Her Deepest Fear

by Kelly Utt

  Mick wiped beads of perspiration off his forehead as he spoke to his wife. He hadn’t wanted her to know his secrets. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her. “It started not long after we moved back to Rosemary Run,” Mick explained. “In fact, it was why we moved back. Some guys from an international crime organization sought me out and strong-armed me. They knew I needed money and they offered me a solution. I didn’t want to participate and I tried to avoid them, but once they locked on, they were like bulldogs. They told me they would hurt you and the kids if I didn’t cooperate. They wanted to funnel cash through my consulting business. They gave me a cut. But, I swear, I didn’t have a choice. It was horrible being beholden to them.“

  “Pardon the interruption,” Detective Hemming said. “What is the name of this international crime organization?“

  “I’m sorry, Detective, but I can’t tell you that,” Mick said. “I can’t leave any trace that might lead back to Cate.” Mick could tell that Luke didn’t like that answer. “Do you have a family, Detective Hemming?” Mick asked. Luke nodded affirmatively. “Then I don’t need to explain my motivations to you. Please, find another way. You have plenty of evidence on this floor with which to do so.”

  “Mick,“ Cate said softly, reaching up and touching her husband for the first time since he had come back. “You changed your look.“ Cate had always felt an affection for her husband’s head. She had thought there was something special about a strong man making his head vulnerable. Cate believed it an honor to be trusted with Mick’s physical person. She remembered the countless times Mick had lain his head in her lap while she gently stroked his hair. It cut her like a knife to see his head bald.

  Feeling Cate’s soft, familiar touch and hearing her comment made Mick emotional. “I didn’t want to tell you…“ he said, hot tears collecting in his eyes.

  “Tell me what?“ Cate asked. “I think we’ve reached the point of putting it all out on the table here, wouldn’t you say?“ Seeming to sense but was coming, James stepped forward and put a hand on his sister’s shoulder.

  “Okay… I… There’s no easy way to say this...” Mick muttered. “I have stage four pancreatic cancer,” he continued slowly, trying not to crumble into a sobbing mess. “I’ve known since before we left Connecticut. I wanted to get you home to Rosemary Run where you had family around. And it’s the reason I went along with the crime organization. They gave me money to pay for experimental cancer treatment. I even borrowed from my mom. I was willing to do anything to stay alive and to find a cure. Most people with my disease don’t last this long. But, when it became clear that the treatment wasn’t working and I knew my time was coming to an end, I decided to stage this scenario to make sure you and the kids were okay before I… Left for good...“ His voice trailed off.

  “Oh, Mick,“ Cate said, wrapping her arms around her husband‘s neck and placing one hand on the back of his bald head. Tears streamed down her face is it all began to make so much sense. Mick was loyal to a fault. Cate had always known Mick would do anything for her and the kids. Her deepest fear had been that her husband was hiding something from her. But she should have realized that it was for all the right reasons.

  “I wanted the kids to, you know, remember me the way I was,” Mick continued, holding on tightly to his wife. “And you, too,“ he said to Cate. I’ve done my research and I’ve talked to palliative care doctors. The end stages of this disease are horrible. I’d rather we said goodbye now, before I become a shadow of my former self.”

  “So your bald head? And your weakness?“ Cate asked, fighting to maintain her composure. She had noticed during the struggle with the businessman that Mick wasn’t nearly as strong as he used to be.

  “I tried a last-ditch effort with a new kind of chemo,” Mick said. “It isn’t working.”

  The pain of her husband’s situation made Cate feel like she had been turned inside out and all the raw, sensitive parts were exposed. She thought this might be worse than the death Mick had conjured up. She finally understood why he’d done it.

  “Your mom came to me about your debt to her,” Cate said. “And she said she loaned you the money for the down payment on our mortgage. I didn’t understand…”

  “I know” Mick replied. “I’ve been watching over the house for the past couple of weeks and I found out that Mom had hired somebody to break in and steal financial records, then make it look like it was a robbery.“

  “So that was your mom?” Detective Hemming asked, surprised.

  “Yeah, it was,” Mick confirmed. “Grief makes people do strange things. Mom found some of my medical bills even though I thought I had gotten rid of them all. I approached her just the other day and explained everything. We came to an understanding and healed some old wounds.” He turned towards his wife and looked her in the eye. “Cate, she won’t give you any more trouble. She’s backing off on the debt. She’s paying off our house in full, anonymously. The deed will be in your name alone and you’ll have no worries. I’ve made arrangements for my life insurance to go to Nancy when I...“ He couldn’t finish the sentence. “She’ll be repaid in full.”

  “I’m flabbergasted,“ Cate said. “I didn’t know that woman had It in her. But I’m grateful she does.“

  “She’s sorry, Cate,” Mick affirmed. “She truly is. And that’s not all. She has offered to be with me. You know, at the end. She’s my mom, after all. She was with me when I came into this world and I guess it’s only fitting that she be with me when I leave it.“

  There wasn’t a dry eye left in the room as the group of them felt the Bradys’ pain. It was heartbreaking. And they were out of time. Sirens which had begun in the distance grew louder. They all knew the place would soon be swarming with additional police officers.

  “Those of you who were never here,” Detective Hemming said. “This is your cue to leave.” He didn’t make eye contact with James or Neil. He knew they wouldn’t breathe a word of what they had witnessed tonight. “As far as I’m concerned,” Luke continued. “Detective Fredericks and I were meeting here for a drink when we heard gunshots coming from the back room. We arrived to find an apparent shootout amongst warring members of a criminal gang. And that’s the end of the story. Mrs. Brady, get back to your home where you’ve been all evening with your brother, please.“

  Cate nodded her understanding.

  “And Mr. Brady,” Luke said, choking up as he addressed Mick. “Good luck to you, sir. Godspeed.“

  Cate and Mick knew it was time to say goodbye. For good this time. They both knew Mick would disappear for real as he journeyed to the place where he’d spend the remainder of his days. They turned and embraced each other one last time.

  “How will I know…?” Cate asked as she pressed her cheek tightly against her husband’s.

  “Mom will let you know.“

  “Can I contact you?“ she asked.

  “It’s too risky. I won’t jeopardize your safety,” Mick said emphatically.

  Sirens continued to grow louder and Cate knew that this was the end. She placed her hands on the sides of her husband’s bald head and looked him in the eye. “Mick Brady, I have loved you every single day since I met you. You have given me more happiness in fifteen years than many people experience in an entire lifetime. You’ve been the best father to our kids. You will live on in the three of them. I’ll see to that. Thank you for the life that we’ve shared.“

  “The feeling is mutual, my dear Cate,” Mick replied, sobbing with big heaves now. “You are my entire life. You’ve made it worth living.” Then he kissed his wife on the lips softly. He turned and walked out the back door, making one final comment to Detective Fredericks as he passed by. “Neil,” Mick said with the weight of life itself in his voice. “You take good care of her.”

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  About the Author

  Standards of Starlight Books

  Kelly Utt

  Kelly Utt was born in Youngstown, Ohio in 1976. She grew up with a dad who would read a book on a weighty topic, ask her to read it, too, and then insist they discuss it together, igniting her passion for life's big questions.

  Prior to writing fiction, Kelly told the stories of small businesses and their founders so the most authentic parts could shine through. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville and she studied graduate level Interactive Media at Quinnipiac University.

  She lives in the Nashville suburb of Franklin, Tennessee with her husband and sons.

  www.kellyutt.com

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  Be the first to know when new books are released by signing up for Kelly’s e-mail list at www.kellyutt.com.

  Acknowledgments

  My most sincere gratitude to my talented cover artist, Justin Carolyne, who also happens to be my little cousin; to my husband, Sam Utt-Grubb, my sons, Andrew Utt-Grubb and Christopher Utt-Grubb, my brother, Dan Utt, my father, David Utt, my grandfathers, Harold Francis and Cecil Staley, my uncles, Clinton Utt, Allen Utt, David Francis, and Dick Franco, my godfather, Anthony Serluco, and my father-in-law, Bruce Grubb, who have each shown me what being loved by good men is like in order that I could write about it; to my life-long friend and honorary sister, Crystal Palone, who has been a sounding board and cheerleader since we met in first grade; to my strong and tenacious long-time friend, Elizabeth Moise, for her love and encouragement over the years; to my adventurous friend, Susan Easter, for her warmth and willingness to journey with me; to my mom, Lucy Utt, my honorary grandmother, Evelynn DuBois, and the rest of my family and friends for the love and happiness they bring; and to my loyal animal companions, Ellie, the golden retriever, Pepper, the Llewellin setter, and Jack, the cat, who all sit at my feet as I write and remind me how beautiful it is to live in the moment, simply being in each other’s presence.

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