A Reckless Life

by Michelle Files

  “Didn’t we already cover this yesterday?” I asked her. It was getting old listening to everyone tell me how young and incapable I was.

  “Yes,” Sarah continued. “But we had a long talk about this last night, just the two of us, without his mother,” she said, looking over at Adam.

  So far, Adam had not said a word. He was letting Sarah do all the talking.

  “And I know that you and Adam are not on the best of terms right now.” She sounded almost sincere. “That’s why I’m here to help.”

  “Okay.” I had such a way with words.

  “Anyway, we want to offer you some money to help you get back on your feet after you have the baby.”

  It took me a moment and then it hit me. “Wait, you want me to sell my baby to you?” I asked her.

  “No. No, of course not,” Adam finally jumped in. “We want you to give us the baby, and we want to just help you out.”

  “That sounds a lot like baby selling to me!” I yelled, jumping up out of my seat. “This was Violet’s idea, wasn’t it?”

  “No, why would you say that? She has nothing to do with this,” Adam said.

  “Because Violet already tried that and it didn’t work. What makes you think you can talk me into it if she couldn’t?”

  “She did what?” Adam asked me. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?”

  His eyes went wide and he looked really scared that I would blow his cover. He obviously already knew. He and I had a big blow up about it after he heard me and Violet talking about it. But, I played along. Maybe it would help me score some points with him. What did I have to lose? He already hated me. It couldn’t get any worse.

  “Probably because I told her there was no way I would do that,” I said, and was starting to get very agitated.

  “When did this happen?” Sarah asked. She looked like she was starting to put the pieces together.

  “It was before Adam and I even started seeing each other. She wanted me to seduce Adam and get pregnant on purpose. She said she needed an heir and you couldn’t provide that,” I blurted out without thinking.

  “What?!” Sarah yelled this time, jumping up out of her chair.

  Oh crap. What have I done?

  Chapter 20

  “Okay calm down,” Adam told Sarah, taking her hand and urging her to sit back down.

  Sarah sat back down and wouldn’t look at me, keeping her eyes lowered. She looked like she was about to cry.

  “How could you do this? How could you sleep with my husband and get pregnant?” She was deeply hurt. I could see it on her face.

  At that moment, I finally got it. I finally understood what I had done to her. Sarah had married the man she loved, the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with, maybe have a houseful of children, and grow old together. Then I came along and screwed everything up. I had no right to do that. He belonged to her, not to me. Now I was having his child and she wasn’t. Of course she was hurt. Who wouldn’t be? I felt like such a terrible person.

  “I’m really very sorry. We can’t help it that we fell in love,” I told her. In my 15 year old mind, that was an apology.

  Sarah looked me straight in the eyes then. “Fell in love? What are you talking about?” She looked over at Adam. “You told me it was just a couple of times. Did you lie to me about that too?”

  Adam glared at me and then turned to Sarah. “Sweetheart, maybe we should talk about this in private.” He took her hand and tried to gently get her to stand up and leave the room with him. She jerked her hand free and didn’t budge from her chair. He sat back down.

  “I don’t want to talk about this in private. Everyone has been lying to me and it’s time that I know the truth. All of it. About everything.” She looked back and forth between Adam and me.

  I was tired of the lies too and decided it was time to come clean.

  “Everything I’ve told you is the truth,” I said. “Violet came to me and tried to get me to seduce Adam and get pregnant. I told her no. Then Adam and I started seeing each other anyway, and fell in love. Well, I fell in love anyway. I can’t say for sure if he was in love or not. You will have to ask him that.”

  We both looked at Adam then and he lowered his eyes in shame. He wasn’t about to admit anything to either one of us at that moment. Any answer he gave was going to get him into a lot of trouble. He couldn’t win.

  I continued. “Either way, that’s obviously not the case now. We have no relationship at all anymore. Anyhow, I got pregnant on accident. I did not plan it. We did not plan it together. Violet had nothing to do with our relationship, no matter how hard she tried to manipulate me and no matter how much she wants to take credit for it.” I took a deep breath. “That’s pretty much it.”

  “I see,” she said, nodding.

  It appeared to me that she believed me. Though I’m sure that she was still very hurt and very angry about the whole thing, she seemed calmer about it all of a sudden.

  “Well, there’s nothing we can do about this now. You are pregnant, that’s a fact, and we all need to figure out what to do about that. Adam and I will deal with the rest of it in private. So, we want to go back to where this conversation started and ask you to give us the baby.” She looked at me, with big eyes and hope written all over her face.

  I knew that I had no business raising a baby on my own. I wasn’t currently doing drugs, but knew that I might not be able to stay off of them forever. I vowed to stay clean, but just didn’t know if it was possible. Drugs were a constant threat in my life. I was at least smart enough to know that I didn’t want my baby mixed up in all that. I was starting to see the wisdom in giving my baby a better life than I could offer him or her. And I didn’t want a baby, not really. Not now at least. One day probably, but not now. I was far too young and knew it.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?” I was actually surprised that she would want to raise the love child of her husband and his mistress.

  “Yes. Definitely,” Adam chimed in. They both had a look of desperation on their faces.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, I’ll do it.” I almost regretted it the second those words left my lips.

  Both Adam and Sarah jumped up out of their seats and hugged me. I started to cry. They both sat back down and tried to console me. I think they knew how hard this decision was for me. Adam left for a couple of minutes to get me some water and tissues. When he returned, I found out the rest of the plan.

  “There’s something else we have to talk to you about,” Adam said.

  “Like what? What else could there possibly be? I’m going to let you adopt my baby and probably never see it again. Isn’t that enough?” I just didn’t need anymore surprises.

  “We want everyone to think that I’m the one having the baby.” She kind of grimaced when she said that, like she was terrified of my reaction. “I want to pretend that I’m pregnant. We want everyone we know to think this is actually our baby, not one that we adopted.”

  “I see. Didn’t we already talk about this?” I asked them. “Exactly how is that going to work?”

  “Well, yes, but we didn’t get a straight answer. We haven’t really worked out all the details yet, but you will stay in the house until the baby is born. There’s probably no way to hide the fact that you are pregnant from the staff, but maybe you can tell them that you have a boyfriend in town and it’s his. I would be pretending to be pregnant at the same time, so no one should catch on,” Sarah told me.

  It sure sounded to me like they had it all worked out already, even making up a fake boyfriend for me. Who would catch on anyway? It was such a ridiculous plan that no one would ever think that’s what was going on.

  “Okay, whatever. I guess it doesn’t really matter to me if people think you gave birth to the baby. I will be leaving afterward and won’t be around anyway. I do have one condition, though. Violet can’t be in charge of anything regarding the baby. I don’t want her influencing his or h
er life in any way whatsoever.”

  “Deal,” they both said at the same time. They looked at each other and smiled, then looked at me. They seemed a bit embarrassed that this made them so happy and me so miserable.

  And miserable I was. I went immediately to my room and cried for hours. I cried for my baby, but mostly for myself. I would never know my own child. I would never see him or her grow up, become an adult and have children of their own. Yes, I would probably have more children, but I knew in my heart that I would always love and long for this child. He or she would never leave my heart.

  I refused to leave my room for days. Oliver sent a couple of the housekeepers to fetch me, but I wouldn’t budge. I didn’t care if he was angry at me or not. I knew that he couldn’t fire me. I would go back to work when I was good and ready. Even Adam came to my room to see if I was okay. I told him I didn’t want to talk to anyone and he gave me my space. At least he was considerate enough to have Oliver make me a tray three times a day and send it to my room. I’m sure Oliver was furious at that. He had no idea what was going on with me and probably didn’t understand why no one fired me. They would certainly do that to him if he were acting the way I was acting. But, none of that mattered to me. I was safe for several more months. I could pretty much get away with anything I wanted. No one was going to get rid of me while I was carrying the heir to the fortune.

  When I finally decided to venture out from my room, I went directly into town to see Huck. I knew his schedule and timed my visit perfectly to the end of his shift. He hugged me tight when he saw me standing outside waiting for him.

  “So, I told Adam about the baby,” I said as we started walking down the street, with no destination in mind.

  “How did he take it?”

  “He was really excited at first, until I told him I was only 15 years old. That freaked him out.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it did. Does Sarah know?”

  “She knows.”

  He didn’t respond for a minute. He did seem like he had something on his mind though.

  “So, I’ve been thinking,” he started.

  “About what?”

  “About the baby. And about us. I know you are in love with Adam, but that’s probably not going to happen. He’s married, and you even said that he probably won’t leave his wife.”

  “Yeah, I know. So, what’s your point?” He really didn’t need to rub it in.

  “My point is that I still love you. I want us to be a family. You, me, and the little one. I have a job and can support us. I love kids and would be a great dad.” He seemed so sincere.

  “I know you would. But I can’t. We can’t. I’m not going to keep the baby.” I almost started crying, but took a deep breath and calmed myself. Getting emotional now was not going to make this any easier.

  “What is that supposed to mean? Are you getting rid of the baby? Please don’t do that.” He seemed very upset by that.

  “No. No, of course not. I would never do that,” I replied.

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  Oh boy, how in the world was I going to explain all of this mess to him? His offer was almost tempting, but I couldn’t do that to him. I didn’t love him and it wouldn’t be fair. He didn’t need a girl that didn’t love him and a baby complicating his life. He needed to be free to find his own true love. I owed him that much.

  At that moment, I noticed a cop and a young man, maybe 19 or 20, walking toward us. The cop wasn’t wearing a uniform, but I saw his badge and gun under his suit jacket. I turned my head so he wouldn’t see my face. I really had no idea if my parents had the cops looking for me or not, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

  “Huck, how have you been?” the cop said, as he passed. He never slowed down, continuing to walk past us.

  “Hi detective. I’m fine. Thank you.”

  That was the end of the conversation. The young man with him never said a word. He did glare at Huck as they passed though, and it was definitely a hateful glare.

  “What was that all about?” I asked Huck, once they were out of earshot.

  “Nothing. What do you mean?”

  “How do you know that detective? And who was that with him?”

  “That was just my friend, Sam Perez, and his dad. Sam is an ex-friend actually. We used to be friends, but got in a big fight over a girl, and now we aren’t friends. That’s pretty much it.”

  “That must be why he glared at you as he walked by.”

  “I don’t really know why he’s mad at me. He’s still dating the girl, so he won. He has no reason to hate me. But, whatever. I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about you and the baby.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  I spent the next few minutes telling him about my plan with Adam and Sarah. He didn’t like it at all, but it was not his choice. He told me that he was going to spend the next few months trying to change my mind. He could try, but it wouldn’t work. I had made up my mind.

  Chapter 21

  The next morning I got up bright and early and reported to work in the kitchen. Oliver was shocked that I actually showed up. He made some snide comment about it being nice that I decided to make an appearance. I ignored him and set about my day.

  That afternoon, right after I finished cleaning up after lunch, the doorbell rang. Normally I didn’t answer the door, but I was walking by, so I went ahead and opened the door. It was a delivery of several large boxes for Sarah. I signed for them, then noticed what they were: a crib, dresser and changing table. It was just too much and I ran to my room before anyone noticed how visibly upset I was.

  Over the next few days, Sarah told everyone she knew that they were expecting. She didn’t keep the ‘good news’ from anyone that would listen. I heard her tell them all about their plans for the new baby and the nursery they were setting up and names they were thinking of. My name never entered the conversation, not that I expected it to. It was just that I seemed to be completely forgotten. Neither Sarah nor Adam so much as looked my way when I was serving them their meals, or passed them in the hall. But, Violet gave me ‘knowing looks.’ I was actually surprised that she didn’t gloat my way. That was fine with me.

  The fewer the people that knew about the whole sordid mess, the better. At that point, only Adam, Sarah, Violet, and Huck knew the truth.

  A couple of days later, my sixteenth birthday came and went, without even a mention. I’m sure no one at the ranch had any idea it was my birthday and it really made me miss my parents. They would have made such a big deal about it. It was one of the saddest days of my life and I spent the day in my room sulking.

  Over the next few months, I started to show and just explained to the staff that I was pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. I got a few raised eyebrows, but no one made any comments about it to my face. I never left the ranch the entire time. Adam and Sarah didn’t want anyone outside the ranch to know I was pregnant. I’m not really sure why. It wasn’t like anyone was going to figure out that Sarah was faking her pregnancy and I was going to give them my baby. Wow, the whole thing sounded completely ludicrous when I thought about it. Sarah, on the other hand, had no problem running around all over town, talking to people about the baby on the way, with her fake belly getting bigger and bigger.

  They did offer me a good chunk of money to keep my mouth shut. I figured I was going to need it once the baby was born. There was no way they would let me keep my job after that. It would be weird anyway for me to be working at the house with my child there, being raised by someone else. That would never work. I wasn’t really a prisoner, but it certainly felt that way. I couldn’t even go into town to see Huck. He did come by a few times to see me, but he didn’t feel very welcome and didn’t stay long.

  “You really need to get away from this house and these people,” Huck told me one day, when we were sitting in the garden.

  “They gave me a lot of money to stay here and give them the baby. I can’t leave.”

  “Yes you
can. What are they going to do? Call the cops? No, that wouldn’t happen. They have basically bought your baby from you and that is completely illegal. They would never go to the cops. So, you don’t owe them anything. You and I can leave together. Just give them the money back, if you want. We will be fine without it.”

  “Have you forgotten that this is Adam’s baby too? It’s not like I’m giving it to complete strangers. He is the father after all. And, as much as I don’t like Sarah, I have to admit that I think she will be a good mother. She seems really excited to be getting this baby. Besides, I made a commitment to them and I plan to stick by my word. I can’t raise a child anyway.” I was so tired of having to defend my actions to everyone at the house. I shouldn’t have to defend myself to Huck also.

  “But I would be helping you. You don’t have to do this alone,” he pleaded.

  “Please, Huck, stop harassing me about this. I’m not going to change my mind. What’s done is done.” I had had enough. I got up and walked into the house, leaving him sitting there on the bench in the garden. He didn’t follow me.

  “Abbey,” Sarah cornered me in the hall as soon as she saw me walk in, “I’m having a few friends over tomorrow for a baby shower. I want everything to be perfect and have already given the refreshments list to Oliver. Please make sure that everything goes smoothly.” It wasn’t a request, but more of a demand.

  “Of course.”

  The next morning, Oliver and I set about making the food and drinks for her baby shower. I couldn’t believe that she was having me do all the work for the baby shower she was throwing for my baby, while she was lying to everyone around her about it. But, I had agreed to the situation at hand, so what was I going to say about it?

  Twelve women showed up to the baby shower. Honestly I didn’t know there were even twelve people that liked her enough to come. Apparently I was wrong. Violet was conspicuously absent. Perhaps she didn’t see any need to go to a baby shower when Sarah wasn’t even pregnant. While everyone was settling in, I served the drinks. Everyone had alcohol, except Sarah. She needed to keep appearances up. By the time the food arrived, everyone was a bit sloshy. As I served the food, one of them noticed I was pregnant.