A Mother Forever

by Elaine Everest

  ‘It’s just men talking – don’t take any notice. Frank, you’re a good man. If anyone asked me or your mum, we’d have said we wouldn’t go to war either. There’s nothing soft about it. It’s called being sensible,’ Ruby said, although she wasn’t sure what she was saying was right. But she desperately wanted to support her dear friend.

  ‘Perhaps,’ Frank said, ‘but it made me feel uncomfortable. I never would have thought my brother would talk to me like that. That’s why I didn’t get involved, Mum,’ he said, looking apologetic.

  Stella’s expression softened. ‘Don’t worry, Frank. They are a pair of hotheads. I could bang their heads together when I get home, in fact – and your father’s.’

  ‘I’d like to see that, Mum. I think perhaps I might have my food and get back to the shop. Even if we don’t have many customers, I can at least sort out what I brought back from the auction. I’d like to catalogue the books and get them onto the shelves. There are a few books for George’s baskets.’

  ‘And mine,’ little Pat said, from where she’d been playing with her dolls.

  ‘Oh God, I forgot about the little one sitting there. Whatever will she think of my angry words?’

  ‘I didn’t hear you, Nana,’ Pat said, giving her a sweet smile.

  ‘You are a little darling.’ Stella reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a toffee for her granddaughter.

  Ruby shook her head. Pat knew just how to twist her nana round her little finger.

  ‘I’ll take her over home with me for a few hours,’ Stella offered. ‘It’ll keep my mind off what the lads are up to. No doubt by now they’ll be filling their bellies with ale and come rolling home as merry as anything. Life would’ve been so different if only I’d had daughters,’ she sighed.

  After Frank, Stella and Pat had gone, Ruby pottered around for a couple of hours, but she found it hard to concentrate. She’d even turned the newspaper over so as not to see the headlines that seemed to leap from the front page. Whatever was going to happen next?

  Feeling restless, she decided to walk up to the bookshop and keep Frank company. There was always something to do there, and it would keep her mind away from thoughts of the future.

  She’d just reached the high street when a group of men came in sight. They were in jovial spirits and joked with each other loudly as they waited on the pavement for a tram to pass before crossing the road to the Prince of Wales Hotel. In amongst the group she spotted Derek and young Donald Green, and hurried towards them. ‘If you’ve got any thoughts of going in there for a drink, you’d best change your mind. Your mother is waiting at home and she’s none too pleased with the pair of you,’ she said, placing her hands on her hips as she gave the two young men a piece of her mind.

  Without answering Ruby, the pair hung their heads in shame and hurried past her towards home with shouts from their mates echoing in their ears. The rest of the men carried on their journey towards the pub; only one remained. Ruby glanced at him, then caught her breath in shock. ‘Eddie?’

  ‘Ruby . . . can we talk?’ he called, reaching out a hand as if to pull her back to him as she turned to hurry away.

  She stopped and thought for a moment. Did she want to speak to the man who had yet again abandoned her and the children? She spun on her heel, walking back towards him, her anger showing no bounds. Slapping his hand away, she waved her fist in his face. ‘How dare you ask to speak to me? It has been four years since . . . since the night we spent together,’ she shouted in his face. ‘Where have you been? Why have you not sent any money for the children? If it wasn’t for what I bring in, the children would starve. You had your way with me and then you vanished. I’ve had no way of getting in touch with you. Why, Eddie, why?’

  Eddie pushed her hand from his face and gripped her wrist tightly. ‘I don’t recall you complaining at the time,’ he said, a smile flitting across his weather-worn face. ‘You are looking well, though,’ he said, pushing from his mind the memory of seeing her with Frank and a baby in a pram on the day of the king’s coronation. ‘How is our son?’

  ‘Our son? You’d not recognize our son if you walked past him in the street.’

  Eddie would like to have said that that was not the case, as he’d made a point of being by the boy’s school on more than a few occasions, watching out for him just to satisfy himself that George was fit and well. In her angry mood, it was going to be difficult to speak to Ruby, and he’d so wanted to talk with her before he left town. It was fortuitous she’d appeared when she did, as he’d been wondering whether to knock on the door of number thirteen – to face Ruby and tell her the truth at last. While he still had the chance.

  ‘Ruby, whatever’s happened before . . . can you forget it for a moment, please? I really need to speak to you.’

  ‘I don’t think we have anything to say to each other, Eddie. I thought after that night four years ago you’d be returning to me, and you, me and George would have a life together. With our union that night, I’d foolishly thought we would be a family once more. You mentioned at the time that if you stayed it would bring trouble to our door. Did you have no thought of the trouble George and I could be in on our own? If it wasn’t for Frank, I don’t know what I’d have done,’ she said, her face flushed as the angry words poured out of her.

  ‘I had no idea you’d be that quick to have another man climb into my bed, take over my family, and give you a child. Perhaps if you hadn’t been so brazen with your affections elsewhere, I would’ve returned rather than wait to speak to you until now,’ Eddie retorted, thinking back to the day he’d seen the happy family leaving number thirteen. To say his heart had been broken was an understatement. Although he’d stayed close to the town and kept an eye out for his son, part of him had become frozen with the effort of trying not to imagine his wife with another man. ‘For you to divorce me and marry Frank Green so quickly speaks volumes about your feelings for me,’ he snarled.

  ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, Eddie, what the hell are you talking about? Perhaps we do need to talk things over. And I do need to introduce you to your daughter.’ Ruby shook her head at how confusing their conversation had become.

  ‘My daughter? What the hell are you talking about, woman?’

  Grabbing the sleeve of Eddie’s jacket, she muttered, ‘Follow me.’ Not wishing to have any passers-by overhear the conversation, they walked in silence to a nearby cafe. It was Marge’s old business, but she had long ago given it up, which meant Ruby could feel comfortable crossing the threshold. Telling Eddie to order two cups of tea, she sat at one of the scrubbed tables and waited, wringing her hands, worrying that he would make a scene as memories of his volatile character came flooding back to her.

  When he returned, he sat opposite her. ‘Well, come on, I’m listening,’ he said, sliding the cups so forcefully across the table that much of the tea slopped in the saucers.

  ‘Pat is your child. I have never slept with another man. Whatever outward appearances show, Frank and I are just good friends.’

  Eddie gave a bitter laugh. ‘You can’t pull the wool over my eyes, Ruby Caselton. Or is it Ruby Green now?’ he asked, feeling a tightness grip his heart. How many times had he listened to Derek Green go on and on about his older brother’s bookshop he ran with Ruby, and how happy they were with their child living together across the road at number thirteen? Who was Ruby fooling? Because it certainly wasn’t him.

  Ruby looked around the cafe. At that time of the afternoon, there were few people sitting at tables and the staff were busy preparing to close. What she was about to tell Eddie wasn’t something she wished overheard by anyone living in the town.

  ‘Eddie, I know you must have had secrets, reasons even, for not living with us. I too have reasons for wanting people to believe that Frank and I are a couple – and reasons to let people believe Pat is his daughter. It’s more for Frank than for me. Have you not thought about what people would have said if I suddenly announced Pat was yours? With you in hiding,
and me being the only one who knew you used to come back to deliver money? How would I suddenly explain being with child? That nosy old battleaxe from next door would be on to it in a flash. As it is, she keeps herself to herself because she has nothing to gossip about; all she can say is that Frank’s now my husband. And no, I haven’t divorced you. I wouldn’t even know how to do that. You’ve got to remember, there are three bedrooms in our house. I sleep in one, with Pat having a cradle bed in the corner of the room. George has his back bedroom, just as he did when you lived with us, and the third bedroom . . . well, if you walked into that room right now, you’d see Frank’s bed, Frank’s clothes hanging in the wardrobe, and all of Frank’s possessions in the chest of drawers. Does that make it clear to you?’

  Eddie thought for a moment. What kind of man would move into the home of a beautiful married woman and pretend to be the father of her child? At Frank’s age, he should be out looking for his own wife and starting his own family. ‘How can you expect me to believe such a thing?’ he said as he thought of what he’d been told.

  Ruby could have wept. ‘Is it not clear to you why he does this? Yes, I work for him in the bookshop; I love the job and to be honest, the money I earn keeps our heads above water. Yes, Frank pays his way, but to all intents and purposes he is my lodger. He has no designs on me, or any woman. Has the penny dropped yet, Eddie?’

  Eddie frowned. ‘Do you mean to say . . . Frank Green is a . . . is a . . .?’ He roared with laughter.

  ‘Yes, Frank is not interested in women,’ she whispered pointedly, not losing eye contact with Eddie. ‘I beg you to keep that to yourself. He’s my dearest friend, and he’s a good friend to this family. You must keep this between us. Are you listening to me, Eddie?’ she hissed.

  Eddie took a gulp of his now lukewarm tea as thoughts rushed through his head. If all this was true – and he’d never think of Ruby as a liar – how would it affect him? ‘Does anyone know?’

  ‘Nobody knows. Frank is a gentle, peace-loving man. He is happy with his life, the bookshop, and he adores our children. Your name is on Pat’s birth certificate. I do not want it any other way. My feelings for you are more of bewilderment after our night together and you vanishing again. God, Eddie, I should really hate you for what you’ve put me through . . . but all the same . . .’ She couldn’t continue as her voice cracked.

  Eddie looked at his wife across the table. Now in her mid-thirties, she was still a good-looking woman. There were just a few lines at the corners of her eyes and her hair still held the colour of shining chestnuts that had caught his eye when he’d first seen her – and fallen in love. She licked her lips nervously, waiting for him to speak, and he could see a worried look in her eyes. Thoughts of the last time they were together caused feelings to stir deep inside, feelings he usually fought hard to suppress.

  ‘I believe you,’ he said at last. ‘God knows you’ve had a lot to put up with, and most of it is because of me,’ he added apologetically.

  ‘Tell me, at long last, what happened for you to run away. Why have you stayed in hiding? And why have you suddenly appeared with the Green brothers?’

  ‘I’ll get us another one of these first.’ Eddie picked up the cups and saucers.

  Ruby crossed her arms onto the table and laid her head down. What had happened today had been bad enough so far. The country was at war, and now Eddie had turned up. Could things get any worse?

  Eddie placed the fresh cups of tea on the table. ‘I thought you might fancy these?’ he said, putting a plate with two rather dried-up buns in front of her.

  ‘No, thank you,’ she said, pushing the plate away as she straightened her back and looked him in the eye. ‘I have a lot to get on with at home; my family need me, so say what you have to say, and we will go our different paths. I don’t see any other way we can deal with what’s been thrown at us. It’s not fair to Frank or the children. My goodness, Eddie, the country is at war and that’s more than enough for anyone to put up with,’ she sighed, feeling suddenly weary. ‘Didn’t you mention that I could be in danger, when you came back and stayed that one night? I thought our life would be back on an even keel, but off you went and we never saw you again, Eddie. I’d rather have lived in danger for the rest of my life and had you at home with us than what you put me through. So, say your piece and we’ll go our separate ways.’

  Eddie took a deep breath. ‘I’ve not lived a blameless life, not by far. When we first married, I dreamt that I could give you your own home, and we wouldn’t need to keep moving from place to place; but we did. Yes, part of it was because I enjoyed a drink and I gambled. God, I threw money away left, right and centre but never towards you and George, and I apologize for that. So, when you fell for the baby you eventually lost . . .’

  ‘Sarah. Her name was Sarah,’ Ruby interrupted.

  ‘When you were carrying Sarah, and Cedric Mulligan rented us the house, not only did I want to do good by you, I also wanted to turn over a new leaf. Then Cedric asked me to do another job for him. It was dangerous.’

  ‘Was it illegal?’ Ruby’s eyes flashed.

  ‘Not for me – not in the eyes of the law. But if it had gone wrong, Cedric would never have forgiven me. He could be a vengeful man, and he knew where you and my child lived. Remember how I wanted to move us away? I tried to see if it could be done. I looked for another home as decent as number thirteen, but we couldn’t afford the few I saw in other towns. In the end it was best for me to disappear, and the best way was to make it look like I was a bad’n. If I’d had the guts, I would have faked my own death, but I didn’t want you to grieve for me, and I knew you would. I even left the coalyard under a shadow, hoping that when I disappeared it wouldn’t make you look bad.’

  ‘What about Mum’s money?’ she asked, trying to piece together what he was saying.

  ‘I took it thinking if people felt sorry for you then you could keep your head held high. I was still doing odd jobs for Cedric, trying to show him I was loyal to him until I had the money to get you and George away from his grip. I had to appear loyal even though I knew he’d arranged for a man to be roughed over just because he owed money he couldn’t pay back.’

  Ruby felt faint. ‘You mean you had a hand in hurting someone?’

  ‘No, I simply went along to help the person who was collecting the debt. Ruby, I was small fry. I might have collected money and been a bit heavy with my fists on occasion when working for Cedric. I didn’t know the bloke would be killed, but this debt was for hundreds of pounds – so different to what I’d been involved with before. Cedric had another chap collect the dosh. I was just there to keep lookout, and to shout if the coppers appeared. It all went wrong and meant that Cedric had a hold on me. He could have put the blame on me, paid witnesses to say it was me who killed the man.’

  ‘Oh, Eddie,’ she said, not realizing she’d reached out and gripped his hand. ‘Why couldn’t you tell me? I’d have understood, and I could have helped you.’

  ‘I didn’t feel I could confide in you, not with your mother on my back all the time. She was always going on about supporting the family and doing better for you. I knew you loved that house, so if I’d told you what had happened, you’d have insisted on leaving. And I couldn’t tear you away from the home you’d always dreamt of. You deserve that at least,’ he said, stroking her hand. ‘It was better I left and tried to sort out the mess before coming back to you. Then I could explain, and if you’d forgiven me perhaps there would have been a future for us.’

  Ruby was trying hard to understand all Eddie had to say. ‘What about the money you left for us? Did it come from that man?’

  ‘No, I wouldn’t do that to you. That money was honestly earned, and I put away as much as I could. I was determined not to let you know where I was and I hoped you would recognize my handwriting on the envelopes. That was the only hint I was prepared to give you. If you’d not caught me that night four years back, then things would’ve changed for the better,’ he said, a despo
ndent look crossing his face.

  ‘But what could be better then you showing your love for me, and Pat being the outcome of our love? I don’t understand, Eddie.’

  ‘I knew that night that Cedric had died – I should say, was killed. His hold on me was over at that stage. I finally had hope in my heart, and when I dropped an envelope through the letter box, I knew that next time I returned to Alexandra Road it would be as a man free of Cedric’s hold. I had information on Cedric and his business that I’d collected and I took it to the police the next day. I told them everything about the man and as I’ve never been guilty of anything criminal, they were happy to listen to me. I’d kept careful records on his illegal betting business along with robberies and fraud. It took some months before those who had worked with Cedric were rounded up and charged. During that time, I moved back to Erith but found a job and lodgings in Northend, knowing that as soon as it was safe to do so I would come back to you. I had to make sure I’d not be charged and bring trouble to your door.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you?’ Ruby demanded. She hated to think of what Eddie must have gone through.

  ‘I did. I got as far as the end of the road. It was the day of the coronation – a happy day, full of joy for the future with a new king for our country, and for me I hoped it would be the start of a new life.’

  ‘But why didn’t you come, why didn’t you knock on the door? What happened, Eddie?’ Ruby brushed aside angry tears. ‘Did you change your mind?’

  ‘No. You changed it for me,’ he said, looking beseechingly at her as he wiped the tears from her face with his fingers. ‘I saw you. I saw Frank and George, and Frank’s family, walking down the road together. You looked such a happy family, and because of that I misunderstood the situation. Ruby, I thought you’d given up on me and started a new life with Frank. Now I know that isn’t the case. But can you not see how it would have appeared to a man standing on the corner, watching from afar?’

  ‘But why didn’t you speak to me?’ she sobbed.