Granny Smith Is Dead

by Chelsea Thomas

  I thought about how much Willow claimed to hate Buster. Yet she told her dad she loved him. Probably to make Aldo angry. Talk about a dysfunctional father-daughter relationship.

  “Sounds like you were angry enough to kill,” Miss May said.

  Aldo shook his head. “I could never be that angry. Nor did I ever used to get angry at all. But ever since I found myself confined to this chair, my energy seeks different ways to leave my body. Often in angry fits and starts.”

  Aldo Alfonsi was so calm and collected, such a controlled contrast to the ranting man who’d been outside of Granny Smith’s home. The juxtaposition chilled me. He couldn’t have seemed more like a killer at that moment.

  “Actually, wait...” Aldo said. “I think I may have an alibi after all.”

  “You do?” Miss May asked.

  Aldo nodded. “Sudeer Patel was in my shop around 7 AM Sunday. Handsome gentleman. Looked more handsome after I was through. Talk to him. He’ll show you what a great cut he got.”

  Miss May sized Aldo up. “OK. We’ll check with Sudeer. But here’s a little advice... don’t run away from me if you’re innocent.”

  Aldo chuckled. “Don’t accuse an innocent man.”

  37

  All’s Hair in Love

  I had gone to high school with Sudeer Patel, and he had always been quiet and studious. When I’d moved back to Pine Grove, Sudeer had been the co-owner of an architecture and development firm with another one of my former classmates, Vinny Russo.

  Because of unfortunate circumstances, Sudeer had left that job and started working with a big-time local developer, Hank Rosenberg. Because of even more unfortunate circumstances, that job had also fallen by the wayside. For a quiet and studious guy, our investigations often led us to Sudeer at one point or another.

  But things must have been turning around for Sudeer. Because that day, we visited him at the offices of Patel and Associates.

  That’s right, everybody’s favorite architect got his own firm!

  The question was... Had he also gotten a haircut last Sunday morning?

  Sudeer headquartered Patel and Associates in the penthouse unit of a Pine Grove shopping complex. That wasn’t saying much, because the complex was only two stories. But I liked finding reasons to use the word “penthouse.” So there!

  Sudeer looked up from a drafting table as we entered. His hair looked nice. But I hadn’t seen Sudeer in a while so I did not know if the cut was fresh.

  His face fell when he saw us. “Please don’t tell me someone I know has died. I’ll puke. Or cry. Or both.”

  Miss May shook her head. “Everything is fine, Sudeer. Don’t worry. We just have a quick question about one of our investigations.”

  “I’m not a suspect?” Sudeer asked.

  Miss May shook her head with a kind smile.

  “Oh thank goodness.” Sudeer gestured to a sitting area with a few chairs, a loveseat, and a coffee table. “Please. Take a seat.”

  We sat on the sofa and Sudeer sat on a leather armchair across from us.

  I nodded. “I like what you’ve done with this place. Very official. Like a real business.”

  “Thank you. It is a real business. And I’d love to talk more about it. But I’m feeling nervous now. What’s going on?”

  Miss May crossed her legs. “We were wondering... When’s the last time you got a haircut?”

  Sudeer chuckled. “That can’t be why you’re here.”

  I shrugged. “But it is.”

  “Oh,” Sudeer said. “OK. Let me think. I got a haircut last week, I think. Pretty recently.”

  “And who cut it?” Miss May asked.

  Sudeer’s eyes widened. “Hold up. Is my barber your suspect!? knew it! I told my wife when I got home that night. ‘That guy who cuts my hair creeps me out.’ She said, ‘Why do you go?’ I said, ‘It’s eight dollars.’ She said, ‘Oh. Then keep going.’”

  Miss May offered a polite smile but I could tell she felt impatient. “And your barber is...”

  Sudeer nodded. “Right. I got my haircut by Aldo Alfonsi, over by the supermarket.”

  “Do you know what day that was? And maybe what time?”

  “Uh...” Sudeer closed one eye to think. “It was Sunday. Early. I was the first person in there, I think. All those kids, I gotta carve out me-time when I can.”

  “Of course.” Miss May relaxed her shoulders and sat back. “Thank you.”

  ——

  Miss May and I spent the rest of that day working in the bakeshop. We had a line out the door for much of the day.

  The most popular item that day, and most days, was Miss May’s famous Appie Oater cookies. But we also sold a couple hundred chocolate chip cookies. In my brief moments of downtime, I prepped a dozen loaves of bread for the next day. Several restaurants ordered our bread baked or parbaked for morning delivery, so I prioritized that task whenever I had a second to breathe.

  Business lulled around 5 PM, which was right when Teeny showed up with a big smile on her face. Her blue eyes twinkled in the late afternoon light as she walked toward the counter.

  “OK, ladies! What’s the news on the case? What’s the scoop on the stoop? Does the dog have bite or barely enough bark to wake the neighbors?”

  I laughed. “What’s with the lingo?”

  “That’s how they talk on my new show, Blood and Bones. There’s a hotshot detective and he loves to talk. To be honest, he uses a lot of hot sauce in his lingo but I keep it mild on the streets of Pine Grove.”

  “I don’t even know what that means,” I said.

  “Good,” Teeny said. “Now hit me with the sugar and spice.”

  Miss May and I laughed and teased Teeny about her new lingo for another ten minutes. But then we got around to telling her all about the updates in the case.

  Teeny munched on a big chocolate chip cookie as we spoke. But when we told her Aldo Alfonsi planned to run for mayor she spat a bite of cookie all over the counter.

  “That guy can’t run for mayor. He’s too old. And he’s never shown an interest in politics before!”

  Miss May shrugged. “That’s what I thought. But he’s running.”

  “I bet it’s a ploy for more business,” Teeny said. “Aldo runs for mayor. Puts up a bunch of signs. Gets other people to pay for it. Instant name recognition.”

  “So you think he’s only doing this to promote the Aldo Alfonsi barber brand?”

  Teeny pointed at me like I had said something smart. “Yuppo. The guy doesn’t want to win. He doesn’t know the first thing about being mayor. This is all about business.”

  “Seems like a decent plan,” I said. “But what if he gets elected?”

  Teeny whistled. “Then were stuck with Aldo Alfonsi as mayor. Uch.”

  “That would be a major mayoral downgrade,” Miss May said. “I’ve had my quibbles with Mayor Delgado. But the woman is good at her job, and she cares about this town.”

  “Agreed.” Teeny took another big bite of cookie. “But if Aldo has an alibi, who are our suspects?”

  Miss May turned to me. “Did we ever get an alibi from Willow?”

  “The cops showed up before she had a chance to talk,” I said. “But I have this nagging feeling there’s something we’re forgetting. Or someone else.”

  “Who?” Teeny asked.

  “Let me think for a second.” I leaned on the counter and had a “deep think.” My brain felt tight. Like there was a song stuck in there. And if I could only remember the name, everything would make sense. Then I remembered it and shot bolt upright. “We’ve got Buster’s keys!”

  “Oh my goodness, you’re right!” Miss May said. “We’ve got the keys to Granny Smith’s missing car.”

  “That thing must be packed with clues,” I said. “If we can find it.”

  Teeny clapped, excited. “Oh boy, oh boy! Let’s get it, girls! Let’s hop to the jump and toss the perp in the crab van!”

  “Please stop talking like Blood and Bones,” Miss Ma
y said.

  “Sorry,” Teeny rolled her eyes. “Let’s go find that car.”

  38

  Big Dan, Where’s My Car?

  We began our hunt for Granny Smith’s car at the house on Beacon Hill. Ricardo claimed that he had seen Granny Smith drive the car to the house on the day she died. So it seemed like a good place to start. But there were a few challenges that came along with searching around that area...

  The most significant challenge? The house on Beacon Hill was on a large hill. So Miss May, Teeny and I had to climb up and down the hill a hundred times as we sought the car.

  After a few hours of hunting, we had had no luck. Not only was the car missing from the house on Beacon Hill. There were no signs the vehicle had ever been there. No tire tracks running down the side of the hill. No pieces of bumper or headlight in the brush. Nothing helpful at all

  After that initial search, the three of us went to town to ask our trusted sources if they had any information. Conveniently, our trusted sources also sold many of the tastiest treats in town.

  Brian at the Brown Cow coffee shop served us cups of hot chocolate as we chatted with him. We casually if Willow had been working on Sunday. Brian said that wasn’t her shift. Brian hadn’t seen Granny Smith’s car, either. But man that hot chocolate was decadently delicious.

  Sam at Cohen’s Cones, the local ice cream shop, insisted we each try his grapefruit soft-serve as we spoke with him. The ice cream was cold. Our case was colder. Sam had not seen the car.

  Our old friend Tom Gigley, the town lawyer, even had treats for us when we popped into his office on Main Street. Yes, Tom’s treats were plastic-wrapped ring-dings from the grocery store. But they were still delicious. Although Tom was in a rare chatty mood, he had no intel on the whereabouts of Granny’s car.

  By nightfall, we had checked every salvage yard, spoken to every local we could find. And investigated every hidden spot in Pine Grove. But we had not found the car.

  Then Teeny had an idea. “Hold on a second. The key we have... is a car key.”

  “What did you think it was a key for?” Miss May asked.

  “No,” Teeny said. “I know it’s a car key. But the three of us don’t know much about cars. Heck, I wouldn’t know an engine if it walked up on the street and asked me for the time.”

  “I’m not sure you need to know much about cars to find one that’s gone missing,” I said.

  “But what if a car expert might know something we don’t know,” Teeny said. “What if he or she could use the key to trace the car or find a tracker on it? Something like that.”

  Miss May smirked. “But who do we know who’s an expert on cars?”

  Teeny mumbled.

  I leaned in. “Come again?”

  Teeny mumbled once more.

  Miss May chuckled. “We still can’t hear you.”

  Teeny balled up her fist. “Fine. I said Big Dan. Big Dan could do it. OK? Big Dan is the man for the job!”

  Miss May and I laughed and headed toward Big Dan’s Auto Repair. It was a short walk across town. But Teeny’s face fell as soon as Big Dan’s garage came into view. “The lights are out. He’s closed. Darn, darn, darn.”

  “I guess we should have expected that,” I said. “Thursday night. 8 PM. Not a lot of mechanics doing business at this hour.”

  Teeny bit a fingernail. “We could visit him at home. Maybe.”

  I looked over at Teeny, a sly smirk playing at my lips.

  Teeny crossed her arms. “What? This is an important investigation, I thought. Life or death.”

  “OK,” Miss May said. “I think you’re right. Let’s go by Big Dan’s place. We can head over now.”

  Teeny stopped. “We can’t show up empty-handed, May.”

  Miss May turned back. “What do you mean?”

  Teeny stammered. “I mean... We should bring something. Maybe some cheese and crackers. Wait. No. A bottle of bubbly. Is that weird? Should we not bring him champagne?”

  I tilted my chin at Teeny. “Is this a date or an investigation?”

  “It’s an investigation,” Teeny said. “But don’t the suspects talk more if you ply them with pies or something?”

  “Big Dan’s not a suspect,” Miss May said.

  Teeny rolled her eyes. “Well it’s rude to show up empty-handed. I’ll just pop into the gas station to see what I can rustle up.”

  A few minutes later, Teeny emerged from the gas station snack shop with a black bag of mystery treats, and we headed off to visit Big Dan.

  As we drove over to Big Dan’s house, I wondered how a whole car had vanished in the small town of Pine Grove.

  And I wondered what would happen if we discovered the missing car.

  Would it hold more clues?

  Would it be burned beyond recognition?

  Could there be another victim, stashed in the trunk?

  Miss May took a sharp turn and I felt nauseous. We needed a breakthrough so bad it made me queasy. Luckily, Teeny was right.

  Big Dan was the man for the job.

  39

  Dan’d If You Do, Dan’d If You Don’t

  Big Dan lived in a small brick house outside town. The house had a bright red front door and a big bay window. Vines crawled up the side of the home and onto the roof. And the place had a cozy, comforting vibe. Like a British country cottage.

  The house was one of many smaller homes in Pine Grove I admired. Simple and understated. Elegant and doubtless built many years prior.

  Big Dan answered the door with a confused look on his face. He was wearing red flannel pants and a matching flannel pajama shirt. All that was missing was a little white hat and the pajamas would’ve been perfect for Christmas time.

  “Chelsea, Teeny, Miss May. What are you three doing here?”

  Teeny held up the black bag from the gas station. “I got you peanuts from the gas station.”

  “Oh wow. Gas station peanuts? We must be celebrating something. But I can’t think of what. Did I earn PhD in my sleep or something?”

  Teeny laughed. “It’s a good idea.”

  Big Dan narrowed his eyes. “What’s a good idea?”

  Teeny’s eyes widened. “What did I say?”

  “You said, ‘It’s a good idea.’”

  Miss May stepped forward. “Can I interrupt here for a moment?”

  Big Dan shrugged. “Go right ahead.”

  “We didn’t come here to deliver peanuts. We also have a couple of questions for an investigation we’re working on. You’re not a suspect, so don’t worry. But we think you may be able to help.”

  Big Dan looked impressed. “You think I can help in an investigation? I’m flattered.”

  Teeny smiled. “It was my idea. We need an expert mechanic.”

  Big Dan gestured for us to enter. “Come on in. I have some peanuts for us to snack on.”

  The inside of Big Dan’s home had been gutted and refinished with a dark, masculine style.

  A cherry wood stain brought out beautiful lines and knots on the hardwood floors. There were beautiful white moldings on the ceiling and stark white baseboards to match. I got a peek inside the kitchen as we walked by, and I noticed granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, and a modern farmhouse sink that made me jealous.

  In the living room, tasteful black and white photos hung on the walls. There was a photo of a vintage motorcycle, another of a classic car, and a third showed an evergreen tree in winter, its limbs covered in snow.

  A gorgeous leather sofa and two matching chairs formed a sitting area around the glass coffee table.

  “This place is beautiful,” I said. “Have you remodeled in here?”

  “I guess you could say that,” said Big Dan. “I tore down the walls, took out the plumbing, pulled out the electrical, then put it all back in with better materials.”

  “Yes. That’s a remodel,” I said.

  Teeny shook her head in disbelief. “Wow. Big Dan. You are so good with your hands.”

  Bi
g Dan shrugged. “I used tools, mostly. But I suppose my hands helped.”

  Teeny giggled. “By the way, have you tried any of my donut recipes yet? I left a few donuts on your door the other day, along with a couple recipes.”

  “You did?” I asked.

  “She did!” Big Dan said. “And I was about to say thank you for those. They were delicious. I tried the recipe you included but mine didn’t come out near as good as yours. You need to teach me your secrets.”

  Teeny laughed. “Well my secrets aren’t free, ya know.”

  Big Dan gestured at the seating area. “Take a seat, ladies. Keep pretending I’m not a suspect in your murder.”

  “You’re not a suspect. I promise.” Miss May handed Big Dan the key to the missing car. “This is the key to Granny Smith’s missing vehicle. We think the car could be an important piece of evidence in this investigation. But we don’t know where it is.”

  Big Dan held the key up to his eyes to get a better look. “Oh. This is the key to an old Buick.”

  “That is amazing,” Teeny said. “How can you tell that?”

  Big Dan pointed at the key. “See right here? It says ‘Buick.’ And it’s old.”

  “Oh,” Teeny said. “Can you tell us anything else? Have you worked on the car? Do you know what year it might be? Can you plug the key into a doo-dad and trace it to a seedy motel in Staten Island where dirty deeds are done dirt cheap?”

  I wondered if Teeny was quoting Blood and Bones again. Or was that a song by AC/DC?

  Big Dan shook his head. “I can’t do any of that. But I might be able to help you find the car.”

  Miss May narrowed her eyes. “How?”

  Big Dan pressed the panic button. An alarm went off outside.

  Big Dan nodded. “Yup. Sounds like it’s parked nearby.”

  40

  The Search Begins

  Miss May, Teeny, and I charged outside, eager to find the source of the panic alarm. But Big Dan lagged a dozen feet.

  “Slow down, ladies! Where are you going?”