Merry Little Lies

by Addison Lloyd

  So, yeah. Men liked her. And she liked them until she didn’t. But she always thought she was in love. Sometimes with more than one guy at a time.

  “What about you?” I said. “When are you going to find a guy?”

  “I’ve got a guy.” He gave me a playful smile. “Or two or three.”

  “What do you need with all those guys?” I asked.

  Jade was a social person, like his mom, and people swarmed to him like bees to honey. But not many got to know the real Jade.

  “Well,” he said tapping his finger against his cheek. “Ted is a good kisser. Bryan is really smart. And Boonie is a good listener”

  “Boonie?” I mouthed.

  “It’s a nickname.” He frowned at my interruption and then seemed to get lost in his memories. “Altogether, they make the perfect guy.”

  I didn't mention that his pattern looked kinda familiar. Comparing him to his mom wouldn’t go well for me. He’d shoot that right back at me and that skirted a little too close to all my fears.

  ~~~

  The next couple of days were filled with typical Christmas stuff: decorating, buying gifts, and plenty of time to sleep in and play video games. This was our last real Christmas break before college, and I worried that after that everything would change.

  Jade and I'd been shopping, and we stopped at my house to drop off my stuff. We planned to hang out with his mom and watch Christmas movies. Suzette (she refused to let me call her Ms. Starr-she had never taken any of her husbands’ names.) had a wicked sense of humor, like her son, and her commentary during the movies made them one hundred percent more fun. Especially when they included tidbits about stars she had worked with and dated.

  Cian and I still texted back and forth. I loved throwing in random obscure facts. Jade joined in, helping me find some. Although his weren’t always appropriate. I hoped it would distract Ce from the holidays. Some days I wasn’t able to text him back until late. He’d get quiet for a while and it was almost like starting over.

  After stowing my packages, Jade and I went to the kitchen to get a soda.

  “Aaron?” Dad shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

  Weird. I immediately tensed up. This couldn’t be good. “Yeah?”

  “Your mom called earlier.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  “But?”

  Jade hid a smile.

  “She just wanted to invite us over for Christmas Eve.”

  Jade and I exchanged looks. Mom tried to get all of us together every year. And I was ashamed to admit that I hadn’t gone for the last couple. I couldn't really pinpoint why, except she only reached out at Christmas and it hurt a little. Shouldn’t we be a family all the time? But we weren’t good enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her. But was that just the excuse I'd been using to justify my anger? Seeing Carli again made me realize Mom had been hurting too.

  “Anyway, I thought we should go.”

  I stopped mid-sip. “What? You’re going?” My dad had not ever gone. I take that back. He’d gone the first year after the divorce. I still lived with my mom and Carli then. And it was a disaster. It ended in a fight. And the arguing brought back every painful memory from my childhood.

  “Dad,” I started, “I’m not sure—”

  “Don't worry. It’ll be fine. We’re grown-ups. Everyone's moved on.”

  There were so many things wrong with that statement. Jade’s eyebrows had climbed up and I wondered at his ability to keep quiet when needed.

  “It’ll be good for all of us to be together as a family on Christmas Eve.”

  “Yes, of course.” I wasn’t going to argue with him. What good would that do?

  “And you can give your gifts, instead of mailing them.”

  “They might actually be on time,” Jade added.

  I glared at my best friend. He wasn’t wrong but still. I’d always been determined to go to my mom’s each year, and then at the last minute, I’d change my mind. I’d have to mail the gifts instead and they’d always get there late. What kind of son was I? Or brother?

  I watched my dad get a bottle of water from the fridge. I wasn’t sure if I should say something or not.

  “What?” he asked. “Spit it out.”

  “I'm just shocked that you want to go.”

  “Well, I think it's time. Besides Carli's boyfriend is going to be there, and I've never got to meet him.”

  My pulse sped up and then it was hard to think with the whooshing sound in my head. Jade was practically jumping up and down with excitement. I gave him a warning look. “Cian’s going to be there?” When had my throat gotten so dry. I took a quick sip of my soda.

  “I’m pretty sure your mom said his name was Rob.”

  “Well of course it’s Rob.” Jade giggled. Actually giggled.

  “Right,” I said. “Rob.”

  “She said he’s a nice guy and she wants me to finally meet him.”

  Dad had started talking about getting Mrs. Baker, our cook and housekeeper, to make something for the party, and what would be the best thing to bring. It was hard to pay attention with Jade pulling on my arm like an excited toddler and muttering, “Rob is going to be there” in a singsong voice over and over.

  I tried to shake him off, but he was pretty strong.

  “You two okay?”

  “Yeah. We’re fine.”

  “Okay. Well, Mrs. Baker made enchiladas for supper. I thought Mexican would be nice.”

  “Ooh, I love enchiladas. Don't you just love enchiladas, Aaron?” Jade was enjoying this way too much. And why had I given him so many details?

  “Stop,” I said, glaring at him. “I thought we were going to your house to watch movies.”

  “The movies can wait until after we enjoy our en-chi-la-tas.” He actually sang the word out.

  My dad gave us another funny look. “Well, I've got some work to do before supper. I'll leave you guys to it. Oh, by the way, Aaron. A package came for you from Kay. It’s in the foyer.”

  But I didn't hear much of what he said. I was still focused on the fact that we were going to go to my sister’s and meet her boyfriend.

  “Can I come?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Please.” Jade gave me his puppy dog eyes. They were actually amazingly effective.

  “Don't you already have plans on Christmas Eve?”

  “Pretty please?”

  “I know you think this will be fun for you.”

  “I don’t.” His face turned serious, and he put his arm through mine. “Does this have the potential to be high drama and excitement, with little pockets of love? Absolutely. But…” He held up his hand. “It also has devastation and heartache written all over it. Is it so wrong for me to want to be there for my bestie? I mean you’re going to come over to my house and tell me everything anyway, so we might as well cut out the middle part and have me there from the beginning.”

  I hated when he made sense. It made it hard to be mad at him. “Fine.”

  “So, is there really an actual Rob or is this your lover boy?”

  “Stop.”

  “I think there is a Rob. I just don't think he’s Carli's boyfriend. I mean seriously, if there was a real boyfriend. Why wouldn’t he just go to the gala in the first place? And why hasn’t anyone else met him?”

  “I don't know.”

  Jade chuckled and shook his head.

  “What”

  “Just thinking about what’s going to happen when the love of your life is introduced to your dad as your sister’s boyfriend.”

  “I changed my mind. You can't come.”

  “No takesies backsies.” He rolled his eyes at my lack of humor about the whole thing. “Look. I'm just saying you need to prepare for that moment because it is probably, definitely going to happen.”

  ELEVEN:

  CIAN

  “You’re supposed to pay attention to m
e.”

  I glanced up from the text I’d received from Aaron asking me how Betsy was doing.

  Rob frowned his disapproval. He was not a good patient. But at least he was home and not in a hospital bed.

  “Eat your Jello,” I said Rob, as I texted Aaron back.

  “But I want ice cream.”

  It had been a week since his surgery, and he alternated between grumpy and deliriously happy. Depending entirely on whether he had his meds.

  “Why are you smiling so much?” he asked. “You’re creeping me out.” As he shifted on the couch trying to get comfortable, he winced and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

  “Did you take your pain meds?”

  “Yes. They just haven’t kicked in. Answer the question.”

  “I’m happy you’re okay.” I’d been hanging out with Rob since he got home from the hospital. He still seemed tired and weak, but he was getting better. Initially, they said he could eat whatever he wanted but then he’d had some trouble, so dairy was no longer an option. And they were trying to wean him off the pain meds. Which explained the grumpiness.

  Carli and I tag-teamed hanging out with him, and today was my turn. I didn’t mind. It helped his mom, and he also slept a lot of the time. Carli still hadn’t mentioned the gala or Aaron, but neither had I. It never seemed like the right time, especially with Rob still recovering.

  I relived that kiss a thousand times since Saturday and caught myself smiling like a crazy person. I felt giddy. Excited. It had been a long time since I’d felt this happy. I hadn’t mentioned to anyone that Aaron and I were still in contact. Especially not Carli.

  “Who are you texting?”

  Leave it to Rob to notice.

  “No one.”

  Carli’s Hot Brother: I bet Betsy missed being parked next to that sweet Caddy at my aunt’s.

  Carli’s Hot Brother: Fun Fact: Did you know the first Cadillac was built in 1902 and cost $850?

  Cian: Is this a thing now? The fun facts?

  Carli’s Hot Brother: You want jokes instead? I’ve got jokes.

  Cian: NO! Fun facts are cool.

  He sent me a text of a sunglass wearing emoji.

  I grinned at my phone. The guy was insane. And so damn cute. He’d named my contact for him when he’d entered the number in my phone. I wanted to change it but decided it was a good reminder to have that convo with Carli. And he wasn’t wrong. He was hot.

  “Are you texting my girlfriend?” Rob stared at me. Then his eyes narrowed. “Why are you texting my girlfriend?”

  Meds must be kicking in if the paranoia started. But it was a reminder I was supposed to be hanging out with him. Not texting his girlfriend’s hot brother.

  “Just checking in.” It sounded vague enough. I hadn’t said who was checking in. Maybe he’d buy it and stop asking. Or the meds would knock him out.

  “Hey guys,” Carli said breezing into the room. I hadn’t even heard the door open.

  A sloppy grin covered Rob’s face. She kissed him, brushing his hair back from his forehead, and squeezed in next to him. Once they were settled, he turned back to me and frowned.

  “Wait. You said you were texting Carli.”

  I ignored Carli’s curious look. “You said that. I said I was checking in.”

  “Okay…” He couldn’t seem to wrap his head around that.

  “With whom?” Carli, however, was not on pain meds that made you loopy.”

  “My sister.” And just so it wasn’t a complete lie, I looked at my phone like I’d gotten another text. I hadn’t. But why hadn’t I? Was he waiting for me to text again? And I sent a quick text to Emily. I still felt guilty though.

  “Why are you blushing?” Carli wasn’t going to let it go.

  “I’ll leave you guys alone.” Maybe that would work. I’d avoided talking to Carli. I didn’t know what to say to her. Okay, I knew what I should say, but I was stalling. I didn’t want to admit to her that I was interested in her brother. But I couldn’t stall forever. I needed to clean up this mess.

  “Wait, Ce,” she said, “I wanted to talk to you.”

  I plopped back down in my chair and put my phone down to keep from texting Aaron. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. And without the phone, I couldn’t figure out what to do with my hands. I finally tucked them under my legs.

  Carli and Rob both stared at me.

  “What?”

  “Stop being weird.”

  “I’m not. I’m just…” But explaining just made it more awkward. “What did you want?”

  “Are we good?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  “I appreciate the whole fake-boyfriend thing. And now you’re free.”

  “So, you’re breaking up with me? Was it my breath?”

  Rob watched us like he was watching a tennis match and not understanding it one bit. The drugs must have kicked in big time.

  “It was…” She tapped her finger against her chin. “Right. You’re not Rob.”

  “Aww so sweet. I’m going to throw up.”

  But Rob stared at her with heart eyes and she kissed his nose.

  I shook my head. They were too cute. “No more pretending.” I said standing back up so they could be mushy without an audience. “That’s a relief.”

  “Yeah.” She waved a hand at me. “Just don’t tell my aunt of course.”

  “Of course.”

  “Or my dad… or brother. But it’s not like you’ll see them anyway.”

  “Right.” I tried to hide my disappointment.

  “Is there a problem, Ce?”

  Now was my chance. Why was this so hard for me? Three little words. I. Like. Him. But I couldn’t say them. Maybe it made it too real. “Nope, No problem.” I said. “I got it.”

  “Are you still coming on Christmas Eve?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.” I’d gone last year, and it had been a blast. I loved hanging out with Carli’s family. And that made me think of Aaron. I hadn’t even known he existed. How do you erase someone from your life like that?

  My family didn’t do much until late on Christmas Eve. We’d help Gran light the candles and I’d sometimes go to Mass with her and mom. On Christmas, Emily and her brood would join us.

  “Let’s do some Christmas shopping.” Carli’s eyes lit up.

  Rob stared at her and I almost laughed at the comical look on his face. “I can’t leave the house.”

  She grabbed her backpack and pulled out her laptop. “We don’t need to leave the house. ‘We have the technology’.”

  “Nerd,” I muttered. “There’s less than five days to Christmas. You’ll never get it in time.”

  “Actually, I thought we could have Rob pick out what presents he wants to buy, and you and I could go to the mall and get them.”

  Normally, I’d love hanging out with Carli. But things felt weird between us with me lying to her and all. But maybe this would be good. Maybe I could stop being a dumbass, and we could work it out.

  “Come on, Cian. It’ll be fun.”

  Then I realized I wouldn’t have my paycheck for a few days. “I can’t go until Friday when I get paid.”

  Carli opened her mouth to speak and then shut it. I was sure she was going to protest. “Sure. That works for me.”

  I was glad she didn’t offer to loan me money. I hated when people did that. I wasn’t a charity case. And I wasn’t going in debt for Christmas.

  “And please don’t spend much on me.” I stared at the picture of Rob and his family – his little sis was a cutie and a pain all at same time. It was easier to look at the pictures than their faces. I absolutely did not want to see the pity in their eyes.

  “Stop it.” Carli said. “We know you’re saving for a car. One that doesn’t strand us in the middle of a blizzard.”

  “It wasn’t a blizzard. And we weren’t stranded…” That brought us right back to Aaron. My phone beeped as if on cue.

  They both looked at my phone and then at me. I ignored it an
d focused on my friends.

  “It’s not the money that counts.” Rob held it up a finger to make his point, but his hand wavered just a bit. “It’s you guys. Having friends…”

  Carli and I stared at each other and tried not to laugh. We should really get a video of Rob on pain meds and then play for him later. Over and over.

  But I was just thankful they understood. “Thanks guys.”

  “Wait. I wasn’t finished.” He held up his hand again. “It’s having friends so I can get more presents. It’s the quantity that matters. I don’t care if you give me chocolate candy wrapped in foil. Just give me the most.”

  “Can you even eat chocolate right now?”

  “Ugh.” He covered his face with his hands. “This Christmas sucks.”

  “No, it doesn’t.” Carli said, suddenly serious. “Because you’re still here.” She snuggled up close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

  And I almost made it to the door.

  “So, is that a yes?” Carlie asked loudly as I was walking out.

  “Fine. Yes.” I waved without turning back around. “Let’s go shopping. But remember you’re not my girlfriend anymore. Don’t expect me to hold your hand.”

  ~~~

  Holiday shoppers packed into the mall like it was the last Saturday before Christmas. Which it was and the reason I suffered through this nightmare scenario. I’d waited until the last minute. Again.

  I had my reasons. I never knew when I might need that money for something else: car repairs, gas money, or inhalers when my mom’s asthma flared up last year. And there were times over the last few years when I wanted to skip Christmas altogether. Trying to enjoy the holiday when a part of our family was gone made it hard, especially for my mom and gran. Probably my dad too, but I wasn't sure I cared.

  The commercialization of Christmas bugged me. So many people going in debt for this one holiday. But the thing I hated the most was not being able to enjoy it. What would it be like to be able to spend the money I wanted on the people I loved?