Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3

by Jennilynn Wyer

  Dear Princess,

  God, where do I start? I guess the first thing I should say is, I’m sorry. I said some awful things to you that came from a place of heartbreak and anger. I don’t hate you. I never could. I hate that I won’t be the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle. I hate that you won’t be the mother of my children. I hate that I will never be able to make love to you again. I hate that I will never wake up to you in my arms. I hate that you chose Ryder. But I don’t hate you.

  But what I most regret is that night. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. I wish I could blame it on being drunk, but that would be a coward’s way out. I am so sorry for hurting you that way. I hope one day you can forgive me for ever laying a hand on you in anger.

  Everything is so fucked-up. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I had everything planned out. You and me forever. The girl I fell in love with from the first moment I saw her. The girl that has been my heart and soul since I was six years old. I don’t know what to do, Liz. I don’t know how to live a life without you.

  So I’m leaving. I need to figure out what to do with my future. I need to figure who I am. I don’t know when or even if I’ll come back. Perhaps never. It’ll be too hard to see you and not have things the way they used to be. To know that they never will be because you’ll be married to Ryder. He’s a good man. He was a good friend. He deserved so much better than I gave him in our friendship. Just one more thing I’ll always regret.

  The part of my heart that I gave you is forever yours. Be happy, princess. Know how much you are loved. By Ryder, by Julien. By me. I love you and I always will.

  Your once upon a time prince,

  - Jayson

  There’s a knock on the door and Julien walks in. “Hey, Meredith said you wanted to see me.”

  I hold the piece of paper against my heart. “Julien,” I cry, and he rushes over to me, lifting me up in his arms.

  “Hey, shhh, shhh. If Meredith comes in here, she’ll kick my ass if she sees your makeup is ruined. And I’m really afraid of her even if she is tiny.”

  I blubber out a half-hearted laugh. “I read Jayson’s letter.”

  “Well, that’s depressing as shit.”

  I hand him the letter and go check to make sure I haven’t caused too much damage to my eyeshadow and mascara.

  Julien reads the letter and comes to stand behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist. “No more tears. He wouldn’t want that for you today.”

  “No more tears,” I agree and compose myself, placing the letter back inside my small purse. “Let’s get me dressed and down the aisle. I have an amber-eyed man I want to marry. Just think. In six months, we’ll be doing this for you.”

  “We’re getting old.”

  “Bite your tongue, Julien Jameson. Help me with the gown?”

  “It’ll be my pleasure.”

  “Get your man-hands off that wedding dress, mister. That’s my job,” Meredith scolds him as she runs in and smacks his hands away. “Everybody is here. It’s showtime!”

  Julien grumbles something about being attacked by a rabid chihuahua.

  “She dressed yet?” Trevor asks as Julien passes him at the doorway.

  “Meredith is about to help her with the wedding dress. You better get in and out before Meredith goes nuclear.”

  “Hey, firecracker! Put all weapons down and step away from the wedding dress.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Do the men in your life not understand that a wedding is about to take place, and a bride cannot get married until she has on her wedding gown?” she responds with exasperation.

  “You can come in, Trevor. I’m decent.”

  “Wow! Damn, wildcat. You clean up nice,” he says, taking in my hair and makeup.

  I roll my eyes at him. “How’s my future husband doing?”

  “About to haul ass back here and throw you over his shoulder.”

  Meredith fluffs my hair. “Hot damn! I love it when you guys go all alpha male.”

  “Ignore her,” I tell him.

  Trevor gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Ry told me to tell you that it is considered cruel and unusual punishment to make the groom wait to see his bride the day of the wedding.”

  “But I saw him last night after the bachelor-bachelorette party.”

  Meredith jumps in with her usual play-by-play. “Oh, we know. I think most of the hotel heard the two of you last night. I wanted to thank you for that, by the way. Your audio porn turned Bryce on, and he fucked me on every surface of our hotel room. Would advise against taking a UV light in there is all I’m saying.”

  I about bust a gut laughing, but poor Trevor starts choking. “Christ, woman. As one of your former fuck buddies, I did not want that as a visual in my head.”

  Mer pops her hip out like a diva. “Hey, you passed all this yumminess up. Can’t whine and complain about it now.”

  I’m cracking up at the two of them. “I love you guys. But if you don’t stop making me laugh, I’m going to pee my pants.”

  “And there’s my cue to leave,” Trevor says. “You look gorgeous, wildcat. See you out there.”

  “Why are you not dressed yet?” Elijah exclaims at me, breezing into the room.

  Meredith glares at him. “Because every-damn-body keeps coming in here. And you, as her maid of honor, should have been in here helping me. Come here and give me a hand with her dress. I need someone tall.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Where do you want me?”

  “Luckily, we can get this sucker on her bottom up and not mess up her hair. Elizabeth, strip. It’s not like Elijah will care seeing you in your bra and panties since he’s not into girls.”

  True, I think and take off my robe.

  Elijah whistles. “If I was into girls, I would say you’re one sexy bride,” he says.

  “You can still say it,” I tease him. “I tell Mer all the time how pretty she is.”

  “Please. That’s a given,” she says.

  Meredith asks Elijah to help her hold the wedding gown. With a little metaphorical elbow grease, I shimmy the gown up and Meredith begins the task of making sure it’s tied, buttoned, and snapped into place. It molds to my figure and feels so soft and smooth on my skin that I sigh out loud.

  Meredith helps me slip on my low-heeled beaded silk sandals. “I’m getting married,” I squeal when I turn around to look in the mirror to get the full effect.

  Elijah cups my cheeks. “You are so getting married! Holy shit, this dress is fucking gorgeous!”

  Mer cuts in with, “I call dibs on it for my wedding even though you’re like ten feet taller than I am, so I’ll have to alter the shit out of it.”

  Elijah motions at my gown with his finger. “You will definitely need to alter the shit out of it as that cut down the front is going to show a lot more than your belly button,” he tells her.

  Meredith just shrugs with an impish smile.

  I breathe in and out, taking one final look at myself. Meredith touches up my lipstick.

  “Okay. Time to marry my man,” I tell them.

  As soon as I step out of the room, Daniel and Drew meet me, each taking an arm.

  “I’ve never seen a more beautiful bride,” Daniel says, kissing my temple.

  Drew cradles my cheek and smiles. “Life, love, and happiness, sweetheart. Live it, breathe it, and never take it for granted.”

  We decided on an early evening wedding at the botanical gardens since the sun sets late during the summer. We wanted to capture the sunset as we said our vows. The grounds are gorgeous. Flowers are in bloom, so fragrant and sweet, and all of the foliage is filled out and lush in green. There are archways covered in purple wisteria vines that lead to where Ryder and I will say our vows. It’s beyond breathtaking. I try to take everything in, see every detail, absorb every smell and sound, but the moment the quartet begins to play the music that will lead me down the aisle, I can see nothing but the man waiting up ahead.

  Ryder is devastating in his all
-black satin peak lapel tuxedo jacket and black dress shirt. His hair is styled with a side-part giving him that panty-dropping rock star look I absolutely love. But it’s the emotion in his golden eyes that captures me. It’s the look of a man who is completely and whole-heartedly in love with his woman. My emotions match his as I gaze adoringly at him, remembering the first day we met.

  “So what do you like to read?” I ask Ryder.

  He shoves his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and shrugs his shoulders again. I decide to try a new tactic. I grab a My Little Pony picture book from the shelf and hand it to him.

  “I'm sure you must like magical horses. Who doesn’t like talking rainbow unicorns?”

  I try to act very serious when I say this, but the horrified look he gives me when I place the book in his hand is just too funny. It gives me the encouragement I need to continue teasing him.

  “What about this one?” I say, handing him When the Crayons Quit. “Crayons get such a bad rap. Everybody is like ‘Oh, crayons are for babies. Colored pencils are for big boys and girls.’”

  I keep shoving books at him until he gives in to my silliness and plays along.

  “Nope. These books are way too mature for me. Do they have The Hungry Caterpillar or books about the American Girl dolls? The ones about Josephina and Felicity are my favs.”

  I look at him in shocked horror. “You know the names of American Girl dolls?”

  “Yeah. Like I said, they’re my favorites.”

  I walk over to the American Girl book section and begin to take a couple off the shelf before Ryder clutches his stomach and bends over laughing hysterically.

  “I’m just messin’ with you, Elizabeth.”

  My breath hitches as I approach the boy I grew up with who is now the man that is my everything. I love you, I mouth.

  Not as much as I love you, he mouths back.

  As I reach Ryder, Daniel and Drew shake his hand before each kissing my cheek.

  “You are stunning,” Ryder says, breathing me in.

  “You are and have always been the most handsome man in the room.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until tonight.”

  “Meredith mentioned a coat closet that could come in handy later.”

  “Babe,” he groans.

  “I love you, Ryder Cutton.”

  “I love you back, sweet Elizabeth.”

  I hand my bouquet to Elijah and place my trembling hands in Ryder’s larger ones, linking our pinkies together. He’s my anchor. My home. My sweet copper-eyed daredevil.

  “You are one ballsy son of a bitch,” I tell Ryder, shaking my head, a huge smile exploding across my face.

  “So you liked it?” he asks about the front flip he just did on his motorbike trying to show off for me.

  “Loved it,” I breathe.

  Ryder reaches for my hand and links our pinkies together.

  I look over at Julien and Trevor. I turn to smile at Elijah and Meredith. I gaze out into the congregation. My gaze wanders over the new faces we have added to our group this past year. Our family. My family. I see Daniel and Drew, Faith and Randy, Freda and Mitch, Bryce, Trevor, and Sara, Brea, Jamie, and Jack, Tatiána, Eduardo, and their two sons. I smile at Devon, Seamus, Trevaughn, and Butch. My eyes finally land on one man I wasn’t expecting but am so very happy to see.

  Fallon. He came. He’s here.

  Fallon gives me that cocky-as-sin smile of his. The smile I beam back at Fallon in return is huge.

  “He wanted to be here for you today,” Ryder whispers at me.

  Best wedding present ever.

  The minister clears her throat and I give my whole attention back to the man I’m about to marry. The man who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. My heart explodes with a thousand suns worth of love as Ryder lifts my hand to his lips, then flips it over and presses another kiss to my palm.

  “Forever and always, baby,” he tells me with tears in his eyes.

  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

  “Punch it, Big Daddy,” I tell Ryder, loving every inch of his new Dodge Challenger Hellcat. He presses the accelerator, and we speed down the road.

  “So, where are we headed?”

  “You’re the first to get a ride in her, so where do you want to go?”

  “I’m the first? Not even your dad?”

  “Nope. I wanted it to be you. I knew you’d appreciate her.”

  “If it’s a her, then you just destroyed my dreams of marrying it.” I give a mock pout. “Okay, maybe not. She is gorgeous. Aren’t you just gorgeous, Stella,” I coo as I pat the dashboard.

  “Stella?” Ryder’s eyebrow kicks up with mirth.

  “Yeah, Stella. A sexy name for a sexy car,” I reply, all serious.

  “I, Ryder Randall Cutton, take you, Elizabeth Penelope Fairchild, to be my lawfully wedded wife…”

  “Your turn.”

  “I’m sorry, what now?”

  “Your turn,” he says, putting the car into neutral and getting out.

  “No, Ryder! I can’t!”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “Are you crazy? I’ll probably drive it off into a tree!”

  “No, you won’t.”

  “Yes, I will.”

  “Elizabeth, get into the driver’s seat.”

  “Nuh uh. Nope. No way. You can’t make me.”

  I cross my arms, shaking my head no like a two-year-old. Before I know what’s happening, Ryder has my seat belt unfastened and me hoisted up and over his shoulder as he walks over to the driver’s side.

  “Ryder, what the hell?” He’s perched on the branch of the old oak tree that leads to my bedroom window.

  “Hey, Elizabeth. Do you mind waiting to yell at me until I get inside? I hate to admit that I’m a little terrified up here.”

  “Ryder, aren’t you afraid of heights?”

  “Yep,”

  “Oh, crap. Oh, okay. Here, take my hand.”

  “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…”

  “Do you feel it, Ryder?”

  The pull that always brings us back together. The attraction. The need. The desire. The love.

  “I do.”

  “Will it always be like this?”

  “Want to tell me what’s going on? I’m assuming that’s why you’re here.” Ryder looks at me.

  Holding the bottle with my left hand since my right hand is still too sore from punching Marshall, I tip the water back and look at him. I mean, really look at him. He looks good. Strong and vital and so damn handsome. I never allowed myself to really see him before. Not just the superficial things I’m attracted to like his golden eyes I know have flecks of green in them that are the same green as my eyes. Or the way his muscles bulge when he crosses them over his chest like he’s doing now. Or the cupid’s bow on his full top lip. His tanned skin or his devastating smile I am lucky to be the recipient of often. No. Those are only superficial qualities.

  What I see now, perhaps truly for the first time, is how Ryder always stands by me and supports me no matter what. How he has gifted me with his love and with his heart and not once expected anything in return. How he must love me so much, he was willing to give me up to Jayson and still remain my best friend even though I know it must kill him every day to see us together. I see all the years we’ve shared, all the times we keep finding our way back together, how even though I love Jayson so very much, my heart has always belonged to Ryder.

  “I, Elizabeth Penelope Fairchild, take you, Ryder Randall Cutton, to be my lawfully wedded husband…”

  “This song is one you wrote me. You gave it to me the night of our senior prom. I have played it and practiced it over and over the past year, putting it to memory, hoping that one day I would see you again and play it for you,” Ryder tells me.

  “I wrote this?” I ask because the amnesia has taken all of my memories away, the last e
ighteen years of my life are gone. Wiped clean. But somehow, by some miracle, small pieces of memories of him remain.

  My chest heaves as I breathe in and out, and Ryder starts to play my song on his guitar. His fingers glide across the strings and ruts, and not once does he look away from me. The song I wrote for him is heartbreaking in its melody. The ebb and flow of the musical notes are filled with longing. I must have written it about us. The music is our story. As I sit cross-legged on the piano bench, I close my eyes and begin to hum the tune. Do I remember it? A vision of Ryder and me dancing cheek-to-cheek surfaces, and I’m transported back to a time where longing and love flowed between us.

  “I really need you to kiss me right now, Ryder.”

  “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…”

  “I love it when you call me that.”

  “What? Baby?” Ryder cocks his brow at me.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll make sure to use it more often then.”

  I place my hands delicately yet forcefully on the sides of Ryder’s face, turning it so we are eye to eye. “I love you, Ryder. I hope it’s not too soon for me to say it, but I need to. I feel so much for you. It’s scary, thrilling, and overwhelming at the same time. But I need to say it. I need you to know. The day in the student center when you found me, I had a memory of you that night. I remembered you holding me. I remembered you telling me that you loved me, and I remembered saying it back.”

  “Elizabeth, I have loved you since the day we met. I have loved you for a lifetime. I loved you before, I love you now. I will love you always.”

  “I see you got my message.” I pull my tank top off and throw it across the room. Ryder’s hungry gaze roves across my upper torso and down to my bare breasts before making a slow perusal down my stomach.

  “That I did.” He lifts his shirt off and drops it, letting me get my fill of his golden, tanned skin and defined pectorals.

  “I missed you today.” I pull my shorts down and kick them to the side. No underwear.

  “Not as much as I missed you.” Ryder pops the button on his jeans and sheds them in one movement. He went commando today.