Merry Little Lies

by Addison Lloyd

  “Yeah,” he said, his face serious. “I can see how that would work.”

  I followed Ce as we made our way back to his house. The ride back was not as fun as the ride there, and I missed talking to him. But it was better than nothing. At least he knew I was still here. We still had a connection. It also gave me time to reflect on the kiss that didn't happen. That shouldn’t happen no matter what. He was my sister's boyfriend. But to be honest, I no longer believed that.

  As I thought more about it, the pieces fell into place. It never made sense that they didn't act like a couple. They acted more like friends. And when we first met, he gave off a single and gay vibe. He still gave off that same vibe, no matter what he said. The Rob he pretended to be wasn’t anything like the Cian he seemed to be. And while I believed the story about his brother giving him his nickname, I didn't believe his name was Rob to begin with. All that should have been enough for me to forget the guy. I didn't like liars or people who pretended to be something they weren’t. And yet, somehow, even though I knew he was faking some of it, the Ce I got to know in the last couple of days seemed honest, hardworking, and real. And not someone going after me for my money. Hell, he bitched when I tried to give him pay for his parts. It could be an act. Of course, it could be. I’d been fooled before. But I definitely knew one thing. I wanted to get to know the real Ce and find out for myself.

  NINE:

  CIAN

  Aaron drove like he'd memorized the driver’s ed manual and his life depended on following it. He always stayed the perfect amount of car lengths behind me. Not that I remembered what that magical number was, but I had no doubt he did.

  I didn’t normally go for the strait-laced, overprotective guys. Too boring and predictable, and I did not need protecting. I certainly didn’t need a rich sugar daddy to take care of me. If you depended on someone else, they eventually let you down.

  But that near-kiss sparked excitement in me the way jumper cables brought a dead battery back to life. I didn’t realize how far the numbness had seeped into my body, my life, until that moment. All my shields collapsed. I could tell myself it was only a physical reaction, but it’d been there since the day we met. Flashes of intensity and a need to break free of the bonds put on him by his family and society. His wealth boxing him in. I wanted to push him past his need to please everyone else.

  Could this really work between us? The possibilities tempted me, but they also terrified me. If it didn’t work out, the pain might break me. And I wasn’t at full charge from my few last hits.

  I relived the near-kiss a thousand times on the drive back. His strong hands on my neck, the desire mixed with insecurity in his eyes, like I might reject him. The need to kiss him so strong, I would have traded Betsy, in that moment, to feel his lips on mine.

  A quick glance in my mirror showed me he was still there. I’d expected him to bail so many times over the last two days. Had I really only known him for two days? But he’d stuck around. Even when I acted like a jerk. I wanted to believe he was different.

  Carli had begged me not to tell him. I tried to explain that Aaron knew. But she didn’t care. In her mind it didn’t matter because I wouldn’t see him after today. She might change her mind if I confessed that I liked him. But did I really want to admit that to her? I was having a difficult time admitting it to myself. What about my plan? My life trajectory included getting perfect grades, a scholarship, college, and a practical job that would give me stability for the rest of my life. God that sounded boring. But I saw what happened when you didn’t plan. When you followed your heart. And I couldn’t live like that. Like this.

  And Aaron was a senior. Carli had dropped that bit of information on me. The plan was for him to go to a good school in another state. He’d be gone in eight months. Why start something now?

  All that was true but none of it mattered when he touched me. His thumb stroked the throbbing pulse in my neck, catching me on fire, and reminding me what living felt like.

  Van Halen played on the radio and I twisted the dial up to drown out my thoughts. But I could still feel his breath on my lips as he leaned in. I screamed my frustration. David Lee Roth was not helping and that wasn't something I could usually say. The closer I got to home the more conflicted I felt.

  I was glad Aaron followed me home. Not because I needed it. That was ridiculous. I fixed the car. Did he not think I could fix my own car? But I suspected he didn't want to lose the connection we had.

  By the time we reached my house, I’d made a decision. There was no reason for any of this to continue. I promised Carli I wouldn’t tell him we weren’t really dating. I needed to stick to my plan. I was grateful to be feeling things again. I hoped to never fall back into that black hole. But this thing we had, was time limited. Might as well stop it now before someone got hurt.

  I pulled into the driveway expecting Aaron to wave and drive on by. I’m not sure why I expected that since it wouldn’t have been like him at all.

  Instead he parked his car and got out, and my eyes were drawn to the way his legs filled out his dark jeans. The way his broad shoulders stretched his button-down shirt. Strong. The word caught in my mind. Everything about his screamed strength and protection. And yet, I’d seen a vulnerable side of him he probably didn’t show often.

  “Thanks again for today,” I said. “I really appreciate it. I’ll pay you back on Friday.”

  He held out his hand, palm up. “Can I see your phone?”

  I handed it to him, and he put his number in. “There. If you want to pay me back, that’s fine. But don’t leave yourself short.”

  “I’ll pay you back,” I repeated, accepting my phone back.

  We stood facing each other awkwardly. My resolve to end this quickly disappeared, and I wanted desperately to extend our time.

  “I guess I better go,” he said, holding out his hand.

  What was it with this guy and shaking hands? But I didn’t mind because it meant I got to touch him again. I nodded, not trusting my voice as our hands clasped together.

  “Thanks, Cian,” he said with a crooked smile, squeezing my hand. “It was nice meeting you.”

  He intentionally used my real name as if he’d known I was lying but didn't care. How was that possible?

  The door slammed, and I jumped back, releasing his hand.

  “Oh my gosh. I am so glad you’re back.” Mom rushed over and gave me a quick hug.

  “Is everything okay?” I searched her face, trying to calm my racing pulse. Did something happen to gran?

  “Everything’s fine,” she said. “You know I just worry sometimes.”

  I did. Losing a child made her overprotective of the ones she had left. But it was more than that. Her face mirrored the same fear I had every time the phone rang, and I didn’t recognize the number. Or when my mom or my gran called, and I wasn’t expecting it. It was like my brain rewired itself to expect the worst.

  “You must be …” She waited and I bit back a smile. I’d intentionally not given her any information on him.

  “Aaron,” he said, giving her his most charming smile. “I'm Carli's brother.”

  “Huh, Carli’s brother,” She shot me a look. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Mom,” I said, trying to head off the impending interrogation. But I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “Carli has a brother. This is new.”

  “Not really,” Aaron said with a laugh. “She just doesn't like telling anyone.”

  “Why not?”

  “Mom.” I stared at her, trying to get my message across. “Stop being nosy.” Sometimes you just had to spell it out.

  “It’s fine.” Aaron waved it off, but I could tell by the way he was suddenly interested in our sidewalk that it did bother him.

  Mom finally seemed to get the message because she smiled brightly. “Thank you so much for helping Cian, today. I keep telling him we need to get rid of that piece of junk.”

  “Betsy can hear you,” I said.


  She rolled her eyes at me. So mature. “I wish I had something to give you for your time.”

  “Mom.” Did she really need to embarrass me like this? “Do not offer him money.”

  “It’s fine, Mrs.…” He looked at me for the information and my heart almost stopped.

  “Um…” Did I give him my last name or Rob’s? I choked back the lie in my throat. Mom crossed her arms, staring me down. Damn.

  “O’Donnell,” I said, realizing I was now all in and still technically not violating my agreement with Carli. He didn’t ask for my last name. This entire situation was stupid.

  “You should stay for dinner.” She took his arm and led him toward the house. “As a thank you.”

  I watched them helplessly. What just happened? As they got closer to the house, Mom asked Aaron if he liked enchiladas. I hurried to catch up. No way did I want my mom to get him alone. No telling what else she might ask him.

  “I love enchiladas. This is so nice of you.”

  I’d lost control of the whole situation; Mom had invited, and Aaron had accepted before I had a chance to voice an opinion.

  “You coming?” Aaron turned to me and waited for me to catch up. He held the screen door open for my mom and then me. I couldn't figure out if it was his damn manners if it or just another part of his protective personality.

  I wanted more time with Aaron but giving my family the chance to embarrass me seemed crazy. And the whole thing could still blow up in my face. What if he called me Rob? I didn’t want to see the disappointed looks on my mom and grans faces if they found out I lied.

  But it wasn’t until we were settled in the living room, Aaron and I sharing the couch, and drinking a glass of tea that the real reason for my hesitation hit me. Faded wallpaper covered the walls of our home and our feet rested on worn carpet. Our house was clean and functional. Nothing more. By contrast, I imagined his home to be beautiful, disgustingly so, and I wanted to curl up on this ten-year-old couch and die.

  I never thought of myself as materialistic. My mom worked hard for what we had, but it just reminded me that Aaron and I weren’t the same. Why would he ever want someone like me? I worked at a hardware store to help pay the utility bills. I bought my clothes from the secondhand store down the street.

  Aaron laughed at something my gran said my heart stuttered in my chest. Even though he was out of his element, he seemed to be right at home in our rundown house. I could picture more days like this if we were together. Aaron coming over and spending time with my family. I pulled on the collar of my t-shirt, trying to get some air. It was too much too fast. Panic attacks and I were on a first name basis and passing felt like a real possibility.

  “Cian? Are you okay?” He rubbed the back of my neck, and I wanted to knock his hand away.

  I nodded, unable to talk and took a gulp of tea.

  Aaron talked to me in a calm voice. I wasn’t sure what he said, but his voice and touch were soothing. The tightness in my chest eased along with the tension in my neck. How did he do that?

  Gran nodded her head at Mom in some silent conversation. They both stood.

  “We’re gonna work on dinner,” Gran said. “We’ll call you when it’s ready.”

  “Would you like some help?”

  I touched his arm and shook my head.

  He gave me a confused look and then his eyes widened. “Oh.”

  But Mom and gran had already waved off his offer and headed toward the kitchen.

  “This is their awkward way of giving us alone time.” My face heated up. His hand was still on my neck and his lips were right there. But even if Aaron wasn’t a Boy Scout, I wouldn’t act on my impulse with my mom and gran less than ten feet away. At least I didn’t think I would.

  “Want to play video games?” My suggestion was safer than what we were doing. I was two seconds away from grabbing him and throwing him down on the couch, parents and grandparents be damned.

  We played Injustice on my Xbox, and he didn’t even comment on how old my game was. Teddy and I used to play it all the time. I was surprised Aaron and I were fairly evenly matched. His Green Arrow beat my Flash a few times and then I turned the tables on him and won the next three. It was fun to let loose, yelling over each other, and laughing more than I had in a while. He threw the controller down when used my Time Changer finishing move to go back in time and slam his Green Arrow into a Tyrannosaurus.

  “Good game,” I said.

  “Shut up.”

  I grinned. “No, seriously, you almost had me. Almost.”

  “Shut. Up.” But his smile took the heat out of it.

  His eyes were a beautiful shade of gold and brown. I could get lost in them. I shook my head.

  “What?” Arron turned to face me, his arm resting on the back of the couch.

  “Nothing.” I was suddenly aware of how close we were. I could move my leg less than an inch and be touching him.

  “Seriously, what?”

  “I’m not telling you.” My face was probably as red as the Flash’s suit.

  He laughed. “I can’t figure you out, Ce. You are the most honest and upfront secretive person I've ever met.”

  “That's me.”

  I leaned into his touch as his hand traced the muscles in my back. He moved to my neck and squeezed, and I almost fell apart. His thumb found the pulse point behind my ear as he stared into my eyes. “Will I ever get to know your secrets?”

  The question seemed rhetorical, but I couldn’t have talked if I’d wanted to. And talking was way down on my list. I bit my lip and his eyes focused on the action. My heart pounded in my chest as he leaned in closer.

  “Dinner’s ready.” Mom stepped into the room and stopped. “Don’t forget to wash up.” And she was gone again.

  I covered my face with my hands. “Kill me now.”

  Aaron laughed and pulled me up by the arm. “Let’s eat,” he said. “I’m starved.”

  Dinner went off without a problem. Aaron charmed my mom and gran and never once called me Rob. Mom didn't embarrass me much and didn’t mention Carli at all. Things were working out, but that didn’t always mean anything. I’d learned that firsthand.

  After dinner Aaron offered to help clean up. Mom seemed surprised but I pointed her and gran toward the living room to relax. We cleared the table and I tried to figure out this guy that continued to surprise me. Not because he offered to help, but because this didn’t mesh with my idea of this rich kid who never did anything for himself.

  “What?” Aaron asked.

  I’d been staring at him. I focused on the soapy water in the sink instead. “I didn’t think you knew how to wash dishes.”

  He shook his head, but the smile on his face told me he wasn't as offended as he could be. “Do you think we let the dishes pile up for the housekeeper?”

  “Maybe?” I started washing the plates and putting them in the rinse water.

  “The housekeeper doesn’t come every day so that wouldn’t work. Besides, it’s only my dad and I. And he works late a lot.”

  The loneliness in his voice broke my heart, but I didn’t comment on it. “I figured you at least had a dish washer.”

  “We do,” he said, “but it seems ridiculous to use it to wash a couple of dishes. And if I’m being totally up front, I order out a lot.” He rinsed the dishes I’d washed and put them in the dish drainer.

  “Not many home cooked meals?”

  “No. Unless Jade comes over. He loves to cook, and I love to let him.”

  The fondness in his voice when he said the name bothered me. I had no right to be jealous. As far as he knew, I was dating his sister. Alright well maybe not.

  “Tell me more about him. Your friend Jade.”

  “We’ve been friends since I started at Westbridge. He keeps me sane. And he never takes things too seriously.”

  “Unlike you,” I said.

  “Unlike me,” he agreed.

  “His life hasn’t always been easy. Mine either. And at
least we have each other to lean on.”

  I wanted to ask if there was more there, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Mostly because I didn’t really want to hear the answer.

  “Go ahead.” Aaron knocked his shoulder against mine.

  “What?”

  “Ask me the question.” He tilted his head, watching me.

  “Don't know what you're talking about, man.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  I started on the enchilada pan, which was the last thing left to clean, and he turned back to rinse the dishes I’d already finished.

  This would probably be my only chance to ask the question because we weren’t looking at each other. We were each intent on our own tasks.

  “Are you guys…” I still couldn't say the word.

  “Together?”

  “Yeah, that.”

  He chuckled and some of my nervousness went away. “No.”

  I tried to keep the smile off my face. Although, I wasn't successful.

  “I mean, he is gay, but we’ve never had that type of relationship.”

  “Did you want to?” Wow. Now that I was on a roll, I was all kinds of brave.

  “No.”

  “Oh.”

  He knocked against me again, playfully.

  I slipped the pan into the rinse water.

  “Any other burning questions?”

  “Nope.”

  “My turn,” he said.

  And my nervousness returned. What would he ask? And could I answer?

  After rinsing out the sink, he dried off his hands, and turned me to face him.

  I stared at the pink button-up shirt he wore so nicely. Anywhere, but at his face. He was fairly dressed up for someone helping fix a car. Of course, he probably didn’t know that much about it. But it was a Saturday. He was more dressed up than I was three hundred and sixty days out of the year. Another thing that made us different. But I didn't disapprove. He looked fine in that outfit.

  “Don't worry,” Aaron said. “I'm not going to ask you any questions I know you won’t answer.”

  I risked glancing up. His eyes were warm and inviting.