most of the press from the front gate have started to leave, clearly realizing that they’re not about to get any information out of us. Though, it won’t do them any good. No one knows anything.
The dagger has been on my mind all day. I don’t know if I should go and talk to Colton about it or leave it for a few days. It’s a lead and a starting point for the cops to begin searching for whoever did this, but it’s also a wound that I’m not sure I’m ready to tear open. Dad only died five months ago and it was horrific. I don’t think my heart is ever going to heal.
Desperately needing to get my mind off dad, I start walking through the main part of the house, listening out for Mom, Maryne, Harrison, or Colton. Though, if I was to run into Colton, I’m not sure what might happen. I don’t know if I’m ready to face him yet as I know he’s going to push me away again, but a part of me is desperately needing to make sure that he’s alright.
I’ve tried to give him space but I’m only human, and the need to feel his arms around me has been pulsing through me all day.
It’s so hard to believe that it was only this morning that I was up in Colton’s bedroom, listening to him tell me how he can’t stay away from me anymore. He explained the reasoning behind the Jade nickname and then in a split second, his lips were on mine and I was ready to give myself to him.
A split second can change it all.
I hear soft murmured voices and I follow them into one of the many formal dining rooms and find myself silently hovering at the door. I peek in, not wanting to interrupt while hoping to find Mom, only it’s
Harrison and Maryne sitting at the table with papers spread wide and looking more stressed than I’ve ever seen them.
“I think we should stick with an open casket and have him dressed in that fancy three-piece suit he always raves about,” Maryne says, keeping her voice low.
Harrison’s eyes bug out of his head as he gapes at her, lowering his reading glasses down his nose. “You want to bury the man in a one-hundred-thousand-dollar suit?”
Maryne gapes right back at him. “That’s how much that thing cost?”
“What did you expect from Charles Carrington? If the man was going to splurge on a nice suit, he was going to make it count.”
“Good point. I don’t know why after all these years I’m still surprised by the man. But I stick with my suggestion, I think he would have wanted to look his best for his final day.”
Harrison nods. “I think you’re right,” he says with a heavy sigh, looking as though he somewhat misses the man despite him being an ass. “I’ll arrange for the funeral home to put him in a regular suit when the casket is closed. Colton may want to hang onto Charles’ suit for safekeeping.”
Maryne’s hand falls to Harrison’s shoulder and she gives it a gentle squeeze as a tear rolls down her cheek. “That’s a lovely thought,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible from my position by the door. “Have you seen him today? I don’t think he’s eaten any of the food I left out for him.”
Harrison shakes his head. “No, not since Officer Browning took his statement. He’s been hiding out somewhere, but you know what it’s like trying to find someone in this house. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He'll emerge when he’s ready.”
My heart shatters and I fall back against the wall, feeling his pain as though it was my own. My father’s death is still too fresh in my mind and it's like it’s happening all over again. Colton and Charles had a rough relationship and though Charles was a prick to him and he ran his mother and sisters away, there’s still a part of him that always held onto the hope of one day gaining his father’s approval, but now that will never happen.
Cocky F*ck: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 2) Page 2