Crash Into You

by Diana Morland

  “Wait, don’t you teach kindergarten?” asked Kendall.

  “They still get grades,” Gianna said. “And people freak out about them. But you know who has never yelled at me?”

  “The principal,” Janine said.

  Gianna nodded. “Or the school board, or the board of education, or anybody above me. Professionals don’t yell at each other. Parents get emotionally invested, so they can overreact, but it’s not the same thing. Megan, you get yelled at by customers sometimes, right? But it’s not the same thing as when your bosses yell.”

  Megan nodded slowly. “Well, you’re right. But I figured that was because they’re the ones who get to fire me if they want to.”

  “Are you actually scared of getting fired?” Kendall asked.

  “Not really,” she admitted. “They don’t want to do the work of finding someone to replace me.”

  “I’ve never seen you at work, but I bet you pull in a lot of business for them,” Janine said. “You’re really good with people.”

  “Isn’t she?” Gianna said, grinning.

  Megan sighed and shook her head. “I’m not, really. It was just—well, I know Gianna pretty well, and I know our blood sugar gets low after all the…” She trailed off, realizing that Janine was frowning, her eyebrows bunched together. “What?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Janine said.

  “Oh, did you miss the fight?” Gianna asked.

  Janine rolled her eyes. “Who’d you fight with this time?”

  “Chelsea. It was over tactics. Megan got us to shut up and talk slowly so we could hear each other.”

  “That was the whole thing during the break today,” Kendall said. “We probably wouldn’t have won without Gianna’s idea to plan how we would work together. Did you really miss the fight?”

  “I guess so,” Janine said. “I was, uh… well, I’m used to hearing Gianna scream at people during halftime, and they scream back. I just figure the adrenaline overflows a little during games. I mean, that happens to a lot of us.”

  “It’s never been a problem with Rolling in the Streets,” Gianna said quickly.

  “That’s right.” Janine nodded. “Otherwise I would make her shut up. I figured this team was the same.”

  “Then why did you say I’m good with people?” Megan asked. “I’m not fishing for compliments, I swear, I’m just confused.” She wasn’t sure if she should believe Janine that she’d missed the fight entirely. Who could’ve ignored Gianna yelling at the top of her lungs, her arms flying through the air around her?

  Janine shrugged. “I can’t point to anything specific, it’s just something I’ve noticed since we’ve been on the team together. You can get people to see your way of thinking, get them to calm down when they’re upset.”

  “Exactly,” Kendall said. “That’s why I was thinking you’d be a good asset to the skate shop. You make people feel at ease—well, maybe not people in general, but people who aren’t scared of bright orange hair and a nose piercing.”

  “I’m not that good at it,” Megan said. “I’m—too competitive.”

  “Well, that might be true,” Janine said. “We’re all competitive.”

  “Shelly, my—I mean, Monstrous Regiment’s—team captain always says I’m a little too competitive. She says I need to remember that it’s derby, not life and death.” But she wasn’t really thinking of Shelly. She was remembering Cari, and her sister, and wondering why she had never been able to get either of them to do what she wanted, if she was so good with people.

  “Shelly does say that,” Leya said. “But maybe that’s what allowed you to make it onto this team.”

  “And that’s why we’re going to win the tournament, am I right?” Janine grinned, holding up her hand. Megan leaned forward to high-five her.

  “Have you really never thought of yourself as good with people?” Gianna asked.

  “Well, no.” Megan looked at her. She didn’t want to point out to the whole rest of the car that she and Gianna had been dating, so she chose her words carefully. “I mean, you’ve seen some of the people I used to hang out with. You know?”

  She’d complained to Gianna about Bonnie, and Gianna had definitely heard the whole saga of her and Cari. She hoped Gianna would understand that she was talking about them.

  Gianna smiled. “Just because you’re good with people doesn’t mean you’re perfect with everybody, especially when it comes to bitches like the ones you’re talking about. Sometimes, I think, you’re kind of overcompensating. They’re hard to get along with, so you try even harder and you end up being a doormat. You know?”

  Megan stared at her. Gianna just smiled sunnily back.

  “I guess so,” she finally said. “I never thought about it that way before, but maybe you’re right. And then I go the opposite way when it comes to derby.”

  “Exactly. You can never win with them, so you’ll win there.”

  Megan sat back in the seat and grinned. “Well, hopefully having this revelation isn’t going to keep us from winning. Because we’re definitely going to win.”

  The others all cheered, and then she felt movement at her left side, something tickling her palm. Gianna had found her hand and was holding it. Megan took a deep breath. She should pull her hand away, tell Gianna to let go.

  But she didn’t want to.

  As Megan unlocked the door to her apartment, Kendall having dropped her off on the way to the other girls’ houses, her phone buzzed. She winced, expecting Bonnie; everyone else she cared about knew where she was today and had probably been there with her.

  But when she got inside and looked at her phone, she found a text from Gianna. We need to talk.

  She sat down on her couch and stared at the text. If she and Gianna hadn’t already broken up—not that they were together in the first place—she would have thought that Gianna was about to break up with her. But that was obviously nonsense. What could it be?

  What about? she texted back.

  The response took long enough to come that she started getting nervous. But Gianna was still in the car with the others—maybe she didn’t want to make it obvious that she was texting Megan.

  No, this is a convo I want to have in person. Talk after practice?

  The coaches had made sure all the members of the Sisterly Love All-Stars understood that they were still going to have practice every single night that week. Megan looked forward to it. Not only did she need the outlet after a long day at work, she knew they couldn’t let themselves get complacent in the least. They had to be in the best shape of their lives for the championship game that weekend.

  Won’t that keep us up late? We both have work in the morning, she texted back.

  Don’t care, came the reply, quickly this time. It’ll be worth it.

  Megan sighed. She couldn’t think of any other excuses. Besides, whatever Gianna wanted to talk about, it couldn’t be bad, right? They were getting along well enough, and they were both skating really well. What else mattered?

  OK, she texted back. Then, refusing to allow herself to dwell on it, she went to find something to watch that would relax her brain until she was tired enough to sleep.

  Chapter 18

  Practice went really well that night. They were all energized after their two victories that weekend—the only times they stopped talking about it was when they were too out of breath from skating—and no one wanted to slow down or relax. That would look weak in front of the rest of this amazing team.

  They also all wanted to win the next weekend. That meant practicing the best so they could be the best.

  Megan had worked hard enough that when Gianna caught her arm in the locker room and led her out to her car she only felt a little nervous. She hadn’t forgotten that she and Gianna were supposed to talk, of course, but maybe she’d hoped Gianna had.

  “Whatever this is,” she said, “can’t it wait until after the tournament?”

  Gianna looked down, her hands pressed
together. “I don’t think so. It’s been hard enough to stand it this past weekend, being so close to you.”

  Megan’s heart jolted in her chest. “Gianna, I thought—”

  Gianna held up her hand. “Let’s get somewhere we can sit and see each other properly before we talk, all right? Do you want to go to my place or yours? Or maybe somewhere we can sit and get a drink?”

  Megan thought of the Zonia Cantina and swallowed hard. Not there. Maybe never there again. “Your place,” she said, because she didn’t want to have this talk in an intimate setting like her apartment. “As long as you don’t mind potentially helping me get home afterward.”

  “Shit. You’re right.” Gianna ran her hand over her face. “Your place, then? Just because I don’t know how this conversation is going to end, so I’m not sure I’ll be up to driving you home.”

  Megan bit her lip. It wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t want to end up stuck at Gianna’s apartment. Especially if they had a fight, which it sounded like might be in the works.

  “Yeah. I guess that’s okay.”

  They got in the car, and Gianna drove to Megan’s apartment in silence. Megan didn’t want to say anything, because she could only think of one conversation topic, and if Gianna didn’t want to start it in the parking lot, Megan was sure she didn’t want to start it while she was focusing on driving.

  Megan thought her apartment looked small and dingy in the evening darkness, but at least she had a couch. “You want something to drink? Water, beer?”

  “Yeah, water, I guess. Thanks.”

  Megan poured them each a glass of water while Gianna sat down, then joined her on the couch, trying not to touch her. Now that they were alone, in her apartment—she was afraid that if she touched Gianna’s warm skin, she wouldn’t be able to help herself.

  “You’re not running off to join the circus, right?” she said, trying to smile. It was a pretty stupid attempt at a joke. Definitely not up to her usual standards.

  “Megan, I love you,” Gianna said, her hands holding the water glass very still.

  Megan’s heart skipped a beat. She stared at Gianna, a lump growing in her throat. She wanted to make a joke, but it would have been even worse than before… and anyway, she knew Gianna meant it.

  “Why do we have to talk about that?” she whispered.

  “Because there’s no reason we shouldn’t be together. We can’t keep our hands off each other even when we try our hardest, and no one cares. Do you think anyone batted an eye when we made out after Saturday’s match?” She put down her glass very carefully.

  “They didn’t notice,” Megan said.

  Gianna shook her head. “I know Faith saw us, and I think some of the other players did, too. Besides, all the girls from both our teams knew we used to date. Your team knew, right?”

  Megan nodded. If only she’d tried harder to hide it… but she had a lot of regrets in her life, and dwelling on them had never done any good.

  Gianna took Megan’s hand between both of her own. Megan’s heart started beating harder. “One of the things we were both worried about has obviously turned out to be untrue.”

  “What thing?” Megan’s mouth was a little dry; it was hard to get her words out, but she didn’t want to pull away from Gianna’s hands to get her water.

  “That we’re only into each other because of the competition. Don’t get me wrong, it obviously helped. But it’s still hard to keep away from each other when we’re working together.” Gianna gave Megan a smile, a pale imitation of her usual triumphant grin—but the spark of it was still there.

  Megan took a deep breath. “Yeah. You’re right about that. But…”

  “If it’s that you don’t feel as strongly about me as I feel about you, I know that, and I’m okay with it. I just want to give it another try.”

  “I don’t know if I can really do that right now. Not when we’re so focused on the tournament.”

  “Didn’t you say yesterday that you’re too competitive?”

  “Yeah, and then you said I act like a doormat.”

  “I didn’t mean it as an insult—”

  “I know,” Megan said quickly, squeezing Gianna’s hand. “But you were right. And with you I’ve been overcompensating in the opposite direction—I don’t want to end up like I did with Cari, so I’m trying to be in control all the time. And that’s not really healthy, either. Not for a serious relationship. I don’t think I’m in any place to have any kind of relationship until I work on myself a little more.”

  Gianna chewed her lower lip. “Okay, I guess that’s fair. It hurts, but I can’t argue with it.”

  “I’m sorry,” Megan said, wincing. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Gianna. She knew that was why she had to say this. “It sucks, but I think it would suck a lot worse if we got together, then had a nasty breakup in six months. And if we hated each other—”

  “That would really screw up our derby teams,” Gianna finished for her, smiling. “You’re right.”

  She leaned forward and kissed Megan on the lips. Megan kissed her back, her heart aching. All she wanted to do was kiss Gianna and keep kissing her, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair.

  She cared about Gianna too much. Maybe even loved her. With some distance from the sex, she knew it now: she’d rather break Gianna’s heart just a little bit now than do the easy thing now and make it harder later on.

  Finally Gianna broke away. “Okay, I’d better get home and get some sleep before work. I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me know when you’re ready to talk again?”

  “Yeah,” Megan said. “I will.”

  She didn’t know when she would be ready.

  She didn’t know if she ever would be.

  Megan’s head ached. She’d had too much coffee to make up for the lack of sleep last night. Of course, “too much” coffee just meant she’d made one stop at Starbucks on her way to work—she didn’t normally drink coffee at all, since derby helped her sleep like the dead every night.

  Plus, the phone seemed to be ringing constantly today, which was especially unusual since they were normally less busy in the winter and it was now December. Unfortunately, the actual bookings were no more than she would have expected—more than half the people she talked to, even with Megan trying her best to sell the trampoline park, decided not to book that day.

  Thankfully, it was now time for her lunch break. She silenced the phone and set the screensaver on her computer. She would probably have to catch up on a few phone messages when she got back, making her afternoon even busier, but right now it was worth it.

  Unfortunately, she’d just taken a bite of her sandwich and opened her phone to scroll for mindless entertainment when Karen popped out of the office. “Megan, now that you’re off the phone, can you come talk to us for a few minutes?”

  Megan swallowed painfully. “Can it wait? I’m on my lunch break.” She sounded like she was whining, so she hastily took a drink of water and tried to arrange her face into a respectful expression.

  Karen shook her head. “No. We need to talk.”

  Great. The second time in two days. Was she getting fired? She took another gulp of her water and followed Karen into the office.

  “Hi, Megan,” Joe said with a friendly smile. She immediately distrusted his appearance. She also noticed that they didn’t offer her a seat—not that there was an extra one to offer her, with just the two desks and one chair for each. What was going on?

  She took a deep breath. She had to wait for them to speak first before she freaked out.

  “We have a request for you,” Joe said. “Karen and I are taking a vacation over Christmas—two weeks on a cruise.”

  They weren’t going to ask her to come along with them, were they? Maybe they were going to ask if she could go the two weeks without pay while they closed the trampoline park. She could handle that, especially over Christmas—she could ask Bonnie and her parents for cash gifts, which they would probably be happy to provide, considering it
didn’t require any thought.

  But, damn, she would have to call people to cancel their reservations or reschedule them. She knew there were some reservations around Christmas, including one the day after. No one would be happy about that.

  “Sounds like fun,” she managed.

  “We’ll need you to run the place while we’re gone,” Karen said. She was leaning against her desk, her hands resting on the edge. So there was an empty chair.

  “That means coming in at your regular time, but staying to close the place up at nine, and getting it cleaned up like you usually do,” Joe said. “I know you can handle that. You’re the best employee we’ve ever had.” He beamed at her.

  She stared back at him. Yeah, she was the best employee they’d ever had, because she was the only one. Or maybe just the only one who’d lasted longer than a few months. It was nice to hear that they trusted her with a job this big, but she wasn’t sure she wanted it.

  “We wanted to let you know now, before you make any plans for the holiday,” Karen said. “Of course, we’re closed on Christmas, but goodness knows the holiday season isn’t limited to just the one day.”

  “Christmas Eve, too,” Megan said.

  “What?” Karen leaned forward just a little.

  “We’re closed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The calendar says so.”

  Karen frowned and looked across at Joe. “That’s not what I remember.”

  Joe frowned and looked at Megan. “Are you sure, Megan?”

  “I’m the one who does the scheduling, remember?” she said. “The calendar says we’re closed both days.”

  “Oh, well.” He smiled again. “That makes it easier for you, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” She was trying to think. How was she going to deal with this? She’d still be able to see her family for Christmas—assuming they didn’t try to make plans for some time that was more convenient than Christmas, at least according to her dad. But the derby girls might want to do something for the holiday, and she might want to see Gianna…