Aly's Fight

by Aly Taylor

  THE BEST ADVICE I’VE EVER RECEIVED

  —ALY—

  I was writing in a journal about a year ago and came across this question: “What is the best advice you have ever received?” I really thought about this. I thought about my mom always telling me to “kill people with kindness.” I thought about my high school Bible teacher teaching us about Jesus loving the least of these. I thought about our Houston mom, Tammy, always telling us to “Make a great day!” But then it hit me. I knew what the best piece of advice I ever received was. It came in one of my darkest moments and has brought me through every moment since.

  When I was about a year out of my cancer treatment, I started having debilitating headaches. I wrote about this in an earlier chapter. One day I was lying in bed not wanting to move when my mother-in-law, Renea, called to check on me. I’m not sure if Josh told her to call me, or if she was calling to check on me on her own. When she asked how I was doing, I could tell she really wanted to know. So I asked her if we could go talk somewhere. Honestly, I was at the end of my rope, and I wanted some advice. I was in so much pain. I didn’t know if I should go see another doctor, if I should try to pray it away, or if I was going crazy! I just needed someone to tell me what to do.

  She picked me up and we drove around for a while. Eventually she pulled over into a gas station parking lot so we could talk some more, and I lost it. I cried my eyes out, probably not making any sense at all. She listened to me for a while, and when I was finished, there was silence. I asked, “What do you think I should do? Do you have any advice?” After a long pause, she said she wasn’t sure. But she did have one piece of advice. I could tell she was nervous to share because it wasn’t the advice I was wanting to hear, but she pressed on out of pure love for me. She told me something her mother had said to her throughout her whole life: simply say the name of Jesus. Renea explained that her mom did this all the time—when she knew what to do, but even more so when she didn’t. She explained that there is power in the name of Jesus and that I didn’t have to have the right words to pray or go through a checklist of things to make myself feel better. I just needed to draw near to Him and say His name.

  Of course, she wasn’t saying I shouldn’t go to a doctor as well. She wasn’t even saying I shouldn’t be concerned or pray about it. She just wanted me to understand that there is power in Jesus’s name, and when we don’t know what else to do or say, His name is enough. I used her advice when getting an MRI for the headaches I had after my cancer treatments and it immediately calmed my nerves. Jesus was, and is, always with us. If this is the only thing you remember from this book, I believe reading it was still worth your time: when you don’t know what to do—and even when you do—just say His name.

  WE WILL OVERCOME

  —JOSH AND ALY—

  We have shared our story with others since Aly’s initial cancer diagnosis on October 17, 2011. We’ve blogged, spoken in churches, been interviewed on the Today Show, on other television networks, in magazines and journals, and, of course, given America a front-row seat to our lives through Rattled. Through it all, people have asked us why we share so openly. There are many reasons why, but it all comes back to one main reason: we are overcomers. Revelation 12:11 says, “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony” (NKJV). Those two separate, distinct parts—the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony—are so important, and we always want to be faithful to remember each one.

  God has done so much in our life; He has poured out His love, grace, power, and healing more times than we can count. He was with us in the unfinished house when we first got the call that Aly had cancer. He was with us in Houston through all the treatments. He was with us throughout years of surgeries and reconstruction. He was with us through the trials and heartache of infertility. He was with us when Karen chose us to adopt Genevieve. He was with us when we got pregnant with Vera against all odds. He was with us when Karen’s first instinct when she got pregnant again was to call us to adopt Lydia. He was with us as we celebrated five years cancer-free. God. Is. With. Us. Always and forever, He is with us. Our strength and our shield. Our Savior and Protector. Our Healer and Comforter. Our Lord and our God. He has given us everything, and we will shout the word of our testimony from the rooftops in honor and awe of what He has done.

  So here’s our challenge to you. Are you overcoming obstacles in your life? If you’re not, why not? If you have accepted Jesus as the King of your life, you’ve got one part of the equation down. But don’t skip the second part: your testimony. Share your story. Talk about what God has done, is doing, and will do in your life. It doesn’t have to be a blog, a book, or a reality TV show, but do something. Share you story. Be open and vulnerable, even if it’s just being honest with a group of friends about what’s going on in your life. It’s not enough to only embrace your story; you have to share it as well.

  You’ve read our story.

  We are Josh and Aly Taylor.

  We are overcomers.

  We are cancer survivors.

  We are infertility conquerors.

  We are blessed by adoption.

  We are on a TV show.

  We are cool with having our plans destroyed, because we know God’s plans are better.

  And we will never, never stop sharing what He has done.

  Please determine to overcome and have your plans destroyed alongside us! We hope and pray you will invite Jesus into your life, genuinely ask Him to destroy your plans, and embrace the entirely better plans He has for you, even when you have no indication His plans are better. Trust us. Trust Him. They are. And once you discover that, share your incredible story about your plans being destroyed.

  CHAPTER 15

  LIFE-GIVING RESOURCES

  —ALY—

  During my cancer, infertility, adoption, and pregnancy journeys, there were many practical things that helped Josh and I get through each battle. I hope this section serves as a resource for you that you can turn to as you might fight a comparable battle to the ones we shared here, or you are wondering how to help someone who has fought a similar battle.

  As you know well by now, I don’t like the unknowns in life, and I so desired people to tell me what to do during my journey. Unfortunately, there weren’t many “to dos,” and that was an incredible lesson for me during my journey. Instead of the “to dos” I desperately desired, there was a lot of waiting and praying; however, there were things that helped me, and here is where I will share some of the most helpful and practical things Josh and I found during our journeys. I pray the things that helped me will help you too.

  As we’ve walked this road, however, we’ve found that many people simply don’t know what to do to support their friends and family members who have had their world rocked by a cancer diagnosis, a negative pregnancy test, failed fertility treatments, adoption struggles, and more. Every act of service was precious to us as we were fighting our battles, but honestly, not everything that came our way was helpful. We learned so much from our loved ones and we pray we can teach you a trick or two about how to care for those facing a devastating illness.

  BE THE BODY OF CHRIST

  Of all the wonderful gifts and acts of service our friends did for us during any of our battles, the thing that helped me the most were their prayers. If you tell someone you’re going to pray for them, take it seriously. Go to battle for them. Fall on your knees before your heavenly Father for them. So often we tell people we’ll pray for them and then either forget or just add their name to a one-time prayer list. Don’t do that! Cancer patients are literally fighting for their lives; if you promise to pray for them, you’re volunteering to serve the war effort!

  For example, I often got texts in the middle of the night from people saying the Holy Spirit woke them up to pray for me. People like this—true prayer warriors—offered to pray for me, and then they’d come back to me later and tell me the specific things they prayed for. They proactively asked J
osh and me what exactly they could pray for, what we were worried about, and what doctor appointments were coming up that week.

  I remember going to bed so many nights nervous about whether I’d be able to sleep or not. I had so much on my mind, it was hard to truly relax and drift off to sleep. So Josh and I asked people to pray specifically for my sleep—and they did! Almost every night I’d get messages from prayer partners telling me they were praying for me to sleep soundly. One night a friend sent me this Scripture verse, which became dear to me throughout my battle: “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” (Proverbs 3:24). God is so good, and He answers His children’s prayers!

  Prayer Meetings

  We told you earlier about the prayer-filled send-off party our friends and family gave us before we left for that first trip to Houston. I also had a different kind of prayer meeting around that same time. It was more like an intervention—they were intervening on my behalf to God for my healing. I was invited to my friends Margot and Ainsley’s house. As I arrived, they immediately sat me on the couch and held my hands. I didn’t know what was about to happen. They brought me a little white stapled book. I could tell it was a book full of scriptures. On the cover it had Matthew 18:19–20: “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

  They sat with me for the next hour reading every scripture in the book, praying with me, and trusting with me that I was healed—that it had already been done. My job, then, was to walk out my journey in faith. This was the moment I truly started to understand what it meant to have people fighting your battles with and for you. These dear friends were not going to let me leave town without fully believing in my healing. They were willing to do whatever it took to give me hope and to fill me with faith in the Lord’s healing power through Scripture. This is a picture of the body of Christ in action.

  This same group of people always expected healing, and that positivity is desperately needed by people going through cancer. I remember how the people around me agonized and waited with me for news after every test, scan, and appointment. I needed people in those moments to fully expect me to be healed and remind me of Isaiah 53:5: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed” (NKJV). It’s hard to walk into a doctor’s office and not know what news you’re going to receive. It’s a lot easier to face those conversations when the people around you feed your faith by saying things like, “Can’t wait to hear the good results!” or “What an incredible testimony you will have!”

  Mark 2 People

  This same group of people prayed for us as we walked through our infertility and adoption journeys. As I stated earlier, we referred to these friends as our Mark 2 friends. We needed people to believe with us and have faith that what Jesus says in His Word will actually come to pass.

  When I was going through infertility and did IVF (which you now know did not result in pregnancy), I sent out an email each day to my Mark 2 people, asking them to pray a specific prayer with us. I knew there was power in corporate prayer, and I needed faith-filled prayer like never before.

  Here is an example of an email I sent out during my IVF. I called it my “Battle Plan.”

  Battle Plan Day 5

  Friday, July 18, 2014

  Stimulation Injections Start Today

  My beginning injections have continued to go well. I have some bruising from the injections, but it really doesn’t hurt much. It looks worse than it hurts. My two new stimulation drugs start today! So that will make 4 injections total a day. I am somewhat nervous about these… bigger needles, but these are the hardcore medications. And I am on the highest dosage possible on all medications. Apparently my ovaries will greatly increase in size, which could cause some pain and discomfort. But they are increased to make more eggs, so bring it on.

  There are many steps to this process, but my doctor’s main hope and concern is that we will have eggs to retrieve and then that they are of good quality. The blood test I had showed that was unlikely, but we are believing differently. So lots of eggs and good quality eggs are huge for me and us making a baby!

  Prayer points:

  • These new medications help me produce more eggs than the doctors expect.

  • The eggs produced will be of perfect quality and they will be able to retrieve plenty of them.

  • That we put our faith in God, not totally in these medications. He alone is the author of life.

  • That God will increase our faith and for fear to leave. We want excitement and expectation to take over.

  • That we don’t have any trouble in administering injections.

  • That I will have no adverse side effects to this medication. That my ovaries will not have any adverse long-term harmful effects.

  • That Josh and I will be given wisdom as this process begins. We need clear guidance on how to proceed with this process.

  • That God will provide for us financially as we begin this expensive process.

  Scripture to Personally Confess:

  “Children are a gift from the LORD;

  they are a reward from him.

  Children born to [Aly and Josh]

  are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.

  How joyful [are Aly and Josh] whose quiver is full of them!

  [They] will not be put to shame when [they confront their] accusers at the city gates.”

  —Psalm 127:3–5 (NLT)

  Confession to Pray:

  “Father, no plague, no evil shall come near Josh and Aly’s dwelling. Aly is healed by the stripes of Jesus. Sickness of any kind is taken out of her midst. You said ask anything of You in Jesus’s name and it would be done; and that if two of us on earth agree on anything it would be done. So we pray and agree with You and Your word, Father, that Aly and Josh will conceive and bring forth a healthy, precious baby to Your glory and honor.”

  You may wonder, Wow, that is amazing! But, Aly, you didn’t get pregnant with IVF. Your so-called “battle plan” did not work. Yes, what we were praying and believing for didn’t happen like we thought it would. But, man, did our faith grow like never before. And, as you know now, God did give us what we believed for in His perfect timing, not ours. As we prayed the same prayers and walked through each day together, God moved. And once we learned I wasn’t pregnant, we trusted in His will and His timing.

  Faith builds faith, and having others help build my faith with their own gave me new strength, kept my hope alive, and transformed my attitude. With friends like that, I couldn’t help but believe I was healed. If you know others are walking through cancer or another terrible illness, I strongly encourage you to speak life to them. Be the hope and encouragement they need. Help keep their faith alive by pouring your faith into them!

  LEND YOUR EXPERTISE AND OFFER SPECIFIC HELP

  —JOSH—

  When Aly was diagnosed, I quickly realized how much I hadn’t done to help other people going through that kind of nightmare. Sure, I was only twenty-seven at the time, but there’s still so much I could have done to be a blessing to the hurting people in my community. Going forward, Aly and I made a commitment to serve others however we could, whether it’s in big or small ways. Fortunately, the people in our life stepped up and modeled what that kind of loving care and service can look like.

  One of the biggest blessings we received came soon after Aly’s initial diagnosis. We mentioned earlier in the book that we were in the process of building a house at the time, and we were doing a lot of the work ourselves to save money. Obviously, once we learned Aly had cancer, everything stopped on the house. I couldn’t imagine wasting an ounce of energy or effort on the house when my wife needed all I had to offer. She was my priority; the house could wait.

  A couple of weeks after we
got the news about Aly’s cancer, our friend, Jonathan, approached me and asked if he could help finish the house for us. That would have been a great offer from anyone, but this guy happens to be one of the best contractors in town. He wasn’t just offering to swing a hammer for us; he was offering his full expertise as a contractor to finish our home. I can’t tell you what this meant to me. My friend, seeing this very specific need—and knowing he was specifically equipped to meet it—stepped in. As a result, we ended up with a much nicer house than we would have had if I had done all the work myself. With my friend’s help (along with the help of our neighbors and church family) our house was ready just after Christmas that year!

  —ALY—

  Another thing that helped us tremendously was getting help on specific things. I learned through my cancer journey that it’s hard for me to accept help from people. People always said, “Let me know if I can do anything,” or “What can I do to help?” Almost every time early on, I’d reply, “Oh, we’re good, but thanks!” Or I’d tell them I’d let them know if I thought of something—but then never did. What a waste! I had a whole community of people around me who wanted to help; all I had to do was give them some direction on how to help—but I didn’t do it.

  However—and this is key—I realized I was a lot more comfortable accepting people’s help when they offered something specific. If someone said, “What do you need?” I couldn’t tell them. It felt too much like an imposition. But if they said, “Give me your grocery list; I’m going to the store for you,” I didn’t hesitate to let them help. Other times someone might say, “I’m bringing you guys dinner tonight. What do you want?” There’s so much freedom in that kind of offer, because you aren’t putting the burden of the request on the sick person. Instead, you’re taking the initiative to identify a specific need and proactively telling them you’re going to meet it.