A Mother Forever

by Elaine Everest

  ‘Because I was foolish. I was angry. Frank seemed to have everything I wanted. Besides, in my eyes, you’d had another man’s child. I was working down the brickfields alongside Derek Green. He was sworn to silence about my presence in the town. As it was, he didn’t want to be involved. I thought that was for the best, but now I know I was wrong. But it’s too late, even with us both knowing the truth: I’ll be leaving tomorrow.’

  ‘Leaving – where are you going?’

  ‘I’ve joined the army, and by tomorrow evening I’ll be out of your life once and for all.’

  ‘But, Eddie, aren’t you too old now to be a soldier?’

  ‘I lied about my age. Joining the army . . . it just seemed to be the best solution. I didn’t think I had anything – or anyone – to stay for.’

  Ruby knew then that if she didn’t do something quickly, she’d lose Eddie forever. ‘I feel as though so much has come between us. I know I still love you, although I hated the man you became by the time we moved here. You frightened me, and to be honest, back at that time I was ready to leave – that was, until I fell in love with the house and made friends here. I knew it could be a good home for George, and for us, if you were to return. Losing Mum like we did, and then you disappearing on the same night, frightened the hell out of me. But I’m proud to say I coped – I worked hard, and I coped. Frank is a dear, dear friend. He helped me, and in return I was able to help him. He knows that Pat is your child, and he understands. If I told him today that you were moving back into the house as my husband, he would still understand. He would welcome you with open arms, and I hope that you too would accept Frank as the family friend who kept me going through thick and thin. He never once stepped in and spoke to George as a father figure; he knew that was your position. He always thought of you as George’s father and himself as nothing more than a friend to George, and George knows that. No one has taken your place in the household.’

  Eddie didn’t know what to say. From the way Ruby spoke, he could walk back in the door this very minute and be accepted. ‘Too much water has gone under the bridge now. I’d hate anyone to talk about you, or Frank, come to that. I appreciate his friendship. Please pass that on to him. As for me pinching your mother’s money like that; I know it was for a reason, but I can never forgive myself.’ A look of shame crossed his face.

  Ruby wiped her eyes and gave him a smile. ‘I want you to come back with me now, Eddie. You could tell him yourself, and I’m sure everyone would understand.’

  ‘No, I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to Frank. The world would see this and assume the worst. We would be seen as the couple who turned out the man who loved you. Where would he go but back over the road to his mother and ridicule from his family and the nosy neighbours? Apart from that, everyone looks on Pat as being his child. I’d not do that to the man who has taken care of you all these years.’

  ‘I see what you mean, Eddie. Frank does have rooms over the bookshop. It was always his intention to move there once they’d been cleaned up and decorated, but I invited him to stay with us as it was convenient for his family, who believed Pat was his and we were a couple. I’m not sure now how we can undo things. Until you spoke, I hadn’t even given it a thought. What can we do?’

  ‘Are you sure you want me back in your life, Ruby?’ Eddie’s voice was raw with emotion.

  ‘I really do, Eddie. I know that if you’d explained all this to me when we first moved here, I might not have been sympathetic. But now – I do believe you. Even so, how can I do this to Frank? He’d be a laughing stock. And Stella would be heartbroken.’

  Eddie thought for a moment before speaking. ‘Do we have to tell anyone? I’m going away tomorrow, and God knows when I’ll be back. Could we keep this our secret until I return? If I return?’

  Ruby gasped. ‘Please don’t say that, Eddie. Not after everything that’s happened. We keep hearing already that this war won’t last long, so why not tell everyone now?’

  ‘Look, love,’ he said, squeezing her hand. ‘I don’t want you or the children hurt by nasty comments from ill-minded people. As far as others know, I’m out of your life completely. Only Derek knows that I’ve been around here, but he’s prepared to keep quiet. We will both be off to war, so why not carry on as normal?’

  Ruby hated what she had to say. ‘I suppose you’re right.’ She took a deep breath. ‘It’ll be a good idea for me to go home now, before I keep begging you to stay. Will you walk me to the corner?’

  ‘Of course I will.’ Eddie took her hand and they left the cafe, walking slowly towards Alexandra Road hand in hand. ‘I’d best say my goodbyes here,’ he said. ‘I don’t want anyone to see me standing at your gate. Besides, I don’t think I could bear it. But before I go, I have something to give you.’ He reached into his pocket, pulling out a long Manila envelope. ‘There’s no need to open it now. It’s the deeds to the house, and they’re in your name. It’s what you deserve after what I’ve put you through. There’s no need to say anything. I was owed some money for helping the police, as there was a reward offered for information about the killing of that man, and I had a bit put by. Cedric’s wife and kids were glad of the money, and to be shot of the house. This is yours, with my love.’ He pressed the envelope into her hands.

  Ruby fell against his chest. Her heart was breaking. ‘Oh, Eddie, I don’t know what to say. This is a dream come true, but in other ways it’s a nightmare, knowing I won’t see you for so long. You will write to me, won’t you? I’ll explain everything to Frank the moment he’s home from the bookshop.’

  Her voice broke as Eddie crushed her in his arms and kissed her until she was breathless. Holding her at arm’s length, he gazed into her face. ‘I want to remember you just as you are right now. I’ll carry the memory with me.’

  ‘God, I must look a right sight!’

  ‘You’ll always be beautiful to me, Ruby. Now hurry along home,’ he said, giving her a final gentle kiss.

  Ruby hurried along Alexandra Road, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. She didn’t see Stella standing in the bay window of number fourteen, holding Pat in her arms. Turning to look back, she waved to Eddie until he disappeared from sight.

  Taking a deep breath, she let herself into the house – still unaware of the frozen look on Stella’s face as her neighbour watched the door of number thirteen close behind the woman she’d thought of as a trusted daughter-in-law.

  12

  31st October 1917

  ‘Stella’s resting now. Wilf’s with her, although he’s almost as distraught. I think perhaps you should go over and sit with her, Frank. You need to be with your mum,’ Ruby said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder. The news that morning of Donald Green succumbing to injuries while fighting to defend his country had shocked them all. Stella’s grief was beyond anything Ruby had ever witnessed before. Her screams of distress could be heard across the road, and Ruby had rushed over fearing the worst as she spotted the telegram boy cycle off down the road.

  ‘I’ll go over now, thanks,’ he said, climbing wearily from his chair. The strong tea Ruby had made for him remained cold on the table. ‘It should’ve been me,’ he muttered. ‘I should have been the first of us to go. It doesn’t seem right that the youngest in our family should have perished in such a way.’

  Ruby wanted to agree – it was all so wrong – but she knew that Frank wasn’t expecting an answer, as he was deep in his own thoughts. A day didn’t seem to pass without news appearing in the newspapers of the loss of more young lives.

  ‘She needs you, Frank, so rather than go back to the bookshop tonight I’ll make the bed up in your old room. You need to be close by. Have you heard from Derek recently?’

  ‘It’s been over three months. He sent Mum a card with embroidered silk flowers on the front. She was thrilled to think she had something that had been sent from France.’

  ‘Eddie sent me one too; they must’ve been together when they bought them. It didn’t say where they were. Ap
art from some French words in the pattern it could have been anywhere. Double Dutch to me. George told me what they meant, but I’m none the wiser.’

  ‘I do wish Eddie well,’ Frank said. ‘It may not seem like it at times, but I do.’

  ‘You’re a good friend, Frank. I wish I could help heal your heartache and do something for your mum. I’ll bring some food over later. You never know, perhaps you can encourage her to eat a bite. She told me when she cared for me after I lost Sarah that I needed to keep my strength up. Now it’s our turn to say the same to her and Wilf.’

  ‘It’s you who is the good person, Ruby. After she attacked you openly about kissing a man in the street, her anger knew no bounds.’ Frank shook his head, remembering his mother’s anger and bitterness. ‘At least it’s all right now, and she knows that we are simply good friends and that’s all it’s ever been.’

  ‘I fear if she ever finds out the truth about you, it will be too much for her, Frank. We must always keep this to ourselves,’ Ruby said, looking worried.

  ‘Thankfully she seems to accept that Stephen is simply my lodger at the bookshop,’ Frank said, thinking of his dear friend who now lived with him over the bookshop in Pier Road.

  ‘And that’s the way it should always be. Keep your life as private as you can. God knows what would happen if anyone found out you were as close as you are,’ Ruby insisted. ‘I love you like a brother and would hate any harm to come to you.’ She knew that if Frank’s secret of having a relationship with another man was to become known, he could end up in prison. ‘I wonder, do you think Stephen would like to come here for his dinner this evening? I’m making a pot of stew, as I expect George to arrive at any minute, and there’s plenty to go around. He’s going to be very upset when he hears about Donald.’

  ‘When do you expect to meet his young lady?’ Frank asked, trying to shake off the thought of his youngest brother lying dead in a foreign land. He knew that although George was almost eighteen years of age, Ruby found it hard to accept that he was old enough to be walking out with a girl.

  ‘I’m sure it’s nothing serious. He has so many friends at work and they seem to socialize in a group. I’m more concerned about his talk of joining up. So many at Vickers are doing so. I thought when he was transferred over to the Crayford factory, he would put aside those ideas about enlisting; after all, he still hasn’t finished his apprenticeship. Mr Grant having put him in charge of a team ought to be enough to keep such thoughts out of his head.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even with so many deaths and men going missing in action, the fervour to join up and fight for the king is stronger than ever. After three years, so many people want the war over, and if that means sacrificing their sons . . .’ Frank let the sentence trail off wistfully. He reached for his overcoat, which was hanging over the back of an armchair, and something fluttered to the ground.

  Ruby reached out and picked it up. ‘Oh God, not another one! What are those damned women playing at? Where were you given this one?’ she asked, bending the white feather in two and throwing it onto the fire that was glowing in the hearth.

  Frank put his hand in his pocket and pulled out three more feathers. As he passed each one to Ruby he said, ‘This was from the woman serving in the greengrocer’s; this from the huddle of old women standing at the corner of the high street; and this had been put in the basket of books in front of the shop. At least they’ll keep the fire burning bright, although the smell will linger.’ He laughed without showing any real humour.

  ‘Please don’t let it upset you, Frank. You do enough for the people of this town without volunteering to take up arms and head over the Channel to uncertain death. One loss is enough for your mum. Any more will kill her.’

  ‘I’ll never fire a gun against another man,’ he said. ‘I ignored my conscription notice, but it’s only a matter of time before they realize and come looking for me. But I’m prepared to refuse to go.’

  Ruby was shocked. She knew Frank had never liked the idea of men fighting each other, but to refuse meant he’d likely go to prison – or worse. ‘Please don’t say that, Frank. Don’t they shoot men who refuse to fight?’

  ‘I have no idea, but I must stick to my beliefs.’

  ‘Perhaps it’ll never happen. Why, the war may be over before too long,’ she said, trying to sound positive.

  Frank agreed as he pulled on his coat, although Ruby could see how troubled he was. ‘If you need help with your mum, you must come and get me. Whatever time it is, I’ll be over in a flash,’ she said as she kissed her friend’s cheek and saw him out the door.

  The mention of Eddie had her wanting to read his letters once more. Reaching into the bureau by the fireplace, Ruby took out her mother’s small box where she kept all her treasured memories. She first pulled out the long Manila envelope and smiled to herself. To think she owned a property, and it was this very house that she treasured so much. She liked to think that number thirteen Alexandra Road was a place where family and friends could come when they were troubled, or simply to have a cup of tea and a natter. Even her two sisters had taken to visiting more, although she had yet to explain to them what had happened to Eddie. His letters were bundled together with a piece of ribbon. She knew it was something younger girls were doing when they received letters from their beaus, and as she still loved Eddie so dearly she had a fancy to do the same. The red ribbon had been purchased from the haberdashery department of Hedley Mitchell’s and she’d purchased a length of pink ribbon at the same time for Pat’s fair hair, not wishing anyone to think she had a man friend. Her daughter was so like Eddie, even down to his outspoken ways when things didn’t go as he wished them to. Fortunately, Pat understood how to control her temper, even at the tender age of six.

  Deep in thought, she didn’t hear the front door open until George appeared. She looked up with a start. ‘George, is it that time already? Let me check your dinner.’

  ‘I have a couple of friends with me, Mum. Can they come in for a cup of tea?’

  ‘Of course, love, you never need to ask. Come along in and sit down, warm yourself up. It’s a bit chilly out there.’ She was rather surprised when two girls came into the room rather than his workmates, and they smiled shyly at her.

  ‘Oh, hello,’ Ruby said as she helped to take their coats. The dark-haired one thanked her. Ruby was surprised to see that the girl was heavily pregnant.

  ‘You probably don’t remember me, Mrs Caselton. I was Maureen Stokes from Manor Road. I’m Maureen Gilbert now I’m married, and I live with my mother-in-law in Crayford Road.’

  Ruby thought for a moment. ‘Of course – I know your mum, as well as your mother-in-law. Doesn’t your husband work at Vickers with my George?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right, he did, but he’s in the Rifle Brigade now. George looks after us, doesn’t he, Irene?’

  The other girl sat primly in the armchair that had been offered to her and nodded without saying a word. Ruby could see her eyes sweep the room, inspecting every stick of furniture as well as Ruby’s knick-knacks.

  ‘Congratulations on getting married, Maureen. George didn’t tell me.’

  ‘It was all rather quick,’ Maureen giggled as she looked down to her stomach.

  Ruby couldn’t help smiling, She’d always liked Maureen, and only a year ago had hoped her son had feelings for the girl. Obviously that was out of the question now. Besides, her son was looking devotedly towards Irene. He seemed to be enamoured with the girl. She wondered if Frank was right and they’d been walking out for a while? ‘George, why don’t you help me put the kettle on; then I’ll see about our dinner?’ she said, wondering what her son saw in the thin, po-faced girl.

  ‘You look smart, love,’ Ruby said, admiring George in his uniform as she checked the stew bubbling away on top of the stove while George filled the kettle.

  ‘Oh Mum, you know it’s not a proper uniform. It’s just what I’m given to wear while I’m teaching the Boy Scouts how to
use our machine guns.’

  ‘I think what you’ve been given to do by your bosses is very important. They must value you a lot to put you in charge of training the scout troops all about the guns you make and how to fire them.’

  George shrugged. ‘It’s not really the army, though, is it?’

  ‘Don’t you start talking like that, my son. You’ve got an important job to do. Why, you’ve not even finished your apprenticeship and they’ve moved you over to Crayford and put you in charge of people. That counts for something. I reckon you will go places, George Caselton,’ she said proudly.

  George chuckled. ‘But you would say that, you’re my mother,’ he laughed before the smile slipped from his face.

  ‘Something bothering you, son?’ Ruby asked. She was reminded that George hadn’t yet heard about the death of his friend Donald.

  ‘I know I’ve got a good job . . . and in a way, working on the Vickers machine guns and turning out as many as we are is playing a big part in the war. But I really want to join up.’

  Ruby sighed as she thought of Stella not a hundred feet from where they were, distraught over the death of her youngest son. That could be her before too long, if George went off to fight for his country. She looked at her fine, upstanding son; his hair was still the same light brown colour it had been in childhood, and no amount of damping down the curls could tame them. Ruby knew she had to tread carefully, otherwise she could alienate her son: if pushed too hard, he might join up just to spite her. ‘What are your plans, love?’

  ‘I’ll no doubt join the engineers, as with my experience at Vickers it would be the obvious choice. The management have indicated they can make sure I’m seconded to the right regiment.’

  Ruby caught her breath. It seemed this was going to happen, regardless of what she thought about it. ‘It sounds as though you’ve already made your mind up, love. I’d not want to stop you . . . but you know I don’t want you to go. I’m like every other mother in that respect. But what about Irene? I can see you’re keen on her. Have you known her long?’