Broken Together

by Cassie Beebe

  “No, thank you!” she exclaimed, squeezing his arm. “I know that was probably the last thing you wanted to do tonight, but it was awesome. I think if I lived here, I would be at that place every night.”

  “You would love living here,” he noted with a smirk. “The city that never sleeps is perfect for extroverted insomniacs.”

  She giggled at that, and they both paused their wandering trek to admire the massive Christmas tree, ornately decorated and lighting up all of Rockefeller Center.

  Carolers sang at the base of tree, making much more beautiful music than the tunes they heard at the bar. Jacob looked up to the sky, but despite the clear night, the lights of the city still rendered the stars dim and distant.

  When he looked ahead again, he could feel Jenna’s eyes on him.

  He turned to her, and a small aftershock of the electricity he felt in the bar ran along his spine.

  Jenna cleared her throat and dropped his arm, reaching into her bag.

  “I have something for you,” she announced.

  “Oh?” Jacob asked, confused as to how she would have had the opportunity to get him a gift. And with a burst of panic, remembering the holiday, he was suddenly embarrassed he hadn’t thought to get one for her.

  “It’s not wrapped, so you have to close your eyes,” she said, sneakily pulling something from her over-sized purse and holding it behind her back.

  Once his eyes were closed, she ordered him to hold out his hands, and a moment later, he felt a bundle of fabric against his palms.

  “Okay, open,” she said, the smile audible in her voice.

  He opened his eyes and looked at the red and black checkered fabric. Unfolding it carefully, he discovered it was a flannel shirt, similar in style to the blue one he already owned, but with a different pattern and color.

  “Now you have three shirts,” she said.

  He laughed loudly. “I do actually own more than two shirts, you know.”

  “Well, yeah, now,” she said, her lips pulling up into a teasing smirk.

  He chuckled again, slipping his arms into the sleeves and straightening the collar. He tugged on the bottom of the sleeves, checking the fit. Looking up at her again, he held out his arms for approval. “Well?”

  She stepped back to appraise him, cocking her head to the side. “I like it,” she smiled. “It has a sort of ‘hipster meets lumberjack’ kind of vibe.”

  “And that’s… good?” he raised an eyebrow.

  “Yes,” she stated with a nod.

  He smiled. “Good. And thank you. I like it, too.”

  The temperature had already dropped a few degrees since they left the bar, so he kept the shirt on, happy to have a thin layer of protection against the low breeze.

  “I feel kinda bad…,” Jacob trailed off with a cringe. “I didn’t get you anything.”

  “Oh, please,” she scoffed, waving off his worries. “You got me a trip to New York City,” she declared, gesturing at the sight before them.

  “Yeah. But, still,” he muttered, wishing he had remembered the custom of giving gifts on holidays.

  “Seriously, Jacob,” Jenna interrupted his thoughts. “This week has been really great.”

  Her kind smile turned bashful, and he wondered if she had the same memories flitting through her mind as he did. Bonding over music on the car ride to the city, him holding her hand at Bellevue, her finally opening up about the reason for her frequent insomnia. The pulsing current flowing between them as they sang to each other about delicious lips the thrill of touching hands.

  “Yeah,” he smiled. “It’s… really been grand.”

  She smirked at the line from the song, sliding her arm back through his and turning her attention to the carolers. They were closing out their final song for the night, and though the city still swirled around them, vibrantly alive and ever-moving, time passed more slowly where they stood. The sounds of car horns and chatting pedestrians faded behind the poignant final notes of the singers, until the last word faded away with the rest of the noise, leaving behind nothing but the cool breeze.

  “Hey,” he whispered, looking down at her head resting on his shoulder.

  She peeked up at him.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  She smiled. “Merry Christmas, Jacob.”

  IT WASN’T UNTIL THEIR last night in New York that they finally got around to eating at the Italian diner Jenna wanted to try out. Every night they stopped by, the wait was hours long, so they finally decided to just make a reservation for their final night, to go out with a bang.

  Jacob wasn’t sure the food was worth the wait, but Jenna seemed to enjoy the ambiance of the restaurant, if not the meal itself.

  “Interesting,” she said clinically, chewing her first bite of authentic New-York-Style pizza.

  “The verdict?” Jacob prodded, taking a massive bite of his own folded slice.

  She chewed thoughtfully, narrowing her eyes as she focused on the food. Finally, she swallowed and said, “I mean, I don’t know if you can really call it pizza, but it’s good, I guess.”

  “Oh, my gosh,” Jacob dropped his slice on his plate, shaking his head in disbelief. “You did not just say that.”

  “Well, what do you want me to say?” she exclaimed, gesturing to the slices left on the platter in between them. “It’s just, like, a thin piece of bread with sauce and cheese,” she shrugged. “Now, Chicago, on the other hand, has the best pizza in the world.”

  Jacob’s eyes widened as he glanced around the room and leaned forward to whisper to her. “For the love of God, do not let anyone in this restaurant hear you say those words.”

  She giggled at the intense, conspiratorial look on his face. “What, will we be kicked out of the diner?”

  “We’ll be kicked out of the city!”

  They recapped their week as they ate, reminiscing over the sights they saw and the things they did. Despite living in New York his whole life, Jacob had never gotten around to doing many of the touristy things, like seeing the view from the top of the Statue of Liberty, or exploring all of the museums and monuments.

  The one thing he did always look forward to each year was watching the ball drop on New Year’s. He wished they could have extended their trip long enough to see it together, but classes were set to start soon, and they needed to get settled in Ohio again before being thrusted back into school-mode.

  Laughter erupted from a large crowd in the semi-private party room behind Jenna in the restaurant. Jacob glanced up at the doorway, and the blue and yellow jerseys of his old high school caught his eye. His heartrate spiked out of pure instinct.

  Jenna was prattling on about the dessert menu, issuing snarky commentary on the cheesy themed names of the dishes, but Jacob couldn’t tear his eyes from the room where the football players were gathered, presumably celebrating their most recent win of the season.

  A tuft of gray hair peeked out from the crowd of men, and the coach looked up, their eyes connecting. Jacob’s stomach sank as a foul, menacing grin spread across the familiar face of his old gym teacher.

  Jenna’s voice faded into the background as he stared at the man.

  It’s not possible.

  “So, are we thinking about dessert?” the waitress stopped by behind Jacob, but he gaped straight ahead, frozen in his staring-match with the coach across the room. The coach who was supposed to be dead, buried next to his beloved wife in Montauk.

  The waitress placed her hands casually on Jacob’s shoulders – making some comment that was hazy and distant to him, getting lost beyond the rapid pounding of his heart in his eardrums – and as she did, the bright, florescent light above their table flickered wildly.

  Jacob’s eyelids fluttered shut and when he opened them again, he was sitting in a small office with flickering overhead lights. Large, heavy hands firmly squeezed his shoulders, and the smell of coffee and cigars hit him as strongly as the hot breath against his cheek. He shut his eyes tightly, goosebumps rising on the back o
f his neck as the man whispered in his ear.

  “Just relax.”

  His eyes snapped open and he jumped up from his seat, sending a glass of water shattering to the ground as he shoved away from the table. The waitress stumbled back, raising her hands in defense as Jacob’s chair toppled over, nearly missing her feet.

  Jenna stared at him with wide eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, befuddled by his sudden outburst.

  Disoriented from the flashback, Jacob’s eyes darted around the room, trying to make sense of what just happened. Everyone in the room was staring at the commotion he had caused, cautiously appraising his suddenly sweaty face and unsteady breath. His eyes flitted back to Jenna’s concerned expression once more before they finally settled, again, on the private party of football players.

  They were all still laughing and talking, oblivious to the hubbub in the main dining room. Jacob scanned the room for the coach, and he found him. He was certainly the coach – his advanced age, the whistle around his neck, and the baseball cap sporting the school mascot gave it away – but it was not the man he was expecting to see. This man was younger. He had an exuberant laugh and kind eyes, and the picture brought Jacob starkly back to reality.

  His breath was beginning to return to normal, and his heartrate was slowing, but his clammy hands still shook.

  “Jacob?” Jenna repeated, breaking through his reverie and drawing his attention. “What is it?”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but his stomach lurched, and instead he made a break for the bathroom.

  After he was finished retching in the – thankfully – empty men’s room, he sat on the floor by the toilet in the largest stall, leaning his back against the wall and resting his eyes. He took deep breaths to calm his racing heart and tried to center his focus back on reality, demanding himself to understand that what just happened was merely a memory.

  “He’s dead,” he muttered to himself, a necessary reminder. He took another deep breath. “He’s dead.”

  He breathed more steadily now, as that comforting reality sank in. Once his hands stilled and he was confident in the strength of his stomach again, he picked himself up from the floor and made his way to the sink. He rinsed his mouth thoroughly and splashed some water on his face, washing away the sticky sweat from the back of his neck.

  He wanted to hide out in the bathroom until he no longer looked like a sick mess, but God only knew how long that would be. He stared at himself in the mirror while his breathing returned to normal. When a man pushed through the door and headed for one of the urinals, giving Jacob a concerned look on his way past, he decided to face the music.

  When he rounded the corner into the dining room, he blushed at the sight of the bussers cleaning up the mess of broken glass he left behind him. Several of the customers stared at him, whispering to each other. Jenna wasn’t there, so he headed out to the front lobby and saw her pacing just outside the glass front doors.

  “Hey!” she exclaimed when he stepped outside. “What just happened?”

  He took in a breath, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Nothing,” he shrugged. “I should go settle the check,” he nodded over his shoulder, feigning nonchalance.

  “What? No, I already took care of it,” she shook her head, waving that notion away like a pervasive fly. “Seriously, what happened back there? Are you okay?” she reached out to place a consoling hand on his arm, but he flinched away.

  He let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Jenna, I’m fine,” he said with as much confidence as his voice could exude in his current state. “Seriously.”

  Jenna stared at him like he was crazy for a long moment before her expression shifted to one of compassion. With a deep sigh, she crossed her arms and relaxed.

  “Jacob, I’m very familiar with panic attacks,” she said, raising a pointed eyebrow.

  He looked away.

  “Look… you don’t have to tell me everything, all the time,” she said, starting to reach out again before she stopped herself and re-crossed her arms. “But you don’t have to lie to me, either. Don’t say you’re fine when you’re obviously not. Just say…,” she trailed off, thinking. “‘I don’t wanna talk about it.’”

  He appraised her expression, which was smoother than he expected. She didn’t seem phased at all by his outburst. He took in another breath. “I don’t wanna talk about it,” he echoed, testing out the words.

  She searched his eyes for a brief moment, but then she simply shrugged and said “Okay,” with an understanding nod. “So, where to next?”

  That’s it? he thought. No intrusive questions? No demands for honesty and openness and talking about his feelings?

  Then again, Jenna had never been one to ask a lot of questions, especially when it was clear the subject was off-limits. It was one of the things he liked about her; she didn’t pry.

  “Um…,” he tried to focus on her question, putting the bad memories out of his mind. “Wherever you want, I guess,” he offered. He had a few places left on his mental list of sights to show her in New York, but after getting such little sleep that week and the episode he just had in the restaurant, he was too exhausted to care about any of them.

  They stepped closer to the building to get out of the way of other pedestrians passing on the sidewalk while they decided on their next plan. She eyed him for a long moment, starting to shiver under her coat and scarf.

  “You know…,” she said, searching his eyes. “I’m actually really tired. Maybe we should just head back to the room and watch a movie or something?”

  Jacob’s enthusiasm rose at the idea, but he tried not to let it show on his face and influence her decision. “That’s how you want to spend your last night in New York?”

  She shrugged. “Eh, we’ve already seen everything. Plus, I’m sure I’ll be back someday, and I could use to relax a bit before driving back tomorrow.”

  “Well… I mean, if you’re sure that’s what you wanna do….”

  “I’m sure,” she smiled, stepping beside him and slipping her arm through his. “Lead the way, Chief.”

  He gave her an appreciative look and started in the direction of the hotel. He knew she was doing this for his benefit, but he was too tired to feel guilty about it. And she was right, they had done a lot already. It wasn’t as if she really needed to see the Brooklyn bridge or Grand Central Station.

  They stopped at a mini-mart for some movie snacks on their way back to the hotel. Jacob set out his clothes in the bathroom for their trip home, so he could sneak in there early without disturbing Jenna the next morning, and slipped into some sweat pants for the night while he was in there.

  Afterward, he popped the popcorn while she was changing into her pajamas, and with the popcorn freshly popped, he settled into his bed and flipped through the pay-per-view movie options.

  After a while, she came out of the bathroom, hair brushed flat, makeup removed, and wearing Westbridge University sweat pants and a tank top from a Pink Floyd concert.

  “What are we watching?” she asked, plopping down on the other side of his bed and tossing a couple kernels of popcorn in her mouth.

  “Not sure,” he said, still scrolling through unfamiliar names and pictures. “Honestly, I don’t know what half of these are. Why don’t you pick?” He tossed her the remote.

  “Hm… I’m thinking a comedy would be good, yeah?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Okay, cool,” she said, clicking on a title that looked vaguely familiar to Jacob. “I never got to see this one when it was out.”

  “Sounds good to me,” he said, sitting back against the headboard and eating a handful of popcorn.

  After about half an hour of the film, it became clear to both of them that it was not a winner. They stuck it out anyway, but they didn’t hesitate to talk through the boring parts.

  Toward the end of the film, another thing became clear to Jacob: he was beat. His mind was still racing with leftover adrenaline from dinner, but now t
hat the tension had left his body, it was aching for sleep.

  “Hey,” he interjected as Jenna munched on some M&Ms. “Would you mind if I called it a night after this?”

  She turned her attention from the movie to him, appraising his evident exhaustion. “No, of course not,” she said. “I’m pretty tired, too. Plus, we have an early morning tomorrow.”

  “True,” Jacob said, sighing at the realization.

  He got up to retrieve a glass of water to aid him in downing his new sleeping pills. They took a while to kick in, so he decided he should take them now, so he would be sufficiently sleepy by the time the movie came to an end.

  He slipped back under the covers and grabbed the bottle from the bedside table, dropping two pills into his palm.

  Jenna chuckled at the sight of him under the blankets. “You know, it’s been a while since I’ve been in bed with a man without…,” she trailed off with a pointed raise of her eyebrows.

  “Ah, well, the night is still young,” Jacob replied with a teasing wink. Swallowing the pills, he added, “he says, popping tranquilizers.”

  Jenna laughed and sank back into the pillows behind her. “I never told you,” she started, eyeing Jacob with admiration, “I think it’s kinda cool that you’re still a virgin.”

  Jacob let out a chuckle at her misuse of the word “cool” and absently grabbed a few pieces of popcorn from the bag between them.

  “Is that… a choice?” she asked curiously. “Like a religious thing, or…,” she trailed off, questioning.

  He smirked. “Nah, it’s more like, uh… what do they call it…,” he paused, furrowing his eyebrows in pretend concentration. “Oh, right! Being a loser.”

  Jenna snorted and choked on an M&M. He laughed.

  Regaining her composure, she giggled. “Well… at least you don’t have any baggage,” she offered.

  Thinking back to all the stories they had shared over the past week, he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the notion that he was baggage-free. “Have you been paying attention?”

  She laughed again. “No, I just mean like… sexual baggage,” she explained.