Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3
Page 35
“Momma? Dad? Hailey?” I speak up to the stars, “I hope you can hear me. I need you to tell me what to do. I’m so lost right now. What do I do? The man that took you from me is dead.” I blow out a frustrated breath and watch as it forms frosty clouds in front of my face. I’m cold inside, but it’s not because of the freezing temperatures of the night surrounding us.
“Babe, they hear you. They’re here with us,” Ryder says, resting his face beside mine while rubbing his hands soothingly up and down my coat-wrapped arms.
“Ryder, what should I do?”
Peter is dead. The man who killed my family is dead. Shouldn’t I feel ashamed that I’m not upset about that? A good person wouldn’t wish for the death of another person, let alone be relieved by it. What kind of person does that make me to not feel remorse for the fact that Peter is dead? I blink a few times to clear away the tears that gather and cling to my lashes.
“I can’t tell you what to do, sweetheart. I can be here for you. Stand by you. Support you. But ultimately, whatever decision you make, whatever choice you make, should be yours and yours alone. What does your heart say? What is it telling you?”
My heart feels both broken and lighter. My heart is grieving for what Hailey endured at the hands of Peter. It suffers for Fallon because he has to live with the fact that his brother used him to take his own life. My heart breaks for Trevor because he was caught in the middle of this whole awful mess while trying to protect the brother he had only just found. But my heart also feels lighter knowing that the monster is forever and truly gone. It feels freer knowing that some form of justice has been served.
My heart is also conflicted. Will I be able to live with myself knowing what really happened? How the man who saved me sacrificed a part of his own soul to protect me from his brother? And what about Ryder? Will he be able to live with the secret, or will it be something that slowly festers and gnaws away at him, taking bits and pieces of him away little by little?
I reach my arm back and cradle Ryder’s head with my hand, tilting my face to the side and back so I can see his beautiful copper eyes. “I would never forgive myself if I made a decision that you accepted out of your love for me, but ultimately could not live with.”
I watch closely as Ryder digests my words. He slowly loops me around so that I’m sitting on the hood of the car and he is on his knees in front of me. He lays his hands on the tops of my thighs and I reach down to smooth my hands across his forehead until my fingertips spear into his thick, soft hair. We stare at each other for a very long time.
“If you want to know how I truly feel about it…” He draws in a slow, hard inhalation. “All I can tell you is—I will never forget finding you on the floor of your kitchen, blood soaked through every part of your clothes, hair, and skin. Your lungs struggling to gasp for breath, your beautiful sage green eyes losing their light. I watched the love of my life dying right before me as I held her in my arms. I felt like I was dying too. I wanted to die with you. I wanted you to take me with you. So if it makes me a cold-hearted bastard for being glad that Peter is gone, then so be it. I will happily live with that for the rest of my life as long as I get to have you—alive and happy and healthy.”
But will Fallon be able to live with it? I wonder.
“And yours. I will always be yours, Ryder.”
Ryder sits back on the hood and I settle in his lap.
“I think everyone has suffered enough. It’s time to move on with our lives. It’s time we start to live again. No more shadows creeping up behind us. No more worries about the monster. I want to live, Ryder. I want those dreams of our future. I want Fallon to find peace and happiness. I want Trevor to have a relationship with his brother. I want Jayson to heal. I want Julien and Elijah to have their happy-ever-after.”
Just then a meteor streaks across the night sky. A light in the darkness. Isn’t that the comparison Fallon made about him and me?
I make a decision. It may not be the right decision, but it is the right one for me. What happened to Peter will remain buried. It’s time we move forward and look to the future with no regrets blocking our way.
“Are you ready to start our life together, Mr. Cutton?”
“Life with you is the only life worth living, baby.”
Epilogue I
Seattle
June 13
It’s been over five months since everything came out about Peter. I’m standing at the gravesite of my daughter in Seattle. Today is her birthday. I wanted to come out here alone first to spend time with Elizabeth Ann. Ryder is at the house with Daniel, Drew, Julien, and Elijah. Like the first time when I came here six months ago, they’ll all join me later today.
“Hey, baby girl. Mama’s here,” I tell Elizabeth Ann as I lay a blanket on the grass in front of her gravestone. Once I smooth the blanket out, I put on some gardening gloves and start to weed the flower bed that surrounds the base of the statue. Several swallowtail and Painted Lady butterflies flutter from flower to flower in search of nectar.
“Ryder, your uncle Julien, Elijah, Daniel, and Drew will be out here later, but I wanted some time alone with my sweet girl. Your Grandma and Pawpaw Jameson weren’t able to come with us this time, but they promise to make a special trip to see you soon. A lot has happened since I was last here,” I tell her, wiping the dirt off my bare legs and flinging my garden gloves back in the bag I brought with me.
The day is nice and temperate, if a bit breezy. Strands of my long, blond hair come loose from its ponytail and plaster to the side of my face and neck. “Ryder and I set a date for our wedding. By this time next year, I will officially be Mrs. Ryder Cutton. We’re getting married at the botanical gardens where Ryder took me on our first date.”
I lay down on my stomach and kick my bare feet up in the air, my torso propped up on my elbows. I tell Elizabeth Ann about Peter and how Fallon delivered justice for us and our family.
I haven’t seen Fallon in months, not since I last spoke to him. I have to admit, I miss him. He hasn’t texted me or tried to call. Fallon is still trying to protect me, but this time he thinks he’s protecting me from himself. A week after New Year’s, I asked him to meet me. I wasn’t even sure he would show up, but I should have known better. Fallon has never let me down.
“Kitten, I’m so sorry.”
“Shut up, Fallon,” I sob and throw my arms around him. He stiffens, his body locking ramrod straight. Perhaps he was expecting me to still be angry or blame him. Perhaps he thought I would hate him like he kept saying I would.
“Thank you,” I whisper against his cheek.
I feel him begin to tremble against me, but I don’t let him go.
“You always told me that I would wind up hating you. You said that you were my nightmare, the villain. You’re not, Fallon. You’re my hero. I don’t know how fucked up that may sound. I must be fucked-up to think it. Never feel a minute’s regret for what happened. Thank you, Fallon, for protecting me. For being the justice I needed for my family, for my daughter, and for me.”
I kiss his cheek and allow my eyes to roam his face, taking the time to memorize every feature of the man who saved me from the devil and from myself. I will never regret my decision to run off with him and travel around the world, nor will I ever regret a single day I spent with him.
“My life is waiting for me. You brought me the closure I needed to move on. If you need forgiveness for something that wasn’t your fault, then I gladly give it to you. Peter killed himself. He’s the one responsible for his death. You’re the hero of the story, Fallon, not the villain. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a fulfilling life with no regrets and no guilt.”
I press my lips to his forehead and let them remain there for a moment. “I love you, Fallon Parker Montgomery. Thank you for saving me.”
I’ve talked to Ryder a lot about Fallon, and about what happened with Peter. I’m at peace with how things ended. I have my closure. For all intents and purposes, justice was served.
On a happier note, Meredith has started dating Bryce, Sara’s brother. I always thought Trevor would have been a good match for her, but he remains steadfast in his bachelorhood. Even though Fallon has been absent from my life and I miss him dearly, Trevor and I still see each other regularly on campus and on the weekends. Trevor has become a part of our piecemeal family and he helps fill the gap for Julien with the loss of Jayson. Trevor has also stepped up for Fallon in a big way. Fallon split his company stocks with him so he could be on the board and help direct the future of Montgomery Pharma. Turns out, Trevor is really good at business, which I find funny for someone who majored in marine biology.
Devon and his mom moved into my house two months ago, and Mrs. Riley is working at Montgomery Pharma as an executive assistant. Devon is thriving and happy. He joined the junior varsity basketball team at our old middle school, and Ryder and I went to one his games. I foresee Devon playing professional basketball one day.
I sit up and cross my legs, lifting my guitar from beside the blanket and situating it in my lap. I sing a few lullabies to Elizabeth Ann and a new song I wrote for her called “Butterfly Kisses.” I place the guitar down and reach inside the bag to pull out the book I brought with me. As I’m about to open The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, a pair of booted feet appear in my peripheral vision.
I shield my eyes with my hand and look up.
“Hey you,” I’m able to say, even though my heart is galloping like a herd of runaway horses.
Jayson sits down beside me on the blanket.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Despite the promise we made to each other, I wasn’t expecting him to show up today. He looks different now. He’s thinner but still muscular. His brown hair is longer and it curls around his ears, and he has grown a short beard. It looks good on him.
“I’m glad you’re here. I was getting ready to read her a story.” I hand him the book.
I lean back, close my eyes, and listen to the cadence of his deep voice. I miss his voice. I miss my friend.
When Jayson finishes the story, we unearth the lockbox we buried here months ago. I hand him my letter to her, and he places mine and his inside the box and re-seals it. Jayson buries it again, then sits an old-fashioned stuffed bear on the base of her gravestone. He stands up and looks across to the horizon. I watch him as he takes a deep breath in and exhales it out slowly.
I stand as well and am the first to speak. “I’m sorry, Jayson. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
“I think we’ve been hurting each other for a while, ever since I climbed through your window that night and kissed you for the first time.”
“A part of my heart will always love you.”
“But it will never be enough. I’ll never be able to forgive you for choosing him and not me. I’m having to figure out how to start a new life without you. It’s been hard to do. I’m still finding my way.” He pauses. “Have you read the letter yet?”
It’s hard to speak since my throat is tight as tears stream down my face. “I’ve been too afraid to,” I admit. “Where have you been?”
“Around.” He pivots and bends down to kiss my cheek. “Goodbye, princess.”
I watch him walk away through tear-clogged eyes. After a few feet, he stops and turns slightly in my direction.
“I love you, Liz,” he says over his shoulder, and disappears down the slope of the hill.
Epilogue II
One Year Later…
“For fuck’s sake!” Meredith yelps, sucking on the thumb she just burned with the curling iron.
I burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Hailey said and did the exact same thing when she was fixing my hair for prom.” I giggle.
“And stop laughing or else you’ll tear up and ruin your makeup. Again. I’m almost done, so sit still.”
“Says the girl who spends half the time acting like a squirrel on crack and can’t stand still for two seconds.”
Meredith twirls my hair around the heated barrel one last time and spritzes it with holding spray. “Alrighty. There. I’m done. What do you think?”
I look in the full-length mirror and can’t stop the smile or the tears from forming. Thankfully, I’m able to wipe them away and avoid another makeup catastrophe. Meredith has worked her voodoo hair magic on me once again. She has my long blond hair cascading down my shoulders and back in long waves. Tiny butterflies are pinned throughout my long lengths, giving me an ethereal aura and making me look like a fairy princess. It reminds me of prom night when Hailey clipped tiny red flowers in my hair.
“Meredith, it’s gorgeous. You, my bestie, are a hair genius.”
She rubs her manicured fingers against her dress front and blows on them. “Don’t I know it, babe,” she says with a waver creeping into her voice when our eyes meet in the mirror.
“If you start crying, I’m definitely going to make a mess of my makeup.”
I look at my wedding gown that’s hanging from the large armoire. Just like when I asked Ryder to marry me, I decided to go a little unconventional. The dress is traditional white and floor-length, but the sides are cut out to reveal my butterfly tattoos. I’m not hiding them anymore. They are a mark of who I am and the woman I have become. Strong. Fierce. Capable. A survivor. The bodice is a halter that ties in a bow at the back of my neck. The waistline is embellished and the front splits almost to my navel.
Faith came in earlier and gave me a pair of yellow diamond earrings that match my engagement ring. Something new, she told me.
“Your hot as hell man is not going to be able to keep his hands off you today.”
“I should hope not!” I answer before adding, “I know I won’t be able to keep my hands off him. Ryder in a tux is just…” I shiver, thinking about how good he looked in his prom tux.
Meredith starts laughing. “Hey, no baby-making in front of the congregation.”
“Knock, knock,” Freda’s voice calls from the doorway. “Permission to see the bride before the wedding?”
“Of course. Get in here,” I tell her.
“Oh, Lizzie. You are so beautiful.”
“Thank you. Meredith gets all the credit.”
Freda takes my hand. “No, sweetheart. You have always been beautiful, inside and out, just like your mom. Ann would be so proud of the woman you have become. I know I could never take Ann’s place, Lizzie, but you have always been a daughter to me, and to Faith too. We’re both here for you.”
I blink back more tears at the mention my mom. I miss Mom and Dad and Hailey so much, especially today—the day I’m going to marry the love of my life.
My half-grin wobbles. “I know, and I love you both dearly for it.” I hesitate to ask her, but I need to know. “Is he coming?”
Freda’s face falls for a second before she composes herself. “No, sweetheart, he isn’t. I’m so sorry.”
It’s what I expected, but I had been holding out hope, nonetheless. Jayson hasn’t come back and from what Julien tells me, he doesn’t plan to. He’s been hopping from one state to the next, never holding down a job long enough to get settled.
“Have you heard from him recently?”
“He doesn’t call often, but when he does, he sounds good. He’s in California now.”
I don’t say anything more because there really isn’t anything left to say.
“I’m going to let you finish getting ready, honey. I love you, Lizzie.”
“I love you too, Freda.”
As soon as Freda leaves, Meredith turns to give me a hug. “Well, that was a bit sad. We still have time yet. Why don’t we bust out the champagne?�
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“You are not getting me hammered before I have to walk down the aisle. And I’m not having you drunk at my wedding. You get a little too touchy-feely,” I remind her.
“I can’t help that I’m an affectionate girl when I’m drunk.”
I remember the day I went to her dorm room after I got back from my trip with Fallon and Ryder when she got tipsy and literally tackled me on the bed and hugged me to death. I have appreciated her kind of craziness in my life. Meredith has been a true friend. I look over at the table where my purse sits. “Actually, Mer, can you give me a minute? There’s something I need to do in private.”
“Yeah, no prob. I’ll pop out and check on everything.”
“Thanks. I mean it. Thank you for everything. If you see Julien, can you tell him that I want to see him. Oh, and also, let Daniel and Drew know that I’ll be ready in thirty.”
“Do I need to grab a pen and paper for this?”
“Sorry. Remind me why I didn’t hire a wedding planner again?”
“Hey, we’ve got this. Everyone has been helping and pitching in. At least it’s kept everybody busy and out of your hair, otherwise they’d all be in here with us. That would be bad, so count your chickens as a blessing.”
“I don’t even know what that means, but okay. And no quickies in the coat closet with Bryce.”
“Well, hell, Elizabeth, how do you do that?”
“I know you. So keep his pants zipped and your dress immaculate until after the wedding.”
“I can wait until the reception. I figure there are plenty of places in the gardens to hide behind foliage and give my man a hand job,” she titters and skips out of the room.
I take a second to gather myself, then walk over to the side table where my beaded clutch is lying. I unhook the clasp and take out the envelope from inside. It’s the letter Jayson wrote to me the day he left. I haven’t had the courage to read it yet, but something inside of me this morning told me today was the day. I tear open the envelope, pull out the folded sheet of notebook paper, and go to sit down on the chaise lounge next to the window.