Granny Smith Is Dead

by Chelsea Thomas

Teeny turned back with a smile. “We’re going to find the car. Find the car, find the killer! You gave us the breakthrough we’ve needed for oh-so-long!”

  Teeny spun around in a circle. The sound of the panic alarm seems to be coming from all around us.

  “But where’s the sound coming from?” I asked.

  Big Dan pressed the panic button again. Silence. “Nowhere, now.”

  Miss May bit her lip. “I’m confused. You don’t want to help us find the car?”

  Big Dan shrugged. “Don’t see why you need me.”

  Big Dan reached in his pocket. I tensed, suddenly aware that Big Dan was no more than a stranger. Yes, he’d worked on our cars in the past. And yes, he seemed like a trustworthy guy.

  But what could he be reaching for in his pocket?

  I took a step back. My mind buzzed with the singular, distressing possibility:

  Could Big Dan be the killer?

  The details of the case whizzed through my head.

  Everything hinged on this car. Big Dan was the biggest car expert in town. He had appeared at a few vital moments in our investigation. He was often nearby when we were discussing the case. And he had an innate understanding of engineering, maps, and construction, which meant that he might know the tunnels better than the average layman.

  Plus, the man was inscrutable. His placid demeanor was endearing mostly, but could it also be the persona of a quiet killer?

  “What’s in your pocket there, Big Dan?” Miss May asked. The edge in her voice let me know we were on the same brainwave. “No need to do anything rash. Whatever happened, we can talk it through.”

  Big Dan wrinkled his nose. “What are you talking about?”

  I cocked my head. “Are you not the killer?”

  Big Dan shook his head. “Nope. I’m getting a piece of gum out my pocket. Cinnamon. You want some?”

  “Oh,” I said, chagrined. “No thanks. Sorry. I thought you were reaching for a gun.”

  “I thought you said I wasn’t a suspect!”

  “You weren’t,” I said. “Then you were.”

  Big Dan shook his head in disappointment. “Some people always think you’re a killer when all you want is to offer them gun.”

  “I never thought you did it,” Teeny stepped out from behind the VW van, where she had been hiding. “I knew you were innocent. Innocent and eager to help our investigation.”

  “You’re right,” Big Dan said. “I’m happy to help. Once you find the car you might need me to tow it or assess a mechanical clue. Sounds fun. But it doesn’t sound like a nighttime activity. We’ve had two dead bodies in Pine Grove in the past week. No offense, Chelsea, but I don’t trust your karate skills against a killer with a gun in the dark. And I’m not ready for Big Dan’s Donut Shop in the sky.”

  Miss May nodded. “Can we meet here tomorrow morning?”

  “I’ve got an oil change at seven. Then nothing until 11:30. I was looking forward to some quiet time but I guess I can help you hunt for a killer instead.”

  “Whose oil are you changing at that hour?” Teeny asked.

  “I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you,” Big Dan said.

  Teeny’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

  “I’m kidding. Brian from the coffee shop is bringing Mr. Brian’s car in for a tune-up. Mr. Brian’s his husband, you know. They’re gay.”

  “We know,” I said. “Everyone knows.”

  “Yep,” Big Dan said.

  We all stood in silence for a moment. Finally, Miss May exhaled. “OK. We’ll see you here tomorrow around 8 AM. Do you want to hang onto the keys until then?”

  Big Dan tossed the keys at Miss May and she caught them.

  “No way,” he said. “I don’t want to make myself a target. I’ve got big plans for my future. And if the killer comes for those keys tonight and kills me in my sleep I won’t be able to watch tomorrow’s episode of Jeopardy. Or the Thursday episode, which I always look forward to because Thursday is my favorite day.”

  “OK,” Miss May said. “Enjoy those peanuts.”

  “Oh I will.”

  ——

  The next morning, we pulled up to Big Dan’s Auto Repair to find him sitting in a folding chair out front. His eyes were closed and he had his thumbs and forefingers pinched together in a meditation pose.

  Miss May and I exchanged a confused look as we got closer and slowed our pace.

  “What is he doing?” Miss May asked in a hushed tone.

  “I was trying to meditate,” Big Dan said. “But I can’t stop thinking of what I want to have for dinner.”

  I chuckled. “What do you want to have?”

  “Not sure yet. I was meditating about it.”

  Big Dan stood, and leaned the chair against the garage. “You two ready to find the cold-blooded killer that’s been wreaking havoc on our small town?”

  Miss May pulled the keys to the Buick from her purse. “Something like that.”

  “Great,” Big Dan unlocked a big tow truck and waved us inside. “I’ll drive.”

  Miss May and I piled into the front of the tow truck and Big Dan jumped behind the wheel and started the engine. He cruised toward the parking lot exit. But then a loud horn sounded from behind us and he stopped.

  He looked in the rearview mirror and laughed. “That Teeny is always running a few minutes late.”

  I turned around. Teeny had double parked her car in front of the auto repair shop and was hurrying toward the tow truck.

  I rolled down my window as she approached.

  “What the Darjeeling? You three are leaving without me?” Teeny stood akimbo, looking like the Wall Street girl facing down that bull.

  Big Dan shrugged. “I just did what they told me.”

  Miss May chuckled. “I didn’t think you wanted to come.”

  “Of course I wanted to come,” Teeny said. “We had plans.”

  I opened the passenger side door and scooted toward Miss May. “Good thing you’re so tiny, Teeny. You can fit right in.”

  Teeny climbed into the tow truck with a grunt and closed the door behind her. “Honestly.”

  Big Dan clunked the tow truck back into drive. “Are we ready to go or do we expect any more surprise passengers?”

  “We couldn’t expect a surprise passenger,” I muttered. “It’s an inherent contradiction.”

  “Well isn’t that cute,” Big Dan said. “She knows everything!”

  “We’re ready,” Miss May said. She turned to Teeny. “Sorry, T. Miscommunication.”

  Teeny crossed her arms and looked out the window. “I forgive you.”

  Miss May turned back to Big Dan. “Should I press the button?”

  Big Dan nodded. “Now seems like a good time to me.”

  Miss May pulled the Buick keys from her purse and held them at eye level in front of her. She took a deep breath, zeroed in on the bright red panic button, and pressed it.

  Nothing happened.

  “Again,” Teeny said.

  Miss May pressed the button again. Nothing happened.

  “Hard,” I said.

  “Pressing harder isn’t the answer,” Big Dan said. “Can I see the key?”

  “Sure,” Teeny said.

  She handed Big Dan the key. He rolled down the driver-side window and dangled the key outside. Then he pressed the button...

  The alarm went off.

  41

  Manic Panic

  As it had a prior night, the sound of the Buick’s alarm echoed through town. Sitting in the parking lot of Big Dan’s Auto Repair, it sounded close. As we circled Pine Grove, the sound got further away. Then closer again. But no matter how close the alarm sounded, we couldn’t spot the car. The people of Pine Grove had started to notice the blaring, obnoxious sound.

  Tom Gigley stood on the steps of his law office with his fingers in his ears.

  A tabby cat crawled beneath a dumpster and yowled.

  A teenage girl removed headphones, cringed, and put the headphones b
ack on.

  I could relate. I felt as though we had lost the car in the world’s largest mall parking lot. And the sound was dreadful.

  “Big Dan,” I said. “Could I see the keys to the Buick for moment?”

  Big Dan shrugged. “You can see them for as many moments as you like.”

  “Thank you.”

  Big Dan handed me the keys. I turned off the alarm. All at once, the four of us breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Now we have some peace and quiet so we can think,” I said. I turned to Big Dan. “Could there be a reason the sound is vacillating so much? I know you’re not an electrician or a specialist on radio waves or whatever. But you’re the closest thing we’ve got.”

  “I have done some electric work,” said Big Dan. “But this isn’t an electrical issue. It’s a car alarm. It’s possible the sound is being projected, reflected, and amplified. You three said you checked the old quarry, right?”

  Miss May and I exchanged a wide-eyed look.

  “I wasn’t aware there was a quarry,” I said. “Could it cause this problem?”

  “Sure could.” Big Dan turned the key in the ignition. “Should I drive over there? It’s just two minutes out of town.”

  “I think that would be wise,” Miss May said.

  “OK,” Big Dan said. “Do me a favor and hit that panic button one more time? I want to see how the sound changes on the approach.”

  I nodded. “OK. But we need to find that car soon. Because if we keep sounding the alarm in the center of town the people of Pine Grove will form an alliance against us. Then they’ll kill us and there will be no one left to investigate.”

  “Plus the killer might hear the sound and know we’re onto him!” Teeny exclaimed.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Big Dan said. “It’s unlikely that the killer would know the specific sound of the alarm. The human ear can only distinguish between...” Big Dan chuckled. “You know, I could go on, but I don’t want to be a Chelsea about it.”

  Teeny slapped her knee. “Harsh but true, Big Dan! Harsh but true.”

  I groaned, and Big Dan headed out of town.

  ——

  Miss May gave me a brief history of the quarry as we drove. She described the place as a large open pit that miners had used as a source of sand, gravel, and slate in Pine Grove and throughout the county.

  The town had decommissioned the quarry in Miss May’s youth. Over the years, the quarry had filled with rainwater, forming what people once called the area’s most beautiful swimming hole. After a few decades, the water dried up and the makeshift lake was no more.

  “That’s too bad,” I said. “I would have loved to swim there. I wonder why good things always disappear.”

  “Sometimes you need to take away the good things to make room for better things,” Big Dan said. “That’s how I felt when I almost lost my garage. If Rosenberg had demolished that building, Big Dan’s Donuts would be open by now. And I’d be serving delish donuts and mediocre coffee every morning. Instead, I spend most of my time underneath people’s cars. Sometimes I get so bored down there I fall asleep, then I hit my head when I wake up. That only happened twice. But twice is enough. I remember swimming in that quarry, though. In that case, nothing better replaced what was there. That swimming hole was awesome.”

  I wondered what the moral of Big Dan’s story was. Every situation is different? Don’t fall asleep under cars?

  We got closer to the quarry and I perked up. “The alarm is getting louder.”

  Big Dan nodded and stepped on the gas.

  Moments later, we were at the entrance to the quarry. It was much as Miss May had described. Ten stories deep with rocks piled around like enormous marbles.

  A long, narrow road wound along the side of the quarry. I killed the alarm, and Big Dan drove down the road at five miles per hour.

  “Anyone see anything?” He asked.

  Miss May nodded. “Yeah. Keep going. I think I see the car.”

  ——

  Sure enough, we came upon the Buick parked between two 10-foot piles of rocks at the far end of the quarry. The car appeared in perfect condition. As perfect as a 30-year-old Buick could be, I guess.

  The car was beige on the outside and beige on the inside. The undercarriage sagged a bit. And a rosary with a cross hung from the rearview mirror.

  Big Dan smiled when we discovered the car, like he was seeing an old friend. “Oh I remember this car. I worked on it a few times. Ran pretty good. What a waste to leave it to rot at the quarry. Had some good miles left. Probably had a decent Kelly Blue Book too.”

  “Not if it’s evidence in a murder investigation,” Miss May said.

  Big Dan nodded. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

  Miss May opened the driver’s side door of the Buick. She peered inside and I hovered behind her trying to get a look of my own.

  Teeny gnawed at her fingernails a few feet back. “What do you think, May?”

  “It’s clear.” Miss May turned back. “Buster left this car here.”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “You tell me,” said Miss May.

  “Oh, come on! Just tell me!” I said.

  “I want you to verify my findings,” she said.

  Miss May stepped aside. I inspected the inside of the car but didn’t see much.

  Beige seats. Maroon carpet. A cracked and peeling dashboard. A radio with a worn knob and a cassette player.

  “I know there must be clues but I can’t spot them,” I said.

  “Sure you can,” Miss May said. “Look closer.”

  I stuck my head inside the car and a heavy, musty smell accosted my nostrils. Like tobacco, leather and peppercorns. I sniffed the back of the driver’s seat. Woof. So that’s where the smell is coming from.

  I turned back to Miss May. “Buster’s cologne?”

  “I’d recognize it anywhere,” said Miss May. “There’s more.”

  “Can I get in?” I asked. I didn’t want to disturb any evidence.

  Miss May nodded.

  I climbed inside the car and sat in the driver’s seat. “The seat is far back. That makes sense for Buster too. He was tall.”

  I spotted something on the floor. It was a little aluminum tab from a soda can, but its edges were green. I pointed at the tab. “This is from a Goose Juice. That gross energy beverage that Buster was always drinking.”

  I opened the middle compartment and found a receipt. “Wow. This is the gas receipt from the day Granny Smith died. And the station charged the gas to Buster’s card.” I turned to Miss May. “Buster must have stashed the car here after he killed Granny Smith.”

  Miss May touched her nose. “I’m glad you’ve confirmed my conclusions. Always good to have a second set of much younger eyes.”

  Big Dan stepped forward. “Can I say something?”

  “Anything,” Miss May said.

  “Buster was never the one to bring this car in for servicing. That was always Ricardo.”

  “Interesting,” Miss May said. “Maybe Buster used the car to make it seem like Ricardo was the guilty party?”

  “What if it was the other way around?” I said. “What if Ricardo used the car to frame Buster?”

  Miss May peered into the Buick, her eyebrows raised. “Go on.”

  “Well,” I said. “All the clues in the car point to Buster. But aren’t they too obvious? The gas receipt. The pop tab from his favorite drink. The heavy scent of Buster’s cologne on the driver’s side headrest. It all feels so... deliberate. I know Buster was unique. But not even he would be stupid enough to leave so much evidence behind after going through the trouble of stashing the car in the quarry.”

  Teeny shook her head. “I don’t know. That boy was about ten apples short of a bushel.”

  “We don’t measure bushels in apples,” I said. “We measure them in pounds.”

  “You know what I mean,” Teeny said.

  “Sorry. I’m getting worked up. I think there might be
even more evidence that Buster’s innocent in here,” I said.

  “What is it?” Miss May asked.

  Big Dan stepped forward. “Before you continue, can I say this is so much fun? I love watching you girls work. Sorry. Go on. I’m having a good time, that’s all. You three could charge tickets to this sleuthing.”

  “Thanks, Big Dan.” Miss May chuckled. “What else do you see, Chelsea?”

  “There’s something off about the seat,” I said.” “It’s far back, so it seems like it’s set for someone Buster’s height. But whoever was in here set the mirrors for someone much shorter. If Buster were driving he wouldn’t have seen through them at all.”

  Big Dan nodded. “She’s right.”

  “And look here.” I pointed to the floor mat. “Right beside that soda top I found, there are a couple of sunflower seed shells.”

  “Ricardo loved sunflower seeds,” said Big Dan. “He’d snack on them in the shop. Said it was something to pass the time while he waited. He got antsy. But he never ate them in this car. He was meticulous.”

  I nodded. “It seems to me he got less meticulous once he decided to abandon the car at the bottom of the quarry, stuffed with evidence pointing to Buster’s guilt.”

  “So you think Ricardo framed Buster?” Teeny asked.

  I nodded.

  Miss May took a deep breath. “That is a strong theory. Holy cow, Chelsea.”

  I smiled. Miss May was often a few steps ahead of me. But I’d out-sleuthed her that time, and it felt good.

  “Thanks,” I said. “We couldn’t have put it together without Big Dan.”

  “Woo-hoo.” Big Dan smiled. “I’m a sleuth. A bonafide, genuine, mystery-solving expert. A true-blue detective. Born to stop bad guys in their tracks. A man who knows the answer to every question except one...”

  “What question’s that?” Miss May said.

  Big Dan shrugged. “What am I going to have for dinner?”

  “I can’t help you there,” Miss May said. “We need to go find Ricardo.”

  We all headed back to the tow truck. Then Big Dan called out from behind us. “Pizza!”

  Teeny laughed, but I couldn’t muster more than a smile.

  We were on our way to confront a killer. And not even pizza could take my mind off that sobering fact.