Changes

by Michael Diettrich-Chastain

  When the session is over, you receive a detailed report of your meditation and your brain’s activity level. The report is presented in an easy-to-read graph of the changing activity during the session. For a detailed account of the process see the website, www.choosemuse.com.53

  WHY MUSE™ CAN BE HELPFUL TO THE INDIVIDUAL OR ORGANIZATION

  Easy to Understand Feedback – The immediate feedback MUSE™ offers is unique when it comes to meditation. Meditation is an ongoing process and requires a lot of patience, which can be challenging for those accustomed to getting immediate results. MUSE™ takes practice, but offers a way to see the direction you are heading.

  Fun in Competition – Meditation is not generally competitive, and I’m not suggesting it should be. However, the reality is that plenty of corporate wellness programs lack employee engagement. As such, there is a push to make engagement more appealing. One potential solution is to integrate MUSE™ into a company’s wellness program by allowing for programs similar to today’s popular challenges regarding healthy eating, walking, or drinking water. For example, how about a challenge to achieve a 75 percent relaxation average either individually or among all participants over the course of a month?

  Measurable – For those individuals or organizations that want to see progress quantified, MUSE™ fits the bill. Gathering data over time allows you to see where you started and how far you’ve come. Such data could then be compared with data on absenteeism, productivity, or engagement to reveal insights.

  An Introduction to Meditation – If you have never meditated, you may have developed certain assumptions about the practice. This device clears up some of the mystery. It allows a glimpse into what is possible with an optimized relationship between your mind and body. Enhancing our understanding of how our mind impacts other aspects of our health is a terrific opportunity for growth and development.

  Now before you start suspecting that I am working on commission for the company that manufactures The Muse device, let me clarify. While it is true that I have become a fan after seeing the product’s value for me and many of my clients, the bigger point here is that any tool that offers a good introduction to meditation should be on your radar. As I mentioned in Chapter 11, there are other apps such as Calm and Headspace that help ease you into meditation. Remember, it may take some experimentation to determine what tools and practices are right for you or your organization.

  CHAPTER 12 ACTIVITY

  As I have already mentioned, the best meditation practice is the one that resonates most personally with each practitioner. It may take some experimentation to discover which practice best fits. Below, you’ll find a chart with meditation options as well as where to learn more about them. I recommend experimenting with one type of practice daily for at least two weeks before deciding how you feel about it. I have only suggested a few types of meditation. There are many out there. Do some research and see if any others appeal to you. Keep track of the meditation types you discover along the way and your opinion of each. Have fun!

  Meditation Type

  Where to Look

  Qigong

  Search online for qigong teachers in your area. These directories may also be helpful:

  https://www.qigonginstitute.org/directory

  http://www.americantaichi.net/TaiChiQigongClass.asp

  Seated

  (Vipassana)

  There are many guided meditations online. This is a good directory:

  http://www.dharma.org/teachers

  Transcendental Meditation™

  It is usually necessary to take a course in this type of meditation first, as there are very specific instructions. For more information:

  https://www.tm.org/

  Muse Meditation Device

  For more information and to order a Muse Meditation Device online:

  www.choosemuse.com

  Device Apps – i.e. Calm, Headspace, etc.

  There are many apps you can find on your device. Some are free. I recommend Calm and Headspace.

  SECTION FIVE: GUTS

  “I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack of concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.”

  —George Carlin

  Sometimes it might seem like all the important factors are in place. We have insight, emotional balance, and good, healthy habits, but there is something missing. We haven’t yet been able to muster the courage to take the risk that has paralyzed us with indecision. Pushing back against our fears and embracing uncertainty may be the necessary step toward our best selves.

  It takes courage to create change. Challenging our fears, asking ourselves questions that get right down to the root of those fears, includes some discomfort. This is where guts come in. Fortunately, courage can be developed. When we explore all of the hurdles in the way of creating the life we want, we find that some of them are ones that we’ve set up ourselves. We build courage when we can be truly honest with our fear, our history, and our intention. We get to choose which risks to take, but taking risks is important. Small risk-taking over time strengthens our initiative and steals our resolve to handle whatever may come our way. This section of the book will explore how moving beyond the challenges in place and creating the change we want takes guts.

  13

  Letting Go of Fear

  I once had a job with two primary roles: sales and account management. Early in my stint, I landed a lucrative prospect and arranged to chat with the clients over video regarding our company’s proposal. Understanding that the deal was a great opportunity and that closing it would make a great impression on my boss, I grew more and more nervous as the day of the call approached. I reviewed our proposal and thought I had a firm handle on it, despite the anxiety. When the day arrived, I got on the conference call with my boss standing next to me. I began with some pleasantries and launched into our presentation. It was progressing rather smoothly until about five minutes in, when I meant to turn to another detail and . . . blanked. I began to panic as I scrambled to find my place in the presentation. My silence seemed to last for 30 minutes. Finally, my boss couldn’t take it anymore. He jumped in, took the reins of the presentation, and finished up the call while I sat there, utterly humiliated. Instead of stepping up to the challenge, gathering my thoughts, and acting in spite of my fears, I let the embarrassment totally consume me. This day, fear won.

  From failures such as this one, I gained the life experience and perspective that underscore the lessons I now share with clients. Over the course of my career, I have traveled extensively to speak to a variety of organizations about leadership, organizational development, team effectiveness, mental health, and human development. The underlying intention is to improve awareness and, ultimately, organizational effectiveness.

  Not too long after I choked on the conference call, I set out to speak to a group of about 35 people (or so I had been informed). I had presented to a group this size before and was relatively comfortable, but a few butterflies still fluttered. I was on my own and scheduled to speak for about two hours. I had practiced the content, set up some activities for the group, and built in time for interaction based on the number of people in the room. It felt like things would work out well.

  As I entered what I’d assumed would be a small conference room, I encountered instead a full gymnasium packed with over 300 people, complete with stage and jumbotron. I gawked in disbelief as I watched a group finishing up a witty, engaging educational skit. A nice blend of action and humor, it sold their point with just enough seriousness. It was a tough act to follow and I was up next. When I blew it on the conference call, there were only five people involved. In this gym, I would be speaking to sixty times as many, and in person. Not only that, but the activities I had planned for 35 simply wouldn’t translate with 300, which meant I had to throw out most of my notes and wing it. I still had my clothes on or else I would have thought it was a nightmare. Fear washed over me and my mind reeled with negative thoughts: “You’re not good eno
ugh. You’re never prepared. Why even bother when you’re destined to fail?”

  But before that voice got the best of me, I made a decision. I took a deep breath, realized I had an opportunity to shift my state of mind, and got up on the stage. I took a risk. Standing in front of the crowd, sweat beading on my forehead, I decided that the best way to overcome my nerves was to address them directly. I spoke candidly to the audience about my desire to engage them, and even a little about my doubts. After a bit of self-deprecation and a couple of laughs, we got started.

  I spent the next two hours wandering through the crowd with a microphone like an energetic talk show host. I sought out connections with individuals in an attempt to change the vibe in the room, to make it more intimate so that it matched my original expectations. Things didn’t go as planned, but because I didn’t panic, they didn’t end in disaster. In fact, they went pretty well.

  Afterward, I felt invigorated, as if I had conquered something. The best part was all the feedback I received from audience members about how natural I was at speaking and that I didn’t appear nervous at all, despite my admission. I laughed inwardly as I smiled, nodded, and shook hands. This was the first time I realized how much I loved speaking and training with large groups. I pushed past my fear, expanded my experience, and opened myself up to a new source of joy.

  In my work with individuals regarding professional fears, what often comes up is the fear of pursuing what is most meaningful to them. This fear is often expressed in defeatist inner monologue. “There are no jobs available.” “The market is too saturated.” “I don’t have the credentials.” While some of these fears may be rooted in actual truth, I believe that it is imperative to recognize your own perceptions of such impediments before all else. Letting go of our reservations or limiting beliefs is the first step in overcoming our fears. A limiting belief is one that holds us back from taking positive action. We can’t eliminate fear entirely, but we can choose to act, despite the fear. By making a practice of such fear-defying action, we develop our ability to respond appropriately. I’m sure you can think of time when you didn’t act because of doubts about your readiness or your abilities or your education—in sum, your self-worth. These doubts bog us down and mire us in stagnation. Change needs motion to manifest itself. Doubts, reservations, and defeatist tendencies all function as inertia.

  Taking the focus off of fear and choosing to act instead can be liberating. When considering change in your professional life, you may hear certain fears echo in your head or you may hear in the discouraging comments of others their own projected fears (if you’ll indulge me in a little armchair analysis). Do any of the following fears sound familiar?

  There isn’t enough (work, money, opportunity etc.) to make the change worth it.

  Other people are better at this than I am.

  All others in my field are competitors.

  I’m not really a leader.

  Now consider what would happen if you, merely as an experiment, flipped those thoughts inside out:

  There is an abundance of work available.

  My unique approach/personality/background will prove a benefit that others will recognize.

  Other people in my field can be my collaborators.

  Which leadership characteristics do I have and which can I improve.

  Changing a belief or shifting perspective creates a path to progress. This shift in perspective can, of course, be applied to a whole array of fears. Fear inhibits progress in several ways:

  Inhibits creativity

  Reduces insight and limits understanding of alternative perspective

  Directs us toward undesired actions

  This last point deserves special attention. Fear can certainly be a motivator, but what kind of motivator? Often, fear triggers reactivity (remember the importance of response instead of reaction), which may not be in line with what you truly want for yourself. If you are unsure how to determine if your motivation is a reaction or a response, see Chapter 1 (The 4 R’s).

  Taking steps, even small steps, in the direction of a change you want to pursue is the best course of action. It’s easy to say, “You just have to decide to let go of your fear,” but actually doing it is something else. Letting go of fear takes practice. There are always opportunities for decisive action. An immediate push-back against fear is always available to you. Creating a regular, consistent practice that promotes empowerment can help reduce fear. Practice taking small risks in regular increments.

  For example, if you seek to improve your business and challenge your introversion, a natural first step would be to attend networking events on a regular basis. I once worked with a client who was going through a career change. Let’s call this person Robin. When we started working together, Robin had been in a career for about a decade and had achieved some success. She had received praise from on high for her work ethic and her ability to organize projects, perform tasks efficiently, and solve complex problems. Much of Robin’s work was not interpersonal, however. She had never been compelled to address her natural shyness. She was in the midst of pushing back on her social fears, in part so that she could take a leap into a new career. She wasn’t sure what this new career would be at the time, but she knew she wanted something different, something that would push her toward self-improvement while making use of her strengths and talents.

  She had a strong network of colleagues and friends, but due to her shyness, she had put off using them as a resource. She came to the point where she needed to leverage her network to move forward in the process, learn about opportunities, and get advice regarding new areas where her talents may thrive. Even though “networking” was the last thing she wanted to do, she knew that her city had a great, active scene of professionals and that she could get some excellent introductions if she pursued more connections.

  We worked together on a strategy for making use of her network that pushed her just outside her comfort zone. We explored how she could show up at more networking events. This created a way to practice pushing back on her fear regularly, thus reducing it.

  At first we explored a low-stakes way to do this is by setting a goal of talking to just one stranger for five minutes at each event. Over time, the fear of networking subsided and she was able to leverage connections that helped her create a great transition into a new career that she loved.

  Overcoming professional fears opens the way to new opportunity and possibility. Letting go of fear is empowering, and empowerment should be part of any change you’re seeking. If you choose to face a professional fear, be prepared because there will be repercussions, which may include:

  New awareness about which direction to take

  Career change

  Promotion

  Retirement

  A decision to return to school

  Temporary stress

  Increased confidence

  Disruption of routine

  Questions (perhaps even skepticism) from others

  You’ll notice that not all the bulleted items above may be immediately positive. That’s okay. While addressing a fear may create a temporary disturbance, the long-term outcome will be advantageous.

  CHAPTER 13 ACTIVITY

  Here’s an exercise to help you evaluate a particular fear, understand it better, address it more effectively, and move on. First, identify one of your fears AND write out a brief description of it. Next, take the time to answer each question below. Finally, apply the action!

  FOUR STEPS FOR ADDRESSING THIS FEAR

  1. Is there a particular belief that you hold that is connected to this fear?

  2. What specifically do you want that your fear is hindering? If you figure out where the fear comes from and what it is connected to, you may gain new awareness about how to approach it. If this fear didn’t exist, how could you attain what you want?

  3. Once you understand what you want, start taking small steps in that direction. Do research to determine which steps to take along the path that you�
��ve set for yourself. For instance, if you want to start a new career, but fear losing the security of the job you currently tolerate, consider taking this initial step. Brainstorm industries, fields, and specializations that you’d like to move into. List the five that interest you most. Next, identify anyone in your network who may work in those fields or know someone who does, and set up interviews to learn more. If this feels too overwhelming, that’s OK. There are other strategies you can employ to move toward your goal. Another option is to consider working with a coach, therapist, or mentor. For more information about how to find someone to work with, visit Part Two of the book.

  4. Set small, achievable goals you can attain and build on. Put into place a daily routine that will guide you toward overcoming the fear. Prove to yourself that your fear can be conquered, and your belief in what is possible will grow. Identify two actions that counter your fear. For example, if your fear involves starting a business, set a goal to have a conversation with, at least, one successful entrepreneur a week in order to educate yourself and develop a realistic, but ambitious plan. Setting small, consistent daily goals that counter your fear is one effective way to diminish its power.