Finding Me

by Stella Rainbow

  She gave me a wicked grin as she walked over to me, abandoning her handbag quest for the moment. “Why, you’re not the only one who can lie, Charlie’s fiance."

  I flushed as she continued speaking, “I mean, I could’ve lied but I didn’t really have to. Have you forgotten who I am? Everyone knows me around here and they’d expected me to show up. I would have been here with them regardless of the fact that I know them already.”

  Damn, how could I have forgotten that? I’d missed the most obvious thing. It was a hate-crime against a person from the queer community. Of course, Mama D was here.

  “The good news is, Jo knows exactly who those men are and they aren’t afraid to tell the cops, even if they are their brothers. And thankfully, Officer Whitby is handling our case and I trust that he’ll have those bastards under lock and key soon,” Mama D told me and I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d been worried those men might try to hurt Jo again, but I was glad it was being taken care of. Now, if I could just make Charlie’s brother realize that he was being an ungrateful asshole…

  “Mama D, I need your help.”

  “Anything, sweetie. Tell me what you need.”

  21 | Brady

  The flight from Boston to New York takes little more than an hour, but the drive from the hospital to the Logan Airport and then the one from JFK to Lawrence De Luca’s office took me almost four hours to get there. I spent the whole four hours either berating myself for leaving Charlie or seething over the choice words I’ll be giving their brother, of course.

  I walked into the lobby of the Del Pharmaceuticals, looking around at the opulence. Glass walls, high ceilings, the whole nine-yards. I definitely wasn’t impressed. I stalked to the reception desk and the woman looked up at me, giving me a once over. Ignoring the curious look she was directing my way, I snapped, “I’m here to see Mr. De Luca.”

  “Do you have an appointment?”

  I had to work really hard to remind myself that the woman was just doing her job and to not lose my temper. “No, I don’t. But he’ll want to talk to me. Tell him it’s about his sibling.”

  Nodding curtly, she picked up one of the landlines sitting in front of her and made a call as I tapped my foot impatiently against the carpeted floor. After a few minutes she gave me a polite smile and directed me towards the office of Laurence De Luca.

  Thanking her, I made my way to his office and walked in without knocking, closing the door behind me. I took a moment to look over Charlie’s brother, surprised at how similar the two of them looked, despite the obvious differences.

  Unlike Charlie, Laurence’s hair was short but the same shade of brown and just as curly. He had the same blue eyes too, but again unlike Charlie they were much more cooler, professional. He was wearing a navy blue suit, the jacket slung over the back of his seat. And he was huge. After wearing his hoodie that one time, I knew he was much bigger than me. But to see it in real life? Wow. He was maybe six five, and big though he wasn’t all hard muscles. That was good. He’d be easy to take down if he thought he could take me.

  He narrowed his eyes at me as I walked closer, giving me an appraising look, “You’re the man my brother’s dating.” It wasn’t a question, but I still shook my head.

  “I’m the man your sibling is dating, yes,” I corrected him. He waved his hand in a gesture that said it didn’t matter. But it did.

  “My assistant said you wanted to talk about my brother?” He prompted and the glint in his eyes told me he’d purposefully misgendered Charlie this time.

  I shook my head in disgust, still not taking a seat, “I can’t believe you and Charlie share the same blood. I don’t know why they were so upset when you told them you didn’t want to talk to them anymore. I’d rather be alone than have a brother like you, honestly. But Charlie isn’t me. They’re so much kinder and they love you, no matter what kind of asshole you are. I only came here because I felt it was my duty to tell you this. Your sibling was attacked two days ago because just like you, some other assholes had a problem with them just trying to live their life in peace and wanting to be true to themselves. They’re in the hospital right now and…” I swallowed to keep the emotions from choking me and continued, “I know they’d be happy to see you when they wake up, which is why I’m here. They’ve been so sad for the past few weeks because they missed you, hating themselves for it even though it was all your fault. I want them to be happy again, so if you could please try to be the brother they remember you to be. Don’t you miss them? From everything Charlie has told me about you two, I know they pretty much raised you by themselves. Was it really so easy for you to throw them out of your life after everything they did for you? Are you really that selfish, Law?” I used the nickname Charlie used for him, just so he’d remember exactly who I was talking about.

  I stopped speaking when I realized I was starting to ramble. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea. What was I even doing here? I should be back at the hospital, waiting for my partner to wake up, not all these miles away from them. I started to turn around, intending to leave when Lawrence spoke up, his voice low, “Is he-Are they going to be okay?” It was the slip, the correction that made me look back at him. The tears in his eyes made me finally take a seat in the chair across from him.

  “They have a concussion, a broken arm, some bruised ribs, a fracture in their right leg.” I shook my head, trying to keep my tears at bay. If I got my hands on those assholes, I’d tear them apart for what they did to Charlie. I wish I’d been there with them. None of this would’ve happened if I had.

  “Oh god. I was angry with him-them, for leaving me alone here and then when Charlie told me everything I just…lashed out. I didn’t even really think about it all that much. Did h-they really spend all these years hiding it from us? From me?”

  I shook my head, wishing I could explain to him the fear Charlie must’ve felt every time they thought about coming out to their family, “Look at the way you reacted when they told you. Charlie told me that your father was a very conservative man but Charlie loved both of you, enough that they’d rather sacrifice their own happiness than lose you two. When your father died, they realized life was too short to keep hiding. But they didn’t want you to hate them for who they were, which is why they moved away. If you hadn’t seen that picture of them, things might have gone differently. But when you reacted the way you did, it only confirmed their fears that they’d been right to keep it all buried all these years.”

  “How didn’t I know? And they were unhappy all these years because of it?”

  I realized showing him would be easier than telling him, so I looked around the room as I spoke, “Do you have a picture of Charlie from when your dad was alive?”

  He nodded before pulling his phone out of his pocket and swiping through options until he came to a picture he wanted. He handed the phone over and I almost gasped when I saw it. Charlie looked so much different in this picture than the bright, warm person I’d come to love that it almost brought fresh tears to my eyes. Their blue eyes were dull, and though their smile looked genuine enough, there was something missing. I pushed the phone away, wishing I’d met Charlie earlier, had been able to help them sooner but knowing it had happened when it was supposed to.

  “Look at them carefully. Ignore the clothes, just look at their face and observe.” While he did that, I unlocked my phone, smiling at the picture on my homescreen. Charlie was grinning at the camera, their baby blues shining bright with joy as they held Cherry in their arms, pressing a kiss against her muzzle. They were wearing a colorful silk wrap I’d found for them, their hair twined in a French braid across their temples.

  “Now, look at this picture the same way, ignore everything else. Focus on their face.” Laurence gasped as soon as he saw the picture, his eyes widening and then immediately tearing up. I was pretty sure he couldn’t see clearly anymore but he kept staring at it for another few moments before closing his eyes and taking a few shaking breaths.

  When he had himse
lf under control, he looked up at me with a wobbly smile, all earlier arrogance gone. “Thank you for coming here and helping me pull my head out of my ass. Can I come with you to see my sibling? I have things I need to apologize for.”

  “Of course. That's why I came all the way here, after all. I want them to wake up and know the people they love care about him. That includes you.” I shrugged as I got up. “But you do need to hurry if you want to come with me, because I’m leaving immediately.”

  Lawrence nodded and scrambled to his feet, donning his jacket and following me as I headed for the door.

  “Janice, I won’t be in for a few days. Reschedule my meetings to next week and only call me if it’s an emergency, alright?”

  The woman behind the counter—who I now knew was Lawrence’s PA and called Janice—nodded without missing a beat and immediately started tapping on her iPad.

  As I left the building with Law by my side, I hoped Charlie would wake up soon. A part of me prayed they were awake already, while another didn’t want them to wake up and not find me by their side.

  22 | Charlie

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  The sound filtered through the fog in my brain and I struggled to open my eyes. They felt like they’d been sewn shut. Everything hurt. Why did it feel like I’d been passed through a shredder? I tried to move my fingers but they barely twitched.

  God, what the hell happened to me? Where was I? And where was Brady?

  The thought of Brady had me snapping my eyes open and I immediately winced at the bright light that made me shut my eyes again. Shit. I tried to take a deep breath but that hurt too. Gathering myself, I opened my eyes the tiniest bit and turned my head slightly so the light wasn’t piercing my eyes anymore. My head hurt too. Ugh. Stop whining, I told myself even though all I wanted to do was whimper from the pain.

  The moment my eyes fell on Brady, though, I opened my eyes fully so I could take him in. He was seated on a plastic chair beside the bed—I must be in the hospital, then. That explained the beeping. He was asleep with his head resting on the bed, facing me. I frowned at the dark circles under his eyes and the fact that he had zero makeup on and his clothes looked like he’d been wearing them for days. He looked so tired. And it was all because of me, wasn’t it? One of his hands was curled around mine and I gave it a squeeze, soaking up his wonderful warmth.

  Brady’s head shot up off the bed and he looked at me for a few moments before promptly bursting into tears. I tried to touch him, to comfort him in some way but I couldn’t move, so I gripped his hand as tightly as I could as I waited for him to calm down.

  “Oh my god, thank god you’re okay. I love you, I love you, I love you” he mumbled the words again and again as he leaned up to press a kiss on my cheeks, my nose, any part of me he could reach.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered hoarsely, my throat feeling like it had been scraped with sandpaper. I still couldn’t remember what had happened, but watching Brady’s reaction I knew it had been bad.

  Brady gasped as he settled back in his seat and I furrowed my brows. Why hadn’t I told him that before? What if something had happened to me? What if I had died? Brady would’ve never known how I truly felt about him.

  “Sorry. I should’ve told you. I love you. ‘Course I do.” Each word was a struggle to get out of my cracked lips, but I needed Brady to know.

  He nodded before leaning over to the table and pressing a button. “I know you love me, Ceebee. Even if you'd never said the words, I would've known. So don't worry, okay? The nurse will be here in a moment. You must be thirsty, right?”

  I nodded and he walked over to the door. My heart started racing at the thought that Brady would be leaving me alone here, but he only poked his head out for a minute before returning to my side.

  “Luke’s getting you some water,” He said as he wiped his cheeks and I frowned at the tears. He’d been crying because of me, because I’d hurt him. He seemed to realize I was watching because he looked at me with narrowed eyes and spoke, “I wasn’t crying, I just had—okay, I was crying but if you tell anyone, I’ll make you regret it.”

  I grinned at Brady before sobering up. “What happened?”

  He sighed loudly as he sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand in his again. “Jo’s brothers followed the two of you when you were headed to the crafts store on Saturday. You managed to make Jo escape but they still-they hurt you. I was so scared.” The last part was barely a whisper and I squeezed his hand in comfort even as I tried to remember what he was telling me. I couldn’t.

  “It’s okay if you don’t remember it, the doctor said you’ve got a horrible concussion.”

  “Okay,” I whispered and then the nurse was there, checking my vitals and making sure everything was normal. Luke popped in to hand Brady a plastic cup of water with a straw before waving at me and leaving the room. Brady walked over to me and helped me sit up before handing me the water.

  I sipped it slowly, sighing in relief as the cool water hit my parched throat. I took a moment to process the fact that I’d almost died because of Jo’s brothers’ hate for them. Did my brother hate me that much too? The thought was depressing, but I didn’t let it consume me. I needed to let go of my brother. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wishing he didn’t hate me for who I was.

  “You okay?” Brady asked, and I realized I was still holding my empty cup. I nodded and Brady took the cup from me before helping me lie down.

  “What day is it?”

  “Tuesday,” Brady said with a soft smile. I’d been unconscious for almost four days. Holy shit.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, and I wasn’t really sure what I was apologizing for.

  “You’ve got absolutely nothing to apologize for, Charlie. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  The doctor showed up after that, a kind older man named Dr. Harvey who had no problem using my pronouns properly as he told us I’d be staying another day so they could observe everything and then I’d be free to go.

  “Can you tell me about my injuries?”

  The doctor gave a swift nod before speaking, “You have a severe concussion that may affect your memories of things that happened around the time you were injured. The memories will hopefully come back, though there’s no set time limit for it. You had some swelling in your brain but it has steadily decreased. It is also why we’d like to observe another day before letting you go. You also have a broken bone in your left forearm that you may have gotten while defending your face. As you can see, I’ve already put it in a cast. The cast stays for at least six weeks. We’ll do another X-ray after that to check if it can be removed. You also have a broken tibia in your right leg. I’ve put on the cast and you’ll need to stay off that leg for at least eight weeks. You have a few bruised ribs, though none were broken, so that was lucky.”

  “Lucky, my ass,” Brady muttered beside me but the doctor either didn’t hear or chose not to pay attention as he continued.

  “The cut on your abdomen was very critical since it nicked your abdominal aorta. If you hadn’t been brought in so quickly, the damage could have cost you. Thankfully, we managed to close the cuts before you could bleed out and now all you need to worry about is making sure the stitches stay safe and there’s no infection. You’ll need strict rest for at least one week, and even after that no putting pressure on your right leg for another six or seven weeks. You need to give it time to heal, alright Charlie?” I nodded at the doctor as I suppressed a shiver at the thought that I could’ve died.

  “Great. You also shouldn’t live alone for at least a week. Have a friend stay with you so they can monitor you, okay?” I nodded again and Brady straighted up from where he’d been leaning against the bed, his eyes moving to mine for a second before flitting away. What was he thinking?

  I had my answer as soon as the doctor left because Brady grabbed my hand in his as he met my eyes. “This is not how I planned to do this. I was going to cook you a nice dinner on Saturday and ask you wh
en you were in a food coma, but-” He shrugged before kissing the back of my hand and meeting my eyes, “Charlie, will you move in with me?”

  “What?” I asked, surprised at the out of the blue question.

  “Or, to be precise, can I and Cherry move in with you? I mean, I’ll be staying with you until you’re healed anyway, but I’d like it to be permanent.”

  “You want to move in with me?” I clarified and Brady nodded enthusiastically.

  I blew out a breath as I stared into his bright green eyes. “You really want to move in? Not just because you think I need taking care of?”

  “Were you even listening? I was planning to ask you before you were attacked! My question has nothing to do with you getting hurt.” Brady huffed and rolled his eyes and I couldn't stop myself from smiling widely at his annoyance.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay, what?” Brady’s voice was squeaky, his brows furrowed in irritation.

  “Okay, I’d really like you to move in with me.”

  Brady whooped loudly before leaning closer and hugging me carefully. My chest still tinged with pain but I didn’t care because Brady was moving in with me! The circumstances couldn’t be worse but it didn’t negate the fact that I was looking forward to living with him.

  “On that note,” Brady said as he moved away, “Someone has been waiting quite a while to see you. Can I call him in?”

  I gave him a puzzled look and nodded. Brady walked over to the door and poked his head out again. He opened the door wider and I gasped as my brother stepped into the room. The rational part of my brain knew that if Brady had let him in, then Lawrence didn’t mean me any harm. But I couldn’t stop hearing the cruel words he’d said to me a few weeks ago as I looked at him. His hair was in a disarray, as if he’d been running his fingers through it. He had dark circles under his eyes, the blue eyes so similar to mine trained on me as he walked closer.