Aly's Fight

by Aly Taylor

  In you, LORD, I have taken refuge;

  let me never be put to shame.

  In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;

  turn your ear to me and save me.

  Be my rock of refuge,

  to which I can always go;

  give the command to save me,

  for you are my rock and my fortress.

  Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,

  from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.

  For you have been my hope, Sovereign LORD,

  my confidence since my youth.

  From birth I have relied on you;

  you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.

  I will ever praise you.

  I have become a sign to many;

  you are my strong refuge.

  My mouth is filled with your praise,

  declaring your splendor all day long.

  God has truly been our rock since the beginning, and our mouths will always be filled with His praise, declaring His splendor all day long.

  CHAPTER 14

  EMBRACING DESTROYED PLANS

  —JOSH—

  I have to laugh whenever I think back to the life we imagined before cancer. It’s shocking how naïve we were back then about who we were, what we wanted, and what we thought really mattered. If all the things I’d hoped for and dreamed of when we first got married had come true, I probably would have been happy and fulfilled. But I’d have no idea how much joy I’d be missing out on. God absolutely shattered our plans. He broke them into a million tiny pieces. And I am in awe of the incredible life He gave us instead. The life we have today is better than anything we ever could have hoped for ourselves, and God did it by breaking us.

  —ALY—

  I thought I had everything figured out back then. My life plan made sense. It was a clear, simple, straight line from where we were to where we thought we wanted to go. What we didn’t realize, however, is that God rarely draws a straight line when He’s mapping out our lives. There are all these twists and turns we never expect and, honestly, never want to take. Only He knows where it all leads, though. He used every heartache, every health scare, every surgery, every treatment, every bad doctor’s report, and every fertility frustration to weave a beautiful tapestry—one I never could have envisioned when I was twenty-four. Yes, I’m a planner. I map out my days, and I love making lists. But God has taught me not to be so rigid about my plans anymore. If His plans are truly better than our own (and they are), then I want mine destroyed.

  EMBRACE YOUR STORY

  These days I try to think of life in terms of a story rather than a plan. That hasn’t always been the case, though. After Josh’s moment with God where he surrendered control over what happens to our lives, Josh’s outlook turned 180 degrees. He was equally, if not at times more optimistic than I was! I remember many times throughout our journey when something terrible would happen—like another failed month trying to get pregnant or a weird side effect from my cancer treatment—and Josh would say something like, “Maybe this is just part of our story.” Gag! It was often infuriating to hear him meet so many challenges with this optimism. The worst one, I think, was when we were expecting the call from the fertility doctor to tell us if our IVF had worked. Remember, we set up a video camera to record the good news, but instead we were left with a video of one of the darkest days of our lives. After crying with Josh on the sofa for a while, I looked up and noticed the camera. I said, “Oh, Josh! Did you know this was still recording?”

  He looked at me and said, “Yes. I knew whatever we heard, good or bad, would be part of our story.” Gag again!

  Today, after seeing how God has arranged all these pieces into such an incredible life, I have to admit Josh was right: all those things were part of our story. And as I move forward as a woman, wife, and mother, I want to fully embrace the story God is telling about our family. I encourage you to do the same. Whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever is going on in your life right now, you are unique. God is crafting a personal, powerful, wonderfully original story just for you.

  We all live so much of our lives trying not to embrace our story. You might say, “Aly, if you only knew my story, you’d be telling me to run from it, not embrace it!” You’re probably right. That’s why I never say it to someone in their moment of pain. I know from experience it may do more harm than good. Trust me, I never wanted to hear it from Josh when I was balled up on the couch in tears about some diagnosis or bad report. In fact, a few years ago, after I had passed my two-year cancer mark and as we were struggling through infertility, I wrote a blog post titled “This Is Just Part of Our Story”—one of Josh’s favorite expressions. I took a few loving jabs at Josh in that post, but God was also giving me some perspective on what Josh was saying. Here’s an excerpt:

  November 9, 2014

  I get tired of [all this] being a “part of our story.” Why can’t “our story” be one that is typical—free of sickness, hardship, trouble, infertility, pain, and worry?… I, of course, don’t know the answer to why we have gone through suffering like we have. And yes, I wish our life was “easier.” But I will embrace my story. If I just looked at my life and the hardships we’ve endured without trusting in my Creator and friend, I would literally crumble. Seriously.

  I’ve known incredible pain and I’ve known immense joy. It is all part of my story. Because the pain has been so deep, I know the joy will be that much more.

  Life is such a crazy ride. Glad I know Who is directing it, and yes, it’s all a part of our story, even when I want to kick Josh for saying that.

  I honestly don’t know how God gave me the clarity to write, “Because the pain has been so deep, I know the joy will be that much more.” Reading that years later, after I’ve seen Him bring these three beautiful girls into my life and get me safely past the five-year cancer-free celebration, I’m blown away by how true those words are. If it took going through that pain to get where I am today, I’d do every part of it again. If you’re going through a season of darkness and loneliness right now, please trust that there is joy on the other side. Keep pressing on and know you’re not alone! The Storyteller is doing something wonderful in your life, even if you can’t read the whole story yet.

  One warning, though: when I say, “Embrace your story,” I want you to hear, “Embrace your story.” In our social media–filled world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to someone else’s. I’m not just talking about wanting the good things someone else has. That’s the standard social media/jealousy/discontentment trap we hear so much about. No, I’m talking about the opposite. When you’re sick or struggling, it’s easy to let someone else’s bad news throw your own recovery into a tailspin.

  When I was going through cancer, it was so tempting for me to compare my journey to someone else’s—especially if that person had a similar diagnosis. I’d read about her situation and treatment plan and think, She did [fill in the blank]. Maybe I should do that too. While getting information from others was good, I had to constantly remind myself to stay focused on my journey.

  I mentioned previously that the two breast cancer survivors who helped me through my treatments both had recurrences and ultimately passed away. Even now, another dear friend is battling breast cancer a second time. If I’m not careful, fear can overtake me. I can fall into thinking, She’s having a recurrence. She was clear at the five-year mark, but now she has it again. It could happen to me too. No. I love my friend and I’m there to support her, but I’m not living her story; I’m living mine. I can’t let her new fight steal the joy from my own healing.

  The same was true for infertility. I would talk to someone who had tried a certain herb, medication, acupuncture, or fertility doctor and wonder if I should try it too. I spent countless hours on a site called BabyCenter, where I heard women around the world talk about ovulation, pregnancy, miscarriage, and birth stories. I realized I was constantly comparing myself to
them and ultimately had to stop visiting the site for good because I had become obsessed with it.

  It happened again during our adoption journey. We heard so many amazing stories, but people were also quick to fill our minds with their horror stories of failed adoptions. It was easy for us to live in fear, worried that what happened to them would happen to us. Again, we had to filter out those negative voices. We chose to focus on our story and trust that God would lead us where He wanted us. We were determined not to allow others’ experiences to define our own.

  My heart breaks for the trials others are going through, but Josh and I continually remind ourselves that we are living a different story—our story. We believe that I am completely healed and well, even though others have faced a recurrence. We believe that God completely protected my womb and gave us a miracle baby, even though others with the same infertility diagnosis never got pregnant. We believe our girls will be secure, loved, confident, and full of joy, even if others who adopted have had a different outcome. I’m not hiding my head in the sand and refusing to face reality; I’m doing the opposite—I’m living my reality and thanking God for it. I just won’t let someone else’s story derail my own, and neither should you.

  CHOOSE JOY

  Since we’ve been on Rattled for a couple of seasons now, people often recognize us and ask, “How are you guys so happy?” The show documented so many emotional—and often insane—moments in our life. Viewers have watched us cry a lot, but they also see us laugh and smile through it all. So when people ask why we always seem so happy, I give them two answers. First, I tell them it’s easy to be happy when we have so much to be thankful for. God has richly blessed our lives, and we will never fail to give Him glory for that. Second, I tell people that we simply choose joy. There was a time in our life when we felt anything but joyful, but here we are today, blessed beyond imagination. How could we not be joyful?

  I want to be clear here, though. I’m not saying we’re always happy. We definitely are not. My girls already know the difference between happiness and joy. I recently came home from a counseling conference and brought them some new fingernail polish. Genevieve got the biggest smile on her face and said, “Oh, Mom! I’m so happy!” Was she filled with joy over the nail polish? No, she simply felt a rush of happiness at my gift. Five minutes later, the thrill was gone, and she was back to normal.

  Contrast that with our typical routine when I discipline her. When she disobeys, she often has to go into time-out for a little while. When her time’s up, I walk over and ask her to apologize for whatever she did. But then, before she can get up, I ask, “Now, are you ready to choose joy?” Most of the time she lights up and says yes before running off. Other times she tells me she isn’t ready to choose joy, and I tell her that once she is ready to choose it, she can get up. I use that wording intentionally, because I want them to know that joy is a choice, even in times of hardship or, in her case, in times of punishment. Joy isn’t a feeling; it’s an outlook on life. Of course I want my kids to be happy, but I don’t pray for their happiness that much. Instead, I pray that they find their true, unending source of joy in Jesus Christ. They have to choose Him and choose to live in the joy He gives every day, no matter what the circumstances of their lives are at any given time.

  Author and speaker John Bevere says, “The extent to which you suffer should be the extent to which you rejoice.” This has been so true in our life. We have suffered much, and because of that, we rejoice much. Everyone wants the miracle moment, but you don’t get the miracle without first facing the impossible. It’s easy to choose joy when the miracle comes, but I challenge you to choose joy while you’re still waiting. It won’t always be easy or feel natural, but it’s still your choice. Don’t wait to feel it. Choose it.

  PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING

  —JOSH—

  Cancer gave us a perspective on life that we never would have had otherwise. I obviously wish we could have learned it some other way, but that’s not the story God wanted to tell in, through, and for us. So we learned it through cancer. What we discovered through that journey is that people tend to worry and stress about so many things that ultimately don’t matter. And when I say “people,” I mean Josh Taylor. I can be a worrier. It is definitely something I have to constantly keep in check. Aly is the optimistic, glass-half-full one in our relationship. She can usually tell if something is really worth worrying about. Not me. I get so aggravated with myself when I worry about business and financial stuff, even after all the miracles I’ve watched God do. But—and this is important—I worry a heck of a lot less about that stuff than I used to. God’s working on this part of me, constantly showing me that I can trust Him with whatever I’m worried about. If He can heal my wife’s cancer, He can certainly fix a financial bump in the road.

  When Aly became cancer-free, she and I made a pact that we would not get caught up in all the things the world gets caught up in. That may mean we never live in a nicer, bigger house. It may mean our kids aren’t involved in a ton of activities. It may mean we’ll always look weird to other people. Who cares? As Christians, aren’t we supposed to stand out and look different from the world? We don’t want to waste our time on things that don’t matter; we’d rather pour our time and energy into things that honor God, advance His kingdom, and bring real joy into our lives. It’s hard to do that if we’re worrying about pesky little annoyances all the time.

  Again, I’m still a work in progress on this, but fortunately, I have Aly keeping me on track. She told me recently that she doesn’t even believe in bad days anymore. I love that perspective. Any day we’re alive on this earth is a good day. Sure, bad things can happen (and often do), but every day we’re here is one more day that God has blessed us with life and endless opportunities.

  Our “Houston family,” the Stanfills, made a huge impression on us during Aly’s cancer treatments. We lived with them during much of our time in Houston, and we forged a bond that will last a lifetime. Before we left for the hospital each day, Tammy would always send us off with a hearty, “Make a great day!” I love the way she phrased it. She didn’t say “Have a good day” or “I hope you have a good day.” She was crystal clear: “Make a great day.” She helped us understand that our perspective was our choice. We could choose to let the circumstances of life bring us down, or we could take her advice and make every day a great day. That’s what we’ve tried to do every day since then, and that’s what we’re teaching our daughters to do.

  SPEAK LIFE

  —ALY—

  Another huge lesson I learned during cancer was how powerful words can be. At church one Sunday during my treatments in Houston, I went down front for prayer. A kind lady partnered to pray with me, and I gave her a quick rundown on what I was going through. Then I asked for prayers for my complete healing. The woman looked me square in the eyes, grabbed my face with both hands, and said, “Darling, you are healed and you are whole.” She was so certain; it was honestly a bit unsettling. I remember thinking, Um, no, I’m not. I have cancer. Do you need to see the doctor’s report? But as she spoke, her message started to make sense to me. She continued, “You must walk in faith, honey. You are healed. You are whole. I want you to start saying that. I want you to start saying that out loud. Will you do that?”

  It took a huge step of faith, but I took her advice. I started telling myself—out loud—that I was healed. Over and over, every day I said, “Aly, you are healed. You are whole.” Just saying my own words, spoken in faith, boosted my faith more than I can say. I started by making myself say it; then, over time, I actually started believing it. I discovered the truth of Proverbs 18:21: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” That truth has changed my life.

  At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I believe you can change the course of your life with the power of your words. If you don’t change anything about yourself except the words that come out of your mouth, your life would still be entirely different. Try it! It’s not about false
confidence or the power of positive thinking; it’s about speaking words of life. I now do this with everything, especially my children.

  I once feared that I talked about my kids too much, that I was simply bragging and being an obsessive mom. As I prayed about it, though, I realized I wasn’t bragging; I was speaking words of life about them. I never want my children to doubt who they are. I want each of them to always remember what a miraculous treasure they are, so I tell them. A lot. I tell them what I see in them, and I tell them how God sees them. I brag to them and others about their character and God-given gifts. As they get older, I want those to be the things they hear from me. I’d rather fill their ears with who they are, not what they can do. Yes, we’ll talk about grades and college. And if they can’t carry a tune in a bucket, I’ll probably suggest they not try out for American Idol or The Voice. But more than any of that, I will always tell them who they are in the eyes of their mom, their dad, and their heavenly Father.

  —JOSH—

  Because I’m naturally not as positive as Aly is, she’ll correct me for saying something negative or for having a certain tone in my voice. Sometimes it’s over-the-top, but I love that she’s so concerned with the words we say and how we say them. She’s helped me understand the weight of my words. I don’t want to be the kind of person who always has a negative thing to say about others or certain situations. Instead, I want to speak in faith, saying words of life over my wife, kids, family, friends, work, and myself. My God is the God of the impossible, so why would I want my words to show otherwise? I want my words—our words—to change the world. I truly believe that they can.